Rollercoaster

This page is about rollercoasters in general.  For the ride at Mandyland see Rollercoaster(PBB). 
For a list of all articles about rollercoasters see this category page

A roller coaster is a train on a track, which exits a station and does a couple of interesting things here, there, something else and then one final big thing towards the end of the ride before returning to its appointed station. Roller coasters and speed change with every ride, you may go at 170mph on one and 1mph on another. If you are on a roller coaster that goes up to 88mph, then it is most likely you will end up someplace else in the world, especially in time and space. Most of these cases occur inside the pyramid of X:/WTF at Thorpe Park. Thirteen at Alton Towers is considered the best roller coaster in the world at the current time, in fact "The Ultimate Rollercoaster". Being the world's first 'Phycoaster', it uses state of the art technology, 3-dimensional effects and an extreme-thrills coaster section to play with the minds of its riders. Arrow Dynamics, previously one of the largest ride manufacturers, closed down after Thirteen opened, as they knew they would never be able to build a better coaster than Thirteen.

Controversy

There is much disagreement amongst enthusiasts as to what actually constitutes a roller coaster, often resulting in heated debates on forums and at meet ups. A common cause for disagreement is the acceptability of powered coasters and half-pipe or disk-o rides. An example of such a ride is Kobra at Chessington, which Sam (wrongly) considers a coaster.

Many accidents and fatalities have occured on roller coasters around the world. The most common cause of death is dangerous restraints. This is because the manufacturer might have installed over-the-shoulder restraints where they were not needed, and riders have subsequently had their heads violently bashed against them until death takes place. The most famous roller coaster in the universe, Corkscrew at Alton Towers, was forced to close after too many people died from this problem. Another common form is when restraints suddenly come unlocked half way through the ride and everybody falls out, according to members of the general public who know exaclty what they are talking about (see below). The average amount of deaths on a single roller coaster is 584.3, as of research conducted in 2007. This is death toll is considered 'safe' by Police and is not a serious problem.

The attitute of the General Public

Members of the General Public often mistakingly think that a roller coaster is only good if it has hundreds of upside down-y bits, does a loop-the-loop and travels at a billion miles per hour. They are attracted to rides that are advertised with such phrases as: "This is a white knuckle-clenching, stomach-churning, vomit-enducing, generally really unhealthy ride that is themed around horror and gore!!!!!1!!1" Tests have proved that the person's interest in the roller coaster increases with the number of exclamation marks, and doubles if any '1's are accidently typed. The GP has also been known to act completely oblivious towards the ride model, theming, atmosphere and appearance of a ride.

In late 2009, scientists conducted secret examinations of an average member of the general public's brain activity to determine why they are so unappreciative of dark rides unless they have laser guns. They discovered that the average member was too thick to understand that Bubbleworks is actually a good ride and is meant to go at 1mph because it is not a roller coaster, it is a dark ride! You sit in boats, not a coaster train, did you realise that? Hello, how could you miss the THEMING!? Oh, and just because Thirteen is too phycologically advanced for your mind does not mean you have the right to slag it off! I mean, you actually believed the marketing? Anybody who learnt English will know that it was missing the point-evidence-explain to justify its claims! Yeah, you run back to Colossus, you cobra roll obsessed chav, and DON'T COME BACK!