TowersStreet Wiki - User contributions [en]

File:TThome.jpg

2010-12-28T17:34:42Z

TheMan: uploaded a new version of "File:TThome.jpg"

The Gods Of Roller Coasters

2010-12-28T16:30:51Z

TheMan:

The Gods Of Roller Coasters is the name for a group of deities in Coaster Mythology. In short, as the half human children of [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]], they are Demi-Gods.

== An excerpt from ''The Holy Bible of Wardleyism, (Seventh Day Altonistic Edition)'' ==

''In the beginning there was nothing. And [[God]] Said "Let there be Wood". And there was. And those who looked upon [[God]]'s wood saw it to be good. And lo, many chose to ride the good wood. And they were filled with tears of joy, that [[God]] gave them wood.

''On the second day, [[God]] said "Let there be steel". And there was. And the people saw that the steel was hard, and felt that the steel was cold. Lo, they saweth the steel was shaped like a rod. And the people sat on [[God]]'s cold, hard rod. And they declared it good.

''On the third day, [[God]] said "phew, all this is making me tired. I need some help." And, Lo, he sought out a wife amongst the people of the Earth, that she would bare his child.
''And [[God]] said "My children will sit beside me, as Gods themselves. They shall have the power of creation, as have I. No one need ever be bored again, so long as my children and I exist. Go forth, my children, and terrify." ''

John Chapter 1, verse 1-13

== The First Known [[God|God]] ==

'''[[John Wardley]].'''

The [[God]] of gods. The true creator, and saviour of mankind. Father of all other gods, who defy his will at their peril.

== Demi-Gods ==

'''[[Roland Mack]].'''

[[God]]'s first born son. He sits at [[God]]'s right hand. Some Altonists believe him to be the Demi-[[God|God]] of love.

'''Anton [[Schwarzkopf|Schwarzkopf]].'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of steel.

'''Charles Paige.'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of wood.

'''Werner Stengel.'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of gravity.

'''Will Koch.'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of excellent customer service.

'''Walter Bolliger''' and '''Claude Mabillard.'''

The twin Demi-Gods of smoothness and comfort.

'''Robert Staveley'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of chaos.

'''Great Coasters International Inc. - Jeff Pike, Evan Souliere and Joseph Draves'''

The triplet Demi-[[God|God]]s of Knight Valley's woody.

== The Anti-John ==

A small sect of fundamentalist Altonists believe the newly discovered gospel of Geoff, which warns of the coming of a false [[God|god]], described only as "a man to taunt son".

''And ye shall be weary, for it shall be the fruit of mine own loins that doth bring destruction. Woe the day of reckoning, for I see the name of the beast. And [[God|God]] himself will not be able to stop him, for he will be in disguise. Be warned, of a man to taunt son.''

Geoff chapter 7, verse 21-23.

Some believe the Anti-John is already among us, and that the final battle between good and evil will be faught at a place called Allahlav.

The Gods Of Roller Coasters

2010-12-28T16:29:31Z

TheMan:

The Gods Of Roller Coasters is the name for a group of deities in Coaster Mythology. In short, as the half human children of [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]], they are Demi-Gods.

== An excerpt from ''The Holy Bible of Wardleyism, (Seventh Day Altonistic Edition)'' ==

''In the beginning there was nothing. And [[God]] Said "Let there be Wood". And there was. And those who looked upon [[God]]'s wood saw it to be good. And lo, many chose to ride the good wood. And they were filled with tears of joy, that [[God]] gave them wood.

''On the second day, [[God]] said "Let there be steel". And there was. And the people saw that the steel was hard, and felt that the steel was cold. Lo, they saweth the steel was shaped like a rod. And the people sat on [[God]]'s cold, hard rod. And they declared it good.

''On the third day, [[God]] said "phew, all this is making me tired. I need some help." And, Lo, he sought out a wife amongst the people of the Earth, that she would bare his child.
''And [[God]] said "My children will sit beside me, as Gods themselves. They shall have the power of creation, as have I. No one need ever be bored again, so long as my children and I exist. Go forth, my children, and terrify." ''

John Chapter 1, verse 1-13

== The First Known [[God|God]] ==

'''[[John Wardley]].'''

The [[God]] of gods. The true creator, and saviour of mankind. Father of all other gods, who defy his will at their peril.

== Demi-Gods ==

'''[[Roland Mack]].'''

[[God]]'s first born son. He sits at [[God]]'s right hand. Some Altonists believe him to be the Demi-[[God|God]] of love.

'''Anton [[Schwarzkopf|Schwarzkopf]].'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of steel.

'''Charles Paige.'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of wood.

'''Werner Stengel.'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of gravity.

'''Will Koch.'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of excellent customer service.

'''Walter Bolliger''' and '''Claude Mabillard.'''

The twin Demi-Gods of smoothness and comfort.

'''Robert Staveley'''

The Demi-[[God|God]] of chaos.

'''Great Coaster's International - Jeff Pike, Evan Souliere and Joseph Draves'''

The triplet Demi-[[God|God]]s of Knight Valley's woody.

== The Anti-John ==

A small sect of fundamentalist Altonists believe the newly discovered gospel of Geoff, which warns of the coming of a false [[God|god]], described only as "a man to taunt son".

''And ye shall be weary, for it shall be the fruit of mine own loins that doth bring destruction. Woe the day of reckoning, for I see the name of the beast. And [[God|God]] himself will not be able to stop him, for he will be in disguise. Be warned, of a man to taunt son.''

Geoff chapter 7, verse 21-23.

Some believe the Anti-John is already among us, and that the final battle between good and evil will be faught at a place called Allahlav.

Wardley's Jacket

2010-12-19T14:49:51Z

TheMan:

[[File:WikiArticleAward.jpg|500px|centre]]

[[File:John_Haunted_House_Jacket.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The Jacket in the Haunted House, circa 1991.]]

