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Pinfari

2016-08-30T22:14:36Z

Billionaire'sShortbread: /* History */

Pinfari was an Italian [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]] (and fibreglass apple) manufacturer based in Italy.

== History ==
The company was founded in 1975 by Barry Pinfari, in response to the demand for cheap and compact roller coasters. The rides were easily identified by their small footprint, garish colour schemes, clumsy banking, brittle looking support structures and blood stained seats.

Although an Italian company, Pinfaris found their natural home in Scotland. So much so, that north of Hadrian's Wall is affectionately known in the enthusiast community as 'Pinfari Land'. As such, Scotland is home to the spiritual Mecca for Pinfari fans - M&Ds - which houses no fewer than 5 different models. M&Ds is said to be to Pinfari, what [[Europa_Park|Europa Park]] is to [[Mack|Mack]].

Scotland's First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, has recently announced plans to erect a 10 foot bronze statue of Barry Pinfari in Motherwell town centre, "in honour of his great contribution to the Scottish leisure and amusement industry, and indeed, the economy."

== Notable Examples ==
==== Tornado ====
Tornado (an RC70 model) is thought by fans to be Pinfari's masterpiece. It was officially opened at M&Ds to great fanfare in 1998, in a ceremony attended by Sean Connery and Billy Connolly. Reaching heights of nearly 80ft and originally featuring 3 inversions (including a rare Pinfari corkscrew), Tornado was an incredible visual spectacle. Sadly, for the 2006 season M&Ds took the tough decision to remove the iconic corkscrew citing the multiple concussions riders were suffering. Many Pinfari fans see this as a dark day for Tornado and claim the ride has never been the same since.

Such was Tornado's popularity, a second RC70 model was opened in 2000 at Center Norte in Argentina. The corkscrew was retained throughout its operating period. Hurricane - as it was called - was sadly removed in 2007.

In the 2009 [http://www.ushsho.com/detailedsteelrollercoasterpollresults2009.htm Mitch Hawker Steel Coaster Poll] Tornado was voted as "the worst steel [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]] in the world". This has been attributed to Pinfari's fans misunderstanding the overly complex voting system.

====Tsunami====
Tsunami (or McNemesis) was the first XP56 model - a unique inverted coaster design. After travelling the fair circuit for several years it was settled at M&Ds in 2004 where it has operated ever since.

==== Thunder Mountain ====
Thunder Mountain was an enclosed attraction, which operated at [[Flamingo Land]] in Yorkshire, between 1991 and 2004. While simply a standard Zyklon Z40 model, the hand sculpted papier-mâché 'mountain' that engulfed the ride was a grand and imposing structure. Thunder Mountain is notable as the only attempt ever made to theme a Pinfari.

==== Big Apple ====
[[File:Hurr.jpg|200px|thumb|right|]] Arguably Pinfari's most successful model, the Big Apple (or Mini Apple, or Wacky Worm, or Caterpillar Coaster) has spread across the developed (and undeveloped) world, like a child friendly plague. Notable for their (optional) fibreglass apple and smiling, vaguely sinister trains, these rides have been boring jaded children and boosting the 'coaster counts' of shameless 'credit whores' for generations. At last count there were said to be 6947 Big Apples in the world.

Such was the overwhelming popularity of the Big Apple that operated at Astroland in New York until 2008, it became unique as the only version of this ride to support two train operation via a [http://www.rcdb.com/284.htm?p=4556 custom turntable system].

I guess you could say, the Big Apple loves a Big Apple!

== The [[Disney|Disney]] Nod of Approval ==
In 1993, Pinfari's superlative coaster design skills were given the seal of approval by the world's largest theme park operator - [[Disney|Disney]]. For their Indiana Jones et le Temple Du Peril attraction at the newly opened Disneyland Paris, imagineers chose to copy Pinfari's first ever looping coaster design - the TL-59 - a timeless layout, and a lesson in pacing and tension. It is almost universally acknowledged by the theme park community that Indiana Jones is one of the best coasters in Europe and definately [[Disney|Disney]]'s finest effort.

The track was however manufactured by Intamin. Rumour has it that this is because Pinfari were "too busy".

== Decline ==
Pinfari hit substantial financial difficulties in 2001 in the wake of the September 11th attacks, and were eventually liquidated in 2004. A bustling international market still exists for second-hand Pinfaris, with some rarer models fetching as much as £200 at auction.

