Cattlepen

Latest revision as of 14:57, 7 April 2015

What is a Cattlepen?

A cattlepen queue is a very popular type of queue, traditionally found on all large-scale rides added to theme parks by Merlin Entertainments. Traditionally, the cattlepen queue consists of a large rectangle or square area, filled with constant horizontal or vertical fences, minimal scenery, many children crying because they thought they were at the front of the queue only to have to turn back, and an ever-popular mid-queue shop. Recently, however, Merlin have decided to make things more interesting by varying the shape of the area, or having both vertical and horizontal lines, perhaps in the hope that this will make queuing in the dreaded cattlepen more enjoyable.

When are Cattlepens full?

If you go to Thorpe Park or Legoland Windsor on any day except a remote Wednesday in the middle of September with torrential rain you are almost guaranteed to find yourself in many full cattlepen queues throughout the day. Going to Alton Towers or Chessington World of Adventures during school holidays or at weekends will also result in full cattlepens.

Which rides have Cattlepens?

Here is a list of the rides with the worst cattlepens:

• Alton Towers
  • The Smiler
  • Thirteen
  • Rita
  • Twirling Toadstool
  • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The Ride
  • Ice Age 4D
• Thorpe Park Resort
  • The Swarm
  • SAW: The Ride
  • Stealth
  • Nemesis Inferno
  • Colossus
  • Tidal Wave
  • Rush
  • Quantum
  • Zodiac
  • Logger's Leap
  • Flying Fish
  • Storm in a Teacup
• Chessington World of Adventures
  • Dragon's Fury
  • Dragon Falls
  • Scorpion Express
  • Safari Skyway
  • ZUFARI
  • Bubbleworks
  • KOBRA
  • Tuk Tuk Turmoil
  • Monkey Swinger
• Legoland
  • Laser Raiders
  • Viking Splash
  • Hill Train
  • Oriental Express
  • Pirate Falls Treasure Quest
  • Jolly Rocker

In Conclusion

• Cattlepens are deadly
• Visit theme parks on quiet days when the cattlepens are empty
• Avoid Thorpe Park and Legoland altogether (this doesn't just apply to cattlepens!)
• If you have kids in your group, remember money for the mid-queue shop unless you want them to have a tantrum bang their heads against the concrete floor until blood spurts out their ears.

I hope this article has taught you many things about cattlepens.