The Smiler

Secret Weapon 7 is the latest in the long line of over-hyped coasters to be opening at Alton Towers, thanks to Morwenna. Whilst there is no confirmation as to what it will be yet, it is set to open in 2013, and is rumoured to be the world's first stand-up wooden babycoaster, including a FREE stay-down breakfast.

The rollercoaster will be manufactured by Pinfari, and feature 8 inversions, hence the rumoured name, E8g8t. You will have to sign a form declaring that you are not a chav in order to be allowed to ride; all chavs (along with trolls, noobs, and people on the AT Facebook who don't write Hex: The Legend of the Towers out in full) will be sent to Rita instead, to ride her like the whore she is.

This is similar to the rumours of THE FLYING KINKONATOR which is 'said' to be taking over Hex in a few years.

APPARANTLY.