== Controversy ==
Although they continued to enjoy an underground following, Pinfari rides were in fact outlawed in Britain under the [http://www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts1996/ukpga_19960026_en_1 Offensive Weapons Act of 1996]. Anyone found to be in possession of a Pinfari ride could face up to 18 months imprisonment. Supply of Pinfaris (or intent to supply) could - and often did - result in a life
sentence.

However, when New Labour swept to power in 1997, one of their first acts was to decriminalise Pinfari rides. This is thought by many, to be the main reason for Labour's continued strong support in Scotland.

[[Category: Manufacturer]]

Thorpe Park

2015-08-27T16:16:40Z

Billionaire'sShortbread: /* Reliability record */

''Oops, Maybe You Were looking For [[Fail]]''

''This article is about the only pikey stronghold south of Nottingham, for the caravan park in Cleethorpes, see [[Thorpe Park (the original and best)]].''

''(Some of this is graciously stolen from Unencyclopedia. Thanks!)''

[[File:Thorpe.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Their slogan is 'Twisted Pleasure... Twisted Pleasure in conning you out of your money, your dignity, your life's existence and '''NEW FOR 2014! THORPE PARK Resort waterside shipping container hotel! (oh and Angry Birds Land)!''']]

THORPE PARK (also known as [[Fail|Fail]] Park, Thorpe Krap, Hell or The place which we do not speak of) is one of Britain's worst nightmares and the British enthusiast's dream gone horribly wrong with added <nowiki>FAIL</nowiki>. A [[Chav|chav]] breeding ground and so called 'Thrill Capital', it's only thrills are the queuelines and the fact rides break down every day, on the hour and every hour. It is a place of terror for any family within children under 12 and no wait... let me rephrase that... it is Britain's most voted place of terror. Please note as of 2014 THORPE PARK is now known as THORPE PARK Resort (yes THORPE PARK is still in capitals, yet Resort isn't! Why you ask? We haven't a clue!)

The Scottish equivalent to Thorpe Park is [[M and Ds]]. No arguments. It just is.

The park's slogan is ''Join the queue for real fun!'' and it appears in all cases, this is true.

Sometimes, it's just less hassle to visit [[Chessington World of Adventures]]. Why? Because it's the land of [[John Wardley|God himself]]!

''See also: [[Thorpe Park: The Musical]]''

== History ==

The park was opened in 1979 as a very nice and decent place where everyone could go and have a jolly old time! Families liked it. Enthusiasts liked it. It had some lovely little rides and attractions too that were decent as well and sometimes... even good! Wonderful even. Of course this was back before the chavs were an invented species and the 21st century had come into motion.

Some former rides and attractions are as follows:

*Phantom Fantasia/Wicked Witches Haunt - Burnt down just after the news of a [[Intamin]] [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]] came along. This was the Southern equivalent to [[Duel|The Haunted House]] at [[Alton Towers]], with a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbtftJXs0Ww 1990 onride] to prove it. There used to be an animatronic witch at the front of the ride who cackled at you for your stupid 80s mullet/90s shave. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty_U9HPovTk#t=4m15s This is what remained of the fire incident. Look at what Intamin did to the park!]

*Magic Mill/Mr Rabbit's Tropical Travels - Also partially burnt down with Wicked Witches Haunt. This was a wonderful and pleasant ride that was the Southern equivalent to [[Toyland Tours]] at <nowiki>Alton Towers</nowiki> with another [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVOQD5IUp0g onride] to prove it. T'was rethemed to the Ranger County area and soon replaced by Nymphferior.

*Pirates 4D - Possibly one of the most decent 4D shows in the UK at the time with an animatronic pirate parrot, the film starred Leslie Nielsen and Eric Idle. The Naked Gun [[Meets|meets]] Monty Python with a big heap of pirate costumes? AHOY! Was removed for <s>[[Fail|FAIL]]</s> Time Voyagers.

*Thorpe Farm - Decent farm, [[Closed|closed]] because nobody cared for it anymore.

*Model World - Decent models of various visitor attractions around the world.

== Reliability record ==

Absolutely terrible. Put it this way - if you want to ride anything, don't bother spending £49, just walk round your local chav-infested town centre, it's a pretty similar experience as you usually can't ride anything decent at Thorpe anyway!

