TowersStreet Wiki - User contributions [en]

Gay

2013-02-26T21:38:32Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Topic Related Links */

Homosexuality is famously more prevalent among coaster enthusiasts than the general public. Gay enthusiasts go clubbing at the world famous "In-to-men" while lesbian enthusiasts prefer the slightly more upmarket "In-to-minge".

==== Topic Related Links ====

Of course, being TowersStreet, everything can either be taken jokingly (thus Memes) or very seriously (also, thus Memes). Have fun!

Vast Empty Nothingness

2013-02-26T21:02:03Z

MiserableMonkey:

[[File:Vast Empty Nothingness.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Not to be confused with Eternal Darkness.]]
'''Vast Empty Nothingness''' is what the TST Wiki is like during long quiet periods. These periods usually occur if: there are no recent deaths on [[Maurer Söhne]] spinning coasters; there are no recent [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] publicity stunts by [[Marketing Department|she-who-cannot-be-named]]; the clever [[Chav|snowflakes]] on [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]]'s Facebook page have recently shown signs of intelligence; perhaps the TST Funny Funnies have been on holiday (or can't be bothered).

=== The war on nothingness ===
It is our duty to seek out and destroy any remaining signs of Vast Empty Nothingness. Go. Go! Write an article! Make a notice in the ShoutingBox™! And include as many in-jokes as possible, just to make the newbies even more alienated. Make us laugh until our crows go numb! Do it my friend, we must not let the TST Wiki fall into the lonely, soul-less hands of Nothingness ever again.

Shoosh

2013-02-26T21:00:26Z

MiserableMonkey:

{{delete | reason = Ridiculous | editor = Poison Tom 96 }}

[[File:Shush.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Payz attenshun to wut I is sayin!]]Do as you're ruddy told!

''Shoosh!''

[[Category: Chat Slang]]

Come Ride With Me

2013-02-26T20:58:57Z

MiserableMonkey:

To make Come Ride With Me, the TST's cameras have been given unprecedented access to one of Britain's busiest Theme Park Resorts. For months, the producers have followed anyone and everyone to produce this portrait of life at the cutting edge of the UK Theme Park Industry. From entrance plaza ticket staff to ride hosts, from theme park border control to crazy theme park fans, and from low-cost theme park owners to their customers, all human life is here!

== Precious Little ==

Deep in the heart of Katanga Canyon, Precious Little is operating the Runaway Mine Train.

* "Sit back, hold tight, PRAAIISE THE LORD!"

However today, the ride has had to close early.

* "Evil things have happened, got distracted me from putting the bolts inbetween the cars, an tragically the train has snapped in the tunnell. The Lord works in mysterrriouss waayyys! But God, in all his almighty wisdom, has allowed me to spend the rest of the day getting a hand manicure from the shrimps in Sharkbait Reef and then I'm off to Explorer's restaurant with my sisters. PRAAIISE THE LORD FOR THE UNLIMITED PIZZA PASTA BUFFET!"

== Peter and Judith ==

At Guest Services, guests Peter and Judith have been queuing to make a complaint.

* Judith: "We have had the THEME PARK VISIT from HELL. It all started when we missed the turning for Thorpe Park and ended up at Alton Towers. Oh hum we thought, lets make the best of a terrible situation."
* Peter: "We were walking up the Oblivion que-"
* Judith: "I'll take it from here Peter. We were walking up the Oblivion queue when some ride host pulled the chain over the queue line to let single riders past. Never mind I thought, until I noticed that in doing so she had sliced Peter in two. Not one to complain I made Peter drag his bottom half up to the station."
* Peter: "Blood was spirting everywh-"
* Judith "Yes, thank you Peter. Honestly, I can't get a word in edgeways!"
* Peter: "Sorry Judith"
*Judith: "Quite so! Blood was spirting everywhere and it was a terrible mess, then to make matters worse, Peter was too short to ride, and we were shown the exit. We have had the THEME PARK TRIP from HELL! We should have went to Thorpe Park"
* Peter: "If I had to sum this day up, I'd say, disappointing"

== Simon and Jackie ==

Simon and Jackie Trent are Alton Towers' only married couple ride operators. Four years ago, Simon had an affair, and the couple are heading through a stormy time.

* Jackie: "Call ten single riders please"
* Simon: "Ten single ri-"
* Jackie: "Dispatch Simon!"
* Simon: "I haven't finish calling the riders yet. Can we do one thing at a time please?!"

Today, Jackie has spotted something unusual on the Air Ride Paperwork:

* Jackie: "She's here. The ride host Simon had the affair with. There she is over there. She's been sent over from Team Oblivion to cover Bay Loading today. "Assume The Position", that's just what she said to Simon. Right before he dropped into ''her'' hole. She doesn't know me, but I know her. Of course I'm not going to stoop to that level. I've moved on."

(In Operator's Cabin)
* Simon: "I'm just nipping to the loo"
* Jackie "Well if you're both going in the tunnel, stay out of the guests' sight, and clean your mess afterwards. The mops are in there."
* Simon: "Eh?"
* Jackie: "DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO! You and her! In the tunnel! Screwing each other again!"
* Simon: "That was a long time ago!"
* Jackie: "Don't get snappy at me! I'm not the one who had the affair, now sit down and be quiet."

(Over Air PA)
* Jackie "Welcome to Air.. Place all bags in cage number two and once seated, pull your restraint down to lock into the armrest, to be checked by the Air Team. For those who are unsure of riding please speak to [NAME] who will get down on her knees to help you, just don't leave her alone with your husbands, ladies, because she is nothing more than a tr- NO SIMON I'M GONNA SAY IT! She's a '''SLUTTY SLUT SLUT OF THE RIDES!''" ................ Row 5, Seat 1"
...

* Jackie: "If you want, tonight I'll order us a takeaway for tea"
* Simon: "... Yeah..."