[[File:WardleysJacket1.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The Jacket observing Nemesis pre-opening 1994.]]

[[File:MegaJacket.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Charlie Dinn borrows the Jackets power at the opening of Megafobia in 1996.]]

[[File:WardleysJacket2.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The Jacket discussing Oblivion pre-opening 1998.]]

[[File:WardleysJacket3.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Simon Thomas comparing the Jacket's awesome power to Air pre-opening 2002.]]

'''Wardley's Jacket''' is a holy garment traditionally worn by The Right Honourable Supreme Leader [[John Wardley]] (pbuh). The materials used in the creation of the Jacket are rumoured to date back to the times of ''Uncle Frankenstein's Scream Machine'' at Barry Island Amusement Park. The sacred Jacket has appeared as itself in the media several times, especially within the realms of children's television show Blue Peter.

It is sometimes said all enthusiasts start out by watching Blue Peter and seeing the wonderful power of John Wardley and his Jacket. It is also believed that the Jacket is the British equivalent of [[Roland Mack]]'s tailored snazzy suits. But we all know who has the better garment...

=== The Jacket's Powers towards the General Public ===
Even the General Public, who have looked back on these press releases and noticed the regular occurence of Wardley's Jacket, are beginning to feel more blessed by God every day. The Jacket helps to give them even the tiniest amount of enthusiasm towards theme parks in later life, when they would otherwise have high levels of ignorance. The Jacket gives them that helpful power to see the world through our eyes, as we have seen John Wardley and his creations in all their glory.

The Jacket is said to have a soothing effect on riders, therefore reducing the frequency of people mistaking the ride for being "crap". It also helps ensure the long likeable life of certain areas and rides around UK parks, such as [[Alton Towers]] and Chessington.

However, the influence of the Jacket reaches even further, beyond the rides that Wardley had designed. The Jacket made an appearance at the opening of Megafobia in 1996. Was it merely a coincidence that Megafobia was considered one of the world’s best wooden roller coasters from that day onwards?

''"It seems that whenever I see John Wardley he is always wearing that brown leather jacket XD He is truly a genius."''

=== Where Is The Jacket? ===
At one point, much to the dismay of enthusiasts, the Jacket appeared to have gone missing under unexplained circumstances. Fans became ever more distraught when John Wardley opened [[Th13teen]] at Alton Towers without the blessing of the Jacket. He wore a black waterproof coat instead, which didn't have the same effect. This lead to many enthusiasts mourning its loss in the opening day rain, believing the Jacktet to have gone forever.

No argument; the Jacket wasn't there, thus Th13teen was not blessed properly and was forever deemed to become a ride of eternal damnation and "naffness".

It was also believed that [[Oblivion|Oblivion]] was not blessed properly either, since Wardley wore a red/black coat at its opening day. However, in a loophole involving the combination of energy from the [[Nemesis|Nemesis]] woolly cap, another of [[Wardley's Heavenly Items]], with that of the Jacket, it turned out that Oblivion received its necessary blessing after all. This is presented in both the Oblivion promotional videos below, in which John Wardley can be seen testing the ride while wearing his wooly hat and jacket together, thus saving it from doom.

''"In every video I watch with [[John_Wardley|John Wardley]] in, he's wearing that jacket and I dont think its a coincidence."''

==== The Infamous Castrated 'Jacket' ====
In May 2010, a sighting of the jacket was reported by a member of Towers Times. The Jacket was supposedly being worn by John Wardley while he was queueing for his 1989 creative input ride, the [[Runaway Mine Train]]. Photographic evidence of the sighting was recorded, [http://forum.towerstimes.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=26830 see here]. Highly reputed Wardlians examined the evidence, but came to the conclusion that the jacket in the photograph was, unfortunately, not the sacred garment after all. They stated: "Although similar in terms of appearance, the clothing in question is clearly missing the faux-sheepskin collar of the original Jacket. It is therefore a forgery." The forged jacket was forevermore known as ''Wardley's Castrated Jacket''.

''"[[God]] I have to say this but LOVIN THE JACKET o.O"''

==== The Jacket Was Never Missing! ====
In a strange twist of events (no, not [[Hex|''that'' tale with a twist]]), it has been reported by a famous brand of sauce that God gave up the powerful Jacket to a charity auction with the [http://www.coasterclub.org/ ECC]. It is unknown as to whom the holy garment now belongs and what persuaded Wardley to part with it. This news has led to many questions being asked. An investigation has been launched by the ''Wardlians of the World Association'', also known as the ''WOW Association'', to determin the wherabouts of the Jacket, '''''before it falls into the wrong hands...!'''''

Some say it has been passed onto the next Messiah of the Theme Park industry...

Others say it has gone on permanent holiday to the sunny Seychelles...

All we know is, that was Wardley's Jacket.

Wow.

=== Recorded Media Events Involving Wardley's Jacket ===

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6J8sglHd44#t=1m31s Nemesis on Blue Peter]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bgkuzpzi5xQ#t=1m16s Oblivion on Blue Peter]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQD9bw3c41w#t=1m18s Air on Blue Peter]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbIpgG0q2go#t=2m08s Nemesis on the 'The Scream Machine']
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHaMLv4BmpI#t=5m27s Oblivion's Testing on 'The Magic Factory']
*Park Life meets Wardley's Jacket during Air Opening

[[Category: Wardley's Index]]

TST Chat

2010-12-15T21:53:56Z

TheMan:

Chat is another page on [[TowersTimes|TowersTimes]] for members and guests to interact through the use of internet instant messaging, used for these sole purposes: Chat, slam, annoy, tease and posting random rubbish. The chatroom is a regular buyer in [[Canned_Laughter|Canned Laughter]] as well as [[Tumbleweed]], both being part of the regular Chat routine if particular members are being failures at jokes or the room is just too quiet.

It was installed in the 1800s after the moderators and administrators of the TTF found that a <s>large</s> small proportion of members couldn't be bothered out of laziness to actually post IN the forums themselves. This included some of the moderators and administrators too.

