TowersStreet Wiki - User contributions [en]

Cloud Cuckoo Land

2020-05-17T11:09:14Z

Bert2theSpark: /* Current Rides and Attractions */

Cloud <s>COCK</s>Cuckoo Land is one of the newer areas of [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]], catering to the under 12s as a delusional land of fancy... with big painted flowers on the wall. Everything is meant to be in a horrible shade of pastel in order to make this delusion work. Cloud Cuckoo Land is also the home of many [[bees]].

[[File:CloudCuckoo.jpg|200px|right|thumb|We're not taking drugs, promise!]]

Cloud Cuckoo Land is thought to be one of the most rethemed areas in the entire park, because the interests of children change so often that [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] must run along with the demographic to keep up, thus bringing the current amount of rethemes up to ''n''.

The most remembered themed areas are Cred Street and Land of Make Believe.

Cloud Cuckoo Land is also home to [[Snorlix the Dragon]], who is possibly more harmless than the [[Wraiths]] but that is currently being put up for discussion.

=== Current Rides and Attractions ===

*[[Peugeot 207 Driving School|Driving School]] - The perfect driving ride for any youngster who wishes to collect speeding tickets.

*[[Frog Hopper]] - The world's most defying and feared drop tower... themed as a frog.

*[[Gallopers Carousel]] - Possibly the campiest, brightly painted carousel in existence. It is advised that if you're male, you do not ride under any circumstances. No real reason. Just that you'll look stupid.

(Bit short 'innit)

=== Former Rides and Attractions ===

*[[Toyland Tours]] - Was one of the best ever, most exciting and thrilling, amazing, spectacular, wonderful, awesome, brilliant and exceeding expectation ride in the whole of creation. Strangely enough, [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] may not have had a hand in making this former wonderful boat sensation. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oQeE8B5RlI Was also home to...]

*Nickleodeon Outta Control - SBNO attraction between 1997 and 1998, hiding behind where Frog Hopper is now. Was an attempt to cashwhore in on the cartoon channel Nickleodeon's success but due to <s>crap</s> low through-put, was [[Closed|closed]]. [http://old.towerstimes.co.uk/history/articles/nick.htm The interior is still intact however.]

*Doom And Sons - The park's first scare attraction, preceding [[Duel|The Haunted House]] and according to reviews, was good. Sadly there isn't enough information or photos of the former attraction to actually talk about it.

*Ice Age - The 4D Experience - Installed to prove that even the Ice Age had warmer weather than Staffordshire.
[[Category: Themed Area]]

*[[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The Ride]] - Do you like chocolate? Do you like factories? Do you like Roald Dahl's ''Charlie and the Chocolate Factory''? Even if you do, then '''DON'T RIDE THIS'''.

*[[Twirling Toadstool]] - The world's most horrific and frightening Wave Swinger.

Cloud Cuckoo Land

2020-05-17T11:08:00Z

Bert2theSpark:

Cloud <s>COCK</s>Cuckoo Land is one of the newer areas of [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]], catering to the under 12s as a delusional land of fancy... with big painted flowers on the wall. Everything is meant to be in a horrible shade of pastel in order to make this delusion work. Cloud Cuckoo Land is also the home of many [[bees]].

[[File:CloudCuckoo.jpg|200px|right|thumb|We're not taking drugs, promise!]]

Cloud Cuckoo Land is thought to be one of the most rethemed areas in the entire park, because the interests of children change so often that [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] must run along with the demographic to keep up, thus bringing the current amount of rethemes up to ''n''.

The most remembered themed areas are Cred Street and Land of Make Believe.

Cloud Cuckoo Land is also home to [[Snorlix the Dragon]], who is possibly more harmless than the [[Wraiths]] but that is currently being put up for discussion.

=== Current Rides and Attractions ===

*[[Peugeot 207 Driving School|Driving School]] - The perfect driving ride for any youngster who wishes to collect speeding tickets.

*[[Frog Hopper]] - The world's most defying and feared drop tower... themed as a frog.

*[[Gallopers Carousel]] - Possibly the campiest, brightly painted carousel in existence. It is advised that if you're male, you do not ride under any circumstances. No real reason. Just that you'll look stupid.

=== Former Rides and Attractions ===

*[[Toyland Tours]] - Was one of the best ever, most exciting and thrilling, amazing, spectacular, wonderful, awesome, brilliant and exceeding expectation ride in the whole of creation. Strangely enough, [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] may not have had a hand in making this former wonderful boat sensation. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oQeE8B5RlI Was also home to...]

*Nickleodeon Outta Control - SBNO attraction between 1997 and 1998, hiding behind where Frog Hopper is now. Was an attempt to cashwhore in on the cartoon channel Nickleodeon's success but due to <s>crap</s> low through-put, was [[Closed|closed]]. [http://old.towerstimes.co.uk/history/articles/nick.htm The interior is still intact however.]

*Doom And Sons - The park's first scare attraction, preceding [[Duel|The Haunted House]] and according to reviews, was good. Sadly there isn't enough information or photos of the former attraction to actually talk about it.

*Ice Age - The 4D Experience - Installed to prove that even the Ice Age had warmer weather than Staffordshire.
[[Category: Themed Area]]

*[[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The Ride]] - Do you like chocolate? Do you like factories? Do you like Roald Dahl's ''Charlie and the Chocolate Factory''? Even if you do, then '''DON'T RIDE THIS'''.

*[[Twirling Toadstool]] - The world's most horrific and frightening Wave Swinger.

Ripsaw

2020-05-17T11:02:49Z

Bert2theSpark: Added a new paragraph

A very <s>forceful</s> poor example of a [[Huss|Huss]] [[Top Spin]] - redeemed only by some pretty cool theming. <nowiki>Ripsaw</nowiki> occasionally manages to spin riders 360' before lowering them into the (currently SBNS - Standing But Not Squirting) fountains. This is also known as a 'detox'.

Ripsaw also operates as a secret shower and detergent facility for [[Chav|chavs]], who really need <s>drowning</s> cleaning.

In 2013, the ride broke down due to the chavs becoming too much for it to handle and so it suspended them mid air to try and correct them.

During the course if it's lifetime it's been known to be an active fighter against obesity with punishing larger riders the denial of a ride leading to that individual rider singly disembarking with all of the other riders, staff and a gathering of spectators who'd built up wanting to see the "large" person do the fat walk of shame.

At the end of 2015 season, Chavs overpowered security and began dismantling Ripsaw. The implementation of the [[Towers Loving Care]] scheme in 2016 meant that all of the staff were too busy building higher fences, so nobody was available to put the ride back together in time for the 2016 opening day. However, to the relief of theme park fans everywhere, a highly acclaimed new ride was placed in Ripsaw's place, the now-iconic [[Forbidden Sweep]].

