TowersStreet Wiki - User contributions [en]

File:Hans Holbein the Younger, self-portrait.jpg

2012-01-16T23:27:05Z

James:

Towers Street

2011-07-01T17:54:22Z

James: /* List of Known Appearances */

'''Towers Street''' is the magical and quirky themed entrance area at [[Alton Towers]], that visitors first come across at the resort and whom may come across a group of [[TowersTimes|excited and sanity waning enthusiasts]] in the process. It has a splendiferous view of the Towers complex and lake (Where the [[Giant Squid]] resides) in the background, which marks the first question by anybody who hasn't seen the park before:

''Ain't that big castle [[Duel]] or summat?''

If that ill-read map comment is overheard by enthusiasts upon Towers Street, they will most likely facepalm in unison or laugh out loud. Or both! Depending upon the silliness at the time of happen-stance.

== The Area ==

=== Entertainment ===

==== The Leap Frog Fountains ====

A bit of history; the legendary '''Leap Frog Fountains''' that sit in the middle of Towers Street are indeed real frogs, disguised and claimed by the management of Alton Towers that they are fibreglass.

The Frogs have been living upon the area since the early 1800s, because the Earl secretly enjoyed the amusing nature of Frogs as well as flashy water fountains. The only obstacle was deciding who was most capable of constructing the fountain as [[Amanda Thompson|Mandy]] didn't exist at the time to create a <s>meh</s> spectacular fountain (She was born a year later), the Earl called in Pugin once more to trap the Frogs and mount them along funky brick patterns.

==== Characters ====

At certain times of the day, characters and mascots may spontaneously appear having apparated in from the areas of the park they may typically be found in... aside from those situated in [[Old MacDonald's Farm]], who have to walk. [[Mutiny Bay]] characters get to sail in by ships 'cause they can, but anyway.

===== List of Known Appearances =====

* [[Alton Bear]]

* The Mad Ol' Bags - Could a segway look any more fun?

* Sharktooth Jack! '''*DRAMATIC MUSICAL STAB*'''

* [[Snorlix the Dragon]] and Friends, Lucy and <s>Sir Algenon</s> Reginald, whatnot! ''Singa-Longa Plant not included''

* The entire cast of Go!Go!Go! desperately trying to make people aware that their show exists.

=== The Faff Inducers ===

The high demand of visitors at Alton Towers over the past 30 years has called for the addition of eateries (Restaurants, cafes, vendors) and retail merchandise shops, strategically placed at the bottom of Towers Street so visitors and enthusiasts alike may [[Faff]] together in harmony before even beginning to queue. On the enthusiast's side, this may be caused by a Mod's love for latte and other coffee related beverages or a certain Award winning member just, y'know... faffin'.

==== Nommeries ====

* Towers Family Restaurant

* Corner Coffee and Bar

* Coca Cola Refill Station

* Various strategically placed vendors

==== Shop Faff ====

* Towers Trading Company - The obsessive, collective Towers enthusiast's dream under one roof.

* Photo Collection Point

* Alton Towers Resort DVD Collection

[[Category: Themed Area]]

TST Chat

2011-05-04T21:40:31Z

James:

Chat is another page on [[TowersTimes|TowersTimes]] for members and guests to interact through the use of internet instant messaging, used for these sole purposes: Chat, slam, annoy, tease and posting random rubbish. The chatroom is a regular buyer in [[Canned_Laughter|Canned Laughter]] as well as [[Tumbleweed]], both being part of the regular Chat routine if particular members are being failures at jokes or the room is just too quiet.

It was installed in the 1800s after the moderators and administrators of the TTF found that a <s>large</s> small proportion of members couldn't be bothered out of laziness to actually post IN the forums themselves. This included some of the moderators and administrators too.

TTF Chat is admittedly responsible for the jokes: [[Splat]], [[Where's Waldey?]] and [[VAN]], the latter of which was caused by a certain drunken Admin. There are more jokes around but these are the only ones bothered enough to appear so far.

TTF Chat ranges, when you appear in the room, between mere childishness and absolute immaturity and very rarely hitting the serious. Although when it comes to that level, some member has to say something very immature to bring back Chat into its normal levels.

Who knows what'll happen if there is a serious Chat session for more than a hour, maybe the world will spontaenously combust? Or [[Mack]] will cease to exist? Will [[John Wardley]] be turned into a lady and spend more time fussing over what shoes to wear on-park? Or perhaps [[Thorpe Park]] will be loved and admired by all?

Oh... the horrible possibilities are endless! Oh the humanity!

In order to be more 'savvy' and understandable with [[TowersTimes|TowersTimes]] members who stay within the realms of Chat and speak utter things you wouldn't understand, then please direct yourself to the [[GeNeDo Diagram]], which sums up the demographic of members.

== Moderation ==

TT Chat is overlooked by one, or several admins, who seem to permanently live there, and one or more bots - the most recent being [[John Wardley]] in robot form. Chat can get quite lively on a Friday or Saturday night so the [[ban stick]] - whilst an uncommon sight - does come out from time to time to provide some anal probing.

== Special Events ==

Every now and then TTF Chat will be graced by special events. A common, and highly popular one is radio, which may rear its head at any given time to provide chat with a bit of ambient music. To spot upcoming events like radio simply watch for the [http://prntscr.com/1mm5a banner] at the top of the forums.

== Epic Quotez ==

[01:42] <Joelio> i'm a bit of a nob
----

[22:47] Diogo: after a hard days riding you need a proper bed

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[22:14] DannyJ: had swim in my mates poo today

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Kamfira: I can go to very far lengths!

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[22:37] * Vezza gets on her knees

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[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_III> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_III> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_III> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

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[01:30] <DannyJ> why doesnt [[Nemesis|nemesis]] fall of its track ?

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[09:45] <Joel> It's all foookin Bill's fault.

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[22:25] <Rowe> Seriously, no female will want Joelio-repellant

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[23:44] <DannyJ> can i bee the lanky suport slaper ?

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[21:52] Rowe: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.

[21:53] michael: Why Rowe?

[21:53] Rowe: Joelio's in the roooooooooooooooooooom!

[21:53] Mitch: Well... there's round 2 of "Strangest things to hear on joining [[TT|TT]] Chat"

----

[21:05] ''Dorsia left the chat room.''

[21:05] Joelio: Hey Dorsia

[21:05] Joelio: Oh shit

[21:05] Air_Dan: SHE JUST LEFT KNOBHEAD.

[21:05] Air_Dan: That is all.

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[23:41] Craig: half price virgin ftw :P

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[23:34] <zs_chris> you obviously do not understand the complications of the aviation industry.

[23:34] <zs_chris> I could be a vital part of my job.

[23:34] <zs_chris> it*

[23:35] <Joelio> Lol, I think you're the most vital part of your job

----

[23:38] * Ogoid|drunk|cooking|NOM is scared by the quantity of tequila and Vodka he has consumed in the past week

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[23:58] <Noraa> this chaT HAS TURNED INTO A ZYLOS/KHLORY FLIRTING SESH WITH JOELIO TRYING TO JOIN IN - THREESOMEEEEEEEEEE AND DANNYJ TALKING ABOUT RANDOM SHITE.

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[00:36] <Aly> "Oh wardley wardley, how was I supposed to know. That [[Th13teen|Th13teen]] was a kids ride. Someone from the marketing team told me. It was was a thril seekers ride wardley, thats why I marketed it so" *
* To the tune of "Hit my baby one more time"

----

[23:49] <Rowe> I could go at it in bed for hours

[00:28] <Rowe> Glomping me will only prolong your time in bed

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[00:21] * Sasquatch DOESN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

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[21:41] <Rowe> "Chris is an amazing lover and nearly godlike at sex... oh and he was a good temp admin too."

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[22:48] <Sasquatch> How's this for a topic: 101 things we love about Rowe

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[23:23] <Parrybo> Rowe's cool... I want one

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[01:44] <Parrybo> i might knock one off then go to bed

[01:45] * Joely ears prick up

[01:45] <Ogoid> lol

[01:45] <Parrybo> ewww

[01:45] <Parrybo> that made me feel dirty

----

[20:23] <Joely> Bet some PHP cunt made it like EST or something

[20:23] <Chris_> The function expects to be given a string containing a US English date format and will try to parse that format into a Unix timestamp

[20:24] <Aly> I love it when you two talk dirty :P

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[20:08] <Joely> Condoms, lube and 3 cucumbers.

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[21:24] <Sasquatch> Cheese you sexy beast!

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[21:55] <Sasquatch> Aly, you sexy beast!

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[21:53] <Noraa> oh, Aly_ WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU, BASTARDING CUNT!

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[19:10] <Rowe> Just go for it!

[19:10] <Islander> Hmm.

[19:10] <Islander> Do you, Chris_, accept Rowe to be your (probably) unlawful wedded wife_?

[19:10] <Chris_> yesh

[19:10] <Islander> kthnx

[19:11] <Islander> Rowe, d'you take dis man to be da same???????????????

[19:11] <Rowe> Yeeeees!

[19:11] <Islander> Innit bruv!

[19:11] <Islander> I now pronownce youz husband_ and wife_!

[19:11] <Chris_> yays

[19:11] - Rowe changes nick to Rowe_

[19:11] <Islander> You may snog the bride :)

[19:11] * Chris_ snogz the bride

[19:11] <Islander> Please go here, and pretend your names are Joan and Dave:

[19:11] <Islander> http://webspace.webring.com/people/cu/um_3734/wedding.htm

[19:12] <Islander> Ensure sound is on.

[19:12] <Chris_> wow at that website

[19:12] * Rowe_ enjoys the snogz and wraps her arms around Chris_' neck.

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[20:29] <Islander> We really need two chat rooms... a TTF chat room, and a clean version...

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[22:57] <Vez> wow craig :D

[22:59] <Craig> yeah im done now :P

[23:02] <Craig> did someone hear?

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[01:43] <Sasquatch> We can make love, yes?

[01:43] * BrettS passes chris a towel

[01:43] <DannyJ> ok Sasquatch

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[18:48] <D4n> Evening Joely, Joelio & Rowe :)

[18:49] <Rowe_> Oh and you're not going to say hello to X, Jupiter or Shent? That's very thoughtful of you!

[18:50] <D4n> I'll say hello to Jupiter & Shent, I dislike X though, so think I shall ignore him. :)

[18:50] * X shifts eyes on D4n

[18:51] <D4n> ... wha... wha... :o

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[20:54] <Rowe_> Ooof Chris_, this advantage of power is getting me hot tbh

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[21:20] <D4n> Lucky? I'd love to get kicked out of this Hell hole ;)

[21:20] <Rowe_> Yet you always come back

[21:21] <D4n> That's... true...

