Wardley's Jacket
Wardley's Jacket is a holy garment traditionally worn by The Right Honourable Supreme Leader John Wardley (pbuh). The materials used in the creation of the Jacket are rumoured to date back to the times of Uncle Frankenstein's Scream Machine at Barry Island Amusement Park. The sacred Jacket has appeared as itself in the media several times, especially within the realms of children's television show Blue Peter.
It is sometimes said all enthusiasts start out by watching Blue Peter and seeing the wonderful power of John Wardley and his Jacket. It is also believed that the Jacket is the British equivalent of Roland Mack's tailored snazzy suits. But we all know who has the better garment...
"God I have to say this but LOVIN THE JACKET o.O"
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The Jacket's Powers towards the General Public
Even the General Public, who have looked back on these press releases and noticed the regular occurence of Wardley's Jacket, are beginning to feel more blessed by God every day. The Jacket helps to give them even the tiniest amount of enthusiasm towards theme parks in later life, when they would otherwise have high levels of ignorance. The Jacket gives them that helpful power to see the world through our eyes, as we have seen John Wardley and his creations in all their glory.
The Jacket is said to have a soothing effect on riders, therefore reducing the frequency of people mistaking the ride for being "crap". It also helps ensure the long likeable life of certain areas and rides around UK parks, such as Alton Towers and Chessington.
However, the influence of the Jacket reaches even further, beyond the rides that Wardley had designed. The Jacket made an appearance at the opening of Megafobia in 1996. Was it merely a coincidence that Megafobia was considered one of the world’s best wooden roller coasters from that day onwards?
"It seems that whenever I see John Wardley he is always wearing that brown leather jacket XD He is truly a genius."
Where Is The Jacket?
At one point, much to the dismay of enthusiasts, the Jacket appeared to have gone missing under unexplained circumstances. Fans became ever more distraught when John Wardley opened Th13teen at Alton Towers without the blessing of the Jacket. He wore a black waterproof coat instead, which didn't have the same effect. This lead to many enthusiasts mourning its loss in the opening day rain, believing the Jacktet to have gone forever.
No argument; the Jacket wasn't there, thus Th13teen was not blessed properly and was forever deemed to become a ride of eternal damnation and "naffness".
It was also believed that Oblivion was not blessed properly either, since Wardley wore a red/black coat at its opening day. However, in a loophole involving the combination of energy from the Nemesis woolly cap, another of Wardley's Heavenly Items, with that of the Jacket, it turned out that Oblivion received its necessary blessing after all. This is presented in both the Oblivion promotional videos below, in which John Wardley can be seen testing the ride while wearing his wooly hat and jacket together, thus saving it from doom.
"In every video I watch with John Wardley in, he's wearing that jacket and I dont think its a coincidence."
The Infamous Castrated 'Jacket'
In May 2010, a sighting of the jacket was reported by a member of Towers Times. The Jacket was supposedly being worn by John Wardley while he was queueing for his 1989 creative input ride, the Runaway Mine Train. Photographic evidence of the sighting was recorded, see here. Highly reputed Wardlians examined the evidence, but came to the conclusion that the jacket in the photograph was, unfortunately, not the sacred garment after all. They stated: "Although similar in terms of appearance, the clothing in question is clearly missing the faux-sheepskin collar of the original Jacket. It is therefore a forgery." The forged jacket was forevermore known as Wardley's Castrated Jacket.
The Jacket Was Never Missing!
In a strange twist of events (no, not that tale with a twist), it has been reported by a famous brand of sauce that God gave up the powerful Jacket to a charity auction with the ECC. It is unknown as to whom the holy garment now belongs and what persuaded Wardley to part with it. This news has led to many questions being asked. An investigation has been launched by the Wardlians of the World Association, also known as the WOW Association, to determin the wherabouts of the Jacket, before it falls into the wrong hands...!
Some say it has been passed onto the next Messiah of the Theme Park industry...
Others say it has gone on permanent holiday to the sunny Seychelles...
All we know is, that was Wardley's Jacket.
Wow.