TTF Chat is admittedly responsible for the jokes: [[Splat]], [[Where's Waldey?]] and [[VAN]], the latter of which was caused by a certain drunken Admin. There are more jokes around but these are the only ones bothered enough to appear so far.

TTF Chat ranges, when you appear in the room, between mere childishness and absolute immaturity and very rarely hitting the serious. Although when it comes to that level, some member has to say something very immature to bring back Chat into its normal levels.

Who knows what'll happen if there is a serious Chat session for more than a hour, maybe the world will spontaenously combust? Or [[Mack]] will cease to exist? Will [[John Wardley]] be turned into a lady and spend more time fussing over what shoes to wear on-park? Or perhaps [[Thorpe Park]] will be loved and admired by all?

Oh... the horrible possibilities are endless! Oh the humanity!

In order to be more 'savvy' and understandable with [[TowersTimes|TowersTimes]] members who stay within the realms of Chat and speak utter things you wouldn't understand, then please direct yourself to the [[GeNeDo Diagram]], which sums up the demographic of members.

== Moderation ==

TT Chat is overlooked by one, or several admins, who seem to permanently live there, and one or more bots - the most recent being [[John Wardley]] in robot form. Chat can get quite lively on a Friday or Saturday night so the [[ban stick]] - whilst an uncommon sight - does come out from time to time to provide some anal probing.

== Epic Quotez ==

[01:42] <Joelio> i'm a bit of a nob
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[22:47] Diogo: after a hard days riding you need a proper bed

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[22:14] DannyJ: had swim in my mates poo today

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Kamfira: I can go to very far lengths!

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[22:37] * Vezza gets on her knees

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[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_III> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_III> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> lets see how this works out

[01:16] <Joel_III> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_I> me and my?

[01:16] <Joel_II> me and my?

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[01:30] <DannyJ> why doesnt [[Nemesis|nemesis]] fall of its track ?

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[09:45] <Joel> It's all foookin Bill's fault.

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[22:25] <Rowe> Seriously, no female will want Joelio-repellant

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[23:44] <DannyJ> can i bee the lanky suport slaper ?

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[21:52] Rowe: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.

[21:53] michael: Why Rowe?

[21:53] Rowe: Joelio's in the roooooooooooooooooooom!

[21:53] Mitch: Well... there's round 2 of "Strangest things to hear on joining [[TT|TT]] Chat"

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[21:05] ''Dorsia left the chat room.''

[21:05] Joelio: Hey Dorsia

[21:05] Joelio: Oh shit

[21:05] Air_Dan: SHE JUST LEFT KNOBHEAD.

[21:05] Air_Dan: That is all.

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[23:41] Craig: half price virgin ftw :P

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[23:34] <zs_chris> you obviously do not understand the complications of the aviation industry.

[23:34] <zs_chris> I could be a vital part of my job.

[23:34] <zs_chris> it*

[23:35] <Joelio> Lol, I think you're the most vital part of your job

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[23:38] * Ogoid|drunk|cooking|NOM is scared by the quantity of tequila and Vodka he has consumed in the past week

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[23:58] <Noraa> this chaT HAS TURNED INTO A ZYLOS/KHLORY FLIRTING SESH WITH JOELIO TRYING TO JOIN IN - THREESOMEEEEEEEEEE AND DANNYJ TALKING ABOUT RANDOM SHITE.

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[00:36] <Aly> "Oh wardley wardley, how was I supposed to know. That [[Th13teen|Th13teen]] was a kids ride. Someone from the marketing team told me. It was was a thril seekers ride wardley, thats why I marketed it so" *
* To the tune of "Hit my baby one more time"

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[23:49] <Rowe> I could go at it in bed for hours

[00:28] <Rowe> Glomping me will only prolong your time in bed

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[00:21] * Sasquatch DOESN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

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[21:41] <Rowe> "Chris is an amazing lover and nearly godlike at sex... oh and he was a good temp admin too."

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[22:48] <Sasquatch> How's this for a topic: 101 things we love about Rowe

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[23:23] <Parrybo> Rowe's cool... I want one

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[01:44] <Parrybo> i might knock one off then go to bed

[01:45] * Joely ears prick up

[01:45] <Ogoid> lol

[01:45] <Parrybo> ewww

[01:45] <Parrybo> that made me feel dirty

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[20:23] <Joely> Bet some PHP cunt made it like EST or something

[20:23] <Chris_> The function expects to be given a string containing a US English date format and will try to parse that format into a Unix timestamp

[20:24] <Aly> I love it when you two talk dirty :P

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[20:08] <Joely> Condoms, lube and 3 cucumbers.

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[21:24] <Sasquatch> Cheese you sexy beast!

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[21:55] <Sasquatch> Aly, you sexy beast!

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[21:53] <Noraa> oh, Aly_ WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU, BASTARDING CUNT!

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[19:10] <Rowe> Just go for it!

[19:10] <Islander> Hmm.

[19:10] <Islander> Do you, Chris_, accept Rowe to be your (probably) unlawful wedded wife_?

[19:10] <Chris_> yesh

[19:10] <Islander> kthnx

[19:11] <Islander> Rowe, d'you take dis man to be da same???????????????

[19:11] <Rowe> Yeeeees!

[19:11] <Islander> Innit bruv!

[19:11] <Islander> I now pronownce youz husband_ and wife_!

[19:11] <Chris_> yays

[19:11] - Rowe changes nick to Rowe_

[19:11] <Islander> You may snog the bride :)

[19:11] * Chris_ snogz the bride

[19:11] <Islander> Please go here, and pretend your names are Joan and Dave:

[19:11] <Islander> http://webspace.webring.com/people/cu/um_3734/wedding.htm

[19:12] <Islander> Ensure sound is on.

[19:12] <Chris_> wow at that website

[19:12] * Rowe_ enjoys the snogz and wraps her arms around Chris_' neck.

