Pointless Post
There are many pointless things at Thorpe Park, but in 2009, fans of Alton Towers were gifted with their own pointless artifact! The Pointless Post can be found near Battle Galleons, on the cross path between The Courtyard and Adventure Land. No one knows the origin or purpose of the Pointless Post, it is just there because it can be there ... Or possibly to stop those crazy grannies cutting across that path.
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Theories
There have been many attempts and theories to prove the Pointless Post's usefulness, but all have been proved false, many of these theories suggested something buried underneath the Pointless Post, or even the Pointless Post marking something, many Posties (followers of the Pointless Post) believe that it is the burying ground for the fabled Henry Hound and some "Hardcore" Posties believe that it is the final resting place of the Alton Towers magic ... But this would mean that the Pointless Post was no longer pointless and had some or little meaning. So in June 2009, a group of radical young scientists came up with Quantum Postics.
Quantum Postics and the Proving of Quantum Postics
There are two main aspects of Quantum Postics:
> 'The Pointless Post is only dubbed pointless until a proven use can be found.'
> 'The Pointless Post is not pointless, as the end is pointy.'
Working with these two main aspects, the team set out to prove the Pointless Posts point. They soon managed to discover and prove the second aspects, after tripping on a inconveniently placed duck, one of the scientists slipped onto the Pointless Post and was impaled, after a quick clean and many more experiments involving melons, the remaining scientists drew this conclusion:
> 'The Pointless Post is pointless in name only, making it not pointless but pointy.'
The scientist could never prove a use for the pointless post though and, in late 2010, the second aspect of Quantum Postics was blown out of the water, when a shocking discovery was made at the site of the Pointless Post.
The Pointless Post 2.0
Deep in the 2010 season, there was a shocking discovery made at the site of what used to be the Pointless Post. The Pointless Post had regenerated (a little bit like Dr. Who, but more pointless) and had become metal! If that wasn’t bad enough for Posties and Quantum Postics nuts, the Pointless Post had lost its point; the point which made it the Pointy (Pointless) Post. It was now the not so Pointy Pointless Post! The second aspect of Quantum Postics had therefore been proven false. There was a mass exodus of point lovers and devoted Posties everywhere, many of whom went underground and left their identity behind.
The Pointless Post 3.0?
No one knows when or even if the Pointless Post will regenerate again, the team of scientists who tried to prove Quantum Postics, have come up with a computer simulation of what this may look like, unfortunately, it cannot be shown, because it can cause a nasty disease called Pointalitis, in which the body becomes covered in pointless points.
The Slightly Less Pointless Pointless Post
The Pointless Post's twin can be found near Battle Galleons, at the start of the cross path between The Courtyard and Adventure Land. This second Pointless Post has very little point, although it can be considered a convenient resting point for tired guests and therefore not as pointless as first pointed out.
Offspring
The not so Pointy Pointless Post has been known to have offspring in the form of ducks and china mugs, for reasons unknown. However, many have determined that it could be because of a large amount of Pointless Post "whoring", in which the "whorer" rubs him or herself along the Pointless Post with their Pointless Post, leading to pointless offspring in the shape of pointless animals or pointless kitchenware.
A Godly Gift?
...No. The Pointless Post is not a gift from Joh God. Or is it?
