Submission

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Revision as of 23:29, 27 February 2013

Submission is a cruel and misanthropic flat ride, located at Alton Towers. It is considered by many to be "a complete load of old bollocks", however, this claim is hard to verify as approximately only 3 people have ever ridden it... and one of those was "for a dare".

History

Submission was developed in secret under the codename 'SW4.5' (Sore Willy 4.5) and inflicted upon an unwitting public in 2001. It is thought by many to have inspired Thorpe Park's eventual collection of twisted torture devices aimed at the "young teen" demographic.

While labelled as a "Chance Double Inverter", it is nothing of the kind. The mythical 'second arm' (a topic which was found in a recent study to constitute approximately 68% of all posting of TST) is a fake, or 'dummy' arm, installed to give the impression of a popular, high capacity, queue munching visual spectacle. It has never worked. Nor will it ever. Ever. So stop going on about it. In attempt to disguise this fact, Alton Towers occasionally rotate the entire ride 180 degrees to give the impression that both arms are genuine, a technique that appears to fool the vast majority of the park guests.

In its distinguished history, Submission (the name being a throwback to an ill-fated sponsorship deal with Subway) has thrilled literally... some guests.

Recent Controversy

Submission recently hit the headlines, when incredibly reliable and accurate scientific studies found that it increased riders' chances of developing a combination of paranoid schizophrenia and diarrhoea by as much as 93%.

It also causes horrible pain to any head, shoulders, chest, knees and crotch area which decreases life span heavily and increases reproductive organ deficiency.

Anybody who wishes to re-ride Submission because they thought it was fun is typically beaten with a Doc Martens boot and left for dead in the Thirteen crypt, or if they are forced to by another then their lighter sentence is being beaten with a Chelsea Boot and left for dead in the Thirteen crypt.

Trivia

Submission is known to be the favourite ride of BNP leader Nick Griffin.

The ride is immortalized in the Meshuggah song 'The Exquisite Machinery of Torture'