Flamingo Land

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Flamingo Land is a theme park and zoo dumped in the middle of North Yorkshire. It is advised that the mentally able do not visit here on pain of death.
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'''Flamingo Land''' is a family-run theme park and zoo, located in officially the flattest part of North Yorkshire. The word "flamingo" is derived from the latin ''flamingus mingus'', which we now know to mean "gypsy".
  
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== Thrill Rides ==
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== Current Rides and Attractions ==
  
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*Kumali - A yellow monstrosity ruining the countryside views.
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=== Rollercoasters ===
  
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*Mumbo Jumbo - Held the record of World's steepest drop, until people realised it was crap and a new, better ride was built in France.
 
  
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*Sky Flyer - Possibly the most painful and poorly themed [[Category: Ride|ride]] 'up North'.
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*[[Kumali]] - A Vekoma SLC with an almost-custom layout. Just like the one in China infact... but it isn't a clone.
  
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*Flip Flop - Basic Insanity ride with every effort to get you cold, wet, and throughly pissed off.
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*Mumbo Jumbo - A (100% non-cloned) S&S El Loco, with a record-breaking 112-degree drop!
  
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*Velocity - Like [[Rita]], but on a bike, and not as good.
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*[[Velocity]] - A custom-designed Vekoma Motorbike launch coaster, with a launch of 54mph in 2.5 seconds, making it the fastest of its kind in the world. A well-known fact is that the restraints resemble a kind of genital garlic-press.
  
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*[[Corkscrew]] - A cheap way for [[Alton Towers]] fans to regain that feeling.
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*Wild Mouse - A Maurer Sohne Wild Mouse. Rumour has it that blades are regularly attached to the sides of each car, to allow for the trimming of neighbouring foliage.
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=== Thrill Rides ===
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* Cliff-Hanger- An S&S drop tower, the tallest of it's kind anywhere! The centrepiece of Seaside Adventure; once themed to a giant lighthouse, a single complaint from a man 15 miles away ensured that Flamingoland's first proper attempt at themeing was swiftly removed and never spoken of again.
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* Flip Flop - What appears to be a gyro-swing ride is actually one of the park's tittilating fairground games; if you can fling your shoe into Splash Battle's volcano you just might win a prize!
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* Sky Flyer - The park's flagship attraction, which pulls in people as far afield as Flip Flop, and boasts queue times of up to 19 seconds, or however long it takes you to walk up the steps and find a seat.
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* Navigator - Like [[Kobra]], but with less [[faff]], as it just gets on with its job without a big deal.
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* Voodoo - Carrying on the theme of an African Settlement in the freezing wilderness of Yorkshire, Voodoo is a Pirate Ship with less style than the [[Black Buccaneer]] or [[Blade]].
 +
 
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* Wave Swinger - Like the [[Twirling Toadstool]], Wave Swinger is a basic, well, Wave Swinger. However it is less enjoyable and threatening than the alleged bullying monster at [[Alton Towers]].
 +
 
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=== Water Rides ===
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*Lost River Ride - A gentle float through the serene atmosphere of the zoo... ahhhh... Until the BACK-BREAKING DROP OF DEATH into the DNA-altering pool of despair!!
 +
 
 +
*Splash Battle - Get your water gun and shoot at the (mostly non-functioning) targets to avoid a serious soaking! A conveniently located volcano destroys the area every 10 minutes.
 +
 
 +
=== Family Rides ===
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*4D Cinema - Now showing Spongebob 4D, a 15 minute trip to boredom and back.
 +
 
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*Balloon Race - A whirly... thing.
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 +
*Chinese Dragon - A typical 'caterpillar' ride. But with dragons. Not caterpillars. DRAGONS, I TELL YOU!
 +
 
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*Mischief Mansion - One of the most laughable attempts at a ghost train ever made. Highly likely that guns can be expected soon.
 +
 