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[20:29] <Islander> We really need two chat rooms... a TTF chat room, and a clean version...

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[22:57] <Vez> wow craig :D

[22:59] <Craig> yeah im done now :P

[23:02] <Craig> did someone hear?

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[01:43] <Sasquatch> We can make love, yes?

[01:43] * BrettS passes chris a towel

[01:43] <DannyJ> ok Sasquatch

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[18:48] <D4n> Evening Joely, Joelio & Rowe :)

[18:49] <Rowe_> Oh and you're not going to say hello to X, Jupiter or Shent? That's very thoughtful of you!

[18:50] <D4n> I'll say hello to Jupiter & Shent, I dislike X though, so think I shall ignore him. :)

[18:50] * X shifts eyes on D4n

[18:51] <D4n> ... wha... wha... :o

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[20:54] <Rowe_> Ooof Chris_, this advantage of power is getting me hot tbh

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[21:20] <D4n> Lucky? I'd love to get kicked out of this Hell hole ;)

[21:20] <Rowe_> Yet you always come back

[21:21] <D4n> That's... true...

[21:21] <Rowe_> Lawl [[Fail|fail]]

[21:21] * D4n 's argument falls flat on it's face

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[20:06] * D4n was kicked by Wardley

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[23:33] * Chris_ lieks boobs

[23:33] * Rowe_ has boobs

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[00:29] <Chris_> Is it me, or is the text on chat kinda blurry this evening>

[00:29] <Rowe_> Just you, sweetie.

[00:29] <Chris_> I find it difficult to read

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[21:47] <Aly> !bumme

[21:47] * Joel winks at Aly

[21:47] <Joel> I'm not that much of a tart, Aly - at least give it a few minutes!

[21:47] * Joel loads up the Travelodge website, and books a room near Aly

[21:47] * Joel packs the broom handle and KY Jelly, and sets out in his car....

[21:47] <Aly> :P

[21:47] <Joel> RUN Aly !! ;)

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[23:52] * Ogoid wants pussy

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[01:14] <Bote> But you'd have a water pipe up your arse

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[19:10] *** Jem8472 has joined #tt

[19:10] <Diogo> Arrr!

[19:10] *** Jem8472 has quit (Quit: www.towerstimesforum.co.uk)

[19:10] <Diogo> arrr :(

[19:10] *** Jem8472 has joined #tt

[19:11] <Diogo> Arrr!

[19:11] <Jem8472> Hello!

[19:11] *** Aly has joined #tt

[19:11] <Diogo> arrr :(

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[22:19] <Chris_> I dont want to have sex with you aly!

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[23:20] <Michael> I won't be on for the rest of the night! :)

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[19:32] <Chris_> GLEE <3

[19:32] <Mike> 'Glee FTFW

[19:32] <Aly> POOF

[19:32] <Aly> EVEN BIGGER POOF!

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[21:51] <Zamperlas_Bitch> (aka Michael) Let's be honest, D4n's a sexy beast. :P

TST Chat

2010-12-15T21:53:36Z

TheMan:

Rollercoaster

2010-06-04T13:14:22Z

TheMan: /* The attitute of the General Public */

A '''roller coaster''' is a train on a track, which exits a station and does a couple of interesting things here, there, something else and then one final big thing towards the end of the ride before returning to its appointed station. Roller coasters and speed change with every ride, you may go at 170mph on one and 1mph on another. If you are on a roller coaster that goes up to 88mph, then it is most likely you will end up someplace else in the world, especially in time and space. Most of these cases occur inside the pyramid of X:/WTF at [[Thorpe Park]]. [[Thirteen]] at [[Alton Towers]] is considered the best roller coaster in the world at the current time, in fact "The Ultimate Rollercoaster". Being the world's first 'Phycoaster', it uses state of the art technology, 3-dimensional effects and an extreme-thrills coaster section to play with the minds of its riders. Arrow Dynamics, previously one of the largest ride manufacturers, closed down after Thirteen opened, as they knew they would never be able to build a better coaster than Thirteen.

== Controversy ==
There is much disagreement amongst enthusiasts as to what actually constitutes a roller coaster, often resulting in heated debates on forums and at meet ups. A common cause for disagreement is the acceptability of powered coasters and half-pipe or disk-o rides. An example of such a ride is Kobra at [[Chessington: World of Adventures|Chessington]], which [[Sam]] (wrongly) considers a coaster.

Many accidents and fatalities have occured on roller coasters around the world. The most common cause of death is dangerous restraints. This is because the manufacturer might have installed over-the-shoulder restraints where they were not needed, and riders have subsequently had their heads violently bashed against them until death takes place. The most famous roller coaster in the universe, Corkscrew at Alton Towers, was forced to close after too many people died from this problem. Another common form is when restraints suddenly come unlocked half way through the ride and everybody falls out, according to members of the general public who know exaclty what they are talking about (see below). The average amount of deaths on a single roller coaster is 584.3, as of research conducted in 2007. This is death toll is considered 'safe' by Police and is not a serious problem.

== The attitute of the General Public ==
Members of the General Public often mistakingly think that a roller coaster is only good if it has hundreds of upside down-y bits, does a loop-the-loop and travels at a billion miles per hour. They are attracted to rides that are advertised with such phrases as: "This is a white knuckle-clenching, stomach-churning, vomit-enducing, generally really unhealthy ride that is themed around horror and gore!!!!!1!!1" Tests have proved that the person's interest in the roller coaster increases with the number of exclamation marks, and doubles if any '1's are accidently typed. The GP has also been known to act completely oblivious towards the ride model, theming, atmosphere and appearance of a ride. [[File:GP_Top_Type_Servey.png|300px|thumb|right|]]

In late 2009, scientists conducted secret examinations of an average member of the general public's brain activity to determine why they are so unappreciative of dark rides unless they have laser guns. They discovered that the average member was too thick to understand that Bubbleworks is actually a good ride and is ''meant'' to go at 1mph because it is not a roller coaster, it is a dark ride! You sit in boats, not a coaster train, did you realise that? Hello, how could you miss the THEMING!? Oh, and just because Thirteen is too phycologically advanced for your mind does not mean you have the right to slag it off! I mean, you actually believed the marketing? Anybody who learnt English will know that it was missing the point-evidence-explain to justify its claims! Yeah, you run back to Colossus, you cobra roll obsessed chav, and DON'T COME BACK!

