The Smiler
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| − | '''Secret Weapon 7''' | + | '''The Smiler''' (previously known as '''Secret Weapon 7''' and commonly abbreviated to '''<nowiki>SW7</nowiki>''') is the latest in the long line of over-hyped coasters at [[Alton Towers]], designed by the [[Marketing Department]]. Contrary to previous rumours, the ride did not turn out to be the world's first stand-up wooden babycoaster, including a FREE stay-down breakfast. It was rumoured that ''The Smiler'' might open sometime in 2013, however delays were being strategically planned so that the ride could indeed be opened as new for [[2014]]. |
| − | The [[ | + | The [[rollercoaster]] was be manufactured by <s>[[Pinfari]]</s> [[Gerstlauer]] (following Vekoma being deemed as too expensive), and features <s>8</s> 14 inversions, hence the lesser known name, [[Th13teen|FOU13TEEN]]. You have to sign a form declaring that you are not a [[Chav|chav]] in order to be allowed to ride; all chavs (along with [[Trolls|trolls]], [[Noobs|noobs]], and people who don't write [[Hex - The Legend of the Towers]] out in full) who will be sent to [[Rita|Rita]] instead, to ride her like the whore she is. |
| − | In addition to this, rumours arose on [[ | + | In addition to this, additional rumours arose on the <nowiki>Alton Towers</nowiki> [[Faffbook|Facebook]] page that <nowiki>SW7</nowiki> would be named "THE FLYING KINKONATOR" and would be built over <nowiki>Hex</nowiki> in a few years. |
| − | + | The ride was previously tipped to be themed on Stephen King's IT, specifically Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Staff would sell Fasttracks while in costume and character of Pennywise, IE) "don'tcha wanna Fastrack? Don'tcha wannit? Don'tcha WANNIT!?, DON'TCHA WANNIT!!??" but they would not be permitted to bare fangs until the Scarefest fortnight. | |
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| + | The ride opened in March... Erm, April... Okay, mid-May. Oh fine, it opened on the final day of May. Then it broke down some more due to the vast amount stickers in the queue. The Smiler was later plagued with bad weather issues, constantly raining bolts (and occasionally wheels) onto guests and riders alike every other week. | ||
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| + | Aside from these issues and the vast amounts of concrete (earning it the nickname of 'Concrete: The Ride), the ride was fairly well received. This may be due to the significant amount of L3wpz, incorrectly spelled signs, YELLOW and LOUD and swirls and TVs and stickers andandandanddanananana fun (emphasis on the 'un'). Many people have said that it's better than Nemesis, just as they did when lukeSWARM opened. Nope.jpeg. | ||
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| + | The Smiler does a lot of loop-de-loops as well making it the best ride eva! Well, the second best after TH13TEEN of course. The washing machine element is on a hidden siding, but the track switch will only route you to it if you REALLY believe in it. It's meant to be pretty darn fun. Pity that we all can't try it out! | ||
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| + | The The Smiler disciples are now a common occurrence at the park (a.k.a just "enthusiasts") and can often be found strutting around 'MoJ-Sector' like they own the place / ride, adorned in vast quantities of overpriced Smiler tat and claiming their allegiance to what is effectively just a pile of metal and concrete arranged in the shape of fun. The tat, much like the plumage of some birds, is often used by geeks to bring themselves to the attention of other geeks, or to show their belonging to a certain group / online community. It can also be used to scare away normal people that just want a nice day out without having their eyes burnt out of their sockets from the substantial amount of YELLOW. An excuse often used for the offense of buying some of the tat on offer is "itz 4 teh funniez", in which case you are obliged to reply with something along the lines of "it isn't funny". | ||
| + | [[Category:Alton Towers]] | ||
| + | [[Category:Ride]] | ||
Latest revision as of 13:10, 20 February 2014
The Smiler (previously known as Secret Weapon 7 and commonly abbreviated to SW7) is the latest in the long line of over-hyped coasters at Alton Towers, designed by the Marketing Department. Contrary to previous rumours, the ride did not turn out to be the world's first stand-up wooden babycoaster, including a FREE stay-down breakfast. It was rumoured that The Smiler might open sometime in 2013, however delays were being strategically planned so that the ride could indeed be opened as new for 2014.
The rollercoaster was be manufactured by Pinfari Gerstlauer (following Vekoma being deemed as too expensive), and features 8 14 inversions, hence the lesser known name, FOU13TEEN. You have to sign a form declaring that you are not a chav in order to be allowed to ride; all chavs (along with trolls, noobs, and people who don't write Hex - The Legend of the Towers out in full) who will be sent to Rita instead, to ride her like the whore she is.
In addition to this, additional rumours arose on the Alton Towers Facebook page that SW7 would be named "THE FLYING KINKONATOR" and would be built over Hex in a few years.
The ride was previously tipped to be themed on Stephen King's IT, specifically Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Staff would sell Fasttracks while in costume and character of Pennywise, IE) "don'tcha wanna Fastrack? Don'tcha wannit? Don'tcha WANNIT!?, DON'TCHA WANNIT!!??" but they would not be permitted to bare fangs until the Scarefest fortnight.
The ride opened in March... Erm, April... Okay, mid-May. Oh fine, it opened on the final day of May. Then it broke down some more due to the vast amount stickers in the queue. The Smiler was later plagued with bad weather issues, constantly raining bolts (and occasionally wheels) onto guests and riders alike every other week.
Aside from these issues and the vast amounts of concrete (earning it the nickname of 'Concrete: The Ride), the ride was fairly well received. This may be due to the significant amount of L3wpz, incorrectly spelled signs, YELLOW and LOUD and swirls and TVs and stickers andandandanddanananana fun (emphasis on the 'un'). Many people have said that it's better than Nemesis, just as they did when lukeSWARM opened. Nope.jpeg.
The Smiler does a lot of loop-de-loops as well making it the best ride eva! Well, the second best after TH13TEEN of course. The washing machine element is on a hidden siding, but the track switch will only route you to it if you REALLY believe in it. It's meant to be pretty darn fun. Pity that we all can't try it out!
The The Smiler disciples are now a common occurrence at the park (a.k.a just "enthusiasts") and can often be found strutting around 'MoJ-Sector' like they own the place / ride, adorned in vast quantities of overpriced Smiler tat and claiming their allegiance to what is effectively just a pile of metal and concrete arranged in the shape of fun. The tat, much like the plumage of some birds, is often used by geeks to bring themselves to the attention of other geeks, or to show their belonging to a certain group / online community. It can also be used to scare away normal people that just want a nice day out without having their eyes burnt out of their sockets from the substantial amount of YELLOW. An excuse often used for the offense of buying some of the tat on offer is "itz 4 teh funniez", in which case you are obliged to reply with something along the lines of "it isn't funny".