== Taaj Manzoor ==

Taaj is one of Alton Towers's cleaning staff, however his real ambition in life is to become a ride designer.

"OK, me most favouritist rides ever, in reversological order are Nemesis, Th13teen, Air, Th13teen after dark, The Beastie, SW6, Submission, Oblivion, Fourteen, Rita and me favouritist ride of all time is SW7, I mean know its not made yet but is gonna be the best ride ever, isn't it?"

== Ian Foot ==

Ian Foot is head of Alton Tower's devoted security team. Based in the Lost Children Windmill, he is dedicated to keeping troublemakers away from the resort. On his daily patrols around the park, he has found an 'undesirable' in the Berry Bish Bash area.

* Ian: We at the resort have reason to believe you have entered the park without purchasing a ticket or passing through the first entrance.
* Sanjit: That is ridiculous. What evidence do you have to prove me guilty?
* Ian: I don't have to justify our concerns to you, 'Sanjit', if that is indeed your name. I would also like to point out you were caught out using weapons in that attraction area.
* Sanjit: Don't be stupid. The Berry Bish Bash is all about firing balls at each other. It's a simple game.
* Ian: So you ''do'' admit it?
* Sanjit: I would like to see somebody higher up. You have no reason to accuse me.
* Ian: I'd like to see your ticket.
* Sanjit: Here (throws ticket across desk)
* Ian: (reading aloud) ADMITS ONE. ALTON TOWERS RESORT. FULLY... PAID... Right. Ok. What I am going to do on this occasion is let you off with a warning. But I want you to...
* Sanjit: I am going to complain about this. You'll see. I will have you fired.
8 Ian: At the end of the day, I have a duty to do. And if 'Sanjit' , was an undesirable, I'd never forgive myslef. See?

Gallopers Carousel

2013-02-26T20:52:40Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Ride Experience */

Gallopers Carousel is the campest, most outrageously painted carousel you will ever experience. Ever. Situated in [[Cloud Cuckoo Land]], it is a long serving member of the park, but is frequently forgotten and left out by other attractions because it seriously cannot be bothered enough to move. It is also a 'historical' and 'needed' part of the theme park world that [[Alton Towers]] lives in.
[[File:Gallopers0901.jpg|300px|thumb|left|Men. This has the potential to damage your pride, your dignity and your masculinity.]]
No particular reason. A carousel, if be gay, is needed to complete the random experience.

Enjoyed by the homosexual, under-eight and midget population, it is generally unappreciated by the public, despite many years of loyal service.

If you can bring yourself to look at it, you will find a 'lively' mixture of colours blaring at you in the face which gives the name of ''Gay Carousel''. You will find your eyes staring at the pastel choice of horses (or such things), that attempt to make you think:

''"Aaw, it's not so bad!"''

But beware... This ride is incredibly decieving...

For '''men'''.

=== Ride Experience ===

'''If you are female/child under 12:'''

You sit on something that is cute to an extent. Wait for the ride operator to stop the [[faff]]. The ride spins slowly in a circle. Your animal seat may start bobbing up and down, shaking slightly. Optional child screaming to get off. Sit through this for 3 minutes.

'''If you are male, either:'''

A. You try to sit down on something that appears as masculine as possible. Fellow males snigger at you. Wait for the ride operator to stop the faff. The ride spins slowly in a circle. Your animal seat may start bobbing up and down, shaking slightly. Optional child screaming to get off. Your friends burst into simultaneous fits of laughter. Sit through this for 3 minutes.

B. You avoid this like the plague and run off to whore [[Rita]].

'''If you are a TSTer:'''

You sit down on anything you want and begin cracking lewd jokes, whilst waiting for the ride operator to stop faffing. The ride spins slowly in a circle, pretend to scream and laugh at each other's expenses. Your seat may start bobbing up and down shaking slightly. Optional laughing over optional child screaming to get off. Crack more lewd jokes. Sit through this for 3 minutes.

[[Category: Ride]]

TowersStreet Wiki:Cleanup Project

2013-02-26T20:50:07Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Members */

The [[TowersStreet Wiki]] has its firm roots in the contributions made to the former [http://wiki.towerstimes.co.uk/ TowersTimes Wiki]. Since the wiki was created here, there has been little involvement from the community and the wiki has fallen into a state of disrepair.

You can join the project by [http://www.towersstreet.com/wiki/index.php?title=TowersStreet_Wiki:Cleanup_Project&action=edit&section=1 adding your name to the list].

== Members ==

* {{user|Jordan}}
* {{user|Rowe}}
* {{user|Jonathan}}
* Poison Tom 96

== Things you can help out with ==

* Add <code>[[Template:Delete|<nowiki>{{delete}}</nowiki>]]</code> tags to pages which don't fit the wiki anymore.
* Help categorise pages which [[Special:UncategorizedPages|don't have a category]].
* Link to some of the [[Special:LonelyPages|orphaned pages]] from appropriate parts of the rest of the wiki.
* Update many of the [http://www.towersstreet.com/wiki/index.php?title=Special%3ASearch&search=TTF&fulltext=Search references to TTF] or [http://www.towersstreet.com/wiki/index.php?title=Special%3ASearch&search=TowersTimes&fulltext=Search TowersTimes] across the wiki.

== To-do list ==

* <s>Add a template for pages which require deletion</s> - [[Template:Delete|Done]]
* Add a template for pages which need cleaning up

[[Category:TowersStreet Wiki]]

Alton Towers Music Database

2013-02-18T10:22:02Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Area Theme */

Part of the [[Theme Park Music Database]], [[Alton Towers]] is the theme park that created [[TowersStreet]] and that website has presented an array of park music, new and old from either the Tussauds years or the current [[Merlin Entertainments Ltd|Merlin]] era. Upon this article, we present to you a wide stretched variety of music spanning from the very early 90s up to present day.