[21:21] <Rowe_> Lawl [[Fail|fail]]

[21:21] * D4n 's argument falls flat on it's face

----

[20:06] * D4n was kicked by Wardley

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[23:33] * Chris_ lieks boobs

[23:33] * Rowe_ has boobs

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[00:29] <Chris_> Is it me, or is the text on chat kinda blurry this evening>

[00:29] <Rowe_> Just you, sweetie.

[00:29] <Chris_> I find it difficult to read

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[21:47] <Aly> !bumme

[21:47] * Joel winks at Aly

[21:47] <Joel> I'm not that much of a tart, Aly - at least give it a few minutes!

[21:47] * Joel loads up the Travelodge website, and books a room near Aly

[21:47] * Joel packs the broom handle and KY Jelly, and sets out in his car....

[21:47] <Aly> :P

[21:47] <Joel> RUN Aly !! ;)

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[23:52] * Ogoid wants pussy

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[01:14] <Bote> But you'd have a water pipe up your arse

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[19:10] *** Jem8472 has joined #tt

[19:10] <Diogo> Arrr!

[19:10] *** Jem8472 has quit (Quit: www.towerstimesforum.co.uk)

[19:10] <Diogo> arrr :(

[19:10] *** Jem8472 has joined #tt

[19:11] <Diogo> Arrr!

[19:11] <Jem8472> Hello!

[19:11] *** Aly has joined #tt

[19:11] <Diogo> arrr :(

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[22:19] <Chris_> I dont want to have sex with you aly!

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[23:20] <Michael> I won't be on for the rest of the night! :)

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[19:32] <Chris_> GLEE <3

[19:32] <Mike> 'Glee FTFW

[19:32] <Aly> POOF

[19:32] <Aly> EVEN BIGGER POOF!

----

[21:51] <Zamperlas_Bitch> (aka Michael) Let's be honest, D4n's a sexy beast. :P

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[20:45] <Chris> omg my life sucks

[20:45] <Chris> I hate you all

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[20:53] <Rowe> It's up to John to reveal what his editing weapon is, not me.

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[23:12] <Michael> *' **I don't [/anal]

[23:14] <Islander> You don't anal? Huh?

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[01:02] <MattH> i want lees babies tbh

[01:02] <Chris> I thought you were straight?

[01:02] <MattH> well, only when im sober

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[22:32] <@Chris> I presume you and dave had the same issue? :P

[22:32] <Rowe> Yup.

[22:32] <Rowe> We just didn't know how to do it...

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[19:42] <Bote> "Are you ready weeds? Start tumblin'!"

[19:42] <SasqWatch> ^ lol

[19:42] <Bote> These weeds are made for tumblin'. And that's just what they'll do.

[19:42] <Bote> One of these days these weeds are guna tumble all over you

[19:43] <Bote> ba da da da da da da

----

(Chris takes a look at Grindr)

[21:50] <Aly> why did you open it? :P

[21:51] * Ian knows Chris secretly bookmarked it

[21:51] * Aly pulls Chris out the closet :p

[21:51] <Chris> I wanted to see what their website was like!

[21:51] <Aly> full of gays? :P

[21:52] <Chris> its yellow ;)

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[22:02] <Chris> This chat needs more boobs

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[22:22] <Jordan> So... who's voting Ultimate then? :P

[22:22] <Chris> not me...

[22:22] <Jordan> Why not Chris?

[22:22] <Chris> Because I dont rate it

[22:23] <Chris> I find it painful, dangerous and poorly designed

[22:23] <Chris> it also has no theming :P

[22:23] <Jordan> :P

[22:23] <ILoveLWV> I find YOU painful, dangerous and poorly designed >_>

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[20:29] Aly: nope, I'm a gay!

[20:30] Aly: its true. honest!

[20:30] • Aly bums Chris as proof

[20:30] Chris: :|

[20:30] Jordan: Tut tut! :P

[20:30] Rowie: Chris.

[20:31] Rowie: Invest in a chastity belt for Opening Meet.

----

[02:04] <Chris> Hey everyone, Joel is making me do work at 2am. Sympathy plox

[02:04] <Joel> !k Chris Get on with it.

[02:04] *** Chris has been kicked by X (Get on with it.)

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[23:02] <Islander> I think Rowe just killed Dave.

[23:02] <Rowe> That was Dave's fault tbh.

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[22:28] <Craig> aly wouldnt come out of his mother's vagina until a light up set of stairs were placed there and he was able to mince down with a feather boa on

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[23:03] <DormiensDave> i'm 26, thats almost pension age in TTF

[23:04] <Aly> noo to colours :P

[23:04] <Ogoid> OI!

[23:04] <Aly> Pension Age?

[23:04] <DormiensDave> and if anyone tels Badger i said that i will kill them

[23:04] <Aly> You practically DEAD and BURIED to most TTF'ers

----
[21:01] <Jem8472> Hellllllo!

[21:01] <Squashwatch> How the fucking gypsy cunt are you?

[21:01] <zs_chris> shit, bugger, arsehole, piss, cock, fart.

[21:01] <Ogoid> Flange!

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[21:27] <Ogiod> call that big?

[21:27] <Aly> well it is for the virgins ;)

[21:27] <Ogiod> I'm 8' mate ;)

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[19:19] <Ian> I love joels cock.

[19:19] <Ian> end of.

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[19:26] <Ian> Ooooh :P

[19:26] <Ian> I'll give you £20 to take me Michael ;)

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[20:03] * Aly gags Ian!

[20:04] <Ian> Kinky ;)

[20:04] <Aly> whats kinky about gagging you Ian!: PO

[20:04] <Aly> Filthy Boy!

[20:04] <Ian> Maybe I'm into that sort of thing Aly

[20:04] <Aly> :O

[20:05] * Aly backs away slowly from Ian!

[20:05] <Aly> Whatever flots yer Bote

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[20:30] <Joel> If it involves my arse, then yes :P

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[22:46] * Benedique left the chat room. (Quit: takeaway timeeeeeeee)

[22:46] <Joelio> <pervy comment towards dom>

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[22:36] <SAM93> And Aly... You can fuck me if you wish... Not too fussed tbh

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[23:18] <Jem8472> ummmm cheese and biscuits FTW!

[23:18] <Magrathea> Since when has Rowe been "biscuits"? :P

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[20:37] <Benedique> net split?

[20:37] <Sasquatch> Lamesplit!!

[20:37] <Magrathea> FROGSPLIT!

[20:37] <Michael> net split :D

[20:37] <Sasquatch> sad faaaaace!!

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[20:54] <Chris> Disney, Disney, Disney. *faps*

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[17:19] <@Ian> Hey Joel :D

[17:19] <~Joel> Hello!

[17:21] <@Ian> So what's shakin' then?

[17:22] * ~Joel thinks about this one

[17:22] <~Joel> Japan?

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[23:04] <Aly> gets me WELL horny ;)

[23:04] <Joel> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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[21:20] * Chris also gives aly one...

[21:20] <Chris> Aly <3

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[20:51] * Joel wants to see Chris hunt the prey, Hollie, down in a true Scouse fashion

[20:52] * Chris turns on the legendary scouse/wilsy charm

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[00:10] <Joelio> Ellie: Have you ever propped up your bedsheets with your c**k to read a book at night?

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[21:14] <nickdaegg> But I don't want to leave my car in the Vane car park if it means that someone's going to fervently rub their crotch on it

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[23:15] <Chris> #and the world spins round and round

[23:15] <Chris> *earth

[23:15] <Ian> :P

[23:15] <Chris> actually Ive forgot the words

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[01:46] * Bear grabs Dar and shakes his * violently

[01:46] <Bear> ...

[01:46] <Bear> ...

[01:47] <Bear> *Hand

[01:47] <Dar> :O

[01:47] <Dar> There was a moment that I panicked tbh!

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[21:33:38] <Benedique> Guys who can sing and play instruments capture my heart instantly

[21:33:50] Craig can play an epic triangle

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[21:28] <Dar> Jesus 'Chris't, it wasn't a pun. Frankly I'm s'Martin'g from the 'Dar't of meanness that you shot towards me. It's un'Bear'able.

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[21:22] <D4n> There's also something catchy about - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcy6e8qM9U4 ;)

[21:23] <Dar> There's something catchy about the clap.

[21:23] <Dar> Moral: Not all catchy things are good

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[19:04] <Magrathea> You can spot my crotch at some points but that's about it.

[19:05] <D4n> Ooooh... yipee!

[19:05] <Magrathea> Sex sells.

[19:07] <D4n> Indeed. I'm enjoying viewing your crotch so much that I only have one hand free to write this comment. ;)

[19:07] Magrathea runs. Far far away.

[19:09] <D4n> Although... working on the "sex sells" basis... surely Rowe should have been scripted to say "I'm weeeet" rather than "I'm soaaaaaaked"... yar?

[19:10] <Magrathea> She does later say "I'm wet on camera.."

[19:10] <D4n> Niiice. :P

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[02:06] * MattH remembers... Fleety is only a friend, and will stay that way, but she IS HAWT!

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[21:57] <Ogoid> basicly, TTF's just one big gang bang, isnt it?

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[21:35] <D4n> I wouldn't recommend riding Joelio tbh.

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[22:36] <@Crofty> take your boobs with you please. xx

[22:36] <Ellie> i will :)

[22:36] Ellie has quit (Quit: www.towerstimesforum.co.uk).

[22:36] <Joelio> Lol

[22:37] <Joelio> Her Norks are Corkers tbh

[22:37] <Joelio> :)

Thorpe Park: The Musical

2011-03-20T11:44:38Z

James: /* Original Cast Recording Soundtrack */ Being Anal

'''Thorpe Park: The Musical''' is a brand new project recently announced by [[Merlin Entertainments Ltd]] as their first attempt to branch out into the theatre industry as an entertainment company, with a budget of £6 and planned premier in the Arena at [[Thorpe Park]].

Tickets are rumoured to be: Stalls at £1,000. Lower Circle at £2,000. Upper Circle at £4,000.

Fasttrack for this show is also rumoured to be £50456833546 to enter the Arena 1.1 milliseconds before everyone else.

== Plot ==

Rumoured to be written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, ''"... an action adventure within a Staines theme park, combining romance, tragedy, monologues about the sheer pain [[Chav|Chavs]] go through to be accepted in society... and lemurs..."''

==== Act 1 ====

Rides break down at Thorpe Park.

People complain. Rides get better. They break down again.

==== Act 2 ====

Someone has an epiphany. Nobody really cares. Another ride breaks down.

==== Act 3 ====

Agnes gives birth on X:\WTF. Still nobody really cares.