==Know your programmes==

Ripsaw runs a number of preset sequences. The ride has nine in total, but some of them are not used with guests for various reasons. To avoid feeling left out during TSTF discussions about Ripsaw, here's a quick guide to the key programmes:

* 9 - The legendary 'banned setting', reportedly too intense for use with guests. This fabled setting is the holy grail amongst Ripsaw fans. 25 minutes of continuous flyovers.
* 8 - Features backwards and forwards fly-overs, the latter at high speed. Stops half way through and is often mistaken for two unique programmes. Rarely used.
* 7 - The 'standard' cycle for quiet days. Features two 'locked' inversions, one flip and a fly-over towards the end.
* 6 - A shorter version of 7. Only has 1 'locked' inversion and with less [[faff]]ing at the start and after the flip. Used with moderate [[Queues|queues]]
* 5 - An even shorter version of 7, similar to 6 but also removes the fly-over. Arguably the worst cycle in common usage.
* 4 - The 'standard' cycle for busy days. A short cycle with 4 flips and not much else.
* 3 - A waste of everyone's time. Like 4, but with only one flip. Not used, except for a couple of years ago when the ride was almost completely broken.
* 2 - One flyover and one spin. Again not worth it!
* 1 - One Flyover. Not even worth it!
* 0 - Broken Down - If you're in the queue, you've just wasted 30 minutes of your life..

==External Links==

Setting 8: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBiNoSILK5s

Setting 7: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4brFlNucYk

Setting 6: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYOSVFtSWX4

Setting 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4KBSDHUDkw

Setting 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQ0FHoVOAW8

Setting 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZvqkW1ZV5I

[[Category: Faff Ride]]
[[Category: Ride]]
[[Category: Alton Towers]]

Rameses Revenge

2020-05-17T10:58:16Z

Bert2theSpark: /* Faffing */

A.K.A. Rammeh, Rameses Revenge is a [[Huss]] [[Top Spin]] at [[Chessington: World of Adventures]].

A bit like [[Ripsaw]], only wetter.

== Faffing ==

Guests familiar with [[Ripsaw|Ripsaw]] wishing to ride RR should be aware that throughput is roughly 100 times less than [[Ripsaw|Ripsaw]] due to astonishing levels of [[faff]] between and even during ride cycles. At peak efficiency, Rameses Revenge has been known to run almost 10 ride cycles over the course of a day.

In 2019 it officially closed when Chessington finally deciphered "brrr screee" was a scream for help, It's expected to be replaced by some kiddie drop tower for 2021. Although safety concerns have been raised over the drop tower being eaten by a rather large crocodile.
[[Category: Faff Ride]]
[[Category: Ride]]

Wicker Man

2020-05-17T10:46:14Z

Bert2theSpark: /* But the story didn't end there */

Wicker Man (Or Needstobequickerman, Wicker Woman, Wikiman) is the <s>World's first wooden roller coaster to fuse wood with fire</s> the World's third wooden roller coaster to utilise wood and fire, as well as the first wooden roller coaster to be built in the UK for <s>21</s> 3 years.

==Origins==

It is believed the ride originated from a cult of Scottish travellers who visited the park on their annual pilgrimage (the weekend after the Uttoxeter races of course, enough hell breaks loose as it is on that day). On this day they rode The Flume, unearthing a giant rubber duck buried deep within the earth. Scorned and terrorised by the quite frankly, fucking terrifying quacking noises, the cult retreated to the highlands to plot their revenge.

The following year the cult returned to the park and sealed the duck inside a not so secret vault. With no budgets to remove the obstructions preventing access to the duck, Alton Towers were forced to close The Flume..... forever. *Quacks in depression*

Following The Flume's removal in a desperate attempt for the park to banish the evil power of the closure, the Scottish cult (now calling themselves The Beornen) begun to erect (hehe) a statue to their own God (He had a big chin though). Given the male dominance of the statue, The Beornen opted to alter arse end of the statue to something which was less likely to piss off raging feminists. A glorified ram.

During the building of the giant <s>metal</s> wooden statue, park management stumbled upon the materials to be utilised. Before The Beornen even had the opportunity to mutter "penny pinching bas...", the wood pieces were cut down to size and flung straight onto the shelves to be flogged to utter morons in Towers Trading.

Eventually, Towers caught wind of The Beornen's scheme and feared the legal implications from the Scottish cult (Some reason in the middle of Staffordshire) having not applied for planning permission. In order to please the local council, both parties agreed a wooden roller coaster was to be built through the structure (named Big Bob after a failed referendum vote to rename the bell within London's Elizabeth Tower), as the park had more luck building these sorts of things with shoddy ride layouts tacked onto them. (See [[Thirteen]]).

After much consultation, an American cult known as 'Great Coasters International' were drafted in to design the roller coaster. With some further meddling from a certain retired Right Honourable Supreme Leader [[John Wardley]], PhD, MSc, STD, MA, BSc, BA, OBE, MBE, HRH, the ride was completed well ahead of schedule (well doesn't that make a sodding change for once?!)

==But the story didn't end there==

Legend has it that after weeks of successful testing, complete with staff and desperate geeks claiming to be press, and a pinky promise that The Beornen's obsession with fire would not pose a risk to riders, the ride was ready to be opened.

This was until Merlin Entertainments' very own evil overlord caught wind of the extreme marketing gimmicks being used to sell the ride. In absolute fury and his belief that wooden roller coasters are not perceived well by the public, he opened his shareholder's book of excuses and screamed a curse:

"For every snowflake that falls from the great, big sky, a wooden roller coaster at Alton Towers, would cease to operate".

That very same night a minor storm raged, and with one mighty gust of wind, a single snowflake fell from the great, big sky.

And true to the evil overlord's prophecy, a wooden roller coaster at Alton Towers suddenly, and mysteriously.... ceased to operate.

Scorned by the interference from the evil overlord, the American cult plotted their own revenge secretly tampering with the ride. The following weekend with the evil overlord's prediction of "wooden roller coasters not being perceived well by the public" having gone tits up, thousands of individuals keen to get a ride on some wood flocked to the park to finally experience the first wooden roller coaster to be built in the UK in <s>21</s> 3 years.

That is until everything fell on its arse, with the ride closed for half the day and only reopening with 5 out of the 12 available rows on each train. What. A. Farce.

The issues persisted in the weeks after, whilst the American cult flew back to the states laughing their way to the bank with a £16 million cheque (obviously in USD equivalent).

In 2020, Big Bob was quarantined from the screens from within himself to prevent himself getting COVID-19 and suddenly and mysteriously the screens disappeared.

[[Category:Alton Towers]]
[[Category: Ride]]
[[Category:Roller Coaster]]

Wicker Man

2020-05-17T10:45:35Z

Bert2theSpark: /* Origins */

Wicker Man (Or Needstobequickerman, Wicker Woman, Wikiman) is the <s>World's first wooden roller coaster to fuse wood with fire</s> the World's third wooden roller coaster to utilise wood and fire, as well as the first wooden roller coaster to be built in the UK for <s>21</s> 3 years.

==Origins==

It is believed the ride originated from a cult of Scottish travellers who visited the park on their annual pilgrimage (the weekend after the Uttoxeter races of course, enough hell breaks loose as it is on that day). On this day they rode The Flume, unearthing a giant rubber duck buried deep within the earth. Scorned and terrorised by the quite frankly, fucking terrifying quacking noises, the cult retreated to the highlands to plot their revenge.

