The I Feel Down Topic.

Thanks, everyone.
Also, sorry, I needed somewhere to vent everything out.

delta79 said:

just to add to Jem post.

I was an air cadet too.I got my glider wings with them.

the joining age for air cadets is 13.

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I am an ex-cadet too. Was a member of 2000 Squadron and left a year or two ago.

Bethany said:

Thanks, everyone.
Also, sorry, I needed somewhere to vent everything out.

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It's what the topic is here for, no need to apologise.

Echoing what hobohippie said, Beth. There's no need to apologise, This topic's purpose is to let out all of your problems! =)

Bethany, no need to say sorry for venting, that what the thread is all about.

Natalie said:

...... and somehow my family's special police officer friend called Graham got into said phone and read the message...........

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ummm, would not shout about that too much.

Natalie said:

I'm feeling down and angry because my next door neighbours, the Sykes, where complete numpties, my mum held a xmas dinner party/ canapés evening at ours last night invited 14 people including, the next door neighbours. I'm assuming the next door neighbours went home before some of the others along with another couple called the Stocks' and the Stocks had left her phone at ours. The Stocks got a text from Sykes and somehow my family's special police officer friend called Graham got into said phone and read the message it was only slagging my mum, Graham and her food off! I get really protective of people I care about and can see myself doing something very silly soon, like normal, I never do anything right. My mum was crying on the phone about it, but the story didn't end there...... Later that very same evening my angry Uncle went down to the next house on the Boland Estate and knocked loudly on the door until they came out. He then had a go at them forcing my Dad to go down and go get him, as you can see it's a Boland family trait to get very defensive about things. I hate seeing my mum cry and they will pay, but how? Also how could you slag someone’s food off like that, my mum is very good and we had no other complaints, I wouldn't mind if they moved away it was nice when we had the whole family on the "Estate" with my Granddad and Granny across the road and my Uncle, Aunty and cousins at the bottom. I will keep you all updated on how I will be making their lives hell.

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Ironically, and potentially criminally, the Police Officer is in the wrong on two counts here. Firstly he's created a situation that has pitted families against each other in a hostile way. Secondly, he's done that by finding a way to get into someone's private messages on their mobile phone.

Forgetting all that, who cares if they don't like what they ate or the people they were mixing with? Just ignore them completely or know that you aren't gonna get on and so don't socialize with them anymore. It's not worth getting worked up about, really.

There are no words to describe how much I hate myself.

Sent from my HTC One V using Tapatalk 2

Sam said:

There are no words to describe how much I hate myself.

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I'm sorry, but I don't understand why. I know you're battling with depression - it's something I've done in the past - but you don't seem to have done anything or be in any particular situation that warrants you saying that.

Years ago, I felt I had reason to hate myself. I was depressed, borderline suicidal, and surrounded by quite possibly the worst group of friends I've ever had in my life. They would constantly maintain that I was 'one of them' and yet systematically leave me out when they'd go on nights out or day trips and stuff. It was borderline mental abuse, and they took full advantage of me and my vulnerable position. I'd constantly try and do 'nice' things for them - organise birthday presents and parties, cook meals for them that would cost me an arm and a leg and not ask for a penny towards it, even sorting out a financial mess with the bank that they created (costing me money which they never paid back) - and in return, they would charge me an unreasonable amount whenever they cooked for the group (essentially making a profit off of me) and my birthday barely got a 'happy birthday' comment - and the one I did get was so half-assed that I could tell it was only done for lip service.

I knew I was being treated like dirt, and along with my gender dysphoria, it all came to a head when I tried to kill myself, in the biggest call for help I've ever done. Their response was to immediately distance themselves from me, and then call the police on me - TWICE! The second time the police actually took me away, and they used the opportunity when I wasn't there to get things from the house so they wouldn't have to see me. They then told everyone how much they hated me, and laughed at me for being a 'tranny'.

...and yet, despite all that, I grovelled at their feet, trying to apologise. They could never bring themselves to forgive me, or they just didn't want to. This was all in my second year, and most of these people left university at the end of the year. The ones that did remain then tried to act like everything was normal (as I still lived with them), then come graduation day they cut me out of their lives for good. The one who still speaks to me on occasions won't even meet up with me for a drink - he'd go half way across the country to visit others, but not half an hour on the tube.