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*Runaway Train - In no way themed and in no way impressive, the Runaway Train is as clever and inspired as its title.
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*Wagon Wheels - A Wild-West themed Ferris wheel that sticks out from it's surroundings like a sore thumb. Strangely terrifying, it induces high levels of stress upon visitors.
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=== Kids Rides ===
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*[[Gallopers Carousel]] - No relation to the camp carousel at [[Alton Towers]].
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*Little Monster's Wacky Racers - Old fashioned cars go round round a track (a licence must first be attained from the [[Peugeot 207 Driving School]].
 +
 
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*Muddy Duck Tractor Ride - A gentle ride around a farmyard, that is somehow littered with fish and chip boxes.
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*HMS Bouncy - A bouncy play area in the style of a ship. A sure spot for screaming children, and a major cause of [[Mental Insecurity]].
 +
 
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*Rockin' Tug - A slightly more endurable version of [[Heave Ho!]]. ''Very'' slightly.
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*Junior Driving School - Flamingo Land's answer to [[Peugeot 207 Driving School]]. However, it can be regarded as a [[fail]], because, in the words of a younger visitor; 'This one is rubbish 'cos you don't get one of those picture things, do you?'
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*Swan Roundabout - Basic Carousel.
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*Pink ELephants - Basic Carousel.
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*Kiddies Mini Roundabout - Basic Carousel.
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*Honey Bears - Basic Carousel.
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*Spotted Cow Ride - Basic Carousel.
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*Jungle Carousel - Basic Carousel.
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*Flying Clowns - '''Freaky'''
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*Helioys - Control your own 'helicopter' for 30 seconds.
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*[[Frog Hopper]] - Nearly as awesome and violent as the one at [[Alton Towers]]... but not quite.
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*Go Gator! - Awesome. No more to be said.
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=== Misc ===
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*Dodgems - No tacky, fairground prizes for guessing what this ride is. However you can win some on the ridiculously over priced stalls nearby.
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*Cycle Monorail - Cycle along attempting to shunt the bike in front of you. First bike to five shunts wins.
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*Fun Play Areas - Use your own imagination.
 +
 
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*Daktari Express - A minituare railway that children love to delay by standing in front of the tracks.  
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*Zoo Monorail - Oh, what fun it is to watch baboons kill each other with large rocks. Take in this sight and many more whilst you travel around the barbaric monkey enclosures.
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*People Moover - A terrible play on words, this takes you to the muddy duck area of the park, on a black and white monorail. [[Closed]] down more regularly than [[Rita]] is with a hangover.
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*Cable Cars - High and unpredictable, the cable cars take you across from [[Kumali]] to Lemur Island, which is less exciting than it sounds. At least they don't catch [[fire]].
 +
 
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*Splish Splosh - An 'interactive' play area. If these means getting unexpectedly soaked and charged by aggresive children, then this is surely one of the most 'interactive' attractions around.
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[[Category: Theme Park]]

Latest revision as of 23:46, 26 February 2013

Flamingo Land is a family-run theme park and zoo, located in officially the flattest part of North Yorkshire. The word "flamingo" is derived from the latin flamingus mingus, which we now know to mean "gypsy".

Contents

[edit] Current Rides and Attractions

[edit] Rollercoasters

  • Kumali - A Vekoma SLC with an almost-custom layout. Just like the one in China infact... but it isn't a clone.
  • Mumbo Jumbo - A (100% non-cloned) S&S El Loco, with a record-breaking 112-degree drop!
  • Velocity - A custom-designed Vekoma Motorbike launch coaster, with a launch of 54mph in 2.5 seconds, making it the fastest of its kind in the world. A well-known fact is that the restraints resemble a kind of genital garlic-press.
  • Wild Mouse - A Maurer Sohne Wild Mouse. Rumour has it that blades are regularly attached to the sides of each car, to allow for the trimming of neighbouring foliage.