The following year the cult returned to the park and sealed the duck inside a not so secret vault. With no budgets to remove the obstructions preventing access to the duck, Alton Towers were forced to close The Flume..... forever. *Quacks in depression*

Following The Flume's removal in a desperate attempt for the park to banish the evil power of the closure, the Scottish cult (now calling themselves The Beornen) begun to erect (hehe) a statue to their own God (He had a big chin though). Given the male dominance of the statue, The Beornen opted to alter arse end of the statue to something which was less likely to piss off raging feminists. A glorified ram.

During the building of the giant <s>metal</s> wooden statue, park management stumbled upon the materials to be utilised. Before The Beornen even had the opportunity to mutter "penny pinching bas...", the wood pieces were cut down to size and flung straight onto the shelves to be flogged to utter morons in Towers Trading.

Eventually, Towers caught wind of The Beornen's scheme and feared the legal implications from the Scottish cult (Some reason in the middle of Staffordshire) having not applied for planning permission. In order to please the local council, both parties agreed a wooden roller coaster was to be built through the structure (named Big Bob after a failed referendum vote to rename the bell within London's Elizabeth Tower), as the park had more luck building these sorts of things with shoddy ride layouts tacked onto them. (See [[Thirteen]]).

After much consultation, an American cult known as 'Great Coasters International' were drafted in to design the roller coaster. With some further meddling from a certain retired Right Honourable Supreme Leader [[John Wardley]], PhD, MSc, STD, MA, BSc, BA, OBE, MBE, HRH, the ride was completed well ahead of schedule (well doesn't that make a sodding change for once?!)

==But the story didn't end there==

Legend has it that after weeks of successful testing, complete with staff and desperate geeks claiming to be press, and a pinky promise that The Beornen's obsession with fire would not pose a risk to riders, the ride was ready to be opened.

This was until Merlin Entertainments' very own evil overlord caught wind of the extreme marketing gimmicks being used to sell the ride. In absolute fury and his belief that wooden roller coasters are not perceived well by the public, he opened his shareholder's book of excuses and screamed a curse:

"For every snowflake that falls from the great, big sky, a wooden roller coaster at Alton Towers, would cease to operate".

That very same night a minor storm raged, and with one mighty gust of wind, a single snowflake fell from the great, big sky.

And true to the evil overlord's prophecy, a wooden roller coaster at Alton Towers suddenly, and mysteriously.... ceased to operate.

Scorned by the interference from the evil overlord, the American cult plotted their own revenge secretly tampering with the ride. The following weekend with the evil overlord's prediction of "wooden roller coasters not being perceived well by the public" having gone tits up, thousands of individuals keen to get a ride on some wood flocked to the park to finally experience the first wooden roller coaster to be built in the UK in <s>21</s> 3 years.

That is until everything fell on its arse, with the ride closed for half the day and only reopening with 5 out of the 12 available rows on each train. What. A. Farce.

The issues persisted in the weeks after, whilst the American cult flew back to the states laughing their way to the bank with a £16 million cheque (obviously in USD equivalent).

[[Category:Alton Towers]]
[[Category: Ride]]
[[Category:Roller Coaster]]

Wicker Man

2020-05-17T10:45:05Z

Bert2theSpark: /* Origins */ Added new part

Wicker Man (Or Needstobequickerman, Wicker Woman, Wikiman) is the <s>World's first wooden roller coaster to fuse wood with fire</s> the World's third wooden roller coaster to utilise wood and fire, as well as the first wooden roller coaster to be built in the UK for <s>21</s> 3 years.

==Origins==

It is believed the ride originated from a cult of Scottish travellers who visited the park on their annual pilgrimage (the weekend after the Uttoxeter races of course, enough hell breaks loose as it is on that day). On this day they rode The Flume, unearthing a giant rubber duck buried deep within the earth. Scorned and terrorised by the quite frankly, fucking terrifying quacking noises, the cult retreated to the highlands to plot their revenge.

The following year the cult returned to the park and sealed the duck inside a not so secret vault. With no budgets to remove the obstructions preventing access to the duck, Alton Towers were forced to close The Flume..... forever. *Quacks in depression*

Following The Flume's removal in a desperate attempt for the park to banish the evil power of the closure, the Scottish cult (now calling themselves The Beornen) begun to erect (hehe) a statue to their own God (He had a big chin though). Given the male dominance of the statue, The Beornen opted to alter arse end of the statue to something which was less likely to piss off raging feminists. A glorified ram.

During the building of the giant <s>metal</s> wooden statue, park management stumbled upon the materials to be utilised. Before The Beornen even had the opportunity to mutter "penny pinching bas...", the wood pieces were cut down to size and flung straight onto the shelves to be flogged to utter morons in Towers Trading.

Eventually, Towers caught wind of The Beornen's scheme and feared the legal implications from the Scottish cult (Some reason in the middle of Staffordshire) having not applied for planning permission. In order to please the local council, both parties agreed a wooden roller coaster was to be built through the structure (named Big Bob after a failed referendum vote to rename the bell within London's Elizabeth Tower), as the park had more luck building these sorts of things with shoddy ride layouts tacked onto them. (See [[Thirteen]]).

After much consultation, an American cult known as 'Great Coasters International' were drafted in to design the roller coaster. With some further meddling from a certain retired Right Honourable Supreme Leader [[John Wardley]], PhD, MSc, STD, MA, BSc, BA, OBE, MBE, HRH, the ride was completed well ahead of schedule (well doesn't that make a sodding change for once?!)

In 2020, Big Bob was quarantined from the screens from within himself to prevent himself getting COVID-19 and suddenly and mysteriously the screens disappeared.

==But the story didn't end there==

Legend has it that after weeks of successful testing, complete with staff and desperate geeks claiming to be press, and a pinky promise that The Beornen's obsession with fire would not pose a risk to riders, the ride was ready to be opened.

This was until Merlin Entertainments' very own evil overlord caught wind of the extreme marketing gimmicks being used to sell the ride. In absolute fury and his belief that wooden roller coasters are not perceived well by the public, he opened his shareholder's book of excuses and screamed a curse:

"For every snowflake that falls from the great, big sky, a wooden roller coaster at Alton Towers, would cease to operate".

That very same night a minor storm raged, and with one mighty gust of wind, a single snowflake fell from the great, big sky.

And true to the evil overlord's prophecy, a wooden roller coaster at Alton Towers suddenly, and mysteriously.... ceased to operate.

Scorned by the interference from the evil overlord, the American cult plotted their own revenge secretly tampering with the ride. The following weekend with the evil overlord's prediction of "wooden roller coasters not being perceived well by the public" having gone tits up, thousands of individuals keen to get a ride on some wood flocked to the park to finally experience the first wooden roller coaster to be built in the UK in <s>21</s> 3 years.

That is until everything fell on its arse, with the ride closed for half the day and only reopening with 5 out of the 12 available rows on each train. What. A. Farce.

The issues persisted in the weeks after, whilst the American cult flew back to the states laughing their way to the bank with a £16 million cheque (obviously in USD equivalent).

