Merlin Measuring Tape

The new Merlin Measuring Tape is derived from the standardised measurement of the Merlin Annual Pass (or Annual Pass for Scale), and is currently available in three flavours - standard, premium and VIP. Each measuring tape lasts for a period of 12 months, after which it must be renewed by extortion at your local Merlin outlet otherwise it will cease to function.

Benefits

Measures length, girth, and worth in convenient Annual Pass measures, such as 1.5 APs*

(*We reserve the right to change the scale at any time, including reducing the actual Pass size to artificially inflate your measurements for seemingly better value).

Restrictions

The standard measuring tape is not permitted to be used during the period of 29th July to 30th August and over the Christmas period, to ensure the best experience for all Merlin Measuring Tape owners. The premium measuring tape is however permitted to be used all year round. A further upgrade to the VIP measuring tape is available for those with more money than sense, which offers the bonus of telling you whatever you want to hear, as well as making you look a pretentious prick to standard and premium tapeholders.

FAQs

Can I share my Merlin Measuring Tape with friends?

No you damn well can not!

Can I use my Merlin Measuring Tape outside of the UK, e.g. in Europe?

Nope.