File:GP Top Type Servey.png

2010-06-04T13:11:40Z

TheMan:

Minions

2010-06-04T09:40:57Z

TheMan:

[[File:An Evil Satan Minion.jpg|250px|thumb|right|THIS IS NOT AN EVIL SATAN MINION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]]Evil Satan Minions are eerie creatures that can be found in the Vampire queue line at [[Chessington World of Adventures]]. They are often mistaken for being the re-animated corpses of [[Abdab]] from Terror Tomb, an old ride at the park that's animatronic figure now reside in the Vampire queue. However Evil Satan Minions are much, much worse creatures... running around in the queue, deciding what treat they shall have from the mid-queue-tuckshop (MQTS)... causing terror and destruction.

Chessington World of Adventures

2010-06-03T21:54:32Z

TheMan:

Chessington: World of Adventures is a much better theme park than [[Thorpe Park]], as confirmed by its ambassadors/top fans [[Rowe]] and [[Sam]], the former who wishes to work there at some point in her unemployed future.
Chessington is widely known for it's stereotypically themed lands such as Mystic East, Forbidden Kingdom, Mexicana, Pirates Cove (Where [[DiogoJ42]] summers) and to a large extent, Transylvania. This is typically highlighted by theming, music and ride announcements.

The most recent land added to Chessington is Wild Asia, based around a wild form of Asia with snakes and pretty birds here and there to make it more 'exotic'. In the middle of the themed area are two enlarged Arboks stuck together, the Pokemon are forcefully attached to a Disk-O coaster taken all the way from [[Paultons Park]], which spins up and down whilst on the same track altogether making a boring and time-wasting experience for none of the family to enjoy.
Unfortunately, Sam wrongly believes this is a [[roller coaster]] when in fact it is not.

However, as amazing and spectacular a park Chessington is, the service is quite slow but not as slow as the service at Thorpe Park, which is indomitably terrible. But however, the staff, ride hosts and operators brighten up the days better than at Thorpe Park, where they stand around doing nothing. A good example of this customer service at Chessington is on Rameses Revenge (Better known as Ripsaw Ripoff or Rammeh), where a German ride op makes each ride a little faster and much more water sprayed whenever [[Alton Towers]] or [[Ripsaw]] is mentioned, thus creating banter-to-extent-abuse with the customers.

Chessington is famous for its 'Evil Satan Minion' national park in the Vampire queue line. TTFers Rowe and [[Michael]] can often be found viewing these mystical creatures that live within the park. Another famous image within the park is on the Bubbleworks, where [[Electric Bill]] is currently stuck in the Fairground section, constantly riding the [[Quack-O-Coaster]] as he is mocked by small children with pointy sticks.

See [[Minions]].

Quack-O-Coaster

2010-06-03T21:53:34Z

TheMan:

The Quack-O-Coaster was a world first roller coaster invented by acclaimed designer John Duckley.

It was the first roller coaster in the world that ducks were able to ride.

The first of it's kind can be found on the famous Bubbleworks ride at [[Chessington: _World_of_Adventures]]!

Quack-O-Coaster

2010-06-03T21:52:51Z

TheMan: Created page with 'The Quack-O-Coaster was a world first roller coaster invented by acclaimed designer John Duckley. It was the firs roller coaster in the world that ducks were able to ride. The …'

The Quack-O-Coaster was a world first roller coaster invented by acclaimed designer John Duckley.

It was the firs roller coaster in the world that ducks were able to ride.

The first of it's kind can be found on the famous Bubbleworks ride at [[Chessington: _World_of_Adventures]]!

Chessington World of Adventures

2010-06-03T18:38:55Z

TheMan:

Chessington: World of Adventures is a much better theme park than [[Thorpe Park]], as confirmed by its ambassadors/top fans [[Rowe]] and [[Sam]], the former who wishes to work there at some point in her unemployed future.
Chessington is widely known for it's stereotypically themed lands such as Mystic East, Forbidden Kingdom, Mexicana, Pirates Cove (Where [[DiogoJ42]] summers) and to a large extent, Transylvania. This is typically highlighted by theming, music and ride announcements.

The most recent land added to Chessington is Wild Asia, based around a wild form of Asia with snakes and pretty birds here and there to make it more 'exotic'. In the middle of the themed area are two enlarged Arboks stuck together, the Pokemon are forcefully attached to a Disk-O coaster taken all the way from [[Paultons Park]], which spins up and down whilst on the same track. Think of that swing on the pully chain you see in playgrounds, yeah, them... ZIP LINES.

However, as amazing and spectacular a South park Chessington is, the service is quite slow but not as slow as the service at Thorpe Park, which is indomitably terrible. But however, the staff, ride hosts and operators brighten up the days better than at Thorpe Park, where they stand around doing nothing. A good example of this customer service at Chessington is on Rameses Revenge (Better known as Ripsaw Ripoff or Rammeh), where a German ride op makes each ride a little faster and much more water sprayed whenever [[Alton Towers]] or [[Ripsaw]] is mentioned, thus creating banter-to-extent-abuse with the customers.

Chessington is most famous for its 'Evil Satan Minion' national park in the Vampire queue line. TTFers [[Rowe]] and [[Michael]] can often be found viewing these mystical creatures that live within the park. See [[Minions]].

Minions

2010-06-03T18:38:30Z

TheMan: Created page with 'Evil Satan Minions are eerie creatures that can be found in the Vampire queue line at Chessington:_World_of_Adventures!'

