Chav - Revision history

Delta79 at 00:44, 27 February 2013

2013-02-27T00:44:04Z

Delta79: Undo revision 3409 by Delta79 (talk)

2013-02-27T00:43:12Z

Undo revision 3409 by Delta79 (talk)

Delta79 at 00:41, 27 February 2013

2013-02-27T00:41:58Z

Alexander at 00:33, 22 December 2012

2012-12-22T00:33:23Z

TedTheHuman: /* At Theme Parks */

2011-04-04T19:04:23Z

‎At Theme Parks

DanDan: Is this better?

2011-04-04T18:57:30Z

Is this better?

TedTheHuman at 17:27, 4 April 2011

2011-04-04T17:27:04Z

TedTheHuman at 17:20, 4 April 2011

2011-04-04T17:20:24Z

TedTheHuman at 17:18, 4 April 2011

2011-04-04T17:18:23Z

CoasterCrazyChris: Moved innit, innit.

2011-01-01T14:30:42Z

Moved innit, innit.

@@ Line 33: / Line 33: @@
 Chavs tend to be more at home at Thorpe Park because the staff understand their needs for domination, loud chart music, a lack of theming and a map only they would be proud of showing off to their 'mates'. There is normally nothing to be done about avoiding Chavs at Thorpe unless you went on a really quiet day, otherwise you're stuffed on a busy day when you're stuck between two groups of the race in a 2 hour queue for either [[Colossus]], [[SAW: The Ride]] or [[Stealth]]. The claustrophobia will automatically worsen when the ride breaks down. It is heavily advised you think through your decisions before queueing on a busy day.
-Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[TowersTimes|TST]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up, [[Air]] where they collonise on the breakrun (Spitting amongst other things) and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
+Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[TowersStreet|TST]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up, [[Air]] where they collonise on the breakrun (Spitting amongst other things) and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
 The main Chav grounds within both theme parks are Burger King and KFC, both of which can be avoidable if the General Public are smart enough to head for less grease worthy eateries. You can recognise a group of Chavs in a fast food place simply by the amount of chairs missing and speed of the staff working behind the counter.

@@ Line 33: / Line 33: @@
 Chavs tend to be more at home at Thorpe Park because the staff understand their needs for domination, loud chart music, a lack of theming and a map only they would be proud of showing off to their 'mates'. There is normally nothing to be done about avoiding Chavs at Thorpe unless you went on a really quiet day, otherwise you're stuffed on a busy day when you're stuck between two groups of the race in a 2 hour queue for either [[Colossus]], [[SAW: The Ride]] or [[Stealth]]. The claustrophobia will automatically worsen when the ride breaks down. It is heavily advised you think through your decisions before queueing on a busy day.
-Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[Towersstreet|TST]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up, [[Air]] where they collonise on the breakrun (Spitting amongst other things) and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
+Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[TowersTimes|TST]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up, [[Air]] where they collonise on the breakrun (Spitting amongst other things) and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
 The main Chav grounds within both theme parks are Burger King and KFC, both of which can be avoidable if the General Public are smart enough to head for less grease worthy eateries. You can recognise a group of Chavs in a fast food place simply by the amount of chairs missing and speed of the staff working behind the counter.

@@ Line 33: / Line 33: @@
 Chavs tend to be more at home at Thorpe Park because the staff understand their needs for domination, loud chart music, a lack of theming and a map only they would be proud of showing off to their 'mates'. There is normally nothing to be done about avoiding Chavs at Thorpe unless you went on a really quiet day, otherwise you're stuffed on a busy day when you're stuck between two groups of the race in a 2 hour queue for either [[Colossus]], [[SAW: The Ride]] or [[Stealth]]. The claustrophobia will automatically worsen when the ride breaks down. It is heavily advised you think through your decisions before queueing on a busy day.
-Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[TowersTimes|TST]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up, [[Air]] where they collonise on the breakrun (Spitting amongst other things) and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
+Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[Towersstreet|TST]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up, [[Air]] where they collonise on the breakrun (Spitting amongst other things) and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
 The main Chav grounds within both theme parks are Burger King and KFC, both of which can be avoidable if the General Public are smart enough to head for less grease worthy eateries. You can recognise a group of Chavs in a fast food place simply by the amount of chairs missing and speed of the staff working behind the counter.