== 2011 Pass Holder Preview Day ==

The park received considerable criticism during their 2011 Pass Holder Preview day when approximately 97 people turned up, more than triple the expected amount.

Staff were unable to cope with the influx of people and a public toilet had to be opened in attempt to keep waste to a minimum.

X:\ No Way Out was required to run with one train, more than double the typical amount required on Pass Holder Preview Days.

== Rides & Attractions ==

=== Rollercoasters ===

*[[Colossus]]
*[[Nemesis Inferno]]
*[[Stealth]]
*[[SAW: The Ride]]
*[[X:\No Way Out]] - Now running forwards!!
*[[The swarm]]
*The Flying Fish

=== Thrill Rides ===

*[[Lost City|Rush]]
*[[Lost City|Vortex]]
*[[Lost City|Samurai]]
*[[Canada Creek|Slammer]]
*[[Calypso Quay|Detonator]]

=== Water Rides ===

*[[Tidal Wave]]
*[[Loggers Leap]]
*[[Neptunes Kingdom|Depth Charge]]
*[[Ribena Rumba Rapids]] ''(Due to the recent addition of Storm Surge Rumba Rapids suddenly doesn't feel so bad)''

=== Family Rides ===

*Mr Monkey's Banana Ride
*Rangers Carousel
*Rocky Express
*Quantum
*Storm in a Teacup

=== Misc ===

*[[SAW:Alive]]*Only open on the 5th Friday of every Month, during a full moon, when it snows.
*[[Time Voyagers]] NOW ANGRY BIRDS LAND 4D! !1!
*<nowiki>Tidal Wave</nowiki> Wetzone

=== The One Nobody Likes ===

*2011 new attraction: A '[[Storm_Surge|Storm Surge]]', the literal Cypress Gardens castaway!

[[Category:Theme Park]]

Thorpe Park

2015-08-27T16:16:19Z

Billionaire'sShortbread: /* Reliability record */

''Oops, Maybe You Were looking For [[Fail]]''

''This article is about the only pikey stronghold south of Nottingham, for the caravan park in Cleethorpes, see [[Thorpe Park (the original and best)]].''

''(Some of this is graciously stolen from Unencyclopedia. Thanks!)''

[[File:Thorpe.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Their slogan is 'Twisted Pleasure... Twisted Pleasure in conning you out of your money, your dignity, your life's existence and '''NEW FOR 2014! THORPE PARK Resort waterside shipping container hotel! (oh and Angry Birds Land)!''']]

THORPE PARK (also known as [[Fail|Fail]] Park, Thorpe Krap, Hell or The place which we do not speak of) is one of Britain's worst nightmares and the British enthusiast's dream gone horribly wrong with added <nowiki>FAIL</nowiki>. A [[Chav|chav]] breeding ground and so called 'Thrill Capital', it's only thrills are the queuelines and the fact rides break down every day, on the hour and every hour. It is a place of terror for any family within children under 12 and no wait... let me rephrase that... it is Britain's most voted place of terror. Please note as of 2014 THORPE PARK is now known as THORPE PARK Resort (yes THORPE PARK is still in capitals, yet Resort isn't! Why you ask? We haven't a clue!)

The Scottish equivalent to Thorpe Park is [[M and Ds]]. No arguments. It just is.

The park's slogan is ''Join the queue for real fun!'' and it appears in all cases, this is true.

Sometimes, it's just less hassle to visit [[Chessington World of Adventures]]. Why? Because it's the land of [[John Wardley|God himself]]!

''See also: [[Thorpe Park: The Musical]]''

== History ==

The park was opened in 1979 as a very nice and decent place where everyone could go and have a jolly old time! Families liked it. Enthusiasts liked it. It had some lovely little rides and attractions too that were decent as well and sometimes... even good! Wonderful even. Of course this was back before the chavs were an invented species and the 21st century had come into motion.

Some former rides and attractions are as follows:

*Phantom Fantasia/Wicked Witches Haunt - Burnt down just after the news of a [[Intamin]] [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]] came along. This was the Southern equivalent to [[Duel|The Haunted House]] at [[Alton Towers]], with a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbtftJXs0Ww 1990 onride] to prove it. There used to be an animatronic witch at the front of the ride who cackled at you for your stupid 80s mullet/90s shave. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty_U9HPovTk#t=4m15s This is what remained of the fire incident. Look at what Intamin did to the park!]