For Alton Towers, we have the '''[[In the Hall of the Mountain King|ITHotMK]] Rating''' as it is rated the highest in 'theme park' music even though it is a classical piece, and it is well known among [[TowersTimes|enthusiasts]] to be unbeatable. Thus it has been chosen as essentially, the ultimo track that all other tracks must look up to.

= The Park =

== Adventure Land ==

==== [[Spinball Whizzer|Sonic Spinball]] ====

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Touted as being one of the most annoying soundtracks on park, Sonic Spinball's video game noises tend to irritate enthusiasts within the queue. It does not help the voice of Sonic is far from pleasing either.

== [[Cloud Cuckoo Land]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating: 5/10

Light and bouncy, the Cloud Cuckoo Land theme tries to steal bits of [[In the Hall of the Mountain King]] throughout the song. It is nonetheless on the cute atmospheric side of things on park.

=== [[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The Ride]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Due to a opinion differentiation on the ride, it is currently impossible to determine whether the music is liked or redeemable to enthusiasts.

=== [[Peugeot 207 Driving School]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

A cheesetastic instrumental version of the song ingrained into the minds of so many small chidren.

=== [[Twirling Toadstool]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

On the slow, rather meh side much like the ride itself. It is advised to think happy thoughts once the overexcited male voice appears at the start and the end of the ride.

== [[Dark Forest]] ==

=== [[Rita]] ===

* Status: ''Not Sure''
* ITHotMK Rating:

No Witty Description.

=== [[Th13teen]] ===

'''Queue Loop'''

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Coming across more like a 'thrill' soundtrack than a 'family' soundtrack, this music is bound to frighten some of the under 12s for the sudden moments of the Th13teen girl screaming, the infamous "help me" and sounds of undergrowth crawling up to the fence to steal a few Fruit Pastilles or chips.

'''Station/Tesla Coil Loop'''

* Status: ''Found''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Coming with the SFX of rain assumingly from the outside, even when it's not raining, this retains a lower volume Queue Loop alongside the Th13teen Girl screaming again. There are a number of subtle changes and- ''''''AAAH TESLA!'''''

== [[Forbidden Valley]] ==

=== [[Air]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Airy fairy, thrill contrary. The music is relaxing and soothing within the queue, sauntering with a hidden woodpecker in the ambience throughout the area, a near favourite of enthusiasts. However, the calm nature of it soon disappears after a ride mishap.

Also available online is the 2007 version from when Alton Towers screwed up their music licensing and had to ditch all their normal tracks.

=== [[Nemesis]] ===

'''Story'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Although never played on park anymore within the queues, the Nemesis Story as narrated by Tom Baker is a favourite and is regularly recited outside the park by a member famed for his recitations of Nemesis and Hex.

'''Theme'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Upon repetition in the queue. It is worshipped to on a basis whenever an enthusiast steps near the sexy beast herself.

== [[Gloomy Wood]] ==

==== Area Theme ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Spooky, dreary and above all else, gloomy: This can leave a chill up a spine or two upon entering the Katanga Canyon side of the area alongside the <s>fibreglass</s> '''real''' tombstones and graves on the left. However, the mood is soon left when the sounds of irritating blasters overlap the soundtrack, thanks to the incessant tomb zombie outside Duel.

==== [[Duel]] ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Fast paced and easily danceable, Duel is alright but doesn't evoke the same magic and mystery ''The Haunted House'' did before. It is pretty much the same music throughout, just changed now and again to sound 'different'.

== [[Katanga Canyon]] ==

==== Area Theme ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

An upbeat version of the previous Katanga track, it's one of the most catchiest and loved soundtracks on park.

== [[Mutiny Bay]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Mostl' hidin', t'braggard!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

=== [[Battle Galleons]] ===

* Status: ''Online, aaar''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Come 'n join Cap'n Black as 'e gives yer a lesson in 'ow To Speak Pirate as ye get soaked by yer adversaries on t'high seas... Well I know those lessons weren't that good. Look at what I just typed!

=== [[Heave Ho]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding, t'lily livered fool!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Give me a "heave!" and give me a "ho!", yaaaarr.

=== [[Marauders Mayhem]] ===

* Status: ''Why d' these shanties keep hidin'?!''
* ITHotMK Rating:

M'eyesight! It's gone, by thunder! Graaaaaah- Oh n'wait. My glass eye jus' fell out. Aahhaaaaa!

=== The Pirates of Sharkbait Reef ===

* Status: ''Only t'endin' brass''
* ITHotMK Rating:

I seen worse shows...

=== [[Sharkbait Reef]] ===

* Status: ''Hiding lik' a monkey in a Cap'n's undergarment drawer''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Fishies, fishies, fishies.

== [[Old MacDonald's Farm]] ==

=== Area Theme ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Happily without SFX of farmyard animals clucking, mooing and whatnot.

== The Towers Complex ==

=== [[Hex - The Legend of the Towers]] ===

'''The Octagon (Ambient)'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

... hidden behind an ancient bookcase...

'''The Vault'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

A vault sealed for two centuries!
The vault does actually have music, too, if you're really quiet you can ''just'' make it out.

== [[Towers Street]] ==

* Status: ''On The Run''
* ITHotMK Rating: 10/10

Attempts to be more ambitious than its predecessor, especially on the scale of repetitiveness.

== Transportation ==

==== [[Monorail]] ====

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

This catchy piece heard during the long, strenuous queue up the Monorail ramps is danceable yet irritating depending on your views. If you are urging to head on park, then it is more likely to bug you even more than it normally does.

==== [[Skyride]] ====

* Status: ''Hiding''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Normally accompanied with a less than enthusiastic voiceover on repeat, this piece is nice yet bounces all over the place going from mysterious (Thirteen) to earworm to hypnotic 'stay on Resort please'.