==== Act 4 ====

Someone goes toilet in the Tidal Wave pool. No-one notices.

==== Act 5 ====

Someone has a cup of tea and they wait for all this to blow over.

== Proposed Main Cast List ==

* Michael Ball - Marius the Mechanic
* Michael Crawford - Erik the Phantom Mechanic
* Lee Mead - Trevor the Varicoloured Chav
* Lea Michelle - Trevor's Pregnant Girlfriend, Agnes
* Richard O'Brien - Igor the Time-Warped Ride Operator
* Elaine Page - Doris the Guest Services Cat
* Tim Curry - The Real Nick Varney
* Barbra Streisand - Barbra Streisand
* Jasper Carrott - [[Where's Waldey?|Waldey]]
* Jonathan Ross - Man on SAW: The Ride
* Mazz Murray - Killer Queen (Laura Friedman - Head of Marketing)
* Louie Spence - Ride Operator

== Song List ==

Although only half of the song list has been released, it has been rumoured Elton John will be working on the music with Barry Manilow on the lyrics, accompanied by Lil' Wayne and T-Pain as musical contributors.

#All Chavs Allowed
#Who Wants To Ride Anyway
#Queue Jumper! (Prosecutor!)
#Technical Delay - The Mechanic's Song
#Kumbayah! ([Ride] Is Broken, My Lord)
#The Pizza Hut Buffet Blues
#Let Me Detonate You
#The [[Rumba Rapids]] Rumba
#Stealthy
#One Delay More
#Fire Exit (No Way Out)
#There's Nothing Here For The Kids (feat. Kid Cudi)
#Another Man Rides The Rush
#The Music Of The Fright Night
#I Am The Agnes
#I Have A Complaint (There's No-One Home)
#We're Breaking Down
#Out Of Business (Song of Hope)

Other rumours tend to suggest that French House Band [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daft_Punk Daft Punk] will be scoring the musical. Naturally this makes the musical awesome.

#One More Ride
#Da Funky Stench Near SAW
#Robot Rocks Near Colossus
#Aerodynamic (Song for Stealth)
#Ride it, Break it, Fix it, Test it, Break it, Tape it, Kick 'n' Destroy it.
#Something About Colossus
#Rollin' and Scratchin' the floor with our feet.
#Alive (Just)
#Burnin' Witches
#Advertisments Rules The Nation

<s>Never</s> Coming Soon.

== Merchandising ==
===Original Cast Recording===
*Digital Download (96 Kbps mp3!)
*Standard CD (Burnt onto a Tesco Value disc)
*Strictly Limited 2 disc edition (Second Disc featuring ride noises, some examples are "Exciting Chain lift!" and "Hydraulic Launch!")
*Strictly Strictly Limited Vinyl Edition (smashed, naturally)

===Clothing Range===
All clothes by Bench and Henleys.
*"Insert Name Here" went to Thorpe Park and all I got was this stupid T-Shirt.

TST Chat

2011-02-22T19:30:05Z

James:

Chat is another page on [[TowersTimes|TowersTimes]] for members and guests to interact through the use of internet instant messaging, used for these sole purposes: Chat, slam, annoy, tease and posting random rubbish. The chatroom is a regular buyer in [[Canned_Laughter|Canned Laughter]] as well as [[Tumbleweed]], both being part of the regular Chat routine if particular members are being failures at jokes or the room is just too quiet.

It was installed in the 1800s after the moderators and administrators of the TTF found that a <s>large</s> small proportion of members couldn't be bothered out of laziness to actually post IN the forums themselves. This included some of the moderators and administrators too.

TTF Chat is admittedly responsible for the jokes: [[Splat]], [[Where's Waldey?]] and [[VAN]], the latter of which was caused by a certain drunken Admin. There are more jokes around but these are the only ones bothered enough to appear so far.

TTF Chat ranges, when you appear in the room, between mere childishness and absolute immaturity and very rarely hitting the serious. Although when it comes to that level, some member has to say something very immature to bring back Chat into its normal levels.

Who knows what'll happen if there is a serious Chat session for more than a hour, maybe the world will spontaenously combust? Or [[Mack]] will cease to exist? Will [[John Wardley]] be turned into a lady and spend more time fussing over what shoes to wear on-park? Or perhaps [[Thorpe Park]] will be loved and admired by all?

Oh... the horrible possibilities are endless! Oh the humanity!

In order to be more 'savvy' and understandable with [[TowersTimes|TowersTimes]] members who stay within the realms of Chat and speak utter things you wouldn't understand, then please direct yourself to the [[GeNeDo Diagram]], which sums up the demographic of members.

== Moderation ==

TT Chat is overlooked by one, or several admins, who seem to permanently live there, and one or more bots - the most recent being [[John Wardley]] in robot form. Chat can get quite lively on a Friday or Saturday night so the [[ban stick]] - whilst an uncommon sight - does come out from time to time to provide some anal probing.

== Epic Quotez ==

[01:42] <Joelio> i'm a bit of a nob
----

[22:47] Diogo: after a hard days riding you need a proper bed

----

[22:14] DannyJ: had swim in my mates poo today

----

Kamfira: I can go to very far lengths!

----

[22:37] * Vezza gets on her knees

----

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_III> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_III> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_III> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

----

[01:30] <DannyJ> why doesnt [[Nemesis|nemesis]] fall of its track ?

----

[09:45] <Joel> It's all foookin Bill's fault.

----

[22:25] <Rowe> Seriously, no female will want Joelio-repellant

----

[23:44] <DannyJ> can i bee the lanky suport slaper ?

----

[21:52] Rowe: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.

[21:53] michael: Why Rowe?

[21:53] Rowe: Joelio's in the roooooooooooooooooooom!

[21:53] Mitch: Well... there's round 2 of "Strangest things to hear on joining [[TT|TT]] Chat"

----

[21:05] ''Dorsia left the chat room.''

[21:05] Joelio: Hey Dorsia

[21:05] Joelio: Oh shit

[21:05] Air_Dan: SHE JUST LEFT KNOBHEAD.

[21:05] Air_Dan: That is all.

----

[23:41] Craig: half price virgin ftw :P

----

[23:34] <zs_chris> you obviously do not understand the complications of the aviation industry.

[23:34] <zs_chris> I could be a vital part of my job.

[23:34] <zs_chris> it*

[23:35] <Joelio> Lol, I think you're the most vital part of your job

----

[23:38] * Ogoid|drunk|cooking|NOM is scared by the quantity of tequila and Vodka he has consumed in the past week

----

[23:58] <Noraa> this chaT HAS TURNED INTO A ZYLOS/KHLORY FLIRTING SESH WITH JOELIO TRYING TO JOIN IN - THREESOMEEEEEEEEEE AND DANNYJ TALKING ABOUT RANDOM SHITE.

----

[00:36] <Aly> "Oh wardley wardley, how was I supposed to know. That [[Th13teen|Th13teen]] was a kids ride. Someone from the marketing team told me. It was was a thril seekers ride wardley, thats why I marketed it so" *
* To the tune of "Hit my baby one more time"

----

[23:49] <Rowe> I could go at it in bed for hours

[00:28] <Rowe> Glomping me will only prolong your time in bed

----

[00:21] * Sasquatch DOESN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

----

[21:41] <Rowe> "Chris is an amazing lover and nearly godlike at sex... oh and he was a good temp admin too."

----

[22:48] <Sasquatch> How's this for a topic: 101 things we love about Rowe

----

[23:23] <Parrybo> Rowe's cool... I want one

----

[01:44] <Parrybo> i might knock one off then go to bed

[01:45] * Joely ears prick up

[01:45] <Ogoid> lol

[01:45] <Parrybo> ewww

[01:45] <Parrybo> that made me feel dirty

----

[20:23] <Joely> Bet some PHP cunt made it like EST or something

[20:23] <Chris_> The function expects to be given a string containing a US English date format and will try to parse that format into a Unix timestamp

[20:24] <Aly> I love it when you two talk dirty :P

----

[20:08] <Joely> Condoms, lube and 3 cucumbers.

----

[21:24] <Sasquatch> Cheese you sexy beast!

----

[21:55] <Sasquatch> Aly, you sexy beast!

----

[21:53] <Noraa> oh, Aly_ WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU, BASTARDING CUNT!

----

[19:10] <Rowe> Just go for it!

[19:10] <Islander> Hmm.

[19:10] <Islander> Do you, Chris_, accept Rowe to be your (probably) unlawful wedded wife_?

[19:10] <Chris_> yesh

[19:10] <Islander> kthnx

[19:11] <Islander> Rowe, d'you take dis man to be da same???????????????

[19:11] <Rowe> Yeeeees!

[19:11] <Islander> Innit bruv!

[19:11] <Islander> I now pronownce youz husband_ and wife_!

[19:11] <Chris_> yays

[19:11] - Rowe changes nick to Rowe_

[19:11] <Islander> You may snog the bride :)

[19:11] * Chris_ snogz the bride

[19:11] <Islander> Please go here, and pretend your names are Joan and Dave:

[19:11] <Islander> http://webspace.webring.com/people/cu/um_3734/wedding.htm

[19:12] <Islander> Ensure sound is on.

[19:12] <Chris_> wow at that website

[19:12] * Rowe_ enjoys the snogz and wraps her arms around Chris_' neck.

----

[20:29] <Islander> We really need two chat rooms... a TTF chat room, and a clean version...

----

[22:57] <Vez> wow craig :D

[22:59] <Craig> yeah im done now :P

[23:02] <Craig> did someone hear?

----

[01:43] <Sasquatch> We can make love, yes?

[01:43] * BrettS passes chris a towel

[01:43] <DannyJ> ok Sasquatch

----

[18:48] <D4n> Evening Joely, Joelio & Rowe :)

[18:49] <Rowe_> Oh and you're not going to say hello to X, Jupiter or Shent? That's very thoughtful of you!

[18:50] <D4n> I'll say hello to Jupiter & Shent, I dislike X though, so think I shall ignore him. :)

[18:50] * X shifts eyes on D4n

[18:51] <D4n> ... wha... wha... :o

----

[20:54] <Rowe_> Ooof Chris_, this advantage of power is getting me hot tbh

----

[21:20] <D4n> Lucky? I'd love to get kicked out of this Hell hole ;)

[21:20] <Rowe_> Yet you always come back

[21:21] <D4n> That's... true...

[21:21] <Rowe_> Lawl [[Fail|fail]]

[21:21] * D4n 's argument falls flat on it's face

----

[20:06] * D4n was kicked by Wardley

----

[23:33] * Chris_ lieks boobs

[23:33] * Rowe_ has boobs

----

[00:29] <Chris_> Is it me, or is the text on chat kinda blurry this evening>

[00:29] <Rowe_> Just you, sweetie.