[[Category:Alton Towers]]
[[Category: Ride]]
[[Category:Roller Coaster]]

Drayton Manor

2019-01-28T21:25:02Z

Bert2theSpark: /* Family Rides */

[[File:Drayton.jpg|300px|thumb|left]]

'''Drayton Manor''' is a strange theme park that lives in the shadows of [[Alton Towers]], just outside of Tamworth in South Staffordshire, and is known to be home to some of the most masochistic rides in the United Kingdom such as [[Shockwave]] and G-Force.

The park is well known for the range of ghetto-era rides and their former cunning choice of leaving rides to rot before building a new ride on top, as well as their stunning idea to be surrounded by a car park with mismatching area themes. None of this however deters the General Public from visiting as it's all normal to their eyes.

Drayton prides itself in being a park with "''firsts''" such as having a Verkoma ride, a [[Maurer Söhne]] that hasn't committed homocide, an Intamin rapids that has, randomly placed sponsorships (i.e. Arriva) and a [[Intamin]] Teacups themed around beers and boobs.

The theme tune of Drayton Manor appears to be ''Jupiter'' by Gustav Holst, in an attempt to classy up the park for the Resort title much like Towers but oddly enough it seems to do the trick.

== History ==

There was once a manor by a lake.

People <s>with sadistic intentions</s> knocked it down and stuck a few rides by the lake.

Drayton Manor was aptly born.

== Rides and Attractions ==

=== Rollercoasters ===

* '''NEW FOR 2017''' ''Hot Wheels: Da Ride''
* Gruffalo Mountain Coaster
* G-Force - No longer with us, now resides in limbo with Slammer, Sub-Terra and Loggers Leap
* Shockwave
* Troublesome Trucks
* One of da S&S coasters that will compete with Mackpoo and SWood (The last one is unsafe)
[[File:Ben10media (95).jpg|200px|thumb|right|BEN MOTHERFLUFFING 10!]]

=== Thrill Rides ===

* '''New for 2014''' Air Race
* Apocalypse
* Bounty
* Maelstrom
* Pandemoniun

=== Water Rides ===

* Pirate Adventure
* Splash Canyon
* Stormforce 10

=== Family Rides ===

* Drunken Barrels
* Excalibur
* ''Chicken Nuggits'' Breadcoomb Shoot-Out
* Jolly Buccaneer - Sometimes found at Chessington
* The Flying Scotsman
* The Haunting

=== Kids Rides ===

* Cranky's Drop Tower
* Crazy Bertie Bus
* Diesel's Locomotion Mayhem
* Harold's Heli Tours
* Jeremy's Flying Academy
* Lady's Carousel
* Rockin' Bulstrode & Sodor Docks
* Sodor's Classic Cars
* Vintage Carousel

=== Transport ===

* Chairlift
* Knapford Station

=== Misc ===

* 4-D Cinema
* Amusement Arcade
* Crazy Golf
* DinoTrail
* Drayton Queen Boat
* Emily's Adventure Play
* ''Thomas and Friends'' Exhibition
* Zoo

[[Category:Theme Park]]

Drayton Manor

2019-01-28T21:23:44Z

Bert2theSpark: /* Rollercoasters */

[[File:Drayton.jpg|300px|thumb|left]]

'''Drayton Manor''' is a strange theme park that lives in the shadows of [[Alton Towers]], just outside of Tamworth in South Staffordshire, and is known to be home to some of the most masochistic rides in the United Kingdom such as [[Shockwave]] and G-Force.

The park is well known for the range of ghetto-era rides and their former cunning choice of leaving rides to rot before building a new ride on top, as well as their stunning idea to be surrounded by a car park with mismatching area themes. None of this however deters the General Public from visiting as it's all normal to their eyes.

Drayton prides itself in being a park with "''firsts''" such as having a Verkoma ride, a [[Maurer Söhne]] that hasn't committed homocide, an Intamin rapids that has, randomly placed sponsorships (i.e. Arriva) and a [[Intamin]] Teacups themed around beers and boobs.

The theme tune of Drayton Manor appears to be ''Jupiter'' by Gustav Holst, in an attempt to classy up the park for the Resort title much like Towers but oddly enough it seems to do the trick.

== History ==

There was once a manor by a lake.

People <s>with sadistic intentions</s> knocked it down and stuck a few rides by the lake.

Drayton Manor was aptly born.

== Rides and Attractions ==

=== Rollercoasters ===

* '''NEW FOR 2017''' ''Hot Wheels: Da Ride''
* Gruffalo Mountain Coaster
* G-Force - No longer with us, now resides in limbo with Slammer, Sub-Terra and Loggers Leap
* Shockwave
* Troublesome Trucks
* One of da S&S coasters that will compete with Mackpoo and SWood (The last one is unsafe)
[[File:Ben10media (95).jpg|200px|thumb|right|BEN MOTHERFLUFFING 10!]]

=== Thrill Rides ===

* '''New for 2014''' Air Race
* Apocalypse
* Bounty
* Maelstrom
* Pandemoniun

=== Water Rides ===

* Pirate Adventure
* Splash Canyon
* Stormforce 10

=== Family Rides ===

* Drunken Barrels
* Excalibur
* ''Golden Nuggets'' Wild West Shoot-Out
* Jolly Buccaneer
* The Flying Dutchman
* The Haunting

=== Kids Rides ===

* Cranky's Drop Tower
* Crazy Bertie Bus
* Diesel's Locomotion Mayhem
* Harold's Heli Tours
* Jeremy's Flying Academy
* Lady's Carousel
* Rockin' Bulstrode & Sodor Docks
* Sodor's Classic Cars
* Vintage Carousel

=== Transport ===

* Chairlift
* Knapford Station

=== Misc ===

* 4-D Cinema
* Amusement Arcade
* Crazy Golf
* DinoTrail
* Drayton Queen Boat
* Emily's Adventure Play
* ''Thomas and Friends'' Exhibition
* Zoo

[[Category:Theme Park]]

Thorpe Park

2019-01-28T21:20:31Z

Bert2theSpark:

''Oops, Maybe You Were looking For [[Fail]]''

''This article is about the only pikey stronghold south of Nottingham, for the caravan park in Cleethorpes, see [[Thorpe Park (the original and best)]].''

''(Some of this is graciously stolen from Shawn Sanbrooke's shed. Thanks!)''

[[File:Thorpe.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Their slogan is 'Twisted Pleasure... Twisted Pleasure in conning you out of your money, your dignity, your life's existence and '''NEW FOR 2014! THORPE PARK Resort waterside shipping container hotel! (oh and Ansty Turds Land)!''']]

THORPE PARK (also known as [[Fail|Fail]] Park, Thorpe Krap, Hell or The place which we do not speak of (It angers people on Discord if you mention it) is one of Britain's worst nightmares and the British enthusiast's dream gone horribly wrong with added <nowiki>FAIL</nowiki>. A [[Chav|chav]] breeding ground and so called 'Thrill Capital', it's only thrills are the queuelines and the fact rides break down every day, on the hour and every hour. It is a place of terror for any family within children under 12 and no wait... let me rephrase that... it is Britain's most voted place of terror. Please note as of 2014 THORPE PARK is now known as THORPE PARK Resort (yes THORPE PARK is still in capitals, yet Resort isn't! Why you ask? We haven't a clue!)