So why am I saying all this? Because this is the whole reason why I hated myself intensely. In retrospect, I see exactly how badly I was treated by a group of people who claimed to be my friends, yet I never once stood up to them. I asked for their forgiveness when their abuse pushed me to the brink of suicide. I ignored the rampant transphobia they showed behind my back, something I wouldn't dare let anyone get away with today.

I still hate that I never challenged them. I still despise how they had the nerve to cut me out when I had all the rights to do it to them. I detest that they used the most personal insults against me that they could, yet still tried to paint me as the one in the wrong when I never said a bad word about them.

I hated myself because I truly was pathetic. I can see that now. Eighteen months later, I've relocated on my own two feet, with a promising career and maybe even a potential move into real journalism. I'm a woman who demands respect from everyone she meets. But I did used to hate myself, and with good reason too.

Ashlee, from my own experience, I can tell you that your present state of being isn't always the cause of depression.

I have no specific reason to hate myself, I've got good close friends, I live a fairly comfortable life, I pursue my interests and hobbies, I like to think of myself as a moral person, and yet on a deep level I have a severe distrust and hatred of myself.

So why am I depressed? Good question. It probably has something to do with being quite outcast, victimised and extensively bullied at school, it probably has something to do with not meeting my own high expectations which were built on the successes of my siblings, it probably has something to do with being rejected by someone I loved and became overly dependent on to be happy, it probably has something to do with the daily frustration of having had to work harder to do simple tasks as I have dyspraxia, there's also hundreds of other contributing factors based in previous experience, not just the events in my current life.

If you asked me why I'm depressed, I wouldn't be able to give you any one of those answers though, as it is all of them which have built up a wall of impenetrable anxiety which perpetuates a very negative image I have of myself which then in turn perpetuates the anxiety which perpetuates the negative image and so on and so on.

I'm not speaking on behalf of Sam, but what I'm saying is, depression can be entirely contextual or it can be a result of a very complex history where just defining and understanding the 'reasons' is an extremely difficult task let alone changing your circumstances or negative thinking patterns.

BarryZola said:

Natalie said:

I'm feeling down and angry because my next door neighbours, the Sykes, where complete numpties, my mum held a xmas dinner party/ canapés evening at ours last night invited 14 people including, the next door neighbours. I'm assuming the next door neighbours went home before some of the others along with another couple called the Stocks' and the Stocks had left her phone at ours. The Stocks got a text from Sykes and somehow my family's special police officer friend called Graham got into said phone and read the message it was only slagging my mum, Graham and her food off! I get really protective of people I care about and can see myself doing something very silly soon, like normal, I never do anything right. My mum was crying on the phone about it, but the story didn't end there...... Later that very same evening my angry Uncle went down to the next house on the Boland Estate and knocked loudly on the door until they came out. He then had a go at them forcing my Dad to go down and go get him, as you can see it's a Boland family trait to get very defensive about things. I hate seeing my mum cry and they will pay, but how? Also how could you slag someone’s food off like that, my mum is very good and we had no other complaints, I wouldn't mind if they moved away it was nice when we had the whole family on the "Estate" with my Granddad and Granny across the road and my Uncle, Aunty and cousins at the bottom. I will keep you all updated on how I will be making their lives hell.

Click to expand...

Ironically, and potentially criminally, the Police Officer is in the wrong on two counts here. Firstly he's created a situation that has pitted families against each other in a hostile way. Secondly, he's done that by finding a way to get into someone's private messages on their mobile phone.

Forgetting all that, who cares if they don't like what they ate or the people they were mixing with? Just ignore them completely or know that you aren't gonna get on and so don't socialize with them anymore. It's not worth getting worked up about, really.

Click to expand...

I'd be a bit careful here Natalie. Unless I've misunderstood there's a bunch of friends at a party, one has left their phone behind (presumably unprotected in any way, I don't know what magic powers anyone thinks a special constable at a dinner party would use in their capacity as a police officer to crack pass codes!) and another has text them things about your family you don't like? The message shouldn't have been read but it is not a criminal offence to read a friends text message.

Not going to deny that's a bit sh*ty of them and you should probably be removing them from your Christmas card list, but if they want to have an opinion of your family in private that is their business and not yours. Graham and your Mum should accept that they should not have been privy to that information and forget about them. I don't quite know what you mean by 'making their lives hell', but worry that what you will do will end up getting yourself in trouble. If you ended up perusing a course of conduct amounting to harassment your defence of reading a text message you didn't like would be laughed at all the way to the court. Be the bigger person and move on.

