Residents of Hex

These are the residents of Hex. The word 'resident' is used very loosely here.

The Main Players

The worlds most powerful hoover

Charles Talbot

The 15th Earl of Shrewsbury and victim of the curse brought onto him by the hag. After a branch fell from the oak tree and a member of his family died, he ordered it to be chained up to prevent any more deaths. But you should know that the story didn’t end there. He intended to banish the curse through science and cut off another branch to experiment on, although all he ever managed to get done was a montage video of himself looking cool mixing dyed water and eyeballing tesla coils. He got bored of trying to banish the curse and instead invented T.V.s, founded Vekoma and made the world’s most powerful hoover.

The Hag

Throughout history the hag has been cursing oak trees. If you encounter her you should consult the hag survival guide by Michael Tyler;

The Hag Survival Guide by Michael Tyler

The Hag Survival Guide

1.You see the hag
2. Do not attempt to interact with the hag
3. If hag speaks, cover your ears
4. The hag will run in the direction of the nearest oak tree
5. If hag is lost Consult British Oaks: A Concise Guide by Michael Tyler
6. Locate nearest oak and head towards it in fast transport
7. If hag is seen on the way, flip her off
8. A chainsaw should be carried at all times
9. The chainsaw should be used to cut down the oak tree*
10. You are safe...unless the hag appears (In this case start at No.1)
11. In the event of the hag succeeding use chains on branches
12. Unfortunately there is no cure, please donate to hagresearch.co.uk to prevent this

*Warning. Do not use chainsaw on the hag, this will duplicate her

Variations of the Hag

Hags

The hag can appear in several other forms. Here are some of them

UV Hag

The UV (Ultra Violet) hag is known to appear in the octagon room of Hex. In the window to the left of the scaffolding to be precise. Fortunately she is rarely sited so people are mostly safe. She will constantly beg for money. Hagresearch.co.uk has found that pretending to be foreign will allow you to keep your money without being cursed.

Fake Hag

The fake hag is used by the hag as a distraction so she can pick pocket your farthings and/or curse you.

Super Hag

The Hag will only transform into Super Hag if you really p*ss her off. She will transform into a giant humanoid oak tree. The only way out of her making you feel very dizzy is to get her to chant the curse which will make her curse herself and her branches will slowly deteriorate. Unfortunately this will mean a lot of your family will die so make sure you are with a large group of people and are furthest away from her.

Other

The Talbot Hounds

The Talbot hounds are included in the earls of shresbury's badges and crests and can be seen many times around the towers. Charles Talbot used to set them on trespassers with a cry of "Release the Hounds!". It would be intresting to find out how many times they appear but nobody can be bothered to count them, and that includes me.

Lee Davies

Very shifty man obsessed with the chained oak. Rumoured to be the hag in disguise.

Damian Varley

Responsible for finding the earls secret vault. You would’ve thought he would of found it quicker.

Restoration Workers

Can be frequently heard making banging noises from the roof to make it sound like there doing something.

Jim Carter

Jim Carter

The narrator/instructor/host of Hex. Rumour has it he was chained up in a control room and was forced to provide his voice live. This rumour was denounced however, as an access all areas tour revealed that Carter is not present within the ride. For years it was a mystery as to where his voice comes from. Some people said it was the soul of the towers itself speaking out to guests, some said Carter had the power of psychic projection and some said its pre-recorded. At the conclusion of The Story of Alton Towers DVD it is revealed that Carter is in fact the re-incarnated form of Charles Talbot.

After sleepless nights thinking about the phenomenon, Alton Towers management called in Most Haunted and by using a P.K.E. meter were able to source the voice to the portrait of Charles Talbot. It was concluded that Carter is the chosen form of the spirit of Talbot however the spirit was inclined to return to its original point of manifestation; the towers. After frequent bouts of schizophrenia Carter arrived at the towers to perform a complex ritual in which he was able to transfer the spirit into a significant and personnel artefact of its past life, the only known portrait of Charles Talbot that resides in the towers. The spirit is now confined to the portrait and has taken on the voice of its last occupant, Carter. It seems that the cosmic DNA of each soul was mixed, making Talbot feel inclined to narrate Hex and giving Carter a fear of branches...that’s where the voice comes from.

Externel Links

British Oaks: A Concise Guide by Michael Tyler
The Hags cameo in Hot Fuzz
The Hags Performance in Drag Me to Hell
Ash Williams fights the Super Hag in Evil Dead 2
The Super Hags cameo in Poltergeist
The Super Hags Caemo in Lord of the Rings