@@ Line 7: / Line 7: @@
 == Dealing With Chavs ==
-Chavs are a tricky race to deal with and can unexpectedly draw the average man, woman or TTFer into their clutches. The most common phrase to be repeated when one or one's friend is caught in this situation is "''Remain Calm''" but how to deal with the problem is most touchy and careful so to make a wrong move will cause terrible consequences.
+Chavs are a tricky race to deal with and can unexpectedly draw the average man, woman or TSTer into their clutches. The most common phrase to be repeated when one or one's friend is caught in this situation is "''Remain Calm''" but how to deal with the problem is most touchy and careful so to make a wrong move will cause terrible consequences.
 ==== In Reality ====
@@ Line 33: / Line 33: @@
 Chavs tend to be more at home at Thorpe Park because the staff understand their needs for domination, loud chart music, a lack of theming and a map only they would be proud of showing off to their 'mates'. There is normally nothing to be done about avoiding Chavs at Thorpe unless you went on a really quiet day, otherwise you're stuffed on a busy day when you're stuck between two groups of the race in a 2 hour queue for either [[Colossus]], [[SAW: The Ride]] or [[Stealth]]. The claustrophobia will automatically worsen when the ride breaks down. It is heavily advised you think through your decisions before queueing on a busy day.
-Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[TowersTimes|TTF]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up, [[Air]] where they collonise on the breakrun (Spitting amongst other things) and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
+Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[TowersTimes|TST]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up, [[Air]] where they collonise on the breakrun (Spitting amongst other things) and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
 The main Chav grounds within both theme parks are Burger King and KFC, both of which can be avoidable if the General Public are smart enough to head for less grease worthy eateries. You can recognise a group of Chavs in a fast food place simply by the amount of chairs missing and speed of the staff working behind the counter.

@@ Line 33: / Line 33: @@
 Chavs tend to be more at home at Thorpe Park because the staff understand their needs for domination, loud chart music, a lack of theming and a map only they would be proud of showing off to their 'mates'. There is normally nothing to be done about avoiding Chavs at Thorpe unless you went on a really quiet day, otherwise you're stuffed on a busy day when you're stuck between two groups of the race in a 2 hour queue for either [[Colossus]], [[SAW: The Ride]] or [[Stealth]]. The claustrophobia will automatically worsen when the ride breaks down. It is heavily advised you think through your decisions before queueing on a busy day.
-Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[TowersTimes|TTF]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
+Meanwhile at Alton Towers, Chavs have to try harder to win their dominance within the park as it is a family resort, meaning innocent sprogs are running about with their possibly dangerous parents as well as enthusiasts such as [[TowersTimes|TTF]], who can easily block the queues by linking arms and stop a Chav or even a group from queue jumping. Most Chavs are seen lingering around [[Rita]], [[Congo River Rapids]] where they tend to stand up, [[Air]] where they collonise on the breakrun (Spitting amongst other things) and [[Nemesis]], where particularly on the latter, a group will argue that "''dis is not da real Nemezis, da real one is at Thorpe, I saw dat last week innit so dey shud rename it''" before attempting to chuck their empty bottles through the loop 'for da lolz'.
 The main Chav grounds within both theme parks are Burger King and KFC, both of which can be avoidable if the General Public are smart enough to head for less grease worthy eateries. You can recognise a group of Chavs in a fast food place simply by the amount of chairs missing and speed of the staff working behind the counter.
 === Useful Phrases ===

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 The '''Chav''' is a species of human being that is commonly found in cities, towns and theme parks. Members of the Chav race can often be distinguished from ordinary people by their choice of vocabularly, earings, cigarettes and the tendancy to call everybody they pass by on the street a "gayboy".
-Chavs make up 78.6% of the General Public, and are the most successful species of human (Probably because of their inability to control their breeding habits) They often avoid the [[Alton Towers]] smoking ban because they think they are cool. Another popular habit is to spit at people from high places, showing off their saliva glands to the to attract a mate.
+Chavs make up 78.6% of the General Public, and are the most successful species of human (Probably because of their inability to control their breeding habits). They often avoid the [[Alton Towers]] smoking ban because they think they are cool. Another popular habit is to spit at people from high places, showing off their saliva glands to the to attract a mate.
 However, a Chav tends to be rather friendly and therefore most vulnerable when alone or with parents. It's best to catch them in this situation in order to gently converse. This may result in the Chav having an epiphany and change in lifestyle, depending on how you talk to them. An extreme example is switching from being a 'hard man' to 'softly spoken gentleman'.
-=== Popular Chav Phrases ===
+== Dealing With Chavs ==
 *Brrrap brrrap, innit!
 *Innit, blad!
@@ Line 16: / Line 49: @@
 *P*sseh ride, innit!
 *Innit!