*Magic Mill/Mr Rabbit's Tropical Travels - Also partially burnt down with Wicked Witches Haunt. This was a wonderful and pleasant ride that was the Southern equivalent to [[Toyland Tours]] at <nowiki>Alton Towers</nowiki> with another [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVOQD5IUp0g onride] to prove it. T'was rethemed to the Ranger County area and soon replaced by Nymphferior.

*Pirates 4D - Possibly one of the most decent 4D shows in the UK at the time with an animatronic pirate parrot, the film starred Leslie Nielsen and Eric Idle. The Naked Gun [[Meets|meets]] Monty Python with a big heap of pirate costumes? AHOY! Was removed for <s>[[Fail|FAIL]]</s> Time Voyagers.

*Thorpe Farm - Decent farm, [[Closed|closed]] because nobody cared for it anymore.

*Model World - Decent models of various visitor attractions around the world.

== Reliability record ==

Absolutely terrible. Put it this way - if you want to ride anything, don't bother spending £49, just walk round your local chav-infested town centre, it's a pretty similar experience as you usually cant ride anything decent at Thorpe anyway!

== 2011 Pass Holder Preview Day ==

The park received considerable criticism during their 2011 Pass Holder Preview day when approximately 97 people turned up, more than triple the expected amount.

Staff were unable to cope with the influx of people and a public toilet had to be opened in attempt to keep waste to a minimum.

X:\ No Way Out was required to run with one train, more than double the typical amount required on Pass Holder Preview Days.

== Rides & Attractions ==

=== Rollercoasters ===

*[[Colossus]]
*[[Nemesis Inferno]]
*[[Stealth]]
*[[SAW: The Ride]]
*[[X:\No Way Out]] - Now running forwards!!
*[[The swarm]]
*The Flying Fish

=== Thrill Rides ===

*[[Lost City|Rush]]
*[[Lost City|Vortex]]
*[[Lost City|Samurai]]
*[[Canada Creek|Slammer]]
*[[Calypso Quay|Detonator]]

=== Water Rides ===

*[[Tidal Wave]]
*[[Loggers Leap]]
*[[Neptunes Kingdom|Depth Charge]]
*[[Ribena Rumba Rapids]] ''(Due to the recent addition of Storm Surge Rumba Rapids suddenly doesn't feel so bad)''

=== Family Rides ===

*Mr Monkey's Banana Ride
*Rangers Carousel
*Rocky Express
*Quantum
*Storm in a Teacup

=== Misc ===

*[[SAW:Alive]]*Only open on the 5th Friday of every Month, during a full moon, when it snows.
*[[Time Voyagers]] NOW ANGRY BIRDS LAND 4D! !1!
*<nowiki>Tidal Wave</nowiki> Wetzone

=== The One Nobody Likes ===

*2011 new attraction: A '[[Storm_Surge|Storm Surge]]', the literal Cypress Gardens castaway!

[[Category:Theme Park]]

X:\No Way Out

2015-08-14T14:35:44Z

Billionaire'sShortbread:

''This article contains graciously stolen material from Unencyclopedia.''

[[Image:Xcolonbackslash.jpg|right|thumb|YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THE QUEUE!]]

X (Previously "No: Way Out To Sex") was originally designed to disappoint guests and make them leave thinking about how much time they wasted in the queue. It is located in a pyramid so guests cannot see how poor the ride actually is and will still waste their time standing in a long queue to experience a piece of crap, this is obvious by the guests' disappointed looks as they exit the pyramid and remarks such as " it was sh*t". The ride also features random manikins on the many brake runs, which are designed to distract the guests from how poor the coaster actually is. The height restriction is 1.4m to save the younger children from wasting their time, when they should be <s>in Octopus Gardens</s> on [[Storm_Surge|Storm Surge]]. During the ride it is a common place for riders, however childish, to replace the stereotypical screams of a [[Rollercoaster|rollercoaster]] with different expressions of the word "Ow!"

It's also <s>the world's</s> [[Thorpe_Park|Thorpe Park]]'s first backwards in the dark [[Roller_coaster|roller coaster]]... not that it means anything.