== [[X-Sector]] ==

=== [[Oblivion]] ===

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Rave your way into... Oblivion!

= The Resort =

== [[Alton Towers Hotel]] ==

== [[Splash Landings Hotel]] ==

= Events =

== [[Scarefest]] ==

=== The Ultimate Fireworks 2010 ===

'''Preshow'''

#Duck Sauce - Barbra Streisand
#Lady Ga Ga - Alejandro
#JLS - Everybody in Love
#Katy Perry - Firework

'''TH13TEEN'''

# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Don't Go Alone)
# Charlie Clouser - Dead Silence Main Titles (Dead Silence)
# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Counting)
# Don Davis - Trinity Infinity (The Matrix)
# Don Davis - Neodämmerung (The Matrix Revolutions)
# Immediate Music - Emoyrean Mercenaries
# Immediate Music - An Epic Age
# Alton Towers - Th13teen Theme (Scream)

'''30th Birthday Celebration:'''

# Jackson Five - Can You Feel It
# Abba - Dancing Queen
# Wham - Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
# Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes - The Time of My Life
# Robbie Williams - Let Me Entertain You
# Spice Girls - Wannabe
# Darude - Sandstorm
# Black Eyes Peas - I Gotta Feeling
# Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around
# Girls Aloud - Something Kinda Oooh
# Take That - Greatest Day
# Edvard Grieg - In The Hall of The Mountain King

= The Past =

== [[Black Hole Tent|Black Hole]] ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

== [[Doom and Sons]] ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

If the Vampire organist, the Haunted Mansion Ghost Host, and a cheap SFX CD from Tesco had a baby...

== [[Duel|Haunted House]] ==

#'''Entrance Hall (Death March)'''
#'''Drawing Room'''
#'''Tunnel of Doom'''
#'''Giant's Lair'''
#'''Ghoulish Garden'''
#'''Final Chase'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Cheesy, synthy, and really rather exciting!

== [[Towers Street]] ==

'''90s Tussauds'''

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Magical is the only word needed.

== [[Toyland Tours]] ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Ideas make toys, toys make presents, presents make parties! Music makes a great dark ride!

== Ug Land ==

* Status: ''Online''
* ITHotMK Rating:

Uh, ah, urrrrgh. Uh, ah, urrrrrgh...

I don't remember eating that!

Hex - The Legend of the Towers

2013-02-08T18:01:02Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Future Plans */

'''Hex - The Legend of The Towers''' (often simply called '''<nowiki>Hex</nowiki>''') is a [[Vekoma]] [[Mad House]] at [[Alton Towers]], which situates itself somewhere in the Towers complex where not many people can find it and thus makes it one of the most underrated and ignored rides on park. It is known for blurring the lines between excellent and terrible effects both aurally and visually, as well as spooking, confusing, amazing and annoying visitors.

== Planning and Construction ==

[[File:Wardleybookcase.jpg|300px|thumb|right|[[God]] in the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGCK6QW8Cgg advert], chipping away behind the ANCIENT BOOKCASE... Yes the Towers were turning clockwise at that point.]]
Tussauds needed a new interesting dark ride after going for 6 years without building one, and so asked the holy [[John Wardley]] to create (or steal) a new ride concept. After much brainstorming, he found that the rich ponce Talbot family who used to own the Towers estate had been cursed at some point in the 1800s after the 15th Earl of Shrewsbury didn't pay his tax and some local tree was cursed by the government to kill off his family for revenge. So John Wardley took the idea and visited the tree, proclaiming it was alright and went off to soup up the story.

Because Tussauds could not get permission to actually build the ride in the Towers complex, they had to rent a tarpaulin from the local garden centre and camouflaged it in with the ruins themselves (See: [[Ninja]]), completely succeeding with baffling visitors. The ride itself, a Vekoma Mad House was chosen at random out of a tombola by John Wardley (in fact, the ride ended up being a pirate ship INSIDE a tombola) and was then dipped in the ink of squeezed Gothic books to make it look 'spooky', then installed in the tarpaulin to look like it had been there the entire time. The famed Octagon room just happened to look like that at the time of finding. Including the blatantly obvious dummy under the white sheet.

Finally, a few wires were sellotaped together to control the effects. <del>Occasionally</del> Quite often, these wires become unstuck and it takes several weeks for new sellotape to be ordered to stick them back together again, resulting in the audio effects being too loud or too quiet, the effects in the octagon to be operated at random, and/or the projector to mysteriously change direction.

== Storyline aka The Crimewatch Re-Enactment ==

At some point in the 1800s, the 15th Earl of Shrewsbury was returning home to Alton Towers after a banquet at a Sizzlers restaurant one stormy evening and a government man disguised as a old crone was standing in the middle of the road.

*'''Earl:''' WTF you doin' on the road, crazy bint?
*'''Crone:''' Gimme your money plskthnx.
*'''Earl:''' Ahahahahah. No.
*'''Crone:''' I'm government, ya git, tax. Oh and I curse a local tree.
*'''Earl:''' Oh shiz.

Pathetic fallacy arrived in the form of many dark cloud as well as a strangely green effect on the sky and a Pikachu accidentally electrocuted the tree, making a branch fall off. Meanwhile at Alton Towers, a member of the Earl's family suddenly and mysteriously... '''''DIED'''''. This made the Earl mad about not paying tax and so wrapped the tree in duct tape because it was the only thing he could be bothered to use.

Cue the [[Smugshot]].

But then the Earl got bored of nobody dying and so put the [[Fallen Branch]] on eBay to see if any bidder would buy to pay for his tax to vanquish the curse. Somebody probably did bid on it and that's the last of the story.

Originally, the story was about some professor person who was giving a boring lecture about the Towers ruins and that the visitors got trapped inside the vault from the storm of Pikachus outside. Unfortunately nobody understood this and so the current story was instead used because it actually made some sense, thus calling for a new rushed and stupidly melodramatic voiceover by one [[Jim Carter]] and his impeccable dulcet tones.