The Scottish equivalent to Thorpe Park is [[M and Ds]]. No arguments. It just is.

The park's slogan is ''Join the queue for real fun!'' and it appears in all cases, this is true.

Sometimes, it's just less hassle to visit [[Chessington World of Adventures]]. Why? Because it's the land of [[John Wardley|God himself]]!

''See also: [[Thorpe Park: The Musical]]''

== History ==

The park was opened in 1979 as a very nice and decent place where everyone could go and have a jolly old time! Families liked it. Enthusiasts liked it. It had some lovely little rides and attractions too that were decent as well and sometimes... even good! Wonderful even. Of course this was back before the chavs were an invented species and the 21st century had come into motion.

Some former rides and attractions are as follows:

*Phantom Fantasia/Wicked Witches Haunt - Burnt down just after the news of a [[Intamin]] [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]] came along. This was the Southern equivalent to [[Duel|The Haunted House]] at [[Alton Towers]], with a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbtftJXs0Ww 1990 onride] to prove it. There used to be an animatronic witch at the front of the ride who cackled at you for your stupid 80s mullet/90s shave. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty_U9HPovTk#t=4m15s This is what remained of the fire incident. Look at what Intamin did to the park!]

*Magic Mill/Mr Rabbit's Tropical Travels - Also partially burnt down with Wicked Witches Haunt. This was a wonderful and pleasant ride that was the Southern equivalent to [[Toyland Tours]] at <nowiki>Alton Towers</nowiki> with another [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVOQD5IUp0g onride] to prove it. T'was rethemed to the Ranger County area and soon replaced by Nymphferior.

*Pirates 4D - Possibly one of the most decent 4D shows in the UK at the time with an animatronic pirate parrot, the film starred Leslie Nielsen and Eric Idle. The Naked Gun [[Meets|meets]] Monty Python with a big heap of pirate costumes? AHOY! Was removed for <s>[[Fail|FAIL]]</s> Time Voyagers.

*Thorpe Farm - Decent farm, [[Closed|closed]] because nobody cared for it anymore.

*Model World - Decent models of various visitor attractions around the world.

== Reliability record ==

Absolutely terrible. Put it this way - if you want to ride anything, don't bother spending £49, just walk round your local chav-infested town centre, it's a pretty similar experience as you usually can't ride anything decent at Thorpe anyway!

== 2011 Pass Holder Preview Day ==

The park received considerable criticism during their 2011 Pass Holder Preview day when approximately 97 people turned up, more than triple the expected amount.

Staff were unable to cope with the influx of people and a public toilet had to be opened in attempt to keep waste to a minimum.

X:\ No Way Out was required to run with one train, more than double the typical amount required on Pass Holder Preview Days.

== Rides & Attractions ==

=== Rollercoasters ===

*[[Colossus]]
*[[Nemesis Inferno]]
*[[Stealth]]
*[[SAW: The Ride]]
*[[X:\No Way Out]] - Now with extra Merlin.
*[[The Swarm]]
*The Flying Fish

=== Thrill Rides ===

*[[Lost City|Rush]]
*[[Lost City|Vortex]]
*[[Lost City|Samurai]]
*[[Canada Creek|Slammer]] - Now SBNO because birds made it their nesting facility
*[[Calypso Quay|Detonator]] - Now with b-tec big chungus

=== Water Rides ===

*[[Tidal Wave]]
*[[Loggers Leap]]-SABR (Standing And Becoming Rusty)
*[[Neptunes Kingdom|Depth Charge]]
*[[Ribena Rumba Rapids]] ''(Due to the recent addition of Storm Surge Rumba Rapids suddenly doesn't feel so bad)''

=== Family Rides ===

*Mr Monkey's Banana Ride
*Rangers Carousel
*Rocky Express
*Quantum
*Storm in a Teacup

===Dark Rides===

*Derren Brown's Ghost Train: Rise of the Disappointment

=== Misc ===

*[[SAW:Alive]]*Only open on the 5th Friday of every Month, during a full moon, when it snows.
*[[Time Voyagers]] NOW ANGSTY TURDS LAND 4D! !1!
*<nowiki>Tidal Wave</nowiki> Wetzone

=== The One Nobody Likes but still maintains the highest queuetimes in the park===

*2011 new attraction: A '[[Storm_Surge|Storm Surge]]', the literal Cypress Gardens castaway and it's not even been painted up!

[[Category:Theme Park]]
[[Category:Thorpe Park| ]]

X:\No Way Out

2019-01-28T21:13:00Z

Bert2theSpark: /* History */ Added a new paragraph

''This article contains graciously stolen material from Unencyclopedia.''

[[Image:Xcolonbackslash.jpg|right|thumb|YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THE QUEUE!]]

X (Previously "No: Way Out To Sex") was originally designed to disappoint guests and make them leave thinking about how much time they wasted in the queue. It is located in a pyramid so guests cannot see how poor the ride actually is and will still waste their time standing in a long queue to experience a piece of crap, this is obvious by the guests' disappointed looks as they exit the pyramid and remarks such as " it was sh*t". The ride also features random manikins on the many brake runs, which are designed to distract the guests from how poor the coaster actually is. The height restriction is 1.4m to save the younger children from wasting their time, when they should be <s>in Octopus Gardens</s> on [[Storm_Surge|Storm Surge]]. During the ride it is a common place for riders, however childish, to replace the stereotypical screams of a [[Rollercoaster|rollercoaster]] with different expressions of the word "Ow!"

It's also <s>the world's</s> [[Thorpe_Park|Thorpe Park]]'s first backwards in the dark [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]]... not that it means anything.

== History ==
X was constructed in 1996, as the park's first Non-Powered rollercoaster. Due to the lack of decent maintenance at Thorpe Park, the ride was held together by Blu-Tack and sticky-backed plastic until a 2013 retheme, where it underwent a change to a theme of "An epileptic's worst nightmare" and had a name change to "X".

Now known as NEW FOR 2018 'Dur Walking Dead: Da Ride' just to appease the chavs, Screw all the families that visit Thorpe! Interestingly the zombies commissioned the same people as The Bourbon's did for Stick Man, only expect this time it was absolutely S&!@. It suffers from Thorpe Park syndrome where management's OCD will get triggered if there isn't at least 3 actor heavy attractions in the park, but of course after opening week all the zombies left the ride and left their cousin manikin Bob to do all the work for them, lazy sods.

[[Category: Roller Coaster]]
[[Category: Thorpe Park]]

Thirteen

2019-01-28T21:07:30Z

Bert2theSpark: /* Public Opinion */

'''Thirteen''' (or <nowiki>Th13teen</nowiki>... or 13.... or Thir13teen... or ThFAILteen... or ThThirteenteen... or Fou14teen... or Da F1RtEen) is currently considered the best [[roller coaster]] in the world, just above the acclaimed [[X:\No Way Out|X:\WTF]] at [[Thorpe_Park|Thorpe Park]], and Gouderix at Parc Asterix in France. It's situated in the [[Dark Forest|Intamin Forest]] at [[Alton Towers]]. It is also the hiding place of [[James]].

