Paultons Park

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Paultons Park, Paultons Park. What a fun place to be, to be!

Kobra Cobra to the left, Kobra The Edge to the right.

A not quite so interesting park as any other park in the British Isles, Europe or even the world, but thankfully it is distracting enough for any children who drag their parents along to such a place. The park is known for it's lack of planning permission, especially with their recent Disk-O ride and are somewhat applauded for their warped Aesop towards the children who visit. The park is known to be uninteresting towards enthusiasts over 13 because;

  • It only caters to the minion child market.
  • There are no epic loopy, fast things with awesome effects.
  • John Wardley has no interest in it either.

However, the park attempts to catch the attention of the elder market aka the adults who are dragged by their children, by building the 'Cobra' (note: This is not THE Kobra at Chessington World of Adventures) and the 'Edge' (note: This is regularly mistaken for Kobra at Chessington, purely because it's a Disk-O) because they are both big, tall and the fastest rides on park. It does not help these are both in the same area, plonked right next to each other with equal amount of illegality, which in all honesty takes down the experience a notch.

Another, quicker and more pre-placed way of attracting the elder visitors is by placing them among the bird exhibits and rather not that interesting gardens that remain of the original Paultons area. As you probably guessed, it doesn't bode well with the older visitors of the park... because of the lack of interest. Yeah.

To entice more minions children in visiting, Paultons Park have struck up a deal with Peppa Pig to build her own land next to the really-not-thrilling water slide and around the more interesting mini railway. From what has been seen of the building and construction so far, the small pastel coloured houses are already up as well as a grass turf'd glass house thing which doesn't hold any resemblance and whatnot to the actual cartoon show. It is most likely to be a secret lair for any budding minion evil kid geniuses who dare visit the park, who are then trained in combat to try and take down the far more interesting theme parks in the British Isles.

But they won't win, so all is cool.