== Ride Experience ==

You enter the queueline through the Towers ruins, where you walk in a zigzag past old history artefacts and broken televisions. A certain number of people go onto the ride, the first part being the pre-pre-show where a portrait of the 15th Earl is shown for dramatic effect. You then enter another room, the pre-show where a Crimewatch Re-enactment is shown on a broken projector (Originally meant to blow up in the middle of the room for some insane reason) of the Earl meeting the Government Crone.

You then enter the Octagon room where the music is played either really loud or really low, the special effects do or don't work and a broken television flickers. There is also a broken air-con which doubles as a really bad wind machine. You then go down some very long corridors for dramatic effect where you wait for 15 minutes because the ride usually fails before you get to ride it.

You then enter the vault where the thing you're sitting on swings up and down whilst the set thing behind you revolves somewhat, and towards the end you see some random tree demon thing at the top of the ceiling. Nobody still knows what this is all about. You then leave the ride feeling either satisfied or confused by the experience. Riders exit into Her Ladyship's Gardens, located in the middle of nowhere, to confuse the mind even more.

== Reception ==

The ride has recieved mixed reviews. Most Alton Towers enthusiasts regard Hex as a "classic" attraction for its mysterious and unique qualities; they often express their approval by listening to the theme tune several times before going to sleep or writing [[haikus]] about it. However, members of the general public are usually heard to give such statements as "Huh?", "Umm" and "Innit" upon exiting the ride.

== Future Plans ==

Alton Towers announced on the 31st June 2010 that the whole Towers complex will be removed at the end of 2012 to make way for the [[Sw7|SW7]] project. Shortly after this announcement, a planning application was submitted for a giant [[PENISH|you-know-what]] shaped station building on the site of Hex. Although Alton Towers are yet to confirm exactly what SW7 will be, it is now highly rumoured to be a [[rollercoaster]] named "THE FLYING KINKONATOR!!", as suggested by a [[chav]] on the Alton Towers [[Faffbook|Facebook]] page.

A spokesperson for the ''Official [[TowersTimes]] Forum Decisions Society'' (OTTFDS) released the following statement:

''We have contacted the United Nations about the future plans of Hex and, after much discussion, every country involved agreed to declare nuclear war on the [[Marketing Department]] as soon as Hex is closed. This way, we hope, the "FLYING KINKONATOR!!" will never be built; and we can all die whilst hugging/kissing/loving the fallen branch.''

== See Also ==

*[[Hex - The Other Not As Well Known Legend of the Towers]]
*[[Smugshot]]
*[[Fallen Branch]]

[[Category: Ride]]
[[Category: Wardley's Index]]

The Swarm

2013-02-08T17:49:14Z

MiserableMonkey:

The Swarm is [[Thorpe Park]]'s latest installmeant and is a B&M wingrider, it does a lift and roll a loopy thingy and then some more thingys and then its done.

Many consider this as a good stepping stone for great things to come from Merlin. Phaa! 

The ride is also considered to be the best at Thorpe, but still contains a large amount of [[Faff]]

For the 2013 season, the rear 2 rows of this ride have been broken so badly they are facing the WRONG WAY. Hence the legend of Thorpe Park's shocking maintenance goes on.

Submission

2013-02-08T17:40:51Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Trivia */

Submission is a cruel and misanthropic flat ride, located at [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]]. It is considered by many to be "a complete load of old bollocks", however, this claim is hard to verify as approximately only 3 people have ever ridden it... and one of those was "for a dare".

== History ==
Submission was developed in secret under the codename 'SW4.5' (Sore Willy 4.5) and inflicted upon an unwitting public in 2001. It is thought by many to have inspired [[Thorpe_Park|Thorpe Park]]'s eventual collection of twisted torture devices aimed at the "young teen" demographic.

While labelled as a "Chance Double Inverter", it is nothing of the kind. [[File:Submission.jpg|300px|thumb|"I'll only ride it if you do."]] The mythical 'second arm' (a topic which was found in a recent study to constitute approximately 68% of all posting of TST) is a fake, or 'dummy' arm, installed to give the impression of a popular, high capacity, queue munching visual spectacle. It has ''never'' worked. Nor will it ever. Ever. So stop going on about it. In attempt to disguise this fact, [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] occasionally rotate the entire ride 180 degrees to give the impression that both arms are genuine, a technique that appears to fool the vast majority of the park guests.

In its distinguished history, Submission (the name being a throwback to an ill-fated sponsorship deal with Subway) has thrilled literally... some guests.

== Recent Controversy ==
Submission recently hit the headlines, when incredibly reliable and accurate scientific studies found that it increased riders' chances of developing a combination of paranoid schizophrenia and diarrhoea by as much as 93%.

It also causes horrible pain to any head, shoulders, chest, knees and crotch area which decreases life span heavily and increases reproductive organ deficiency.

Anybody who wishes to re-ride Submission because they thought it was fun is typically beaten with a Doc Martens boot and left for dead in the [[Thirteen]] crypt, or if they are forced to by another then their lighter sentence is being beaten with a Chelsea Boot and left for dead in the [[Thirteen|Thirteen]] crypt.

== Trivia ==
Submission is known to be the favourite ride of BNP leader Nick Griffin.

The ride is immortalized in the Meshuggah song 'The Exquisite Machinery of Torture'

[[Category: Ride]]

Submission

2013-02-08T17:38:55Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Trivia */

Submission is a cruel and misanthropic flat ride, located at [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]]. It is considered by many to be "a complete load of old bollocks", however, this claim is hard to verify as approximately only 3 people have ever ridden it... and one of those was "for a dare".

