The I Feel Down Topic.

Feeling very down and lonely again.

I've got one week left of my current job, which on balance I do not enjoy, and then I move on to something I've been looking forward to ever since I was offered it at the beginning of January (sure, there's an absolute tonne to do in this final week, and there's no way on Earth that I'll get it finished, or get the area I'm looking after in a fit state by the end, but that's not through lack of my trying...). By rights I should be excited as hell, and over the moon, and on that front I suppose I am, but it doesn't seem to have spread to the rest of my life much.

I feel immensely lonely most of the time. I have weekends like last weekend, or the Caribbean Beach Party weekend, where I drive up to Towers, have a fantastic time with friends, and generally feel good about life, and then I have the not-insignificant drive home (which inevitably takes a good 1-2 hours longer than the drive up), and the realisation that most of my closest friends are based 150+ miles away from me. True, I can chat away on Facebook, but that's absolutely not the same.

I miss the day-to-day socialising that university gave me. I have no friends in Reading, having lost contact with everyone from school (not having been particularly sociable at school), and the closest friends I have are a very small group in Guildford, from uni, though that's too far to regularly frequent.

So, generally, I live for TST meets, but they're not cheap petrol-wise, and are not frequent - indeed they'll be even less frequent for me this year, as I shift from working Monday-Friday, to any five days in seven. Brilliant new job, but detracts from social life.

I also constantly feel a deeper sense of loneliness, through having always been single. A lot of my friends are getting married (went to a wedding two weeks ago, going to another in April, and at least two more next year), some are having kids. Of those who aren't, most seem to be in happy relationships, and I'm really happy for them, but can't help but feel a little jealous. Should be something I'm used to by now, and if not should certainly be something I get used to very quickly - the only person I ever tried to start a proper relationship with (a close friend at the time) made it very clear how undesirable I am, so eh.

I need to concentrate on how my working life is (hopefully) about to improve no end, but all it seems I can concentrate on is my loneliness

I too am having various struggles with my health and it's resulting impact on my size. I am not 'fat' but I am certainly not skinny either. Healthy some might say, but I know I am not. I have been diagnosed with a number of things that will make it nearly impossible for me to get back to the size I once was, and have been advised to not go on any 'diets' as they will not work, and may be dangerous. So I am just trying to accept that my weight has plateaued here and just work on being healthy and getting my life back on track.

Unfortunately that isn't going that well either - because of my health I had to leave my previous job (to be honest I think it was for the best) and am now doing something tremendously boring (although closer, better paid, and on flexitime) but it's only a temporary contract so my future is uncertain. My younger brother who is chronically ill has been begging for me to return to live with him and my mum, which (while I wouldn't mind) would be a massive step backwards.

For one reason and another I am single for the first time in over ten years...my first Valentines on my own, which was weird. I tried going on a date with someone from a dating site but I got home and just felt thankful for my own company. I couldn't wait to get away, even though he was perfectly nice.

I think I am just exhausted with life which is quite an alarming thought really.

Scantastics and Beamtastics won't work together in master / slave mode. :'(

I take it you are talking disco lights.

I am indeed. I could bore you with the details of DMX channel modes, but it looks like the only way to get my 2 new toys to match my existing 2 toys is under full manual DMX control, not sound - to - light.

I emailed the company that makes them before I ordered to ask if they were compatable, and they replied "err, we've never tried!" Considering that they are almost the same lamp, with a different lense, they should be.

Ah well, They are still amazingly awesome lights.
Sorry if this comes across as a major case of "first world problems", but it is the "I feel down" topic, not the "I have a serious problem" topic.

Just met up with my ex who has informed me he's going to visit his friends in Michigan...and he'll be going to Cedar Point yet again. A trip we were supposed to be going on, but it never happened, and since we're still friends yet I haven't been invited (despite my clear desperation to go there), I can only assume he is going with his new woman. The woman he was with days after we broke up (the woman who won't go to any theme parks in the UK because it's 'not her scene').

Considering there are so many enthusiasts out there, I just cannot find the people to do these trips with me. Harry Potter phase 2, the West Coast, Cedar Point, Japan, even European parks that are not Europa - I just can't find the people to go with (but Europa - no problem)

It's hard to explain..."water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink", maybe? It is very frustrating.

So the group I usually sit with in lectures have today told me they don't want me to sit with them again, no explanation given, nothing! And now I don't know what to do.