== History ==
X was constructed in 1996, as the park's first Non-Powered rollercoaster. Due to the lack of decent maintenance at Thorpe Park, the ride was held together by Blu-Tack and sticky-backed plastic until a 2013 retheme, where it underwent a change to a theme of "An epileptic's worst nightmare" and had a name change to "X".

[[Category: Roller Coaster]]

Valhalla

2015-08-14T14:15:44Z

Billionaire'sShortbread:

[[File:valhallawatervortex.png|400px|thumb|right|Those who dare to ride Valerie speak much of its wetness.]]

'''Valhalla''' (colloquially known as ''[[Alternative ride names|Valerie]]'' or ''Mandy's Warehouse O'Water'') is a corrugated warehouse taken from a nearby industrial estate in [[Blackpool]], and placed within the confines of [[Mandyland]] Resort. Noticing their current Log Flume was falling apart, the park decided to design the wettest ride in the country, and open it in the wettest county of England. This is how Valhalla came about. The ride is well within the bounds of [[Acceptable Wetness|Unacceptable Wetness]].

Rumoured to make a profit on rain mac sales alone, this ride has two purposes - to wet you to the skin, and to break the record for the world's first unreliable warehouse flume. Guinness have been unable to verify the record, however it is a commonplace fact that Valhalla regularly breaks down due to water getting into the sensors.. (Who would have thought it on a water ride, eh?)
Should you survive the ride without [[chavs]] chucking ice at you in the snow room or being burnt alive in the fire room, you may wish to purchase an on-ride photo, which captures riders at the most important point of your experience - the end.

At the end of 2011, the rocky front was removed from Valerie, revealing a concealed clothing factory making quality T-Shirts for the park's many outlets. It was heavily rumoured in enthusiast circles that the Valhalla's flume system merely acted as a cost-effective washing machine before the shirts made their way to the park's numerous souvenir shops.

"To fight the horde, Singing and crying, Valhalla, I am coming!"- Robert Plant

[[Category:Mandyland]]

Submission

2015-08-14T14:13:10Z

Billionaire'sShortbread:

Submission was a cruel and misanthropic flat ride, located at [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]]. It is considered by many to be "a complete load of old bollocks", however, this claim is hard to verify as approximately only 3 people have ever ridden it... and one of those was "for a dare".

== History ==
Submission was developed in secret under the codename 'SW4.5' (Sore Willy 4.5) and inflicted upon an unwitting public in 2001. It is thought by many to have inspired [[Thorpe_Park|Thorpe Park]]'s eventual collection of twisted torture devices aimed at the "young teen" demographic.

While labelled as a "Chance Double Inverter", it is nothing of the kind. [[File:Submission.jpg|300px|thumb|"I'll only ride it if you do."]] The mythical 'second arm' (a topic which was found in a recent study to constitute approximately 68% of all posting of TST) is a fake, or 'dummy' arm, installed to give the impression of a popular, high capacity, queue munching visual spectacle. It has ''never'' worked. Nor will it ever. Ever. So stop going on about it. In attempt to disguise this fact, [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] occasionally rotate the entire ride 180 degrees to give the impression that both arms are genuine, a technique that appears to fool the vast majority of the park guests.

In its distinguished history, Submission (the name being a throwback to an ill-fated sponsorship deal with Subway) has thrilled literally... some guests.

At the end end of the 2013 to the joy of the Enthusiast community, submission finally submitted and was burned and replaced with the Submission Memorial Garden, at the end of which was a pointless pointy post with a pointless tap.

== Recent Controversy ==
Submission recently hit the headlines, when incredibly reliable and accurate scientific studies found that it increased riders' chances of developing a combination of paranoid schizophrenia and diarrhoea by as much as 93%.

It also causes horrible pain to any head, shoulders, chest, knees and crotch area which decreases life span heavily and increases reproductive organ deficiency.

Anybody who wishes to re-ride Submission because they thought it was fun is typically beaten with a Doc Martens boot and left for dead in the [[Thirteen]] crypt, or if they are forced to by another then their lighter sentence is being beaten with a Chelsea Boot and left for dead in the [[Thirteen|Thirteen]] crypt.

== Trivia ==
Submission is known to be the favourite ride of BNP leader Nick Griffin.

The ride is immortalized in the Meshuggah song 'The Exquisite Machinery of Torture'

[[Category: Ride]]
[[Category:Alton Towers]]