== Construction ==

It was constructed personally by [[John Wardley]] out of whatever scarce resources were available at the time (namely optimism, hyperbole, bits of old fluff, PVA glue and some steel that was pinched from a skip round the back of [[Drayton_Manor|Drayton Manor]] - rumour has it this was earmarked for their long rumoured '[[Blue_Fire|Blue Fire]] type thingy', plans which have consequently been put on hold while they build a hotel that approximately nobody will ever feasibly use). John then set about building what [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]]' [[Marketing_Department|marketing department]] dubbed, "every [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]] you've ever dreamed of... after eating too much cheese."

The construction of <nowiki>Th13teen</nowiki> was shrouded in mystery. So much so, that a mass grave was excavated on-site early on, to [[File:Th13teenhole.jpg|thumb|right|The mass grave used to dispose of those who threatened to reveal Thirteen's secrets]] bury anyone who dared reveal the secrets of 'SW6' to the rabid 'enthusiast community'. It was during this phase, that [[Alton Towers]] colluded with 'Team [[TT|TT]]' to keep the masses ignorant... sort of like communism. The team shamelessly accepted bribes (mostly crude polaroid snaps of [[John_Wardley|John Wardley's]] bum), in return for removing any vaguely accurate information from the boards of TST.

Ultimately however, all original plans were scrapped when 'an old [[Castle|castle]] thing' sprung up overnight on the ground previously home to the [[Corkscrew|Corkscrew]] (the <nowiki>'castle'</nowiki> is rumoured to have fallen out of a rider's pocket back in 1987, owing to the appalling lack of bag storage available, and simply nobody had noticed until now). Engineers decided to just build a bit of track, and feed it into the '<nowiki>castle</nowiki> thing' and see what happened. As it turns out, an elevator-like device gingerly lowered riders into the world's first crypt paradoxically located on the ground floor of a structure.

== Public Opinion ==

Skip forward to March 20th 2010 and Thir13irteen opened to great fanfare. Poor weather and even the presence of Jonathan Ross failed to dampen spirits. [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]]' marketing team (often mistaken for mythical '[[Wraiths|wraiths]]') were quick to seek out public opinion of the new ride. Opinions generally ranged from "Yeah, quite good. Bit short though" to "Yeah, I really enjoyed it... but it was a bit short". The day was overshadowed however, when [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] was kidnapped by a crowd of 'enthusiasts'(aka Chris Franklin and Co.), after uncharacteristically deciding to go for a walk without an armed guard. His whereabouts remain unknown...

The ride experience of <nowiki>Th13teen</nowiki> has been described as having "more trims than a mens' barber shop on a Saturday morning" as well as being "a rollerskate around the woods, then finishing with a Tower Of Terror imitation drop". Oxford University's top linguistic experts are still working round the clock to de-code this sentence, to establish whether the quoted person enjoyed or hated the experience of <nowiki>Th13teen</nowiki>.

One particularly eloquent forum goer described Thirteen thus:

:''"this ride appears to be nothing more than the impromptu and accidental love child of The [[Frog Hopper]] and [[Runaway_Mine_Train|Runaway Mine Train]], conceived following half a can of cider during an emotional school prom, discarded to fend for itself in woodland once reserved for duelling [[Schwarzkopf]]s and cross-valley woodies and unearthed during excavations for a tombstone marking the departure of the marketing director following not so much shooting themselves in the foot, but blowing off all four limbs after climbing inside an unexploded world war II bomb and promptly being left lying in the mud, swallowing the occasional passing slug in order to survive."''

== Technical Difficulties ==
:''See also: [[Dedicated Trackside Flux Sensor]]''

<nowiki>Th13teen</nowiki> has recently been experiencing persistent technical issues. These have been initially addressed by imposing a strict weight limit on the trains - a move which has caused Theme Park Review to cancel their planned trip to [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] this Summer, after a suggestion of eating fewer burgers was unanimously vetoed.

== [[The_Marmite_Ride|The Marmite Ride]] ==
<nowiki>Th13teen</nowiki> - proclaimed as "<nowiki>The Ultimate</nowiki> [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]]" - has unfortunately divided opinions between anyone who has or hasn't ridden it, thus creating tension and worldwide backlash. The main reasons as to this divide in many communities is the way the [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]] was marketed (as a thrill ride, when in fact it was meant for families), and the ride experience itself with the 'OHAI GUYZ' world's first free-falling drop.

Thus this has now coined the phrase, [[The Marmite Ride]] because it is either loved and adored, pampered and made delicate like a Ming vase... or despised, spat on, kicked and regularly picked on. You could say it's the reason why it has so many technical delays, unlike [[Air]] who just has massive hissy fits.

[[Category: Roller Coaster]]
[[Category:Alton Towers]]

X:\No Way Out

2018-04-08T18:43:09Z

Bert2theSpark:

''This article contains graciously stolen material from Unencyclopedia.''

[[Image:Xcolonbackslash.jpg|right|thumb|YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THE QUEUE!]]

X (Previously "No: Way Out To Sex") was originally designed to disappoint guests and make them leave thinking about how much time they wasted in the queue. It is located in a pyramid so guests cannot see how poor the ride actually is and will still waste their time standing in a long queue to experience a piece of crap, this is obvious by the guests' disappointed looks as they exit the pyramid and remarks such as " it was sh*t". The ride also features random manikins on the many brake runs, which are designed to distract the guests from how poor the coaster actually is. The height restriction is 1.4m to save the younger children from wasting their time, when they should be <s>in Octopus Gardens</s> on [[Storm_Surge|Storm Surge]]. During the ride it is a common place for riders, however childish, to replace the stereotypical screams of a [[Rollercoaster|rollercoaster]] with different expressions of the word "Ow!"

It's also <s>the world's</s> [[Thorpe_Park|Thorpe Park]]'s first backwards in the dark [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]]... not that it means anything.

== History ==
X was constructed in 1996, as the park's first Non-Powered rollercoaster. Due to the lack of decent maintenance at Thorpe Park, the ride was held together by Blu-Tack and sticky-backed plastic until a 2013 retheme, where it underwent a change to a theme of "An epileptic's worst nightmare" and had a name change to "X".

Now known as NEW FOR 2018 'The Walking Dead: Da Ride' just to appease the chavs, Screw all the families that visit Thorpe!

[[Category: Roller Coaster]]
[[Category: Thorpe Park]]

X:\No Way Out

2018-04-08T18:40:48Z

Bert2theSpark:

''This article contains graciously stolen material from Unencyclopedia.''

[[Image:Xcolonbackslash.jpg|right|thumb|YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THE QUEUE!]]