Evil Satan Minions are eerie creatures that can be found in the Vampire queue line at [[Chessington:_World_of_Adventures]]!

Europa Park

2010-06-03T18:32:01Z

TheMan:

TTF's international fap park. Commonly visited by [[AstroDan]].

See [[Roland Mack]]

Europa Park's Official Fan Site: http://europatimes.co.uk/

The Flume

2010-06-03T18:24:05Z

TheMan: Created page with 'See Quack.'

See [[Quack]].

Quack

2010-06-03T18:24:03Z

TheMan: Created page with 'See The Flume.'

See [[The Flume]].

File:Razz.gif

2010-06-03T18:16:04Z

TheMan: Razz.

Razz.

Chessington World of Adventures

2010-06-03T18:13:27Z

TheMan:

Chessington: World of Adventures is a much better theme park than [[Thorpe Park]], as confirmed by its ambassadors/top fans [[Rowe]] and [[Sam]], the former who wishes to work there at some point in her unemployed future.
Chessington is widely known for it's stereotypically themed lands such as Mystic East, Forbidden Kingdom, Mexicana, Pirates Cove (Where [[DiogoJ42]] summers) and to a large extent, Transylvania. This is typically highlighted by theming, music and ride announcements.

The most recent land added to Chessington is Wild Asia, based around a wild form of Asia with snakes and pretty birds here and there to make it more 'exotic'. In the middle of the themed area are two enlarged Arboks stuck together, the Pokemon are forcefully attached to a Disk-O coaster taken all the way from [[Paultons Park]], which spins up and down whilst on the same track. Think of that swing on the pully chain you see in playgrounds, yeah, them... ZIP LINES.

However, as amazing and spectacular a South park Chessington is, the service is quite slow but not as slow as the service at Thorpe Park, which is indomitably terrible. But however, the staff, ride hosts and operators brighten up the days better than at Thorpe Park, where they stand around doing nothing. A good example of this customer service at Chessington is on Rameses Revenge (Better known as Ripsaw Ripoff or Rammeh), where a German ride op makes each ride a little faster and much more water sprayed whenever [[Alton Towers]] or [[Ripsaw]] is mentioned, thus creating banter-to-extent-abuse with the customers.

Chessington is most famous for its 'Evil Satan Minion' national park in the Vampire queue line. TTFers [[Rowe]] and [[Michael]] can often be found viewing these mystical creatures that live within the park.

Chessington World of Adventures

2010-06-03T18:12:25Z

TheMan:

Chessington: World of Adventures is a much better theme park than [[Thorpe Park]], as confirmed by its ambassadors/top fans [[Rowe]] and [[Sam]], the former who wishes to work there at some point in her unemployed future.
Chessington is widely known for it's stereotypically themed lands such as Mystic East, Forbidden Kingdom, Mexicana, Pirates Cove (Where [[DiogoJ42]] summers) and to a large extent, Transylvania. This is typically highlighted by theming, music and ride announcements.

The most recent land added to Chessington is Wild Asia, based around a wild form of Asia with snakes and pretty birds here and there to make it more 'exotic'. In the middle of the themed area are two enlarged Arboks stuck together, the Pokemon are forcefully attached to a Disk-O coaster taken all the way from [[Paultons Park]], which spins up and down whilst on the same track. Think of that swing on the pully chain you see in playgrounds, yeah, them... ZIP LINES.

However, as amazing and spectacular a South park Chessington is, the service is quite slow but not as slow as the service at Thorpe Park, which is indomitably terrible. But however, the staff, ride hosts and operators brighten up the days better than at Thorpe Park, where they stand around doing nothing. A good example of this customer service at Chessington is on Rameses Revenge (Better known as Ripsaw Ripoff or Rammeh), where a German ride op makes each ride a little faster and much more water sprayed whenever [[Alton Towers]] or [[Ripsaw]] is mentioned, thus creating banter-to-extent-abuse with the customers.

Chessington is most famous for its 'Evil Satan Minion' national park in the Vampire queue line. TTFers [[Rowe]] and [[Michael]] can often be found viewing these mystical creatures.

Thorpe Park

2010-06-03T18:05:43Z

TheMan:

''Oops, Maybe You Were looking For [[Fail]]'' <br>

''(Graciously stolen from Unencyclopedia. Thanks!)''

'''Geldaland/Obditude''' is a park in Chertsey, near Mongolia so care must be taken when driving to the park. It is suggested that all car doors and windows locked and all limbs to be kept inside the car at all times. It was built in 1979 on the site of a cesspit which was partially flooded to make the park smaller. The park's first large roller coaster, Lolossus, was added in [[2002]] and to this day has had nearly a whole hours worth of maintenance .

*Location: United Kingdom
*Operating Season: Who cares, it's rubbish anyway!
*Rides Open: Once a Century. (Stealth open one morning in June if no repair work is needed)
*Area: 3,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 inches
*Rides: Nemesis Instupendo, Humdinger, Rushed, XXX, For the lossus, Bore-tex, Shamurai, Health, Drybina Slumba Cr*pids, Snore: Alive and SORE: the ride.
*Slogan: ''Join the queue for real fun!''
*Mission: To provide the UK's worst day out!

==History==
[[Image:Xcolonbackslash.jpg|right|thumb|X:\No Way Out was originally named because the attraction was so messed up that people had trouble finding the way out. The Way Out was eventually located and now the attraction is better known as X:\WTF]]
The park was opened in 1979 by [[Henry VIII]] shortly after he killed his 4th wife. The main attraction at the time was the first catapult attraction in the UK, where small [[cat]]s were launched from rubber bands into the surrounding cesspit. Other early attractions include ''XXX:\What The F*&#'' and ''Tidal Wave'' (known as Titanic at that time). Both these rides continue to stand (but not always operate) to this day.