[00:29] <Chris_> I find it difficult to read

----

[21:47] <Aly> !bumme

[21:47] * Joel winks at Aly

[21:47] <Joel> I'm not that much of a tart, Aly - at least give it a few minutes!

[21:47] * Joel loads up the Travelodge website, and books a room near Aly

[21:47] * Joel packs the broom handle and KY Jelly, and sets out in his car....

[21:47] <Aly> :P

[21:47] <Joel> RUN Aly !! ;)

----

[23:52] * Ogoid wants pussy

----

[01:14] <Bote> But you'd have a water pipe up your arse

----
[19:10] *** Jem8472 has joined #tt

[19:10] <Diogo> Arrr!

[19:10] *** Jem8472 has quit (Quit: www.towerstimesforum.co.uk)

[19:10] <Diogo> arrr :(

[19:10] *** Jem8472 has joined #tt

[19:11] <Diogo> Arrr!

[19:11] <Jem8472> Hello!

[19:11] *** Aly has joined #tt

[19:11] <Diogo> arrr :(

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[22:19] <Chris_> I dont want to have sex with you aly!

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[23:20] <Michael> I won't be on for the rest of the night! :)

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[19:32] <Chris_> GLEE <3

[19:32] <Mike> 'Glee FTFW

[19:32] <Aly> POOF

[19:32] <Aly> EVEN BIGGER POOF!

----

[21:51] <Zamperlas_Bitch> (aka Michael) Let's be honest, D4n's a sexy beast. :P

----

[20:45] <Chris> omg my life sucks

[20:45] <Chris> I hate you all

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[20:53] <Rowe> It's up to John to reveal what his editing weapon is, not me.

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[23:12] <Michael> *' **I don't [/anal]

[23:14] <Islander> You don't anal? Huh?

----

[01:02] <MattH> i want lees babies tbh

[01:02] <Chris> I thought you were straight?

[01:02] <MattH> well, only when im sober

----

[22:32] <@Chris> I presume you and dave had the same issue? :P

[22:32] <Rowe> Yup.

[22:32] <Rowe> We just didn't know how to do it...

----

[19:42] <Bote> "Are you ready weeds? Start tumblin'!"

[19:42] <SasqWatch> ^ lol

[19:42] <Bote> These weeds are made for tumblin'. And that's just what they'll do.

[19:42] <Bote> One of these days these weeds are guna tumble all over you

[19:43] <Bote> ba da da da da da da

----

(Chris takes a look at Grindr)

[21:50] <Aly> why did you open it? :P

[21:51] * Ian knows Chris secretly bookmarked it

[21:51] * Aly pulls Chris out the closet :p

[21:51] <Chris> I wanted to see what their website was like!

[21:51] <Aly> full of gays? :P

[21:52] <Chris> its yellow ;)

----

[22:02] <Chris> This chat needs more boobs

----

[22:22] <Jordan> So... who's voting Ultimate then? :P

[22:22] <Chris> not me...

[22:22] <Jordan> Why not Chris?

[22:22] <Chris> Because I dont rate it

[22:23] <Chris> I find it painful, dangerous and poorly designed

[22:23] <Chris> it also has no theming :P

[22:23] <Jordan> :P

[22:23] <ILoveLWV> I find YOU painful, dangerous and poorly designed >_>

----

[20:29] Aly: nope, I'm a gay!

[20:30] Aly: its true. honest!

[20:30] • Aly bums Chris as proof

[20:30] Chris: :|

[20:30] Jordan: Tut tut! :P

[20:30] Rowie: Chris.

[20:31] Rowie: Invest in a chastity belt for Opening Meet.

----

[02:04] <Chris> Hey everyone, Joel is making me do work at 2am. Sympathy plox

[02:04] <Joel> !k Chris Get on with it.

[02:04] *** Chris has been kicked by X (Get on with it.)

----

[23:02] <Islander> I think Rowe just killed Dave.

[23:02] <Rowe> That was Dave's fault tbh.

----

[22:28] <Craig> aly wouldnt come out of his mother's vagina until a light up set of stairs were placed there and he was able to mince down with a feather boa on

----

[23:03] <DormiensDave> i'm 26, thats almost pension age in TTF

[23:04] <Aly> noo to colours :P

[23:04] <Ogoid> OI!

[23:04] <Aly> Pension Age?

[23:04] <DormiensDave> and if anyone tels Badger i said that i will kill them

[23:04] <Aly> You practically DEAD and BURIED to most TTF'ers

----
[21:01] <Jem8472> Hellllllo!

[21:01] <Squashwatch> How the fucking gypsy cunt are you?

[21:01] <zs_chris> shit, bugger, arsehole, piss, cock, fart.

[21:01] <Ogoid> Flange!

----
[21:27] <Ogiod> call that big?

[21:27] <Aly> well it is for the virgins ;)

[21:27] <Ogiod> I'm 8' mate ;)

----

[19:19] <Ian> I love joels cock.

[19:19] <Ian> end of.

----

[19:26] <Ian> Ooooh :P

[19:26] <Ian> I'll give you £20 to take me Michael ;)

Alton Towers Music Database

2011-01-12T14:25:01Z

James: /* Peugeot 207 Driving School */

Part of the [[Theme Park Music Database]], [[Alton Towers]] is the theme park that created [[TowersTimes]] and that website has presented an array of park music, new and old from either the Tussauds years or the current [[Merlin Entertainments Ltd|Merlin]] era. Upon this article, we present to you a wide stretched variety of music spanning from the very early 90s up to present day.

For Alton Towers, we have the '''[[In the Hall of the Mountain King|ITHotMK]] Rating''' as it is rated the highest in 'theme park' music even though it is a classical piece, and it is well known among [[TowersTimes|enthusiasts]] to be unbeatable. Thus it has been chosen as essentially, the ultimo track that all other tracks must look up to.

= The Park =

== Adventure Land ==

==== [[Spinball Whizzer|Sonic Spinball]] ====

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Touted as being one of the most annoying soundtracks on park, Sonic Spinball's video game noises tend to irritate enthusiasts within the queue. It does not help the voice of Sonic is far from pleasing either.

== [[Cloud Cuckoo Land]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating: 5/10

Light and bouncy, the Cloud Cuckoo Land theme tries to steal bits of [[In the Hall of the Mountain King]] throughout the song. It is nonetheless on the cute atmospheric side of things on park.

=== [[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The Ride]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Due to a opinion differentiation on the ride, it is currently impossible to determine whether the music is liked or redeemable to enthusiasts.

=== [[Peugeot 207 Driving School]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

A cheesetastic instrumental version of the song ingrained into the minds of so many small chidren.

=== [[Twirling Toadstool]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

On the slow, rather meh side much like the ride itself. It is advised to think happy thoughts once the overexcited male voice appears at the start and the end of the ride.

== [[Dark Forest]] ==

=== [[Rita]] ===

* Status: ''Not Sure''
* ITHotMK Rating:

No Witty Description.

=== [[Th13teen]] ===

'''Queue Loop'''

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Coming across more like a 'thrill' soundtrack than a 'family' soundtrack, this music is bound to frighten some of the under 12s for the sudden moments of the Th13teen girl screaming, the infamous "help me" and sounds of undergrowth crawling up to the fence to steal a few Fruit Pastilles or chips.

'''Station/Tesla Coil Loop'''

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Coming with the SFX of rain assumingly from the outside, even when it's not raining, this retains a lower volume Queue Loop alongside the Th13teen Girl screaming again. There are a number of subtle changes and- ''''''AAAH TESLA!'''''

== [[Forbidden Valley]] ==

=== [[Air]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Airy fairy, thrill contrary. The music is relaxing and soothing within the queue, sauntering with a hidden woodpecker in the ambience throughout the area, a near favourite of enthusiasts. However, the calm nature of it soon disappears after a ride mishap.

Also available online is the 2007 version from when Alton Towers screwed up their music licensing and had to ditch all their normal tracks.

=== [[Nemesis]] ===

'''Story'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Although never played on park anymore within the queues, the Nemesis Story as narrated by Tom Baker is a favourite and is regularly recited outside the park by a member famed for his recitations of Nemesis and Hex.

'''Theme'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Upon repetition in the queue. It is worshipped to on a basis whenever an enthusiast steps near the sexy beast herself.

== [[Gloomy Wood]] ==

==== Area Theme ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Spooky, dreary and above all else, gloomy: This can leave a chill up a spine or two upon entering the Katanga Canyon side of the area alongside the <s>fibreglass</s> '''real''' tombstones and graves on the left. However, the mood is soon left when the sounds of irritating blasters overlap the soundtrack, thanks to the incessant tomb zombie outside Duel.

==== [[Duel]] ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Fast paced and easily danceable, Duel is alright but doesn't evoke the same magic and mystery ''The Haunted House'' did before. It is pretty much the same music throughout, just changed now and again to sound 'different'.

== [[Katanga Canyon]] ==

==== Area Theme ====

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

An upbeat version of the previous Katanga track, it's one of the most catchiest and loved soundtracks on park.

== [[Mutiny Bay]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Mostl' hidin', t'braggard!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

=== [[Battle Galleons]] ===

* Status: ''Online, aaar''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Come 'n join Cap'n Black as 'e gives yer a lesson in 'ow To Speak Pirate as ye get soaked by yer adversaries on t'high seas... Well I know those lessons weren't that good. Look at what I just typed!

=== [[Heave Ho]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding, t'lily livered fool!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Give me a "heave!" and give me a "ho!", yaaaarr.

=== [[Marauders Mayhem]] ===

* Status: ''Why d' these shanties keep hidin'?!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

M'eyesight! It's gone, by thunder! Graaaaaah- Oh n'wait. My glass eye jus' fell out. Aahhaaaaa!

=== The Pirates of Sharkbait Reef ===

* Status: ''Only t'endin' brass''
* ITHotMK Rating:

I seen worse shows...

=== [[Sharkbait Reef]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding lik' a monkey in a Cap'n's undergarment drawer''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Fishies, fishies, fishies.

== [[Old MacDonald's Farm]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Happily without SFX of farmyard animals clucking, mooing and whatnot.

== The Towers Complex ==

=== [[Hex - The Legend of the Towers]] ===

'''The Octagon (Ambient)'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

... hidden behind an ancient bookcase...

'''The Vault'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

A vault sealed for two centuries!
The vault does actually have music, too, if you're really quiet you can ''just'' make it out.

== [[Towers Street]] ==

* Status: ''On The Run''
* ITHotMK Rating: 10/10

Attempts to be more ambitious than its predecessor, especially on the scale of repetitiveness.

