Skyride

The Skyride is a highly flammable cable car transit system, manufactured by POMA, currently operating at the Alton Towers Resort.

History

The Skyride was installed in 1987 in preparation for the Forbidden Valley (then Thunder Valley) area of the park. Prior to this, a cable car ride operated as early as the 1960s between Towers Street and what would become the Forbidden Valley but capacity was limited to 4 per gondola. As well as upgrading the current system, the ride was also extended to Fountain Square (now Cloud Cuckoo Land).

Multiple Burning Incidents

After many years of smooth operation, in 2007, during the park's Scarefest event, the Forbidden Valley station spontaneously combusted, damaging the roof, the mechanism and an unopened packet of Wagon Wheels staff were "saving for a treat." The official cause has never been determined (ghosts probably) and after 6 months of closure the Skyride reopened midway through the 2008 season.

The gondolas were replaced with shiny, new, brightly coloured one for the 2009 season, after it was noted that the originals now looked liked a "sepia-tinted Thatcherite nightmare". However, in true Greek-tragedy style, in July 2009 the Cloud Cuckoo Land station burned well and truly to the ground. The second fire in less than 2 years. Fatties and enthusiasts alike were crestfallen. Reports that the fire was started by "the spark of innovation" from Th13teen remain unconfirmed.

The skyride reopened for the 2010 season, with a lovely new station and sponsorship deal with Swan Vesta Matches.

The next fire was scheduled to take place in 2011 at the Towers Street station. This did not happen, saving Alton Towers from more bad press. It's entirely possible that the Towers Street station will end up on fire at some point, but when will this happen???

Skyride to Hell

Since it has a bad reputation, a certain 'ACDC' song's lyrics were changed to fit the ride's predictable nature

Going easy

Riding free

Season ticket for the whole way round

Round in circles

Leave me be

Taking all the sights and sounds in my stride

Don't need coasters

Don't need rides

Ain't nothing I would rather do

There's a fire

Over there

In the station I am going to, eh

I'm on the Skyride to Hell

On the Skyride to Hell

Skyride to Hell

I'm on the Skyride to Hell

No stop signs

It just stops

Waitin' for a wheelchair to get on the ride

Like The Blade

Swinging round

Get out my bouncy ball and throw it 'round

Hey Valley

Under Me

Pagoda's not on today

Hey Momma

Look at me

I'm over 50 feet above the ground, woah

I'm on the Skyride to Hell

Skyride to Hell

I'm on the Skyride to Hell

Skyride to Hell

Mmm, don't drop me

Eh, Eh, Eh

I'm on the Skyride to Hell

On the Skyride to Hell

Skyride to Hell

I'm on the Skyride to Hell

On the Skyride to

Hell

Skyride to Hell

I'm on the Skyride to Hell

Skyride to Hell

Skyride to Hell

Skyride to Hell

I'm on the Skyride to Hell

Skyride to Hell

Public Opinions

The Skyride is considered by many, the most intense and thrilling "ride" in the entire park. Due to this, the queue often reaches up to 5 hours. Many bored queuers use expert parkour skills to slide along the wire (hoping it will not snap) and break into a "capsule". Many riders suffer mental (and sometimes physical) scarring from being threatened with a slightly sharp sided Merlin Annual Pass or being thrown out and spiked on the pagoda.