Shortly after the park's opening it sought to compete with Brighton Pier's ride prices on food alone (luckily rides didn't cost per ride) they were just £300.00 for unlimited rides (well the open ones) as for Brighton Pier's £2000.00 per ride charge.

==Creche Service==
There is a creche service available. To access the park's child care facilities simply give each child £60 and send them to a drink vending machine and then leave. Your children can be picked up from the lost and found office conveniently located by the park exit at the end of the day.

==Food and Drink==
[[Image:Thorpeparkpizzahut.jpg|right|thumb|Thorpe Park's [[Pizza Hut]] buffet is a popular spot for food and drink]]
Refreshments are a little on the pricey side at £60 per bottle of water, but that is a small price to pay to stop kidney failure due to dehydration.

All the usual fast food outlets are present, ranging from [[KFC]] to Nemesis Nosh.
The staff are friendly for Londoners and remember, unless you want special sauce, do not engage in laughing at their low-income jobs until after you receive your food.
Normally the best time to go ride the rides is at lunch time when all the fat people are feeding.

==Attractions==
===Port Atlantis===
The main attraction of this large pointless dome is the bar. This is an essential part of every visit as a crafty shot of cheeky Vimto in between every ride makes for a more interesting day. Anything takes the edge off the freezing temperatures of a hot English summer.

===Amity Cove===
[[Image:Thorpe-amitycove.jpg|left|thumb|Thorpe Park is well known for its cleanliness and upkeep]]
The main attraction in Amity Cove is Tidal Wave, built in 1827 and shipped over from France. It is an old favourite. The ride takes riders 100 feet in the air and drops them into a slightly damp sponge far below.
For those of you that don't want to risk piles from walking around in damp thongs all day a 0.5 watt heater/dryer is available for £30 a minute.

===Stealth===
Thorpe Park's biggest attraction, <s>HUMDINGER</s> Stealth can be found here but since it is stealthy it is not easy to find. Stealth is a pioneering new rubber band launch hyper-active disorder coaster that takes 60mg of [[Ritalin]] before shooting riders out of the station several inches inches into the sky. A common misconception is that the ride travels 0-80 in under 2 seconds. This is actually referring to the queue time. If you need to find the maintenance team (a man called Bob) he can normally be found scratching his head while looking at the rubber bands under this ride. A common failure of the ride is rollback, which is caused by a lot of fat b*s*a*d* sitting towards the back of the train. This then results in the fat people being ejected from the park and the slightly less weighty ones get another ride without having to queue.
The ride comes to a disappointing ending as the ride takes 17 seconds to finish and the lap restraints take 17 minutes.

===Lost City===
The Lost City is a hard place to write about and an even harder place to find (which is why its hard to write about).
When you finally find the Lost City it is worth the hunt because there is:

*Zodiac, a roundabout
*Rush, a swing
*Vortex, a roundabout sellotaped to a swing

And Colossus, the park's first real [[roller coaster]]. Built in 2002 by [[Roller coaster#Intamin|Intamin]], a company notable for creating unreliable (and dangerous) rides, Colossus is the worlds first money extraction coaster, and has been cleverly designed to remove all your spare change, body piercings, belly button fluff, internal organs and small children from your possession. To save money, the park maintenance team (Bob) has removed all the wheels from this ride to save greasing the bearings. The sound of grinding metal can be heard all over London, even above the constant sound of gun shots. Colossus is more commonly known as either lolossus, colossucks or for-the-lossus

No: Way Out To Sex was originally designed to disappoint guests and make them leave thinking about how much time they wasted in the queue. It is located in a pyramid so guests cannot see how poor the ride actually is and will still waste their time standing in a long queue to experience a piece of crap, this is obvious by the guests' disappointed looks as they exit the pyramid and remarks such as " it was sh*t"

===Calypso Quay===

====Nemesis====
''Nemesis Inferior'' is an attempt to make a ride like Nemesis at [[Alton Towers]]. The designers failed to top the reputation of the original Nemesis, but at least it was still better than Infusion at [[Blackpool|Blackpool Pleasure Beach]]. If you have back problems, heart conditions, intoxication, impotency, or old age, this is the ideal ride for you. Nemesis leaves the station then enters a cave of dry ice to fuck up any asthmatics, then it does something else and then returns back to the station. This is the longest ride in the park and takes a staggering fifteen seconds to complete the circuit.

The main similarities of this ride to the Nemesis in Alton Towers (besides the name) is the teenage, pregnant, spotty staff, which I am assured that they have all attended the two hour course on advanced [[roller coaster]] operation procedures and checking safety belts.

====Detonator====
Just outside the KFC take-away is every [[Anorexia|anorexic's]] favorite ride, Detonator.
This one hundred foot high stomach pump is designed to help even the fattest of [[fatty|fatties]] lose weight. It is fun for all the family.
Everyones flab goes flying!
[[Image:Thorpeparkdetonatorqueue.jpg|left|thumb|Sometimes the lines get so long that the wait time doesn't fit on the sign, resulting in the park switching to using [[hexadecimal]]. Hint: dd = 221]]

====Rumba Rapids====
After a hectic day, what's better than to hide in a wet and dark cave?
Ensure you don't lift an [[ass|arse]] cheek off the seat as the staff won't hesitate to scream at you over a nearby speaker.
Rumba Rapids and all the park's water rides pump their water fresh from the cesspit surrounding the park, to ensure you still have that Thorpe Park Smell weeks after your visit.

====Other rides====
"Time Voyagers"- A "4D" "film" where you are sprayed with dirty lake water and have air blown in your face. Guests often respond with their own "4D effects" by launching various projectiles at the screen and staff members.

===Canada Creek===
[[Canada]] Creek is another "themed" section of the park. Among its rides are a log flume that breaks down regularly, resulting in long lines, a train ride that no longer goes anywhere at all significant, and Slammer, a ride that was notable for causing extreme shoulder pain (among other pain), burst vanes in the heads and leaving riders stranded upside down.