== Transportation ==

==== [[Monorail]] ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

This catchy piece heard during the long, strenuous queue up the Monorail ramps is danceable yet irritating depending on your views. If you are urging to head on park, then it is more likely to bug you even more than it normally does.

==== [[Skyride]] ====

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Normally accompanied with a less than enthusiastic voiceover on repeat, this piece is nice yet bounces all over the place going from mysterious (Thirteen) to earworm to hypnotic 'stay on Resort please'.

== [[X-Sector]] ==

=== [[Oblivion]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Rave your way into... Oblivion!

= The Resort =

== [[Alton Towers Hotel]] ==

== [[Splash Landings Hotel]] ==

= Events =

== [[Scarefest]] ==

=== The Ultimate Fireworks 2010 ===

'''Preshow'''

#Duck Sauce - Barbra Streisand
#Lady Ga Ga - Alejandro
#JLS - Everybody in Love
#Katy Perry - Firework

'''TH13TEEN'''

# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Don't Go Alone)
# Charlie Clouser - Dead Silence Main Titles (Dead Silence)
# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Counting)
# Don Davis - Trinity Infinity (The Matrix)
# Don Davis - Neodämmerung (The Matrix Revolutions)
# Immediate Music - Emoyrean Mercenaries
# Immediate Music - An Epic Age
# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Scream)

'''30th Birthday Celebration:'''

# Jackson Five - Can You Feel It
# Abba - Dancing Queen
# Wham - Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
# Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes - The Time of My Life
# Robbie Williams - Let Me Entertain You
# Spice Girls - Wannabe
# Darude - Sandstorm
# Black Eyes Peas - I Gotta Feeling
# Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around
# Girls Aloud - Something Kinda Oooh
# Take That - Greatest Day
# Edvard Grieg - In The Hall of The Mountain King

= The Past =

== Black Hole ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

== Doom & Sons ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

If the Vampire organist, the Haunted Mansion Ghost Host, and a cheap SFX CD from Tesco had a baby...

== [[Duel|Haunted House]] ==

#'''Entrance Hall (Death March)'''
#'''Drawing Room'''
#'''Tunnel of Doom'''
#'''Giant's Lair'''
#'''Ghoulish Garden'''
#'''Final Chase'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Cheesy, synthy, and really rather exciting!

== Towers Street ==

'''90s Tussauds'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Magical is the only word needed.

== [[Toyland Tours]] ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Ideas make toys, toys make presents, presents make parties! Music makes a great dark ride!

== Ug Land ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Uh, ah, urrrrgh. Uh, ah, urrrrrgh...

Alton Towers Music Database

2011-01-12T14:23:31Z

James: /* Doom & Sons */

Part of the [[Theme Park Music Database]], [[Alton Towers]] is the theme park that created [[TowersTimes]] and that website has presented an array of park music, new and old from either the Tussauds years or the current [[Merlin Entertainments Ltd|Merlin]] era. Upon this article, we present to you a wide stretched variety of music spanning from the very early 90s up to present day.

For Alton Towers, we have the '''[[In the Hall of the Mountain King|ITHotMK]] Rating''' as it is rated the highest in 'theme park' music even though it is a classical piece, and it is well known among [[TowersTimes|enthusiasts]] to be unbeatable. Thus it has been chosen as essentially, the ultimo track that all other tracks must look up to.

= The Park =

== Adventure Land ==

==== [[Spinball Whizzer|Sonic Spinball]] ====

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Touted as being one of the most annoying soundtracks on park, Sonic Spinball's video game noises tend to irritate enthusiasts within the queue. It does not help the voice of Sonic is far from pleasing either.

== [[Cloud Cuckoo Land]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating: 5/10

Light and bouncy, the Cloud Cuckoo Land theme tries to steal bits of [[In the Hall of the Mountain King]] throughout the song. It is nonetheless on the cute atmospheric side of things on park.

=== [[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The Ride]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Due to a opinion differentiation on the ride, it is currently impossible to determine whether the music is liked or redeemable to enthusiasts.

=== [[Peugeot 207 Driving School]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

No Witty Description.

=== [[Twirling Toadstool]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

On the slow, rather meh side much like the ride itself. It is advised to think happy thoughts once the overexcited male voice appears at the start and the end of the ride.

== [[Dark Forest]] ==

=== [[Rita]] ===

* Status: ''Not Sure''
* ITHotMK Rating:

No Witty Description.

=== [[Th13teen]] ===

'''Queue Loop'''

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Coming across more like a 'thrill' soundtrack than a 'family' soundtrack, this music is bound to frighten some of the under 12s for the sudden moments of the Th13teen girl screaming, the infamous "help me" and sounds of undergrowth crawling up to the fence to steal a few Fruit Pastilles or chips.

'''Station/Tesla Coil Loop'''

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Coming with the SFX of rain assumingly from the outside, even when it's not raining, this retains a lower volume Queue Loop alongside the Th13teen Girl screaming again. There are a number of subtle changes and- ''''''AAAH TESLA!'''''

== [[Forbidden Valley]] ==

=== [[Air]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Airy fairy, thrill contrary. The music is relaxing and soothing within the queue, sauntering with a hidden woodpecker in the ambience throughout the area, a near favourite of enthusiasts. However, the calm nature of it soon disappears after a ride mishap.

Also available online is the 2007 version from when Alton Towers screwed up their music licensing and had to ditch all their normal tracks.

=== [[Nemesis]] ===

'''Story'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Although never played on park anymore within the queues, the Nemesis Story as narrated by Tom Baker is a favourite and is regularly recited outside the park by a member famed for his recitations of Nemesis and Hex.

'''Theme'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Upon repetition in the queue. It is worshipped to on a basis whenever an enthusiast steps near the sexy beast herself.

== [[Gloomy Wood]] ==

==== Area Theme ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Spooky, dreary and above all else, gloomy: This can leave a chill up a spine or two upon entering the Katanga Canyon side of the area alongside the <s>fibreglass</s> '''real''' tombstones and graves on the left. However, the mood is soon left when the sounds of irritating blasters overlap the soundtrack, thanks to the incessant tomb zombie outside Duel.

==== [[Duel]] ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Fast paced and easily danceable, Duel is alright but doesn't evoke the same magic and mystery ''The Haunted House'' did before. It is pretty much the same music throughout, just changed now and again to sound 'different'.

== [[Katanga Canyon]] ==

==== Area Theme ====

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

An upbeat version of the previous Katanga track, it's one of the most catchiest and loved soundtracks on park.

== [[Mutiny Bay]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Mostl' hidin', t'braggard!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

=== [[Battle Galleons]] ===

* Status: ''Online, aaar''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Come 'n join Cap'n Black as 'e gives yer a lesson in 'ow To Speak Pirate as ye get soaked by yer adversaries on t'high seas... Well I know those lessons weren't that good. Look at what I just typed!

=== [[Heave Ho]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding, t'lily livered fool!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Give me a "heave!" and give me a "ho!", yaaaarr.

=== [[Marauders Mayhem]] ===

* Status: ''Why d' these shanties keep hidin'?!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

M'eyesight! It's gone, by thunder! Graaaaaah- Oh n'wait. My glass eye jus' fell out. Aahhaaaaa!

=== The Pirates of Sharkbait Reef ===

* Status: ''Only t'endin' brass''
* ITHotMK Rating:

I seen worse shows...

=== [[Sharkbait Reef]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding lik' a monkey in a Cap'n's undergarment drawer''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Fishies, fishies, fishies.

== [[Old MacDonald's Farm]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Happily without SFX of farmyard animals clucking, mooing and whatnot.

== The Towers Complex ==

=== [[Hex - The Legend of the Towers]] ===

'''The Octagon (Ambient)'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

... hidden behind an ancient bookcase...

'''The Vault'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

A vault sealed for two centuries!
The vault does actually have music, too, if you're really quiet you can ''just'' make it out.

== [[Towers Street]] ==

* Status: ''On The Run''
* ITHotMK Rating: 10/10

Attempts to be more ambitious than its predecessor, especially on the scale of repetitiveness.

== Transportation ==

==== [[Monorail]] ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

This catchy piece heard during the long, strenuous queue up the Monorail ramps is danceable yet irritating depending on your views. If you are urging to head on park, then it is more likely to bug you even more than it normally does.

==== [[Skyride]] ====

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Normally accompanied with a less than enthusiastic voiceover on repeat, this piece is nice yet bounces all over the place going from mysterious (Thirteen) to earworm to hypnotic 'stay on Resort please'.

== [[X-Sector]] ==

=== [[Oblivion]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Rave your way into... Oblivion!

= The Resort =

== [[Alton Towers Hotel]] ==

== [[Splash Landings Hotel]] ==

= Events =

== [[Scarefest]] ==

=== The Ultimate Fireworks 2010 ===

'''Preshow'''

#Duck Sauce - Barbra Streisand
#Lady Ga Ga - Alejandro
#JLS - Everybody in Love
#Katy Perry - Firework

'''TH13TEEN'''

# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Don't Go Alone)
# Charlie Clouser - Dead Silence Main Titles (Dead Silence)
# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Counting)
# Don Davis - Trinity Infinity (The Matrix)
# Don Davis - Neodämmerung (The Matrix Revolutions)
# Immediate Music - Emoyrean Mercenaries
# Immediate Music - An Epic Age
# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Scream)

'''30th Birthday Celebration:'''

# Jackson Five - Can You Feel It
# Abba - Dancing Queen
# Wham - Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
# Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes - The Time of My Life
# Robbie Williams - Let Me Entertain You
# Spice Girls - Wannabe
# Darude - Sandstorm
# Black Eyes Peas - I Gotta Feeling
# Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around
# Girls Aloud - Something Kinda Oooh
# Take That - Greatest Day
# Edvard Grieg - In The Hall of The Mountain King

= The Past =

== Black Hole ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

== Doom & Sons ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

If the Vampire organist, the Haunted Mansion Ghost Host, and a cheap SFX CD from Tesco had a baby...

== [[Duel|Haunted House]] ==

#'''Entrance Hall (Death March)'''
#'''Drawing Room'''
#'''Tunnel of Doom'''
#'''Giant's Lair'''
#'''Ghoulish Garden'''
#'''Final Chase'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Cheesy, synthy, and really rather exciting!

== Towers Street ==

'''90s Tussauds'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Magical is the only word needed.

== [[Toyland Tours]] ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Ideas make toys, toys make presents, presents make parties! Music makes a great dark ride!

== Ug Land ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Uh, ah, urrrrgh. Uh, ah, urrrrrgh...

