English-Merlin dictionary

Revision as of 22:11, 14 February 2014

Available in all good retailers

In these dark ages of poorly-written news articles from Merlin Entertainments, a need has emerged for an easy way to translate the words and phrases direct from the desk of Nick Varney into plain English. Thankfully, a team of boffin wizards people at Collins were on-hand to compile a handy guide.

A

• amazingly good reasons
  • amazingly good reasons for Merlin, or;
  • financial reasons.

B

• best possible value
  • spend the most possible money

• boffin wizards
  • finance department

C

• customer research
  • some idealistic user personas haphazardly drawn up for management

D

E

F

• fizzy for longer
  • exactly the same as before, only in smaller amounts.

G

• glad you asked
  • glad you asked a question we've prepared an answer for (don't ask anything serious, like we'd be able to answer that)

H

I

• improving your experience
  • raising prices and reducing the service, but telling customers it is a better product

J

K

L

M

• magic
  • Editor note: we really don't know what this actually means.

• magically brilliant
  • a combination of two popular buzz words in the PR department

N

O

P

Q

R

S

• spellbinding
  • good enough to sell an annual pass renewal next year

T

U

V

• valued passholders
  • synonymous with 'valued bank balances'

W

X

Y

Z