====SORE: The Ride====
[[Image:ThorpeParkMill.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SAW: The Ride is Thorpe Park's latest ride]]
[[Saw|SAW]]: The Ride is Thorpe Park's latest and greatest roller coaster. In keeping with Thorpe Park's tradition, it broke down during the celebrity preview event <ref>Thurlow, M. & Wilson, B. (2009) "Dozens stranded as new £13m Saw ride breaks down at Thorpe Park celebrity launch party". Daily Mail Online, Thursday 12 March. Available at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1161461/Dozens-stranded-new-13m-Saw-ride-breaks-Thorpe-Park-celebrity-launch-party.html O</ref>, and again during its opening day.

Riders are tested by Jigsaw to see how long they can stay in the queue whilst the ride shuts down every 10 minutes.

===Neptune's Kingdom===
Another pointless attraction from the days before rides were invented is the beach.
The beach is a Plaster of [[Paris]] mock up of a beach, complete with realistic water, sharp shells and sharks.
What better way to spend the day after paying the price of a small London apartment to enter the park, than to sit on a pretend beach?

WARNING: Do not attempt to make any mobile phone calls while on the beach, the staff will accuse you of trying to take pictures of little kids.

===Virtual Q===
Another new attraction to this park is the Virtual Q, in which you join a long queue line that goes right around the park. Every few hours, riders get to see a sign saying things like two hours from this point, until they leave the queue line back they started. Hours of fun for everyone.

===Fastrack===
Another of Thorpe Park's ingenious ways of skipping the queues which last longer than the queue boards care to say, is fastrack. There are many different fastrack packages available from as little as just £3,000,000. And for this lifetime investment of money you get the fantastic opportunity to skip a wopping 3 seconds of queueing time for rides which you've ridden 1,264 times before. Guaranteed to make you broke, though most of Thorpe's guests find this a reasonable price to pay.

===Single Rider Queue===
Thorpe Park is the ideal place to go if you are single, smell of BO (although those with BO will be banned from the park if caught<ref>[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1207324/Theme-park-bans-thrillseekers-riding-rollercoasters-arms-air--body-odour.html Theme park bans thrill seekers riding roller coasters]</ref>), or just have no friends. People socially challenged can get to jump the queue line. Fans of the rides (most of them homeless) use this to ride the same ride over and over again. It was reported that many single rider whoring fanboys have died of shock after Thorpe Park realised its guests were too fat from the vomit they offer to shove down their guests mouths for lunchtime for the exit to handle having a single rider queue. However realising this Thorpe Park have added a Single Rider Queue for the Flying Fish, meaning that parents who allow their children to go off for a nice ride on their own are inevitably horrified to find their offspring sat next to a rather dodgy looking theme park enthusiast. Terrifying small children by using this method is not reported to be compulsory, but most of the people who would actually choose to single rider the Flying Fish have a natural gift for this anyway.

==New for 2010==
To attract as many chavs to the park as possible, Thorpe Park have advertised a new attraction for 2010. Named 'The Big Erection', in an attempt to make all the internet-obsessed brats on Facebook laugh, the attraction consists of a real shark shoved into the side of a KFC building. Bob, manager of the Disappointment Department at Thorpe Park, stated: "We are pleased to announce that we will be scamming billions of chavs by advertising our Big New Erection as a ride, when in fact we found the shark dumped in one of the toilets during our 50-yearly clean. We hope that all the vandals who flock to the only part of the park where they feel at home, KFC, will notice the shark and try and set it on fire so that we don't have to." The attraction is named 'The Big Erection' because the uptuned tail of the shark sticking out of the building 'looks lak a pay-ness!' according to a passing imbecile.

Also new for 2010 is the new 'SORE: Alive' horror maze opening next to SORE: The Ride. Visitors are tested to see how long they can stay in a cattle-pen queueline, estimated to gain up to 560 hours once the chavs hear about it; until they are finally lead on to an old boat that Thorpe Park found rotting in the lake. Scenes in the maze include the park's actual oldest toilet which has been freshly pissed all over as part of Thorpe Park's competition to find the smelliest excrement, a room where a man whose intestines are showing sits up a bit, then lies back down again and a room where people that look like they've tried to eat red face-paint grab your leg. Jigsaw from the SORE movie franchise tells those who queued to get on the boat that he "wants to play a game". He plays a version of Truth or Dare in which he chooses whether to force them to go on Colossus or make them queue up again. Bob, Head of Disappointment, said: "The purpose of SORE: Alive is merely to watch all the idiots who gave us their money get raped at the end."

==Fright Nights==
Special nights are held every year called Fright Nights, where Bob sits down and tells everyone just how little work he does and points out general important repairs he can't be [[ass|arsed]] to do. The evening finishes off with a terrifying ride on the ever decaying Colossus which leaves guests feeling as though they've been hit with a giant hammer about 12 times.
Thorpe park has 'mazes' on fright nights in which they attempt to scare and disturb people, especially children. They attempt this by placing actors around in the mazes that ARE allowed to touch you but YOU are not allowed to touch them other wise they'll shout out 'rape'. We didn't really find it that scary but it was disturbing when they come up to you and try to hump you to death but you can avoid this by shouting 'fuck off you jew'. People regularly suffer heart attacks or die in these attractions, if this happened the usual procedure is to slide the body through the maze and dump it at the end.

For 2009, Thorpe Park are making the park scarier by challenging you to wait all night for Saw to be back in operation while someone steals/attempts to steal your car.

==Marketing==

Thorpe Krap is well known for its many marketing scams, such as the recent 'Say No to BO'. This was introduced after the park decided all it's guests smelt bad. The result was that raising arms on rides may have result in <s>Rape</s> being ejected from the park. This backfired and resulted in every guest flinging their arms everywhere to escape back to [[Chessington: World of Adventures]] (AND ZOO!!!!11!!1) where they were all locked in Bubbleworks.