[edit] Thrill Rides

  • Cliff-Hanger- An S&S drop tower, the tallest of it's kind anywhere! The centrepiece of Seaside Adventure; once themed to a giant lighthouse, a single complaint from a man 15 miles away ensured that Flamingoland's first proper attempt at themeing was swiftly removed and never spoken of again.
  • Flip Flop - What appears to be a gyro-swing ride is actually one of the park's tittilating fairground games; if you can fling your shoe into Splash Battle's volcano you just might win a prize!
  • Sky Flyer - The park's flagship attraction, which pulls in people as far afield as Flip Flop, and boasts queue times of up to 19 seconds, or however long it takes you to walk up the steps and find a seat.
  • Navigator - Like Kobra, but with less faff, as it just gets on with its job without a big deal.
  • Voodoo - Carrying on the theme of an African Settlement in the freezing wilderness of Yorkshire, Voodoo is a Pirate Ship with less style than the Black Buccaneer or Blade.
  • Wave Swinger - Like the Twirling Toadstool, Wave Swinger is a basic, well, Wave Swinger. However it is less enjoyable and threatening than the alleged bullying monster at Alton Towers.

[edit] Water Rides

  • Lost River Ride - A gentle float through the serene atmosphere of the zoo... ahhhh... Until the BACK-BREAKING DROP OF DEATH into the DNA-altering pool of despair!!
  • Splash Battle - Get your water gun and shoot at the (mostly non-functioning) targets to avoid a serious soaking! A conveniently located volcano destroys the area every 10 minutes.

[edit] Family Rides

  • 4D Cinema - Now showing Spongebob 4D, a 15 minute trip to boredom and back.
  • Balloon Race - A whirly... thing.
  • Chinese Dragon - A typical 'caterpillar' ride. But with dragons. Not caterpillars. DRAGONS, I TELL YOU!
  • Mischief Mansion - One of the most laughable attempts at a ghost train ever made. Highly likely that guns can be expected soon.
  • Runaway Train - In no way themed and in no way impressive, the Runaway Train is as clever and inspired as its title.
  • Wagon Wheels - A Wild-West themed Ferris wheel that sticks out from it's surroundings like a sore thumb. Strangely terrifying, it induces high levels of stress upon visitors.

[edit] Kids Rides

  • Little Monster's Wacky Racers - Old fashioned cars go round round a track (a licence must first be attained from the Peugeot 207 Driving School.
  • Muddy Duck Tractor Ride - A gentle ride around a farmyard, that is somehow littered with fish and chip boxes.
  • HMS Bouncy - A bouncy play area in the style of a ship. A sure spot for screaming children, and a major cause of Mental Insecurity.
  • Rockin' Tug - A slightly more endurable version of Heave Ho!. Very slightly.
  • Junior Driving School - Flamingo Land's answer to Peugeot 207 Driving School. However, it can be regarded as a fail, because, in the words of a younger visitor; 'This one is rubbish 'cos you don't get one of those picture things, do you?'
  • Swan Roundabout - Basic Carousel.
  • Pink ELephants - Basic Carousel.
  • Kiddies Mini Roundabout - Basic Carousel.
  • Honey Bears - Basic Carousel.
  • Spotted Cow Ride - Basic Carousel.
  • Jungle Carousel - Basic Carousel.
  • Flying Clowns - Freaky
  • Helioys - Control your own 'helicopter' for 30 seconds.
  • Go Gator! - Awesome. No more to be said.

[edit] Misc

  • Dodgems - No tacky, fairground prizes for guessing what this ride is. However you can win some on the ridiculously over priced stalls nearby.
  • Cycle Monorail - Cycle along attempting to shunt the bike in front of you. First bike to five shunts wins.
  • Fun Play Areas - Use your own imagination.
  • Daktari Express - A minituare railway that children love to delay by standing in front of the tracks.
  • Zoo Monorail - Oh, what fun it is to watch baboons kill each other with large rocks. Take in this sight and many more whilst you travel around the barbaric monkey enclosures.
  • People Moover - A terrible play on words, this takes you to the muddy duck area of the park, on a black and white monorail. Closed down more regularly than Rita is with a hangover.
  • Cable Cars - High and unpredictable, the cable cars take you across from Kumali to Lemur Island, which is less exciting than it sounds. At least they don't catch fire.
  • Splish Splosh - An 'interactive' play area. If these means getting unexpectedly soaked and charged by aggresive children, then this is surely one of the most 'interactive' attractions around.
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