MattyH said:

So the group I usually sit with in lectures have today told me they don't want me to sit with them again, no explanation given, nothing! And now I don't know what to do.

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Demand an explanation. Even if they say nothing more than 'we just don't like you', you at least deserve to know why they don't want you around.

As someone who has been cut out of friendship groups in the past with no explanation, I know how you feel. But get them to tell you why.

Why does everything that is slightly more 'positive' than usual always have something that comes along and ruins it? Or just turns the situation far worse than it ever was before? It's every single time something happens, without fail.
Just makes me wish that absolutely no good things would ever happen.

Eugh.

I was cut out of a friendship group in college because one of the girls thought I was a lesbian.

Ten years later I happen to find out out that she is actually a lesbian herself. Hrmm.
So if you don't find out the reason now you probably will in a decade or so dredging up something you'd long got over. So I'd try to find out now and then get over it.

Edit: This isn't meant to sound as harsh as it looks! Sorry! It is a horrible feeling but people are so weird, I spent months distraught about it and then must have just forgotten about it. It hurt when it was raised years later though, as I'd just put it down to teenage angst.

A-levels man, constant thought of failure and that leading to me having no future, especially as I am redoing my 1st year after illness meant I missed a lot last year.

Oh the irony of learning about stress and abnormality in psychology at the moment.

jenniferelka said:

A-levels man, constant thought of failure and that leading to me having no future, especially as I am redoing my 1st year after illness meant I missed a lot last year.

Oh the irony of learning about stress and abnormality in psychology at the moment.

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I missed a good month in my final year of sixth form and still stumbled out with some A Levels. Seriously stress a certain amount but at the end of the day don't let them ruin your life, you'll be fine.

Worry bout your future once you've got em, no rush

I have viral tonsillitis. Great. :/ No treatment but taking ibuprofen tablets, not the little 200mg ones, but the proper torpedo 400mg tablets. I swear they are designed to try and make you choke when you take them...

alee298 said:

I have viral tonsillitis. Great. :/ No treatment but taking ibuprofen tablets, not the little 200mg ones, but the proper torpedo 400mg tablets. I swear they are designed to try and make you choke when you take them...

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Have you seen your local GP? They should be able to prescribe you a course of penicillin (Penicillin V).

I've had tonsillitis really bad in the past and penicillin has done wonders for me, makes your tonsils heal far quicker!

James said:

alee298 said:

I have viral tonsillitis. Great. :/ No treatment but taking ibuprofen tablets, not the little 200mg ones, but the proper torpedo 400mg tablets. I swear they are designed to try and make you choke when you take them...

Click to expand...

Have you seen your local GP? They should be able to prescribe you a course of penicillin (Penicillin V).

I've had tonsillitis really bad in the past and penicillin has done wonders for me, makes your tonsils heal far quicker!

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Yeah, I went to the GP this morning, they just prescribed the ibuprofen as it was a viral infection, not bacterial.

Awh fair enough, just rest it out then and drink water!

Potentially long self pitying post from me!

I'm frustrated, because I miss you all so much and want to come on meets again but my current living situation and lifestyle gives me no free time to do so. I work 40-50 hours a week and book my holidays for working music weeks where I work in pits. Now, I love pit work, but it's still work. In all honesty I've not properly stopped for about a year.

To those of you who know me, Steph recently left me (my other half... or was). Now, we still get on very well, and we still live together, but my lifestyle and the fact that I've graduated has left me with barely any friends at all. I have maybe three friends here now, and even then I barely get to see them because of the sheer amount of work I'm doing. I resent her, somewhat, because she's still got this massive social life, going out having fun and enjoying the remainder of her time at uni, and I'm working my arse off just so I can stay in the area and keep my contacts.

I need to stop. I need to see you guys again. I need you to make me laugh like I used to every two months I managed to get up to see you all.

I guess my worry is I'll never get anywhere, no matter how hard I try.

I want my life back...

That moment when you realise no one cares. :'(

Due to being given the wrong information by the agency I discovered today when I went to the company I was due to work for that due to transport not starting early enough I won't be able to make the 6:00 am start time. As a result things seam to have fell through and I'm back to square one again. I was given the weekend to think about how I'd get there and the only way I can think of is to move but at this moment in time I can't afford to and I can't really ask my folks as I still owe them for my last place and the I currently reside in.
Adding insult to injury I bought a weekly ticket which I now have no use for and I had to borrow money for that and on the way back to the station a bird decided to take a crap on me. The perfect metaphor for today.