== History ==
Submission was developed in secret under the codename 'SW4.5' (Sore Willy 4.5) and inflicted upon an unwitting public in 2001. It is thought by many to have inspired [[Thorpe_Park|Thorpe Park]]'s eventual collection of twisted torture devices aimed at the "young teen" demographic.

While labelled as a "Chance Double Inverter", it is nothing of the kind. [[File:Submission.jpg|300px|thumb|"I'll only ride it if you do."]] The mythical 'second arm' (a topic which was found in a recent study to constitute approximately 68% of all posting of TST) is a fake, or 'dummy' arm, installed to give the impression of a popular, high capacity, queue munching visual spectacle. It has ''never'' worked. Nor will it ever. Ever. So stop going on about it. In attempt to disguise this fact, [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] occasionally rotate the entire ride 180 degrees to give the impression that both arms are genuine, a technique that appears to fool the vast majority of the park guests.

In its distinguished history, Submission (the name being a throwback to an ill-fated sponsorship deal with Subway) has thrilled literally... some guests.

== Recent Controversy ==
Submission recently hit the headlines, when incredibly reliable and accurate scientific studies found that it increased riders' chances of developing a combination of paranoid schizophrenia and diarrhoea by as much as 93%.

It also causes horrible pain to any head, shoulders, chest, knees and crotch area which decreases life span heavily and increases reproductive organ deficiency.

Anybody who wishes to re-ride Submission because they thought it was fun is typically beaten with a Doc Martens boot and left for dead in the [[Thirteen]] crypt, or if they are forced to by another then their lighter sentence is being beaten with a Chelsea Boot and left for dead in the [[Thirteen|Thirteen]] crypt.

== Trivia ==
Submission is known to be the favourite ride of BNP leader Nick Griffin.

The ride is immortalized in the Meshuggah song [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCT8fgdo2-g]The Exquisite Machinery of Torture[/url]

[[Category: Ride]]

Black Hole Tent

2013-02-08T17:31:13Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Future */

The Black Hole Tent, is a tent, located at the [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] Resort. It is considered by many to be the most famous tent in the world.

== History ==
The tent was purchased by Charles Chetwynd-Talbot - son of John George Charles Henry Alton Alexander Chetwynd-Talbot, 21st Earl of Shewsbury and 6th Earl Talbot - (then aged 17) from Millets Camping Accessories in 1970, in order to attend that year's inaugural Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts. It is thought that after ingesting a large quantity of psychadelic mushrooms that weekend, the young Charles-Chetwynd decided to give the tent its original and distinctive green and yellow colour scheme, using organic body paint, made from crushed berries and cider. [[File:bhtent.jpg|230px|thumb|right|The tent's original psychadelic colour scheme]]

When Charles-Chetwynd returned home, he decided to retain the tent in the grounds of [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]]. Reports suggest that it was used as a place to "take girls, smoke dope, play guitar, listen to Bob Dylan and discuss all the amazing things you can do with hemp". However, as the future Earl began to grow up, his use of the tent diminished, until it was abandoned altogether in 1973.

The structure lay dormant until 1983, when [[Alton_Towers|Alton Towers]] - now a thirving theme park - decided to install their next big attraction in the tent. Speculation was rife among the newly formed "enthusiast community", who shared their ideas via letters, telegrams, smoke signals and pigeons. Alton eventually plumped for the only option available to them that did not involve "digging a 200ft deep pit and putting something in it", which turned out to be a Schwarzkopf Jet Star II model. The new ride - The Black Hole - drew in huge crowds. Many were left speechless, which was partly because most were expecting a circus and partly because of the infamous break run which was described by many as "like a punch in the gut".

While the ride was tinkered with, or renamed many, many times, the tent itself did not undergo any great changes until 1998, when it was repainted black (or a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very dark blue) in order to make it less visible to the Luftwaffe.

The glory days couldn't last however, and in 2005 disaster struck. The Black Hole came to a halt on its stupid, long, slow, spiralling lift hill. Alton of course, had not bothered to install the most basic of evacuation methods and everybody on board starved to death after 26 days of being stuck 34ft in the air. The ride was promptly closed, demolished and then shipped off to South America (or Eastern Europe - reports differ) where everybody knows that human life is disposable and therefore less health and safety restrictions are required.

== Future ==
As of 2013, the Black Hole Tent has been torn down. It has probably been burnt and the metal melted down. Some say the metal lives on in the spidery thing that may or may not appear with a certain new ride on the spot of the tent. In reality it was probably nicked by gypsies.

Shoutbox

2013-01-31T00:28:30Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Mildly Humorous Quotations */

[[File:Shoutingbox.png|350px|left|thumb|The Basic ShoutBox]] The '''ShoutBox''' (also known as the '''ShoutingBox''', the '''WhingeBox''' or '''The Gutter of TST''') is essentially a watered down version of [[TST Chat]] located at the bottom of the index page. Although it may be smaller, the ShoutBox retains most of the spam and <s>s</s>laughter that can be found in Chat.

It takes the member around six months after their date of registration to realise that the ShoutBox exists. After discovering it, many [[noobs]] mistake the box for a place of sensible discussion, usually about [[Football|football]]. This is, as they will quickly learn, not the case. And on a very regular, annoying basis conversations are made within the ShoutBox that end up being incredibly specific between the people talking, thus kicking out anybody else from the ShoutBox.

Typically a Mod/Admin will come along and kick the posts out, leaving many a irate members who should really invest in using '''MSN''' or '''AIM''', whatever the last one is.

