Closed Season

Revision as of 01:15, 24 November 2010

The 'closed season' is the veritable period which usually, in the United Kingdom, begins around the beginning of November, and ceases usually at Easter, when most theme parks re-open for business.

Many people have debated as to why UK theme parks insist upon closing their brass iron gates for upto 6 months of the year, but nobody has ever come close to the truth (which is, of course, that God himself created the closed season so that he may enjoy the suffering inflicted upon his minions followers).

Unfortunately, this period of closure has a negative effect on enthusiasts of said theme parks, with severe withdrawl symptoms often reported, including vomiting and diarrhoea. Some enthusiasts can counter-act the symptoms by resorting to attending a portfolio of (usually) Merlin shoddy midway attractions to get a 'Merlin fix', such as SeaLife, Warwick Castle, Madame Tussauds, Various Merlin Dungeons, and of course The Merlin Entertainments Ridiculously Long Named London Eye.

If all else fails, enthusiasts often find themselves huddling for warmth and comfort at their nearest cinema, bowling alley or Nando's restaurant in a last ditch attempt to prevent insanity.

Closed Season Clichés

It is also quite possible to see the effects of closed season fever by looking at the TowersTimes forums, and taking note of the topics and discussions that are created.

Such closed season fevers also bring closed season clichés, and the symptoms include topics about:

• Rubbish bins, and rubbish bin theming
• The Air tunnel, and lack of theming
• Queue line boards, and the lack of working
• The Nemesis puddle, and its lack of disappearance
• Hand Dryers, and their lack of warmth
• Taps, and their lack of the ability to turn off/on/be warm

If you spot these topics upon the midst of other random discussion on the forum, it is safe to say that closed season fever has indeed set in, and now would be a good time to evacuate the premises before it continues to spread.