X (Previously "No: Way Out To Sex") was originally designed to disappoint guests and make them leave thinking about how much time they wasted in the queue. It is located in a pyramid so guests cannot see how poor the ride actually is and will still waste their time standing in a long queue to experience a piece of crap, this is obvious by the guests' disappointed looks as they exit the pyramid and remarks such as " it was sh*t". The ride also features random manikins on the many brake runs, which are designed to distract the guests from how poor the coaster actually is. The height restriction is 1.4m to save the younger children from wasting their time, when they should be <s>in Octopus Gardens</s> on [[Storm_Surge|Storm Surge]]. During the ride it is a common place for riders, however childish, to replace the stereotypical screams of a [[Rollercoaster|rollercoaster]] with different expressions of the word "Ow!"

It's also <s>the world's</s> [[Thorpe_Park|Thorpe Park]]'s first backwards in the dark [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]]... not that it means anything.

== History ==
X was constructed in 1996, as the park's first Non-Powered rollercoaster. Due to the lack of decent maintenance at Thorpe Park, the ride was held together by Blu-Tack and sticky-backed plastic until a 2013 retheme, where it underwent a change to a theme of "An epileptic's worst nightmare" and had a name change to "X".

Now known as 'The Walking Dead: Da Ride' just to appease the chavs, Screw all the families that visit Thorpe!

[[Category: Roller Coaster]]
[[Category: Thorpe Park]]

Ice Age 4D

2018-04-08T18:38:18Z

Bert2theSpark: Created page with "It had some pointless IP in a crappy 4D cinema, It held the No time for Nuts show until 2017. Fans of the 4D Ice Age: No Time For Nuts will be happy to know NEW FOR 2018 [[D..."

It had some pointless IP in a crappy 4D cinema, It held the No time for Nuts show until 2017.

Fans of the 4D Ice Age: No Time For Nuts will be happy to know NEW FOR 2018 [[Drayton Manor]] now shows it in their superior 4D Cinema.

Octanauts Rollercoaster Adventure

2018-04-08T18:35:54Z

Bert2theSpark: Created page with "Octo hatch open! Dun dun dun dun dun dun da dun. Timmy Timmy!"

Octo hatch open! Dun dun dun dun dun dun da dun. Timmy Timmy!

Wicker Man

2018-04-08T18:34:38Z

Bert2theSpark: Created page with "FIRE! The Beornen did some things and got rid of The Flume to build a wooden roller coaster but it's on fire (That's how it got past Merlin's executives). The Beornen g..."

FIRE!

The Beornen did some things and got rid of [[The Flume]] to build a wooden roller coaster but it's on fire (That's how it got past Merlin's executives).

The Beornen got a lot of help to build their saviour, including [[GCI]] and some other companies to make sure all chavs get fed to the flames and go in [[Big Bob]]'s belly.

It is the first [[Secret Weapon]] without some 'WURLDZ FURST' gimmick since [[Nemesis]] and the first non rushed one since [[Oblivion]].

The Jungle

2018-04-08T18:26:42Z

Bert2theSpark:

The Jungle, A world class area with such classics as [[Nemesis Inferno]], Mr Manky's Banana Boat Ride and I'm in a stereotypical Merlin Attraction, Get Me Out Of Here!

It previously held a Victorian Warehouse with a carriage inside which transported you to The London Underground, but NEW FOR 2018 it was relocated to The Dock Yard alongside, X:/ No Way Out of a Retheme known as The Walking Dead: Da Why'd

The Jungle

2018-04-08T18:26:23Z

Bert2theSpark: Made a new page

The Jungle, A world class area with such classics as [[Nemesis Inferno]], Mr Manky's Banana Boat Ride, I'm in a stereotypical Merlin Attraction, Get Me Out Of Here!

It previously held a Victorian Warehouse with a carriage inside which transported you to The London Underground, but NEW FOR 2018 it was relocated to The Dock Yard alongside, X:/ No Way Out of a Retheme known as The Walking Dead: Da Why'd

Dark Forest

2018-04-08T18:16:06Z

Bert2theSpark:

The '''Dark Forest''', otherwise known as the [[Intamin|Intamin]] Forest or [[Fail]] Forest, is the latest area addition to [[Alton Towers]] and shaped to the liking of the [[Roller coaster|roller coaster]] [[Th13teen]].

Originally being Ug-Land, the Dark Forest has not changed very much in terms of theming, basically giving all the buildings including the speedy Queen herself a big splash of Dark, Forest-y paint with the colour scheming of black, brown and green. This automatically makes people believe that the area has actually changed into something meaningful. Same goes for all the games, food outlets and shops, whose prehistoric names have changed into something pleasing enough for the Dark Forest.

=== Rides and Attractions ===

*[[Th13teen]]
*[[Rita]]
*''No really. That's it. It really is the [[Intamin|Intamin]] Forest.''

A Dark and threatening Forest, it is home to many happy and cheerful [[Wraiths]] whom sometimes when bored, come out of their burrows to play with the visitors as well as the occasional Bushmen.

It is being suggested in the blank space to the left of [[Th13teen|Th13teen]]'s queueline a 4D ride/roller-coaster hybrid themed around the exciting life of a Wraith and friends running around [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]], getting into sticky situations with the un-helpful [[Where's Waldey?|Morwenda]]. This may be sponsored by Andrex.

=== Other Names ===
*Intamin Land
*Intamin Forest
*Fail Forest
*A stereotypical horror area
*Six Flags could do better

[[Category: Themed Area]]

Intamin

2018-04-08T18:08:38Z

Bert2theSpark:

Responsible for rides in the [[Dark Forest|Intamin Forest]] and [[Thorpe Park|Colossus]] and that stand up [[B&M]] knockoff at [[Drayton Manor]].

[[Category: Manufacturer]]

X:\No Way Out

2017-12-07T22:02:04Z

Bert2theSpark: Added true facts

''This article contains graciously stolen material from Unencyclopedia.''

[[Image:Xcolonbackslash.jpg|right|thumb|YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THE QUEUE!]]

X (Previously "No: Way Out To Sex") was originally designed to disappoint guests and make them leave thinking about how much time they wasted in the queue. It is located in a pyramid so guests cannot see how poor the ride actually is and will still waste their time standing in a long queue to experience a piece of crap, this is obvious by the guests' disappointed looks as they exit the pyramid and remarks such as " it was sh*t". The ride also features random manikins on the many brake runs, which are designed to distract the guests from how poor the coaster actually is. The height restriction is 1.4m to save the younger children from wasting their time, when they should be <s>in Octopus Gardens</s> on [[Storm_Surge|Storm Surge]]. During the ride it is a common place for riders, however childish, to replace the stereotypical screams of a [[Rollercoaster|rollercoaster]] with different expressions of the word "Ow!"

It's also <s>the world's</s> [[Thorpe_Park|Thorpe Park]]'s first backwards in the dark [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]]... not that it means anything.

== History ==
X was constructed in 1996, as the park's first Non-Powered rollercoaster. Due to the lack of decent maintenance at Thorpe Park, the ride was held together by Blu-Tack and sticky-backed plastic until a 2013 retheme, where it underwent a change to a theme of "An epileptic's worst nightmare" and had a name change to "X".