@@ Line 16: / Line 16: @@
 *P*sseh ride, innit!
 *Innit!
 == Why are they here? ==
 The chavs inhabit the Alton Towers grounds because there is a source of food and there are lots of things for them to vandalise and sleep in, the chav also like Alton because here there are people to hassle and intimidate. They are also extremely stupid, they tend to become easily aggravated and regularly find themselves in some sort of trouble.
 == What is being done to rid us of this problem? ==
 There is a new project under way to trap the chavs and return them to their natural habitat (outside shops and at local parks), this is being achieved by creating a new chav trap, this consists of a brightly painted hollow pipe, the chav will be confused by this and scientists have discovered that a flaw in the chavs DNA means that if confronted by a bright hollow tube the chav will place its head inside it, this when the chav trap will tighten over its head and trap it, then the chav collection squad will arrive, put it in a van and drive it to its new home. This trap was tested in 2010 and it worked, trapping a particularly stupid chav and rendering him even more useless to society.
 == What should you do if you spot a chav ? ==
 Remain calm, it is probably more scared of you than you are of it, find the nearest member of staff and confirm a chav sighting, he will then send in a squad to capture it, or lay a chav trap, a chav can be identified by wearing a cheep tracksuit, some surprisingly expensive stolen trainers, a cap and walking with what can only be described as swagger, do not approach the chav as it may bite you, if this happens then visit the medical centre on towers street where you will be given an anti scum shot, if you go without this shot then you will start to ware increasingly worse cloths, not shower, begin to speak their language and have no aspirations of getting a job.
 Alton towers are currently dealing with this problem in their 10 year plan and the problem will soon be over.
 Thank you for reading.

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:18, 4 April 2011
Line 16:		Line 16:
	Psseh ride, innit!		Psseh ride, innit!
	*Innit!		*Innit!
		+
		+
		+	== Why are they here? ==
		+
		+	The chavs inhabit the Alton Towers grounds because there is a source of food and there are lots of things for them to vandalise and sleep in, the chav also like Alton because here there are people to hassle and intimidate. They are also extremely stupid, they tend to become easily aggravated and regularly find themselves in some sort of trouble.
		+
		+
		+	== What is being done to rid us of this problem? ==
		+
		+	There is a new project under way to trap the chavs and return them to their natural habitat (outside shops and at local parks), this is being achieved by creating a new chav trap, this consists of a brightly painted hollow pipe, the chav will be confused by this and scientists have discovered that a flaw in the chavs DNA means that if confronted by a bright hollow tube the chav will place its head inside it, this when the chav trap will tighten over its head and trap it, then the chav collection squad will arrive, put it in a van and drive it to its new home. This trap was tested in 2010 and it worked, trapping a particularly stupid chav and rendering him even more useless to society.
		+
		+
		+	== What should you do if you spot a chav ? ==
		+
		+	Remain calm, it is probably more scared of you than you are of it, find the nearest member of staff and confirm a chav sighting, he will then send in a squad to capture it, or lay a chav trap, a chav can be identified by wearing a cheep tracksuit, some surprisingly expensive stolen trainers, a cap and walking with what can only be described as swagger, do not approach the chav as it may bite you, if this happens then visit the medical centre on towers street where you will be given an anti scum shot, if you go without this shot then you will start to ware increasingly worse cloths, not shower, begin to speak their language and have no aspirations of getting a job.
		+
		+
		+	Alton towers are currently dealing with this problem in their 10 year plan and the problem will soon be over.
		+	Thank you for reading.

@@ Line 14: / Line 14: @@
 *You f*****, s*** l**** r*****ing, innit!
 *Let wu' go then, innit! ''(Generally only heard in locations "oop North" of England)''
 *P*sseh ride, innit!