Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The Ride

Revision as of 17:40, 7 August 2010

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is an abomination dark ride located in the Cloud Cuckoo Land area of the Alton Towers Resort.

History and Conception

When Alton Towers decided that it needed to replace the semi-mythical, fap-inducing dark ride Toyland Tours (which in 1994 replaced the even more mythical yet substantially less fap-inducing Around the World in 80 Days, after park management decided that 80 days was far too long for even for the nerdiest dark ride aficionados) it controversially opted to use the treasured intellectual property of Britain's favourite half Norwegian childrens' storyteller Roald Dahl. After literally days of planning, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was conceived.

Having spunked all the budget up the wall on the name, it was acknowledged that the project would have to be completed on a tight budget. Massive savings were made by leaving half of the original boat ride section totally and utterly redundant (along with constructing the façade out of cardboard boxes salvaged from behind numerous catering outlets across the park). Vain fripperies such as theming and effort were also scrapped.

One area where there was no shortage of effort and funding was the Great Glass Elevator simulator ride. They needn't have bothered though, because this was crap as well.

Appropriately enough, the ride opened on April 1st 2006.

Work in progress. Further sections to follow.