Hex - The Other Not As Well Known Legend of the Towers
It was a pleasant Autumn night, thanks to central heating, in 1821, when the wealthy 15th Earl of Shrewsbury discovered that it was magic pixies that brought firewood to the fires of the Towers.
Unfortunately, the pixies demanded payment in Burger King XL bacon double cheeseburgers. The Earl cruelly dismissed their mad cravings for their preferred form of payment, as he didn't get annual pass discount on those. He then proceeded to seal the pixies in a secret vault, since, after some research, he found them to be rare creatures that needed to be experimented on.
Outraged , the pixies sprinkled a curse: "For every branch of the magical oak tree wrapped in chains that fell, one of the Towers' future theme park rides would break down!"
True to the pixies' word, an overweight barn owl landed on the tree on the 26th of June 2010, and Th13teen suddenly...and mysteriously...suffered a technical problem!
ZOMFG!!!!!!
ThiThreeTeen's most significant run of misfortune to date however is believed to be as a result of a tree-related incident earlier in 2010. Around the time of its opening in March, several tree surgeons happened to pay the magical oak tree a visit, only to discover some nasty rot. The work they carried out caused many visitors to the park to have a miserable Easter visit, as typical Easter-time visitors stood in the queue for Th13teen twice and didn't get a single ride on it. They may also have been landed with a power cut in the afternoon. They probably then went home feeling moody and incredibly bitter about their disappointing day, despite obtaining free tickets and an exit pass for next time.
A small quantity of lucky visitors to Alton Towers in the first part of 2010 did manage to ride Th13teen. Unfortunately, they were so enraged by the blatant false advertising used to promote it that they demanded the marketing director be chained up, in a bid to prevent further bullshit. Their cries were heard by none other than the legendary John Wardley, who carried out the deed of chaining the marketing director.
BUT THE STORY...DIDN'T END THERE...
Legend has it that John became so obsessed with the rubbish that fell out of the marketing director's mouth that he sealed her within a secret love nest, the entrance to which is believed to be just through the front door of Duel and on the left (you can try knocking, but the door's always locked). There he became locked in a furious battle of truth versus exaggeration, conducting bizarre sexual acts in a desperate attempt to finally rid enthusiasts across the land of their anguish at reading the latest publicity stunt...
FOREVER.
