Heather Slaw
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| − | Slaw's first notable entry in the ongoing saga of what has since been earmarked as 'The Slaw Slashers' is believed to have occurred in Rugeley, Staffordshire, whereby she is considered to have found her initial victim within the establishment known as 'The Plaza'. Building upon her early successes, she is believed to have continued her misdemeanors across the entirety of the West Midlands, with some of her most notorious murders centering around a particular drinking establishment in the Staffordshire Moorlands. Furthermore, "wore Heather" has also been a keen visitor to major tourist attractions within the United Kingdom since the late 1980s. Indeed, such is her fondness of core attractions - it has been claimed that on a 2011 visit to the London Eye, Slaw sought to provoke Merlin Entertainments CEO, N. Varney, into disclosing his darkest secrets in order to have him removed via the British tabloids. As a professional man, Mr. Varney disclosed no such secrets and Ms. Slaw was said to be left seething before moving on to her next victim, the chair of the European group 'Parques Reunidos'. | + | Slaw's first notable entry in the ongoing saga of what has since been earmarked as 'The Slaw Slashers' is believed to have occurred in Rugeley, Staffordshire, whereby she is considered to have found her initial victim within the establishment known as 'The Plaza'. Building upon her early successes, she is believed to have continued her misdemeanors across the entirety of the West Midlands, with some of her most notorious murders centering around a particular drinking establishment in the Staffordshire Moorlands. Furthermore, "wore Heather" has also been a keen visitor to major tourist attractions within the United Kingdom since the late 1980s. Indeed, such is her fondness of core attractions - it has been claimed that on a 2011 visit to the London Eye, Slaw sought to provoke Merlin Entertainments CEO, N. Varney, into disclosing his darkest secrets in order to have him removed via the British tabloids. As a professional man, Mr. Varney disclosed no such secrets and Ms. Slaw was said to be left seething before moving on to her next victim, the chair of the European group 'Parques Reunidos'. He remains in post. |
Latest revision as of 21:43, 13 February 2021
Heather Slaw (not to be mistaken for the lesser-known Heather Shaw, or Heatherslaw railway), is a convicted murderer, sex icon, BISON farmer, and raging MILF.
Heather Slaw, born in [REDACTED] in [REDACTED], started her career in [REDACTED]. It is believed she spent several decades assuming the identity of a famous Liverpudlian author, before finally succumbing to her innermost desires and devoting herself to her murderous desires.
Slaw's first notable entry in the ongoing saga of what has since been earmarked as 'The Slaw Slashers' is believed to have occurred in Rugeley, Staffordshire, whereby she is considered to have found her initial victim within the establishment known as 'The Plaza'. Building upon her early successes, she is believed to have continued her misdemeanors across the entirety of the West Midlands, with some of her most notorious murders centering around a particular drinking establishment in the Staffordshire Moorlands. Furthermore, "wore Heather" has also been a keen visitor to major tourist attractions within the United Kingdom since the late 1980s. Indeed, such is her fondness of core attractions - it has been claimed that on a 2011 visit to the London Eye, Slaw sought to provoke Merlin Entertainments CEO, N. Varney, into disclosing his darkest secrets in order to have him removed via the British tabloids. As a professional man, Mr. Varney disclosed no such secrets and Ms. Slaw was said to be left seething before moving on to her next victim, the chair of the European group 'Parques Reunidos'. He remains in post.
Unfortunately, it is very difficult to find much in the way of material to research on Heather Slaw. This is due to the enforcement of the Official Secrets Act (1989), which was invoked due to the severity of her crimes. It is believed that much of her activity in the 1990s and 2000s were so repugnant that it is deemed a threat to public welfare for such information to be released to the public. Any information available on regular access to the internet is retrieved via information available before the invocation of the Official Secrets Act (1989), as well as reliable sources found on the dark web.
Various confirmed activity of Slaw are as follows:
- The kidnap and murder of a variety of infants
- The embalming of victims
- The use of revolvers as a weapon of choice
- Chief architect in residence of the Shard
- Primary method of escape is believed to be via hot air balloon
- Using the decomposed bodies of her victims to fertilise her extensive horticultural projects
Unconfirmed rumours are as follows:
- The Heatherslaw Light Railway was named after her due to a sycophantic fan of hers being a chief engineer behind the project
Please note: Slaw is often confused with 'That Whore' Heather Shaw. It is vitally important that Slaw and Shaw are not mistaken for one another. Whilst Heather Shaw is a promiscuous trollop, she is ultimately harmless, unlike 'That Bitch' Heather Slaw. Please approach this very precarious topic with caution.