Alton Towers Music Database

2011-01-12T14:20:34Z

James:

Part of the [[Theme Park Music Database]], [[Alton Towers]] is the theme park that created [[TowersTimes]] and that website has presented an array of park music, new and old from either the Tussauds years or the current [[Merlin Entertainments Ltd|Merlin]] era. Upon this article, we present to you a wide stretched variety of music spanning from the very early 90s up to present day.

For Alton Towers, we have the '''[[In the Hall of the Mountain King|ITHotMK]] Rating''' as it is rated the highest in 'theme park' music even though it is a classical piece, and it is well known among [[TowersTimes|enthusiasts]] to be unbeatable. Thus it has been chosen as essentially, the ultimo track that all other tracks must look up to.

= The Park =

== Adventure Land ==

==== [[Spinball Whizzer|Sonic Spinball]] ====

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Touted as being one of the most annoying soundtracks on park, Sonic Spinball's video game noises tend to irritate enthusiasts within the queue. It does not help the voice of Sonic is far from pleasing either.

== [[Cloud Cuckoo Land]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating: 5/10

Light and bouncy, the Cloud Cuckoo Land theme tries to steal bits of [[In the Hall of the Mountain King]] throughout the song. It is nonetheless on the cute atmospheric side of things on park.

=== [[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The Ride]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Due to a opinion differentiation on the ride, it is currently impossible to determine whether the music is liked or redeemable to enthusiasts.

=== [[Peugeot 207 Driving School]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

No Witty Description.

=== [[Twirling Toadstool]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

On the slow, rather meh side much like the ride itself. It is advised to think happy thoughts once the overexcited male voice appears at the start and the end of the ride.

== [[Dark Forest]] ==

=== [[Rita]] ===

* Status: ''Not Sure''
* ITHotMK Rating:

No Witty Description.

=== [[Th13teen]] ===

'''Queue Loop'''

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Coming across more like a 'thrill' soundtrack than a 'family' soundtrack, this music is bound to frighten some of the under 12s for the sudden moments of the Th13teen girl screaming, the infamous "help me" and sounds of undergrowth crawling up to the fence to steal a few Fruit Pastilles or chips.

'''Station/Tesla Coil Loop'''

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Coming with the SFX of rain assumingly from the outside, even when it's not raining, this retains a lower volume Queue Loop alongside the Th13teen Girl screaming again. There are a number of subtle changes and- ''''''AAAH TESLA!'''''

== [[Forbidden Valley]] ==

=== [[Air]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Airy fairy, thrill contrary. The music is relaxing and soothing within the queue, sauntering with a hidden woodpecker in the ambience throughout the area, a near favourite of enthusiasts. However, the calm nature of it soon disappears after a ride mishap.

Also available online is the 2007 version from when Alton Towers screwed up their music licensing and had to ditch all their normal tracks.

=== [[Nemesis]] ===

'''Story'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Although never played on park anymore within the queues, the Nemesis Story as narrated by Tom Baker is a favourite and is regularly recited outside the park by a member famed for his recitations of Nemesis and Hex.

'''Theme'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Upon repetition in the queue. It is worshipped to on a basis whenever an enthusiast steps near the sexy beast herself.

== [[Gloomy Wood]] ==

==== Area Theme ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Spooky, dreary and above all else, gloomy: This can leave a chill up a spine or two upon entering the Katanga Canyon side of the area alongside the <s>fibreglass</s> '''real''' tombstones and graves on the left. However, the mood is soon left when the sounds of irritating blasters overlap the soundtrack, thanks to the incessant tomb zombie outside Duel.

==== [[Duel]] ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Fast paced and easily danceable, Duel is alright but doesn't evoke the same magic and mystery ''The Haunted House'' did before. It is pretty much the same music throughout, just changed now and again to sound 'different'.

== [[Katanga Canyon]] ==

==== Area Theme ====

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

An upbeat version of the previous Katanga track, it's one of the most catchiest and loved soundtracks on park.

== [[Mutiny Bay]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Mostl' hidin', t'braggard!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

=== [[Battle Galleons]] ===

* Status: ''Online, aaar''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Come 'n join Cap'n Black as 'e gives yer a lesson in 'ow To Speak Pirate as ye get soaked by yer adversaries on t'high seas... Well I know those lessons weren't that good. Look at what I just typed!

=== [[Heave Ho]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding, t'lily livered fool!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Give me a "heave!" and give me a "ho!", yaaaarr.

=== [[Marauders Mayhem]] ===

* Status: ''Why d' these shanties keep hidin'?!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

M'eyesight! It's gone, by thunder! Graaaaaah- Oh n'wait. My glass eye jus' fell out. Aahhaaaaa!

=== The Pirates of Sharkbait Reef ===

* Status: ''Only t'endin' brass''
* ITHotMK Rating:

I seen worse shows...

=== [[Sharkbait Reef]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding lik' a monkey in a Cap'n's undergarment drawer''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Fishies, fishies, fishies.

== [[Old MacDonald's Farm]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Happily without SFX of farmyard animals clucking, mooing and whatnot.

== The Towers Complex ==

=== [[Hex - The Legend of the Towers]] ===

'''The Octagon (Ambient)'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

... hidden behind an ancient bookcase...

'''The Vault'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

A vault sealed for two centuries!
The vault does actually have music, too, if you're really quiet you can ''just'' make it out.

== [[Towers Street]] ==

* Status: ''On The Run''
* ITHotMK Rating: 10/10

Attempts to be more ambitious than its predecessor, especially on the scale of repetitiveness.

== Transportation ==

==== [[Monorail]] ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

This catchy piece heard during the long, strenuous queue up the Monorail ramps is danceable yet irritating depending on your views. If you are urging to head on park, then it is more likely to bug you even more than it normally does.

==== [[Skyride]] ====

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Normally accompanied with a less than enthusiastic voiceover on repeat, this piece is nice yet bounces all over the place going from mysterious (Thirteen) to earworm to hypnotic 'stay on Resort please'.

== [[X-Sector]] ==

=== [[Oblivion]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Rave your way into... Oblivion!

= The Resort =

== [[Alton Towers Hotel]] ==

== [[Splash Landings Hotel]] ==

= Events =

== [[Scarefest]] ==

=== The Ultimate Fireworks 2010 ===

'''Preshow'''

#Duck Sauce - Barbra Streisand
#Lady Ga Ga - Alejandro
#JLS - Everybody in Love
#Katy Perry - Firework

'''TH13TEEN'''

# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Don't Go Alone)
# Charlie Clouser - Dead Silence Main Titles (Dead Silence)
# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Counting)
# Don Davis - Trinity Infinity (The Matrix)
# Don Davis - Neodämmerung (The Matrix Revolutions)
# Immediate Music - Emoyrean Mercenaries
# Immediate Music - An Epic Age
# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Scream)

'''30th Birthday Celebration:'''

# Jackson Five - Can You Feel It
# Abba - Dancing Queen
# Wham - Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
# Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes - The Time of My Life
# Robbie Williams - Let Me Entertain You
# Spice Girls - Wannabe
# Darude - Sandstorm
# Black Eyes Peas - I Gotta Feeling
# Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around
# Girls Aloud - Something Kinda Oooh
# Take That - Greatest Day
# Edvard Grieg - In The Hall of The Mountain King

= The Past =

== Black Hole ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

== Doom & Sons ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

== [[Duel|Haunted House]] ==

#'''Entrance Hall (Death March)'''
#'''Drawing Room'''
#'''Tunnel of Doom'''
#'''Giant's Lair'''
#'''Ghoulish Garden'''
#'''Final Chase'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Cheesy, synthy, and really rather exciting!

== Towers Street ==

'''90s Tussauds'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Magical is the only word needed.

== [[Toyland Tours]] ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Ideas make toys, toys make presents, presents make parties! Music makes a great dark ride!

== Ug Land ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Uh, ah, urrrrgh. Uh, ah, urrrrrgh...

Chav

2011-01-01T14:15:51Z

James: Not sure about necessity of censorship, but hey ho!

The '''Chav''' is a species of human being that is commonly found in cities, towns and theme parks. Members of the Chav race can often be distinguished from ordinary people by their choice of vocabularly, earings, cigarettes and the tendancy to call everybody they pass by on the street a "gayboy".

Chavs make up 78.6% of the General Public, and are the most successful species of human probably because of their inability to control their breeding habits. They often avoid the [[Alton Towers]] smoking ban because they think they are cool. Another popular habit is to spit at people from high places, showing off their saliva glands to the to attract a mate.

However, a Chav tends to be rather friendly and therefore most vulnerable when alone or with parents. It's best to catch them in this situation in order to gently converse. This may result in the Chav having an epiphany and change in lifestyle, depending on how you talk to them. An extreme example is switching from being a 'hard man' to 'softly spoken gentleman'.

=== Popular Chav Phrases ===
*Brrrap brrrap, innit!
*Innit, blad!
*Innit, breadbins!
*I is well 'ard, innit!
*Wikid! ''(Considered by many chavologists to be an invalid Chav phrase because of the absence of the word "innit")''
*Leg it ta [[Rita]], innit! It's well sick, blud!
*You f*****, s*** l**** r*****ing, innit!
*Let wu' go then, innit! ''(Generally only heard in locations "oop North" of England)''
*Innit!
*P*sseh ride, innit!

Towers Street

2010-12-24T19:18:42Z

James: /* Shop Faff */ Get with the times ;).

Blade

2010-12-15T19:15:05Z

James: Random Grammar Naziism

[[File:Blade0001.jpg|300px|thumb|left|Smug Huss sitting in a more superior ride's seat. The damn thing is even more smug because a [[Submission|more inferior ride]] has taken its place [[X-Sector|on the other side of the park]] and nobody wants to ride it!]]

'''<s>THE</s> Blade''' is a [[Huss]] swinging ship located in the grave of the former [[Thunderlooper]] from the 1990s, in the aptly named area of [[Forbidden Valley]].

The ride comes with two <s>real</s> blades at the ends in order to successfully maim anybody who dares step upon the former ride's resting place, whilst the ride is in motion that is. It is also a dealer in [[faff]], this is but an automatic function as a swinging ship much like [[Black Buccaneer]] at [[Chessington World of Adventures]] and Mr Monkey's Banana Ride at [[Thorpe Park]], and also an automatic function as a Huss creation.

=== Where The Heck IS <s>The</s> Blade?! ===

Sandwiched between [[Ripsaw]] and [[Nemesis]], <s>The</s> Blade sits rather peacefully with the queueline unnoticed to just about everyone and the ride itself in full view within the pit.

Thus some visitors trying to find the queue entrance are very much... bamboozled and end up having to go for the Disabled entrance instead. This doesn't work. By the time the real queue entrance is found, visitors are too tired to go on it after doing a long walking spree across Forbidden Valley and so sit back to watch more people fail in queueing.

