Thirteen

Thirteen (or Th13teen... or 13.... or Thir13teen... or ThFAILteen) is currently considered the best roller coaster in the world, just above the acclaimed X:\WTF at Thorpe Park, and Gouderix at Parc Asterix in France.

Construction

It was constructed personally by Morwenna Angove and John Wardley out of whatever scarce resources were available at the time (namely optimism, hyperbole, bits of old fluff, PVA glue and some steel they pinched from a skip round the back of Drayton Manor - rumour has it this was earmarked for their long rumoured 'Blue Fire type thingy', plans which have consequently been put on hold while they build a hotel that approximately nobody will ever feasibly use). John and Morwenna then set about building, what they dubbed, "every roller coaster you've ever dreamed of... after eating too much cheese."

The construction of Th13teen was shrouded in mystery. So much so, that a mass grave was excavated on-site early on, to

The mass grave used to dispose of those who threatened to reveal Thirteen's secrets

bury anyone who dared reveal the secrets of 'SW6' to the rabid 'enthusiast community'. It was during this phase, that Alton Towers colluded with 'Team TT' to keep the masses ignorant... sort of like communism. The team shamelessly accepted bribes (mostly crude polaroid snaps of John Wardley and Morwenna's bums), in return for removing any vaguely accurate information from the boards of TTF.

Ultimately however, all original plans were scrapped when 'an old castle thing' sprung up overnight on the ground previously home to the Corkscrew (the castle is rumoured to have fallen out of a rider's pocket back in 1987, owing to the appalling lack of bag storage available, and simply nobody had noticed until now). Engineers decided to just build a bit of track, and feed it into the 'castle thing' and see what happened. As it turns out, an elevator-like device (this news caused DiogoJ42 to suffer a mild stroke) gingerly lowered riders into the world's first crypt paradoxically located on the ground floor of a structure.

Opening

Skip forward to March 20th 2010 and Thir13irteen opened to great fanfare. Poor weather and even the presence of Jonathan Ross failed to dampen spirits. Alton Towers' marketing team (often mistaken for mythical 'wraiths') were quick to seek out public opinion of the new ride. Opinions generally ranged from "Yeah, quite good. Bit short though" to "Yeah, I really enjoyed it... but it was a bit short". The day was overshadowed however, when John Wardley was kidnapped by a crowd of 'enthusiasts', after uncharacteristically deciding to go for a walk without an armed guard. His whereabouts remain unknown...

The ride experience of 13 has been described as a cross between a "Go Gator" and a "Frog Hopper"... but with more magnets artificially slowing you down.

Technical Difficulties

Th13teen has recently been experiencing persistent technical issues. These have been initially addressed by imposing a strict weight limit on the trains - a move which has caused Theme Park Review to cancel their planned trip to Alton Towers this Summer, after a suggestion of eating fewer burgers was unanimously vetoed.

See also: Dedicated Trackside Flux Sensor