Ripsaw

A very ~~forceful~~ poor example of a Huss Top Spin - redeemed only by some pretty cool theming. Ripsaw occasionally manages to spin riders 360' before lowering them into the (currently SBNS - Standing But Not Squirting) fountains. This is also known as a 'detox'.

Ripsaw also operates as a secret shower and detergent facility for chavs, who really need ~~drowning~~ cleaning.

In 2013, the ride broke down due to the chavs becoming too much for it to handle and so it suspended them mid air to try and correct them.

During the course if it's lifetime it's been known to be an active fighter against obesity with punishing larger riders the denial of a ride leading to that individual rider singly disembarking with all of the other riders, staff and a gathering of spectators who'd built up wanting to see the "large" person do the fat walk of shame.

At the end of 2015 season, Chavs overpowered security and began dismantling Ripsaw. The implementation of the Towers Loving Care scheme in 2016 meant that all of the staff were too busy building higher fences, so nobody was available to put the ride back together in time for the 2016 opening day. However, to the relief of theme park fans everywhere, a highly acclaimed new ride was placed in Ripsaw's place, the now-iconic Forbidden Sweep.

Know your programmes

Ripsaw runs a number of preset sequences. The ride has nine in total, but some of them are not used with guests for various reasons. To avoid feeling left out during TSTF discussions about Ripsaw, here's a quick guide to the key programmes:

9 - The legendary 'banned setting', reportedly too intense for use with guests. This fabled setting is the holy grail amongst Ripsaw fans. 25 minutes of continuous flyovers.
8 - Features backwards and forwards fly-overs, the latter at high speed. Stops half way through and is often mistaken for two unique programmes. Rarely used.
7 - The 'standard' cycle for quiet days. Features two 'locked' inversions, one flip and a fly-over towards the end.
6 - A shorter version of 7. Only has 1 'locked' inversion and with less faffing at the start and after the flip. Used with moderate queues
5 - An even shorter version of 7, similar to 6 but also removes the fly-over. Arguably the worst cycle in common usage.
4 - The 'standard' cycle for busy days. A short cycle with 4 flips and not much else.
3 - A waste of everyone's time. Like 4, but with only one flip. Not used, except for a couple of years ago when the ride was almost completely broken.
2 - One flyover and one spin. Again not worth it!
1 - One Flyover. Not even worth it!
0 - Broken Down - If you're in the queue, you've just wasted 30 minutes of your life..