My great grandmother died today :'( .
And on Christmas eve its the six year anniversary of my cousins death, she was eight and died of a brain tumor :'( ... RIP Great Granny Annie and Angel xx.

I'm really sorry to hear that Joseph. Hope you're okay and My thoughts go out to your family. =)

Thanks Eddie. I didn't know my great granny that well, but my dad did he was very close to her, as I was with Angel who lived in Malta.

I'm never sure whether it's an enjoyable experience, when the borders that delineate reality seem to become amorphous and it feels like I'm walking through a dream world.

It's a bit frightening sometimes, but I only recognise it like the real me is stuck behind a screen. Things seem to slip from me, things that are objectively and subjectively important blend into the melée of a disordered consciousness, at once wonderful and terrifying. Constantly stuck on the edge of reality, I reach for thoughts, and feel a buzz of excitement as I wonder if I will catch at something - a moment of pure understanding - only to feel the crush of pathetic frustration as the weight of my utter mundanity is revealed instead.

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Joseph my condolences for your loss.

Face is numb but even so I can feel the pain in my tooth/gum. They couldn't numb (even after 3 or 4 injections) in one spot which hurts so much as they were drilling there. So at the moment I am a dribbling (Numb lips and tongue means I am pretty much drooling everywhere,) pale and in pain individual.

pluk said:

BarryZola said:

Natalie said:

I'm feeling down and angry because my next door neighbours, the Sykes, where complete numpties, my mum held a xmas dinner party/ canapés evening at ours last night invited 14 people including, the next door neighbours. I'm assuming the next door neighbours went home before some of the others along with another couple called the Stocks' and the Stocks had left her phone at ours. The Stocks got a text from Sykes and somehow my family's special police officer friend called Graham got into said phone and read the message it was only slagging my mum, Graham and her food off! I get really protective of people I care about and can see myself doing something very silly soon, like normal, I never do anything right. My mum was crying on the phone about it, but the story didn't end there...... Later that very same evening my angry Uncle went down to the next house on the Boland Estate and knocked loudly on the door until they came out. He then had a go at them forcing my Dad to go down and go get him, as you can see it's a Boland family trait to get very defensive about things. I hate seeing my mum cry and they will pay, but how? Also how could you slag someone’s food off like that, my mum is very good and we had no other complaints, I wouldn't mind if they moved away it was nice when we had the whole family on the "Estate" with my Granddad and Granny across the road and my Uncle, Aunty and cousins at the bottom. I will keep you all updated on how I will be making their lives hell.

Click to expand...

Ironically, and potentially criminally, the Police Officer is in the wrong on two counts here. Firstly he's created a situation that has pitted families against each other in a hostile way. Secondly, he's done that by finding a way to get into someone's private messages on their mobile phone.

Forgetting all that, who cares if they don't like what they ate or the people they were mixing with? Just ignore them completely or know that you aren't gonna get on and so don't socialize with them anymore. It's not worth getting worked up about, really.

Click to expand...

I'd be a bit careful here Natalie. Unless I've misunderstood there's a bunch of friends at a party, one has left their phone behind (presumably unprotected in any way, I don't know what magic powers anyone thinks a special constable at a dinner party would use in their capacity as a police officer to crack pass codes!) and another has text them things about your family you don't like? The message shouldn't have been read but it is not a criminal offence to read a friends text message.

Not going to deny that's a bit sh*ty of them and you should probably be removing them from your Christmas card list, but if they want to have an opinion of your family in private that is their business and not yours. Graham and your Mum should accept that they should not have been privy to that information and forget about them. I don't quite know what you mean by 'making their lives hell', but worry that what you will do will end up getting yourself in trouble. If you ended up perusing a course of conduct amounting to harassment your defence of reading a text message you didn't like would be laughed at all the way to the court. Be the bigger person and move on.

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The said neighbours still want to come up Xmas day for drinks as she's apologised, apparently it was a "joke" mum doesn't believe her.

Well, let it slide this time and remember the old saying "keep your friends close and your enemies even closer"

At the moment in such a lonely and quiet mood. Guess its the sound of the rain hitting the window and the fact I'm more or less silent thats making me like it, but this year has hit me in such a crap way.

Just need that spring of company at the moment.

AdamJ said:

At the moment in such a lonely and quiet mood. Guess its the sound of the rain hitting the window and the fact I'm more or less silent thats making me like it, but this year has hit me in such a crap way.

Just need that spring of company at the moment.

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There is either the chat room or the shoutbox. Unless you want real company then I can't help you with that.