Wardmas

Wardmas is the enthusiast's alternative holiday to Christmas, celebrating the life of John Wardley, just a little later celebrated upon December March 25th whence the blessed parks of Alton Towers and Chessington World of Adventures reopen in Britain.

Note: Surprisingly and very thankfully, we DO NOT do this.

It is a time of good will, good cheer and good time with fellow enthusiasts, rejoicing the work of Wardley aka Theatrical Brilliance at either blessed park. Mainly Alton Towers.

How Did Wardmas Originate?

It's hard to pin point on how the holiday came into existence, as the meaning of the celebration has been somewhat lost over the years, due to what seems like an eternity of Thorpeish commercialism. If you ask the many enthusiasts of forums who follow the Wardley on how Wardmas came to be, they will say:

Eer. Don't know.

That is the annoyingly correct answer.

However, enthusiasts including devoted members of the Cult of Wardley, archaeologists and historians have equally theorised in collaboration that Wardmas derives from the late 1980s, possibly 1987 when many people flocked to the first great blessed site, Chessington when his creations and ideas became a true success within the British theme park industry.

It is, though, at a great loss to describe the incredible lack of information from earlier Wardley years, specifically during his first ride creations at Barry Island Amusement Park circa 1970s when he envisioned the now very late Uncle Frankenstein's Scream Machine among a few others. But mainly that one.

Celebrating Wardmas

Due to many differing and specific details, this part of the article will be generalised for the safety of newbies and narwhals:

Wardmas normally begins at 10am at the front of the gates at Alton Towers on March 25th, sometimes just after 9 if enthusiasts play ownership to the Merlin/Alton Annual Pass.

If patient and once the park has opened fully to the public, enthusiasts will go on a quick-footed journey either over to Forbidden Valley where Nemesis and Air lie or Oblivion in X-Sector all before the General Public do. It may be possible for the 2011 season to incorporate Th13teen into this Wardmas tradition as Wardley contributed to the ride.

After a possibly ridiculous amount of queueing, it will be time to move onto the more 'family friendly' rides over in the Katanga Canyon area where Runaway Mine Train and Congo River Rapids are ridden... and then possible reridden for the lols and giggles. Then before or after Duel. Then another round of Nemesis or Air.

After more queueing for rides, there is a break for lunch where the enthusiasts will go to any Burger King and overrun the tills, as well as seats and space. No reason on why they take all the seating space: It's for fun! Plus, most enthusiasts groups are pretty darn big at Wardmas so it's more than likely Burger Kings will be whored.

Then after the group meet back up it's a couple of goes on non-Wardley rides here and there, get on Hex and recite the pre-show bit by bit, whore Nemesis, Air and/or Oblivion, and then disband for the day/night.

Afterwards is a good time to get thoroughly sloshed at Ma Garritas Bar in commemoration of his underlying insanity and enthusiasm for rides, then re-enacting his best quotes upon the mini stage as drunkenly as possible.

Wardmas' Official Anthem

The official anthem for Wardmas, is In the Hall of the Mountain King, which happens to be the flagship theme for Alton Towers. Unsurprising, no?

This is normally accompanied by: This may vary from person to person

• Pretending to conduct the entire 2 minutes and 35 seconds with hands
• Head swaying/bobbing
• Unconventional dancing
• Incessant humming

The unfortunate side effects of said accompaniments: This may vary from person to person

• Weakening in either/both arms and neck
• Headaches
• A 'cba' nature
• Incessant humming

Well Known Wardmas Celebrator Groups

• The fairly obvious enthusiasts, to be specific TTFers

The more specific groups:

• Altonists
  • Haunted House Craving Conservatives

• Wardleyists
  • Cult of Wardley
    • Nemesites
    • Wardleyologians (Alumni Nemesites)