The Smiler
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| − | '''Secret Weapon 7''' | + | '''The Smiler''' (previously known as '''Secret Weapon 7''' and commonly abbreviated to '''<nowiki>SW7</nowiki>''') will be the latest in the long line of over-hyped coasters at [[Alton Towers]], designed by the [[Marketing Department]]. Contrary to previous rumours, the ride did not turn out to be the world's first stand-up wooden babycoaster, including a FREE stay-down breakfast. ''The Smiler'' might open sometime in 2013, however delays are being strategically planned so that the ride can indeed be opened as new for [[2014]]. |
| − | The [[ | + | The [[rollercoaster]] will be manufactured by [[Pinfari|Pinfari]] (following Vekoma being deemed as too expensive), and feature 8 inversions, hence the rumoured name, E8g8t. You will have to sign a form declaring that you are not a [[Chav|chav]] in order to be allowed to ride; all chavs (along with [[Trolls|trolls]], [[Noobs|noobs]], and people who don't write [[Hex - The Legend of the Towers]] out in full) will be sent to [[Rita|Rita]] instead, to ride her like the whore she is. |
In addition to this, additional rumours arose on the <nowiki>Alton Towers</nowiki> [[Faffbook|Facebook]] page that <nowiki>SW7</nowiki> will be named "THE FLYING KINKONATOR" will be built over <nowiki>Hex</nowiki> in a few years. | In addition to this, additional rumours arose on the <nowiki>Alton Towers</nowiki> [[Faffbook|Facebook]] page that <nowiki>SW7</nowiki> will be named "THE FLYING KINKONATOR" will be built over <nowiki>Hex</nowiki> in a few years. | ||
Revision as of 22:07, 11 March 2013
The Smiler (previously known as Secret Weapon 7 and commonly abbreviated to SW7) will be the latest in the long line of over-hyped coasters at Alton Towers, designed by the Marketing Department. Contrary to previous rumours, the ride did not turn out to be the world's first stand-up wooden babycoaster, including a FREE stay-down breakfast. The Smiler might open sometime in 2013, however delays are being strategically planned so that the ride can indeed be opened as new for 2014.
The rollercoaster will be manufactured by Pinfari (following Vekoma being deemed as too expensive), and feature 8 inversions, hence the rumoured name, E8g8t. You will have to sign a form declaring that you are not a chav in order to be allowed to ride; all chavs (along with trolls, noobs, and people who don't write Hex - The Legend of the Towers out in full) will be sent to Rita instead, to ride her like the whore she is.
In addition to this, additional rumours arose on the Alton Towers Facebook page that SW7 will be named "THE FLYING KINKONATOR" will be built over Hex in a few years.
The ride will be themed on Stephen King's IT, specifically Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Staff will sell Fasttracks while in costume and character of Pennywise, IE) "don'tcha wanna Fastrack? Don'tcha wannit? Don'tcha WANNIT!?, DON'TCHA WANNIT!!??" but they will not be permitted to bare fangs until the Scarefest fortnight.