Currently Merlin Magic Making are working to slap a dark 'Walking Dead' shipping container filled theme on to the ride.

[[Category: Roller Coaster]]
[[Category: Thorpe Park]]

John Wardley

2017-05-12T16:44:16Z

Bert2theSpark: Added true info

[[File:God.jpg|300px|thumb|right|One of few discovered depictions of the great god John himself at work creating Air, as '''all''' depictions are banned by the faction]] The Right Honourable Supreme Leader '''John Wardley''', PhD, MSc, MA, BSc, BA, OBE, MBE, HRH, is considered one of the most evangelical and holiest of [[The_Gods_Of_Roller_Coasters|The Gods Of Roller Coasters]], and generally lords it up in the realm of the [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]] religious faction as father to all of the [[The_Gods_Of_Roller_Coasters|other gods]]. Generally speaking, it is considered by the followers of the faction that if the great John has not blessed a steel beast or wooden monster of a coaster in some fashion, it is considered to be unworthy of enjoyment by the mere mortals of the faction.

Enthusiasts should also remember the holy garment John Wardley wore in many of his outdoor interviews, known to many as simply, [[Wardley's Jacket]]. It is holy in the fact he is wearing it and that is quite a remarkable jacket.

He may be God but can evolve into the character Jigsaw (from the infamous [[SAW:_The_Ride|Sore Series]]). (He's also a Pokemon)
Here are the steps of transformation: John Wardley --> [[James|James]]--> Jigsaw
[[Category: Wardley's Index| ]]

Drayton Manor

2017-03-11T10:58:32Z

Bert2theSpark: /* Rollercoasters */

[[File:Drayton.jpg|300px|thumb|left]]

'''Drayton Manor''' is a strange theme park that lives in the shadows of [[Alton Towers]], just outside of Tamworth in South Staffordshire, and is known to be home to some of the most masochistic rides in the United Kingdom such as [[Shockwave]] and G-Force.

The park is well known for the range of ghetto-era rides and their former cunning choice of leaving rides to rot before building a new ride on top, as well as their stunning idea to be surrounded by a car park with mismatching area themes. None of this however deters the General Public from visiting as it's all normal to their eyes.

Drayton prides itself in being a park with "''firsts''" such as having a Verkoma ride, a [[Maurer Söhne]] that hasn't committed homocide, randomly placed sponsorships (i.e. Arriva) and a [[Intamin]] Teacups themed around beers and boobs.

The theme tune of Drayton Manor appears to be ''Jupiter'' by Gustav Holst, in an attempt to classy up the park for the Resort title much like Towers but oddly enough it seems to do the trick.

== History ==

There was once a manor by a lake.

People <s>with sadistic intentions</s> knocked it down and stuck a few rides by the lake.

Drayton Manor was aptly born.

== Rides and Attractions ==

=== Rollercoasters ===

* '''NEW FOR 2017''' ''Hot Wheels: Da Ride''
* Buffalo Mountain Coaster
* G-Force
* Shockwave
* Troublesome Trucks
* One of da S&S coasters that will compete with Mackpoo and SWood (The last one is unsafe)
[[File:Ben10media (95).jpg|200px|thumb|right|BEN MOTHERFLUFFING 10!]]

=== Thrill Rides ===

* '''New for 2014''' Air Race
* Apocalypse
* Bounty
* Maelstrom
* Pandemoniun

=== Water Rides ===

* Pirate Adventure
* Splash Canyon
* Stormforce 10

=== Family Rides ===

* Drunken Barrels
* Excalibur
* ''Golden Nuggets'' Wild West Shoot-Out
* Jolly Buccaneer
* The Flying Dutchman
* The Haunting

=== Kids Rides ===

* Cranky's Drop Tower
* Crazy Bertie Bus
* Diesel's Locomotion Mayhem
* Harold's Heli Tours
* Jeremy's Flying Academy
* Lady's Carousel
* Rockin' Bulstrode & Sodor Docks
* Sodor's Classic Cars
* Vintage Carousel

=== Transport ===

* Chairlift
* Knapford Station

=== Misc ===

* 4-D Cinema
* Amusement Arcade
* Crazy Golf
* DinoTrail
* Drayton Queen Boat
* Emily's Adventure Play
* ''Thomas and Friends'' Exhibition
* Zoo

[[Category:Theme Park]]

Drayton Manor

2016-10-16T16:08:01Z

Bert2theSpark: /* Rollercoasters */

[[File:Drayton.jpg|300px|thumb|left]]

'''Drayton Manor''' is a strange theme park that lives in the shadows of [[Alton Towers]], just outside of Tamworth in South Staffordshire, and is known to be home to some of the most masochistic rides in the United Kingdom such as [[Shockwave]] and G-Force.

The park is well known for the range of ghetto-era rides and their former cunning choice of leaving rides to rot before building a new ride on top, as well as their stunning idea to be surrounded by a car park with mismatching area themes. None of this however deters the General Public from visiting as it's all normal to their eyes.

Drayton prides itself in being a park with "''firsts''" such as having a Verkoma ride, a [[Maurer Söhne]] that hasn't committed homocide, randomly placed sponsorships (i.e. Arriva) and a [[Intamin]] Teacups themed around beers and boobs.

The theme tune of Drayton Manor appears to be ''Jupiter'' by Gustav Holst, in an attempt to classy up the park for the Resort title much like Towers but oddly enough it seems to do the trick.

== History ==

There was once a manor by a lake.

People <s>with sadistic intentions</s> knocked it down and stuck a few rides by the lake.

Drayton Manor was aptly born.

== Rides and Attractions ==

=== Rollercoasters ===

* '''NEW FOR 2011''' ''Ben 10'': Ultimate Mission
* Buffalo Mountain Coaster
* G-Force
* Shockwave
* Troublesome Trucks
* One of da S&S coasters that will compete with Mackpoo and SWood (The last one is unsafe)
[[File:Ben10media (95).jpg|200px|thumb|right|BEN MOTHERFLUFFING 10!]]

=== Thrill Rides ===

* '''New for 2014''' Air Race
* Apocalypse
* Bounty
* Maelstrom
* Pandemoniun

=== Water Rides ===

* Pirate Adventure
* Splash Canyon
* Stormforce 10

=== Family Rides ===

* Drunken Barrels
* Excalibur
* ''Golden Nuggets'' Wild West Shoot-Out
* Jolly Buccaneer
* The Flying Dutchman
* The Haunting

=== Kids Rides ===

* Cranky's Drop Tower
* Crazy Bertie Bus
* Diesel's Locomotion Mayhem
* Harold's Heli Tours
* Jeremy's Flying Academy
* Lady's Carousel
* Rockin' Bulstrode & Sodor Docks
* Sodor's Classic Cars
* Vintage Carousel

=== Transport ===

* Chairlift
* Knapford Station

=== Misc ===

* 4-D Cinema
* Amusement Arcade
* Crazy Golf
* DinoTrail
* Drayton Queen Boat
* Emily's Adventure Play
* ''Thomas and Friends'' Exhibition
* Zoo

[[Category:Theme Park]]