If people can actually locate the queue entrance within two minutes, they've more or less bound to start queueing for the ride and so begin a longer wait than it says on the queue time boards/shows from the view across from Burger King on the opposite side, due to the ride's unfortunate faffery.

[[Category: Faff Ride]]
[[Category: Ride]]

Terror Tomb

2010-11-27T22:03:44Z

James: /* Storyline */

'''[[Terror Tomb]]''' (later known as '''[[Forbidden_Tomb|Forbidden Tomb]]''' and ultimately '''[[Tomb_Blaster|Tomb Blaster]]''') was a dark ride at [[Chessington World of Adventures]] which was built after it was decided that '''[[The Fifth Dimension]]''' was sooo last year and should be rethemed. It opened in 1995 and featured a totally new theme and storyline to that of The Fifth Dimension, based in an Ancient Egyptian warehouse. And it was very scary indeed (if you were five years old).

==Storyline==
The demise of The Fifth Dimension was partly due to the fact that the General Public was once again too thick to understand the storyline. Why? I don't know. Maybe the couldn't get the grasp of why there were giant, evil pineapples in one scene, or they were just [[chav|chavs]]. The new ride's storyline was heavily dumbed down to make it hammy and predictable, so that they would understand.

The ride started off with a big, black room where the entrance to the maintenance bay was located. So far, so good, nice and simple. Then on the right, the ride's central character, [[Abdab]], was seen murmering away. Disaster! All the riders are suddenly confused and start punching themselves in thickness. Nevermind. Unfortunately, [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] had forgotten to take into account that people got thicker with each generation when he input his calculations into the thick-o-meter, so Terror Tomb's storyline was infact ''technically'' even more confusing than The Fifth Dimension's.
[[File:AbdabTomb.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Who the hell are you? Go away! I has jewel to steal from this tomb I'm underestimating!]]
Only a few weeks after opening, the ride started to suffer from several "Huh? Wot duz dat mean?"s and "Y duz dat man hav a funi wort on hiz noze?"s. In a desperate attempt to save the ride from the same fate as its predecessor, the name was changed from 'Terror Tomb' to '[[Forbidden_Tomb|Forbidden Tomb]]' because alliteration was a tricky concept. This did not stop the ride from being heavily altered in 2002, when it fell to the ''[[Great Dark Ride Interactivity Reformation of the Modern Age]]'', and was converted into some sort of laser quest called 'Tomb Blaster'. Well, chavs understand [[Guns|guns]] so there was that problem gone.

==Ride experience==
As stated above, the train travels past Abdab, a badly named Egyptian gorilla with a strange accent, who muttered some words. "This tomb is closed, shut, get it? No more tourists in this tomb! Get out! The jewel is mine! This tomb is closed, shut, get it? No more tourists in this tomb! Get out! The jewel is mine!" he said, in that order (roughly). And, just in case you missed it the first time he said it all over again. The train is then pulled up a ramp themed as some sort of tunnel, as a rolling boulder rumbles overhead. Why the Ancient Egyptians relied on Sparks Creative Services to create their booby traps nobody will ever know, they barely ever work.

[[File:Chessington_tomb_blaster_02.jpg|200px|thumb|right|This ugly animatronic thingy often scared riders because his badly cellotaped face often fell apart right in front of them.]]Then, the Snake Pit! Plastic snakes attack riders from the festering pool of reptiles, as Abdab (yes, him again, remember?) is seen pulling on a rope to let in more plastic snakes. Onwards we go past some carved skulls in a wall to find the Spike Room. In here, there were some spikes, a hidden revolving door in the wall, and a coffin. Guess what? Abdab just had to try and unleash the spikes on the riders, but accidently discovers the secret door and gets stuck in the coffin! Something to do with a jewel apparently. Silly Billy. The scene still exists in present day Tomb Blaster, though it makes even less sense now. Today it involves: some spikes that get lowered instead of unleashed; a mummy with a gun instead of Abdab; and some treasure in a chest instead of the coffin (?!). Ah, the joy of rethemes.

More devilish antics are up next when riders pass a warewolf in a cage, and a skeleton lowering a body into a well of lava. The train goes into the Axe Corridor, so called because it features some cardboard cut-outs throwing axes, as well as an ugly animatronic thingy. The climax of the ride comes when the trains enter the Fire Pit, where a giant statue of Anubis sits elegantly in front of you. Abdab, being the fool he is, is clinging on to a wobbling obelisk trying to reach for the jewel in Anubis's hand. Why? Let it go Abdab. It is probably only made of fibreglass anyway. After that is a revolving tunnel effect, probably because there just happened to be one left over from Dinglby's Fairground that happened to visit during the ride's construction.

Then, the finale scene, the so-called "Jukebox Duel". No, of course it's not about a mummy playing an electric guitar whilst Abdab gets brutally murdered, don't be stupid! Oh, wait...

And, after some props that do stuff and flying heads on poles (probably stolen from the Haunted House at [[Alton Towers]]), that was the end. Voila!

[[File:An Evil Satan Minion.jpg|thumb|200px|right|After having his moustache had to be ripped off as a punishment, Abdab now keeps watch over the Vampire queueline using CCTV in his nostrils.]]
[[File:Tomb2.jpg|thumb|300px|left|The storage room where Abdab and his friends were dumped, before being rediscovered. Notice the after-effects of the fight and the poor attempt at wrapping themselves in bubblewrap.]]

==Death of Abdab==
Whilst Abdab had many incarnations, he did not have enough time to regenerate before be died. All of his previous incarnations came together for one last time to have a big fight over who should get their wart frozen off first, which ended badly. His bodies were dumped in a cupboard somewhere in the tomb and left to rot for several years.

In 2010, a Chessington member of staff named Bob was startled to discover Abdab as he collapsed on to him after Bob had opened the cupboard door. After pleeding for a bit of change, the Abdabs were given new jobs in the queueline for [[Vampire|Vampire]] to keep watch over all the chavs (see [[Minions|Evil Satan Minions]]). Disguised as bits of tatty theming, Abdab remains in the queueline to this day, though his moustache does not.

[[Category: Ride]]
[[Category: Wardley's Index]]

Wardley's Words

2010-11-27T11:24:05Z

James: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure he says "Ahhhh, THE Bubbleworks" more? As incorrect as that is :P.

Because he is our almighty [[God]] and Overlord of British theme parks, [[John Wardley]] is always bound to discuss his ideas and beliefs in and about the theme park industry.

And so from this in consequence, he will proceed to give us budding enthusiasts rather thought provoking, inspiring and often very amusing quotes. Sometimes these quotes will evolve into memes and most likely enough, Youtube videos in a CassetteBoy fashion. The reasoning behind these intriguing and amusing quotes is how deadpan and monotone our beloved [[God|God]] is about his creations, especially when he is giving a running commentary whilst '''riding''' and chatting about the theme park industry.

His vocal enthusiasm will be with us forever.

= Quotations =

== Rides and Rollercoasters ==

=== [[Air]] ===

*''Well something everyone wants to do, is to fly.''

*''Here we go, down the first drop. And you're like a bird! You're flying through the <nowiki>air</nowiki>!''

*''It's an amazing sensation!''

=== Enterprise ===

*''So when I'm on this wheel spinning round as I am, I don't really want to go round in a circle at all! I want to projected in a dead straight line!''

=== [[Nemesis]] ===

*''This is the site of <nowiki>Nemesis</nowiki>: The Ride. Now for the technically minded, it is a multi inversion suspended [[Rollercoaster|rollercoaster]]. But for the rest of you, it's just designed to scare you sh!tless!''

*''WOW!''

*''... Through a tunnel, out of the tunnel there, does another <nowiki>corkscrew</nowiki> over there into another underground tunnel there under the station...''

*''They (Tussauds) wanted something big, but not too high, for planning reasons. They wanted something different... but not too high, for planning reasons. And something exciting!... But not too high, for planning reasons.''

=== [[Oblivion]] ===

*''We're entertainers: The fact that we use concrete and steel to do our entertaining as opposed to a piece of Shakespearean text or whatever, is immaterial.''

*''So you are engaging on a chain.''

*''For most people it feels like 33 seconds, it feels like an eternity.''

*''The clutch is gonna release, and away we go!''

=== Misc ===

*''So we installed a [[Pneumatic Elephant]] at the end, which waves its trunk and literally squirts you as you come into the station. And guests LOVE THAT!'' - on Dragon River, [[Chessington World of Adventures]]

*''Rollercoasters are very predictable, you know what they're gonna do. They're gonna go up high and they're gonna go like that *does an impression of [[Colossus|Colossus]] with his arm* and they're gonna come back into the station. But Alton Towers doesn't do it that way. <nowiki>Alton Towers</nowiki> tries to be different.'' - on [[Th13teen]], Alton Towers

*''I had always wanted to do a good fun, laugh in the dark dark ride.'' - on the [[Duel|Haunted House]], Alton Towers

*''We were determined not to build a ride called "It's a Small Haunted Carribean Mansion.'' - on [[The Fifth Dimension]], Chessington World of Adventures

*''Ahhhhhh, the [[Bubbleworks]].''

== General ==

*''I don't actually create the rollercoasters.''

*''We're playing with people's emotions and giving them an entertaining time.''

*''... down into a tunnel.''

*''Now on a normal <nowiki>rollercoaster</nowiki>, you couldn't do this.''

*''It's very smooth.''

=== <nowiki>Roller Coaster</nowiki> Tycoon 3 ===

*''As a real <nowiki>rollercoaster</nowiki> designer, the first thing I have to think of is safety, but with <nowiki>rollercoaster</nowiki> tycoon, we can kinda push it right to the limits.''

*''We've made some wacky stuff and had a few collisions talking on [[RCT3|RCT3]].''

[[Category: Wardley's Index]]

Duel

2010-11-26T00:19:03Z

James:

'''Duel''' (also known as '''Duel - The Haunted House Strikes Back''', '''Dual''', '''Dool''', '''Nazi Zombies: The Ride''' or '''The House with Scary Fings dat Pop out and dat, INNIT''') is a shooting dark ride operating at [[Alton Towers]]. It originally opened in 1992 as '''The Haunted House''', but was rethemed to include laser [[Guns|guns]] in 2003, as part of [[Great Dark Ride Interactivity Reformation of the Modern Age]]. To this day, the ride remains a mysterious and relatively unknown ride, mostly because of the fact that [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] forgot it existed for several years. It is, however, a suprisingly high-tech and world class dark ride, rivalling such rides as ''Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey'' at ''Universal Islands of Adventure'' and ''The Haunted Mansion'' at ''Disneyland''. Also, the ride features extremely detailed theming and convincing ghosts, most of which are Halloween decorations from Tesco.

