Thorpe Park: The Musical

Revision as of 12:14, 22 March 2011

Thorpe Park: The Musical is a brand new project recently announced by Merlin Entertainments Ltd as their first attempt to branch out into the theatre industry as an entertainment company, with a budget of £6 and planned premier in the Arena at Thorpe Park.

Tickets are rumoured to be: Stalls at £1,000. Lower Circle at £2,000. Upper Circle at £4,000.

Fasttrack for this show is also rumoured to be £50456833546 to enter the Arena 1.1 milliseconds before everyone else.

Plot

Rumoured to be written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, "... an action adventure within a Staines theme park, combining romance, tragedy, monologues about the sheer pain Chavs go through to be accepted in society... and lemurs..."

Act 1

Rides break down at Thorpe Park.

People complain. Rides get better. They break down again.

Act 2

Someone has a epiphany. Nobody really cares. Another ride breaks down.

Act 3

Agnes gives birth on X:\WTF. Still nobody really cares.

Act 4

Someone goes toilet in the Tidal Wave pool. No-one notices.

Act 5

Someone has a cup of tea and they wait for all this to blow over.

Proposed Main Cast List

Michael Ball - Marius the Mechanic
Michael Crawford - Erik the Phantom Mechanic
Lee Mead - Trevor the Varicoloured Chav
Lea Michelle - Trevor's Pregnant Girlfriend, Agnes
Richard O'Brien - Igor the Time-Warped Ride Operator
Elaine Page - Doris the Guest Services Cat
Tim Curry - The Real Nick Varney
Barbra Streisand - Barbra Streisand
Jasper Carrott - Waldey
Jonathan Ross - Man on SAW: The Ride
Mazz Murray - Killer Queen (Laura Friedman - Head of Marketing)
Louie Spence - Ride Operator

Song List

Version 1 (Variety)

Although only half of the song list has been released, it has been rumoured Elton John will be working on the music with Barry Manilow on the lyrics, accompanied by Lil' Wayne and T-Pain as musical contributors.

All Chavs Allowed
Who Wants To Ride Anyway
Queue Jumper! (Prosecutor!)
Technical Delay - The Mechanic's Song
Kumbayah! ([Ride] Is Broken, My Lord)
The Pizza Hut Buffet Blues
Let Me Detonate You
The Rumba Rapids Rumba
Stealthy
If Only We Could Rollback (Time)
One Delay More
Fire Exit (No Way Out)
There's Nothing Here For The Kids (feat. Kid Cudi)
Another Man Rides The Rush
The Music Of The Fright Night
I Am The Agnes
I Have A Complaint (There's No-One Home)

Version 2 (Daft Punk w00t!)

Other rumours tend to suggest that French House Band Daft Punk will be scoring the musical. Naturally this makes the musical awesome.

One More Ride
Da Funky Stench Near SAW
Robot Rocks Near Colossus
Aerodynamic (Song for Stealth)
Ride it, Break it, Fix it, Test it, Break it, Tape it, Kick 'n' Destroy it.
Something About Colossus
Rollin' and Scratchin' the floor with our feet.
Alive (Just)
Burnin' Witches
Advertisments Rules The Nation

No wonder Thorpe Park are running out of money! ~~(Yeah right, I wish)~~

~~Never~~ Coming Soon.

Merchandising

Original Cast Recording Soundtrack

Digital Download (96 Kbps mp3!)
Standard CD (Burnt onto a Tesco Value disc)
Strictly Limited 2 disc edition (Second Disc featuring ride noises, some examples are "Exciting Chain lift!" and "Hydraulic Launch!")
Strictly Strictly Limited Vinyl Edition (smashed, naturally)

Clothing Range

All clothes by Bench and Henleys.

"Insert Name Here" went to Thorpe Park and all I got was this stupid T-Shirt.

@@ Line 60: / Line 60: @@
 #The [[Rumba Rapids]] Rumba
 #Stealthy
+#If Only We Could Rollback (Time)
 #One Delay More
 #Fire Exit (No Way Out)