PLEASE PLAY WHILST READING: It seemed absurd that having travelled to Asia, North America and Europe to ride the biggest and best that, after all these years, I had never made the drive (slog) over to the East Coast to ride Millennium and Odyssey. I have been meaning to check them out for some years, but the opportunity had never presented itself. Cue: Covid-19 making those last minute trips to Alton Towers impossible and therefore the chance to make a plan for Ingoldmells. I guess the fundamental reason why I hadn't visited the park before was twofold. 1) Well, frankly, it didn't look great - just a basic seaside amusement park with a trashy market next door and 2) The risk of Odyssey being closed due to a breeze. Thankfully, the weather on Saturday was great and all rides operated all day except Volcano and the indoor water slide, both of which were closed. The park was open 11-6 and we arrived at 11.45am. More than enough time to experience all attractions (at least, all those worth checking out!). Overall, the park is your typical trashy British seaside amusement park. However - it is clean and tidy, and many areas do look reasonably fresh. The indoor "Pyramid" section of the park is also unexpected: well themed, nicely lit - in fact, it's more immersive than the indoor sections I have seen at several more "major" parks abroad (Toverland, Plopsaland). I compared old photos of the Pyramid and what they have done is a triumph. The Covid-19 situation in the park is a horror show, however. Whilst masks were to be worn on a small number of larger rides, for the most part they were not required. Nor were they required in queue lines. Nor were there any form of consistent markings on the floor to aid social distancing, and where there were markers, this was not enforced in any way whatsoever apart from signs "You Will Be Removed if you do not distance" - well that was a pack of lies. Staff weren't all in masks, in some cases staff were physically taking me by the wrist to assist with scanning the wristband... astounding. I also didn't see rides being wiped down at any stage, and distancing on the rides was questionable at best (especially given most rides did not require a mask). Many tables and seating areas were filthy, with no obvious cleaning taking place. With the rising numbers of Covid-19 cases in the UK, it won't be long before these attractions will *have* to enforce it or face being shut down. I have been to 15 parks in the UK/Europe during 2020 and Fantasy Island was the weakest in terms of any form of Covid-Security. Millennium, the large Vekoma looping coaster is inoffensive yet hopelessly dull. The smoothness is hugely welcome yet the layout does little. Forgettable. Odyssey felt shorter than I expected, however equally - whilst you have to "ride" the coaster, it was nowhere near as offensively rough as anticipated. In fact, the speed and scale of this thing is almost obscene. I actually really liked it, even if it started getting a bit much by the end of the day. Four rides on this thing and it's definitely my favourite SLC (although Kumali remains the best first drop due to its intensity). The trains on Odyssey are far superior than other (old) SLC trains, too, without the ghastly shoulder crushers. A definite OOFT rollercoaster. Ice Mountain I had already experienced at Hyde Park. We sat well and got a crazy spin. This coaster is also very fast for a Reverchon spinning coaster. However, inside was a little lacklustre. It could use some enhancement... We also rode Rhombus Rocket, the WGH powered coaster - which is fine! Shame it sort of slows down in places. Magic was also hugely enjoyable (I love those Huss flat rides). The Seastorm felt a little old/run down, Seaquarium was a novel little dark ride although I can't decide if I liked it or not! We also rode Techno Jump which was a barrel of laughs. The Log Flume was a one drop wonder but perfectly inoffensive. Toucan Tours was also an inoffensive monorail attraction inside the Pyramid. For £25.00, I can't particularly complain given our 15 rides during the day. However, I would also say that having visited and given the distance, I have no reason ever to return. That isn't to say the park had anything inherently wrong with it, it's just... nothing there really would warrant the return vs. the 3 hour drive needed. Of course, should they install something of an equivalent scale of Millennium/Odyssey ever again then perhaps I would go back... but for now - it can go in the memory bank of a park completed, after many years of wanting to. The fact is, MPeople's Fantasy Island didn't perform too well in the charts in spite of having some quality lyrical work sprinkled within - reaching a measly #33 in November 1997 and, well, the park's fate is somewhat similar in my own chart. Some decent attractions sadly don't make up for what it is, in truth, a middle of the road amusement park in a slightly trashy seaside town. Still, love Heather, in spite of the fact that, like the park, some of her vocals in the first verse are slightly out of time. PS: Bring Back TOTP.