Colossus

This article contains graciously stolen material from Unencyclopedia.

Colossus, Thorpe Park's first real roller coaster set within the Lost City. Built in 2002 by Intamin, a company notable for creating unreliable,but good , intense rides, Colossus is the world's first money extraction coaster, and has been cleverly designed to remove all your spare change, body piercings and belly button fluff from your possession. It opened as the world's first rollercoaster in which the track goes upside down ten times. It has surprisingly never stalled with people on it.

To save money, the park maintenance team has removed all the wheels from this ride to save greasing the bearings. The sound of grinding metal can be heard all over London, even above the constant sound of gun shots.

B&M coasters are well known for their roar. Colossus, sadly, sounds like an oil drum filled with stones from Brighton Beach, placed in a shopping trolley with a missing wheel, and pushed down the cobbled hill from the old Hovis advert. Only less pleasing to the ear.

Fan Nicknames

• Colossucks
• Lolossus
• For-The-Lossus

Chav Nicknames

• Colossal
• THE Colossus