Splash Landings Hotel

Named after Richy Splashwell, Splash Landin's is de second hotel at de Alton Towers resort, built for and opened in mid 2003 and bein' a complete contrast fe di first hotel, themed around a Caribbean village... in a hotel. It makes no sense but then again, it's more logical dan Mandyland. It has it's own water park Cariba Creek, which de visitors in said hotel didn't haffi let off for at one point but thru' de company are coil stealers, di visitors at Splash Landin's haffi let off alongside general guests both on park and at di hotel even if they have the Merlin Annual Pass.

De Plannin' and Construction, mon

Plannin', mon

The second hotel had been in de pipeline for many years, said fe be influenced by a member of Alton Towers' staff goin' on holiday fe de Caribbean but really couldn't be arsed fe cotch deh thru' commutin' from di Caribbean fe Staffordshire would be pretty hard, although less difficult dan getting to anywhere from Clapham Junction.

"A second hotel? Why no. It'll make more coil for us and won't be behind schedule at all! Oh and kids will gaan fe bed it cus of wow factor, etc ectera" - Someone of importance

The other ideas for Splash Landin's came up in 1997 while de design team attempted fe dink through di logic of dis ya idea, keepin' inna idea of Deatrical Brilliance at least somewhere fe make it a beenie impressive. Apparantly di story behind the hotel is that it's a paradise island that's SINKING and the visitors haffi keep it afloat by pumping the water through. Yeah. Funny how dis ya is inna Midlands of England and nowhere near the sea.

Construction, mon

The area next fe de Alton Towers Hotel was cleared in late 2001, strippin' de grass and removin' a load of rocks Nemesis had left behind after her paddywhack about hearin' Oblivion was a success in 1998. Flimsy cardboard was put up around di area for di next 2 years even though nothing interesting was happening, seeing as the builders weren't arsed enough fe get constructing until late 2002 when one of the wives asked:

• Wife: "Darlin', have the i had a bad day?"
• Builder: "Yes indeed I have. De park was bad and quiet today, got a heap of re-rides. Shame I so-so got on Air once."
• Wife: "No no, darlin', I meant constructing de cris water park and hotel set fe open for June 1st 2003?"
• Builder: "... FFFFFFFFFFFFFU-"

The second hotel wasn't finished in time for June 2003, with untiled floors, an unfinished water park and workmen still hangin' around de place. People complained alot, got deir compensation and buggered off. Dankfully someone imported about a quarter of a Caribbean Island which got di schedule finished quicker dan it did previously.

De Hotel, mon

The majority of enthusiasts tend te agree dat de hotel is very bad lookin' and entertainin' in terms of subtly put theming etc, even though it is a bleeding obvious theme of a Caribbean beach village. Dey have funky lifts with novelty jingles, massive windows for di kids fe press their noses up against and other bits and bobs people will find intriguing for at least 10 seconds before forgetting it again. It's ridiculously flamboyant in terms of colours and is very much de tropical version of Cloud Cuckoo Land. It has been said dat di interior is so loudly painted, it is on par with di French.

However, di rooms themselves are pretty much the same size, design and price as the Alton Towers Hotel, but at least a beenie cheaper. Dey are pretty nicely themed though.

Features, mon

• Cariba Creek Water Park

• Ma Garritas Bar - Opposite de reception and is TST's regular haunt on resort for gettin' smashed just as much as havin' a bad time. Dere is sometimes entertainment... starring TST.

• Flambo's Feast - Nice lookin' restaurant, bad run-dung and always busy.

• The Games Room - For de people who don't gaan fe bed fe swim.