=== Mildly Humorous Quotations ===

* DiogoJ42 » Hmmm... "Brain-Munching Space Worms" sounds like a good name for a band.
* Sat 17:01 MegaJib » There are more important things in existence than [[Football|football]].
* Mon 13:31 UnleashedLlama » Some thing in life will always remain a mystery to me: how travelling at near the speed of light would cause time travel; how to find lasting peace in the Middle East and how anyone can enjoy watching golf.
* Mon 21:25 <nowiki>Air Dan</nowiki> » "I want Joelio, I want him now" - Amanda
* Thu 18:11 electricBlll » Oh, yeah... Shoot me, Dan... Shoot me with your blaster... yeah... but... only when... the safety bar has... ...lowered...
* Fri 23:34 Islander » Lol, you're always so quick to visibly distance yourself from even the slightest sign of trouble, almost as if the other mods will sense blood and attack their own species ''@ Chris''
* Tue 17:32 towersworker123 » <nowiki>Air</nowiki> Dan, you know the funny thing is.. I manual stimulation over rollercoastersss...
* Tue 20:36 electricBlll » I am printing out a Morwonga mask to compliment my [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] one, ready for the JWS music video! Emphasised pelvic thrusting outside [[Nemesis|Nemesis]] here I come!
* Sun 18:33 Sam » [[Gay|Gay]] sex is like [[Nemesis|Nemesis]]... the limitations mean you have to be more creative
* Sun 18:41 Sam » [[Gay|Gay]] sex is like [[Air|Air]]... nothing is gonna happen until you assume the position
* Sun 18:38 Sam » [[Gay|Gay]] sex is like [[Oblivion|Oblivion]]... if it fails before you enter the deep hole then you're doing it wrong
* Wed 14:11 RajibSarahaji » Procrastination:The Ride is at Alton Towers? I do not think I know. Where can I ride this?
* Mon 12:27 D4n » I find some dogs very attractive, and wish to make love to a labroudor.
* Sat 14:38 ATJoseph » Really? Good now im okay no one will stalk me on TTF exeppt Diogioj42 he stalks everyone!! He He
* Blaze [10:39 pm]: Saying what I did before, I'm now half tempted to go to out in Liverpool in drag next time I have a night out.
* Josh [01:10 am]: Ellie, get off the shout box and get into my bed....
* Ellie [01:18 am]: No he isn't, unless he wants a blood red cock. /Disgusting
* Blaze [06:02 pm]: Why do we even have teachers anyway? What is this lefty 'education' crap? Time wasted that could be spent down t'pit.
* [12:20 am]: Poison Tom 96 bludgeons TheMan with a small baby

=== Crowning Moment Of Awesome Quotations ===

* Sun 17:48 Chris » To Everyone: I have just got an email from Roland [[Mack]]. "[[TT|TT]], Even though I’m far away, I am thinking about you. I can’t wait to see you again. Love Roland."

''This quotation is currently under debate, due to an Admin sending it to the team and it being possibly false. Still, it's awesome!''

=== ShoutBox Gallery (Sponsered by Fools U Know) ===

[[File:Gloomydrunk.jpg|700px|left|thumb|The best example of abuse towards the ShoutBox]]
[[File:LOLohdear.png|700px|left|thumb|No need for a explanation here]]
[[File:ShoutboxFAIL.jpg|700px|left|thumb|There are two fails in this photo. Can you spot them?]]

[[Category: Shoutbox Randomness]]

Shoutbox

2013-01-31T00:26:19Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Mildly Humorous Quotations */

[[File:Shoutingbox.png|350px|left|thumb|The Basic ShoutBox]] The '''ShoutBox''' (also known as the '''ShoutingBox''', the '''WhingeBox''' or '''The Gutter of TST''') is essentially a watered down version of [[TST Chat]] located at the bottom of the index page. Although it may be smaller, the ShoutBox retains most of the spam and <s>s</s>laughter that can be found in Chat.

It takes the member around six months after their date of registration to realise that the ShoutBox exists. After discovering it, many [[noobs]] mistake the box for a place of sensible discussion, usually about [[Football|football]]. This is, as they will quickly learn, not the case. And on a very regular, annoying basis conversations are made within the ShoutBox that end up being incredibly specific between the people talking, thus kicking out anybody else from the ShoutBox.

Typically a Mod/Admin will come along and kick the posts out, leaving many a irate members who should really invest in using '''MSN''' or '''AIM''', whatever the last one is.

=== Mildly Humorous Quotations ===

* DiogoJ42 » Hmmm... "Brain-Munching Space Worms" sounds like a good name for a band.
* Sat 17:01 MegaJib » There are more important things in existence than [[Football|football]].
* Mon 13:31 UnleashedLlama » Some thing in life will always remain a mystery to me: how travelling at near the speed of light would cause time travel; how to find lasting peace in the Middle East and how anyone can enjoy watching golf.
* Mon 21:25 <nowiki>Air Dan</nowiki> » "I want Joelio, I want him now" - Amanda
* Thu 18:11 electricBlll » Oh, yeah... Shoot me, Dan... Shoot me with your blaster... yeah... but... only when... the safety bar has... ...lowered...
* Fri 23:34 Islander » Lol, you're always so quick to visibly distance yourself from even the slightest sign of trouble, almost as if the other mods will sense blood and attack their own species ''@ Chris''
* Tue 17:32 towersworker123 » <nowiki>Air</nowiki> Dan, you know the funny thing is.. I manual stimulation over rollercoastersss...
* Tue 20:36 electricBlll » I am printing out a Morwonga mask to compliment my [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] one, ready for the JWS music video! Emphasised pelvic thrusting outside [[Nemesis|Nemesis]] here I come!
* Sun 18:33 Sam » [[Gay|Gay]] sex is like [[Nemesis|Nemesis]]... the limitations mean you have to be more creative
* Sun 18:41 Sam » [[Gay|Gay]] sex is like [[Air|Air]]... nothing is gonna happen until you assume the position
* Sun 18:38 Sam » [[Gay|Gay]] sex is like [[Oblivion|Oblivion]]... if it fails before you enter the deep hole then you're doing it wrong
* Wed 14:11 RajibSarahaji » Procrastination:The Ride is at Alton Towers? I do not think I know. Where can I ride this?
* Mon 12:27 D4n » I find some dogs very attractive, and wish to make love to a labroudor.
* Sat 14:38 ATJoseph » Really? Good now im okay no one will stalk me on TTF exeppt Diogioj42 he stalks everyone!! He He
* Blaze [10:39 pm]: Saying what I did before, I'm now half tempted to go to out in Liverpool in drag next time I have a night out.
* Josh [01:10 am]: Ellie, get off the shout box and get into my bed....
* Ellie [01:18 am]: No he isn't, unless he wants a blood red cock. /Disgusting
* Blaze [06:02 pm]: Why do we even have teachers anyway? What is this lefty 'education' crap? Time wasted that could be spent down t'pit.
* Poison Tom 96 [12:20 am]: Poison Tom 96 bludgeons TheMan with a small baby