==Construction==
It was decided that something should be built on the pathway from [[Katanga_Canyon|Katanga Canyon]] to [[Forbidden_Valley|Forbidden Valley]] (then known as Thunder Valley), ready to open in 1992. [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] was called in to design a new dark ride for the area, resulting in the concept for an extremely clever and unique experience. The area now known as '[[Gloomy_Wood|Gloomy Wood]]' was originally intended to be theme around a haunted swamp, but this was quickly changed after it was realised that the idea was not gimmicky enough.

On completion of the finished ride, [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] stated:
"This is my dream ride. I have taken into account every aspect of what may happen to it in the future, and am certain that the Haunted House will not be botched up in about ten years."

Ten years later, the Haunted House was botched up. Once again it was decided that the general public were not intelligent enough to understand "[[Theatrical Brilliance]]", so the ride became based around "Tacky Gimmickiness" instead. The retheme included the addition of zombies, laser [[Guns|guns]] and a Michael Jackson ''Thriller''-style queueline video, just to really rub it in the enthusiasts' faces.

==Ride Experience==
====Queueline====
If the queue becomes long enough, riders are directed into the mostly disused outdoor queueline. Here they can gaffaw at the incredibly humourous enscriptions on the tombstones, if they can read. After a bit more wondering around in the trees, now pointless thanks to [[Thirteen]] doing the same with its queueline, riders enter the house itself through the front doors.

====Entrance Hall, Drawing Room & Station====
The Entrance Hall is actually a room stolen from a real haunted house and rebuilt at the theme park. It consists of some horrifying portraits (scary because the proportion and tonal shading is all wrong!) and an aroma machine that emits the scent of 200 year-old elderly people.

Riders then enter the Drawing Room, where some spooky music plays and various effects stop working. For a Victorian-based mansion, many historic errors can be found, notably the television screens. If they make it across the badly levelled pathway (blame the builders), riders enter the station and board their vehicle. Ride operators are forced to purposfully jam the [[Mack|Mack]] transit system for disabled passengers, in order to stop the cars moving and allow them to board at their own pace. This leaves everybody else on the ride stuck in the darkness for several minutes, often resulting in nightmares.

====Poltergeist Room====
Moving walls. Done.

====Grand Hall====
The car enters the Grand Hall, much to the dismay of a pneumatic bust that decides to lurch out towards riders. Suddenly, a large demon flies overhead, before releasing a bit of compressed <nowiki>air</nowiki> and then resetting. After a turn to the right, another demon appears from the darkness, holding a rat and a knife. Cruelty to animals much? He'd be better off with a tea cup.

====Crash Column====
Legend has it that in this area, the car would appear to crash into a column, before it moved out of the way just in time. Of course the mechanism broke, and the car actually did crash into the column. Call that subtle? Mmm?!

====Tunnel of Doom====
Riders enter a large stone-walled, dungeon-esque area with flaming torches on the walls with a giant skull-like edifice with spinning disco ball eyes set ahead of them, suiting the "haunted Victorian house" theme. The car passes into the mouth of this disco/skull hybrid and into the rotating brick festival. The illusion of turning upside down was obviously too clever for a ''UK'' dark ride, so a face with splitting skin open that sticks its tongue out was randomly added at the end of the tunnel, ruining the whole effect.

This scene was originally planned as the "Gateway to Hell", but [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] realised that [[Thorpe Park]] had already used that idea for their entrance. The theme was changed before opening to an even more irellevant brick-y tunnel thing.

[[File:Fingers = scary.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Apparently not.]]

====Giant's Lair====
Onwards the car travels into the most non-sensical scene, in which: some bats may or may not be seen flying overhead (depends on the attention-span of the rider); some Tesco Value Halloween props appear in some smashed windows; some more Halloween props wiggle about behind some windows; and a Halloween prop appears in a flashing window.

This scene is left over from the <nowiki>lost</nowiki> "giant sequence", in which large fingers would smash through windows and a giant's head would appear in another window. This was removed after a survey discovered that fingers and windows were not actually scary.

====Hall of Spiders====
Also recently known as the "Hall of Strobe Lighting", this scene consists of some flashy zombies and wobbling spiders. The car turns many corners before passing under a huge spider that hisses down at riders. However, it is more like a battle between UV and strobes to be honest.

====Skelton Corridor====
The car passes a [[Electric Bill|badly dressed skeleton with a rake for a hand (commonly named, erm... can't remember at the moment... Bob or something?)]], which pulls a lever on an old-fashioned fuse box that sparks. The lights then proceed to cut out, although whether this is down to the skeleton or a blown bulb nobody knows.

The car turns a corner and travels down what was once a humorous scene of skeletons in bed, constaped skeletons farting on a toilet, and even a terrorist skeleton. Alas, this is no more, and a static [[Vampire|vampire]] prop replaces all of this.

Originally, this scene featured a ghost that would fly down the corridor above riders, but it broke. Well, it was designed by Sparks Creative Services, what do you expect?

====Screaming Room====
Also known as the Sound Effect Whore Room, this scene consists of many heads that fly, flash and scream. A horned demon with nice pecs also makes an appearance. The same scream/vomit sound effect is repeated three or four times until riders become deaf and enter the Sinister Garden.

[[File:The History of the Undertaker's Hand.jpg|thumb|left|300px|The Undertaker's hand through history.]]

====Sinister Garden====
The ride vehicles then take a trip outdoors, only to find a warehouse roof blocking out the sunlight, before passing a hooded monk shimmying about in a cloister. Riders are then confronted by the Undertaker, a character famous for his oversized, melted hand that occasionally moves or falls off. The car turns through a U-bend towards a rocky cave, from which the Lunatic jumps out at riders. It often thought that the Lunatic has flatuence problems, but this misunderstanding is simply down to a misplaced 'creaking door' sound effect. It doesn't mean he isn't going to rape you though.

After passing a statue of death, the cars approach a broken pillar standing by itself on a rocky outcrop. Suddenly the pillar turns around, accompanied by Sexy Strobe™, revealing some sort of demon within it that lurches out. Which begs the question: why? After this, riders would have been lead into the dramatic and mysterious swamp finale. But, erm, this is a ''UK'' dark ride? Therefore we head off into the Tesco Value Zombie Lab instead.

[[File:Amazing Finale.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Duel's breathtaking finale.]]
====Zombie Laboratory====
Riders approach a few oil drums and boxes, only to be taken by surprise when a pneumatic zombie pops out of a barrel for some reason. After a turn left and another figure appearing in an above window (see, ''I'' pay attention), riders pass <s>a static prop in front of a white sheet</s> a "zombie" in a "furnace" and travel underneath some <s>static props with plastic [[Guns|guns]]</s> "armed zombies" on overhead gantries. Whoever ordered the props off eBay probably accidently typed 2 instead of 1 in the 'quantity' box, becuase the same prop as the furnace zombie makes another appearance as it screams from within a vault that opens. A few more oohs and arrs occur when another zombie tramp pops up from a dustbin, and a large, screaming head pops up in a window.

At the end, riders are literally blown away as they witness the ride's dramatic finale effect: a green light in a hole in the wall.

Well, that's about it.

[[Category: Ride]]
[[Category: Wardley's Index]]

Great Dark Ride Interactivity Reformation of the Modern Age

2010-11-26T00:02:28Z

James: Created page with 'The Reformation brought with it animatronics so sophisticated, Disney were quaking in their boots. The Great Dark Ride Interac…'

[[File:TheatricalBrilliance.jpg|300px|thumb|right|The Reformation brought with it animatronics so sophisticated, Disney were quaking in their boots.]]
The Great Dark Ride Interactivity Reformation of the Modern Age ('''GDRIRMA''') was an exceedingly popular period of reformation during what were, indisputably, Tussaud's finest years.

The decision was made that [[Terror Tomb]] (a ride already rethemed once and renamed twice for being far, far too confusing for the rapidly degrading intelligence of the GP) could be vastly improved, and would surely rake in the crowds, if all the major animatronics were replaced (who needs [[John Wardley]] anyway?!) and replaced with a multitude of flickering LEDs.

Clearly confusing [[Chessington World of Adventures|Chessie's]] target market with [[Thorpe Park]]'s, riders are equipped with guns which, while highly unlikely to work, are exceedingly likely to give the user RSI.

The rip-roaring success that [[Tomb Blaster]] was showed the Tussauds Group that guns were the answer, and 'rerideability' replaced [[Theatrical Brilliance]]. The obvious next step was to integrate this subtle and flawless technology into another of their unloved, decaying dark rides, and so naturally [[Alton Towers]] was the target. Subsequent trials for ''Hex: The Earl Strikes Back!'' were halted very quickly following an incident involving guests firing directly into the eyes of those opposite them, interrupting the Earl's ''bizarre'' experiments and delaying further the banishing of the curse.

The striking thing about [[Duel|The Haunted House]] at this time was that despite its laugh-in-the-dark, spooky, and, well...[[Theatrical Brilliance|Theatrically Brilliant]] nature; it significantly lacked zombies...and LEDs...and huge, un-gelled strobes...and zombies. All these heavily pressing concerns were sorted, in half the time Spark's Creative Services would have taken, by Tussauds themselves in one spectacularly thorough retheme. Gone was the lack of unclear theme and lack of plot! Welcome Dr Nicholas Roodyn, and his controversial experiments...oh, and his undertaker...and his skeletal electrician... But most importantly, now you can SHOOT at everything!

The reformation sadly did not include [[Bubbleworks]], as Imperial Leather did a fantastic job of trashing it themselves without assistance from guns (though offered the opportunity, few enthusiasts could pass up shooting at those ducks).

File:TheatricalBrilliance.jpg

2010-11-25T23:22:05Z

James: The creme de la creme of Duel's theming.

The creme de la creme of Duel's theming.

Colossus

2010-11-25T23:11:03Z

James: Grammar Nazi

''This article contains graciously stolen material from Unencyclopedia.''

Colossus, [[Thorpe Park]]'s first real [[roller coaster]] set within the [[Lost City]]. Built in 2002 by [[Intamin]], a company notable for creating unreliable (and dangerous) rides, Colossus is the world's first money extraction coaster, and has been cleverly designed to remove all your spare change, body piercings, belly button fluff, internal organs and small children from your possession.

To save money, the park maintenance team has removed all the wheels from this ride to save greasing the bearings. The sound of grinding metal can be heard all over London, even above the constant sound of gun shots.

===Fan Nicknames===

*Colossucks
*Lolossus
*For-The-Lossus

[[Category: Faff Ride]]
[[Category: Roller Coaster]]