The Ultimate
(→Illogical) |
m (category) |
||
| Line 66: | Line 66: | ||
[[Category: Roller Coaster]] | [[Category: Roller Coaster]] | ||
| + | [[Category:Lightwater Valley|U]] | ||
Latest revision as of 18:18, 11 May 2017
The Ultimate is a device in Ripon, Yorkshire. Many people have mistaken it for a Roller coaster belonging to the near by Lightwater Valley, but this is not the case. It was, in fact, a prototype death machine devised by Jigsaw, of Saw fame. However, after Jigsaw saw the mess that it made of his first victim, he felt so disgusted by the wounds it inflicted, that he gave up the serial killer game to become a Benedictine Monk, and moved to Thorpe Park.
Many years later, the rusting remains were discovered by Lightwater Valley. Not realising how deadly it was, they decided to open it to the public as their latest white-knuckle ride. (Although many would call it a purple-knee ride)
Contents |
[edit] Conversion to Roller Coaster
The addition of a station to the death trap's layout began in 1990, and the 'ride' opened in 1991. Many companies were approached to undertake this work, and almost all of them refused. The only firm interested was Big Country Motioneering. However, They quickly realised how many people would sue them, and quit. Desperate to finish the project, Lightwater contacted a company used to running deadly devices along tracks at high speed... British Rail. Their influence can be seen by the use of wooden Sleepers rather than Concrete footers. The first incarnation of the ultimate as a 'ride' used Over The Shoulder Restraints (OTSRs). However, it was found that these made riders feel safe, and they were quickly replaced with chewed dog toys masquerading as lap bars.
The track itself is tubular steel, with most of the supports made from straight sections of Mechano. The lift hills and their drops are held up by a loose pile of ice-lolly sticks held together by spit and cable ties.
[edit] Ride Experience
It is a well known fact that time slows down the faster you move. Nowhere is this more true than on the Ultimate's lift hills. Many first time riders are fooled into thinking that the trains trundle up the hill at a snail's pace. The truth is that you are launched uphill from a fission powered cannon, achieving 97.4% of light speed. What seems like a two and a half minute climb for riders is little more than the blink of an eye to observers on the ground.
The first section of the ride starts well, with a 102 foot drop, followed by a series of air-time hills. It is worth noting that other than the lift hills and the drops that follow, the rest of the track is never more that 4 feet from the ground. This section ends with some rather pointless bunny hops, designed to stall the train. This is a frequent occurrence, and usually results in the infamous "Rail Replacement Bus Service".
The second, 107 foot lift hill follows, then a very, very slow left turn.
Everything up to this point has been designed to lull the rider into a false sense of security. As you hang slowly over the drop, you will see the track disappearing into the woods, while turning left. First time riders will be totally unprepared for the brutality that awaits them, although seasoned riders may warn them by yelling "Brace, brace, brace!" if they are onboard.
The track runs through a valley, half-piping it's way up and down the sides. While this may sound all well and good, the speed at which the train takes the corners bares no relation to the banking of the track. It is around this point that riders' knees are thrown forcibly into the restraints, causing much bruising.
Eventually the track exits the valley and levels out. New riders may think the worst is over and relax. Most of them do not make it back to the station alive, for this beast contains hidden surprises. Two innocent looking 'bumps' in this stretch of track provide enough air time to throw unprepared riders into orbit. Unconfirmed reports record a peak of -49 G on a fast (wet weather) run.
Although the train's speed begins to diminish after this, the pain does not. The Ultimate’s banking could only be worse if it were built by Pinfari. Two tunnels and two helixes kill most of the remaining speed, and eventually the train is ejaculated out of the woods, and back into the park. It trundles along a rather sedate straight, before turning into the final lift hill to the station.
Those who are not thrown violently from the train usually arrive back in the station covered in blood, and often missing a limb.
[edit] Illogical
Despite all this, somehow, for some reason, people love this ride. Maybe it’s the adrenalin rush, maybe it’s the elation of surviving such brutality. Most probably it is because they are sado-masochists who like it rough.
It has been said that there are two types of people in this world: those who have not been on Ultimate, and those who know Ultimate is the most insane, hardcore, brutal, evil, and best roller coaster on earth.
Forget the Crystal Beach Cyclone, the King’s Island Bat, or anything at Mandyland. The most violent ride in coaster history is quietly sitting in Yorkshire, not making a fuss about it's status.
[edit] Points of Interest
With a track length of 7442 feet, the Ultimate was, for a time, The world's longest roller coaster.
A ride on Ultimate will rob you of seven and a half minutes of not hurting.
It is not unknown to see deer play chicken on the track ahead of you.
On average, six people a day are killed by the Ultimate.
The Ultimate came second in both the 2009, and 2010 TTF European Coaster Polls. These result are highly controversial, and to this day, many suspect vote rigging took place. Clearly, it should have been number one.