=== Crowning Moment Of Awesome Quotations ===

* Sun 17:48 Chris » To Everyone: I have just got an email from Roland [[Mack]]. "[[TT|TT]], Even though I’m far away, I am thinking about you. I can’t wait to see you again. Love Roland."

''This quotation is currently under debate, due to an Admin sending it to the team and it being possibly false. Still, it's awesome!''

=== ShoutBox Gallery (Sponsered by Fools U Know) ===

[[File:Gloomydrunk.jpg|700px|left|thumb|The best example of abuse towards the ShoutBox]]
[[File:LOLohdear.png|700px|left|thumb|No need for a explanation here]]
[[File:ShoutboxFAIL.jpg|700px|left|thumb|There are two fails in this photo. Can you spot them?]]

[[Category: Shoutbox Randomness]]

Shoutbox

2013-01-26T01:20:51Z

MiserableMonkey: /* Mildly Humorous Quotations */

[[File:Shoutingbox.png|350px|left|thumb|The Basic ShoutBox]] The '''ShoutBox''' (also known as the '''ShoutingBox''', the '''WhingeBox''' or '''The Gutter of TTF''') is essentially a watered down version of [[TTF Chat]] located at the bottom of the index page. Although it may be smaller, the ShoutBox retains most of the spam and <s>s</s>laughter that can be found in Chat.

It takes the member around six months after their date of registration to realise that the ShoutBox exists. After discovering it, many [[noobs]] mistake the box for a place of sensible discussion, usually about [[Football|football]]. This is, as they will quickly learn, not the case. And on a very regular, annoying basis conversations are made within the ShoutBox that end up being incredibly specific between the people talking, thus kicking out anybody else from the ShoutBox.

Typically a Mod/Admin will come along and kick the posts out, leaving many a irate members who should really invest in using '''MSN''' or '''AIM''', whatever the last one is.

=== Mildly Humorous Quotations ===

* DiogoJ42 » Hmmm... "Brain-Munching Space Worms" sounds like a good name for a band.
* Sat 17:01 MegaJib » There are more important things in existence than [[Football|football]].
* Mon 13:31 UnleashedLlama » Some thing in life will always remain a mystery to me: how travelling at near the speed of light would cause time travel; how to find lasting peace in the Middle East and how anyone can enjoy watching golf.
* Mon 21:25 <nowiki>Air Dan</nowiki> » "I want Joelio, I want him now" - Amanda
* Thu 18:11 electricBlll » Oh, yeah... Shoot me, Dan... Shoot me with your blaster... yeah... but... only when... the safety bar has... ...lowered...
* Fri 23:34 Islander » Lol, you're always so quick to visibly distance yourself from even the slightest sign of trouble, almost as if the other mods will sense blood and attack their own species ''@ Chris''
* Tue 17:32 towersworker123 » <nowiki>Air</nowiki> Dan, you know the funny thing is.. I manual stimulation over rollercoastersss...
* Tue 20:36 electricBlll » I am printing out a Morwonga mask to compliment my [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] one, ready for the JWS music video! Emphasised pelvic thrusting outside [[Nemesis|Nemesis]] here I come!
* Sun 18:33 Sam » [[Gay|Gay]] sex is like [[Nemesis|Nemesis]]... the limitations mean you have to be more creative
* Sun 18:41 Sam » [[Gay|Gay]] sex is like [[Air|Air]]... nothing is gonna happen until you assume the position
* Sun 18:38 Sam » [[Gay|Gay]] sex is like [[Oblivion|Oblivion]]... if it fails before you enter the deep hole then you're doing it wrong
* Wed 14:11 RajibSarahaji » Procrastination:The Ride is at Alton Towers? I do not think I know. Where can I ride this?
* Mon 12:27 D4n » I find some dogs very attractive, and wish to make love to a labroudor.
* Sat 14:38 ATJoseph » Really? Good now im okay no one will stalk me on TTF exeppt Diogioj42 he stalks everyone!! He He
* Blaze [10:39 pm]: Saying what I did before, I'm now half tempted to go to out in Liverpool in drag next time I have a night out.
* Josh [01:10 am]: Ellie, get off the shout box and get into my bed....
* Ellie [01:18 am]: No he isn't, unless he wants a blood red cock. /Disgusting

=== Crowning Moment Of Awesome Quotations ===

* Sun 17:48 Chris » To Everyone: I have just got an email from Roland [[Mack]]. "[[TT|TT]], Even though I’m far away, I am thinking about you. I can’t wait to see you again. Love Roland."

''This quotation is currently under debate, due to an Admin sending it to the team and it being possibly false. Still, it's awesome!''

=== ShoutBox Gallery (Sponsered by Fools U Know) ===

[[File:Gloomydrunk.jpg|700px|left|thumb|The best example of abuse towards the ShoutBox]]
[[File:LOLohdear.png|700px|left|thumb|No need for a explanation here]]
[[File:ShoutboxFAIL.jpg|700px|left|thumb|There are two fails in this photo. Can you spot them?]]

[[Category: Shoutbox Randomness]]