Thorpe Park

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''Oops, Maybe You Were looking For [[Fail]]'' <br>
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''Oops, Maybe You Were looking For [[Fail]]''
  
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''(Some of this is graciously stolen from Unencyclopedia. Thanks!)''
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''This article is about the only pikey stronghold south of Nottingham, for the caravan park in Cleethorpes, see [[Thorpe Park (the original and best)]].''
  
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Thorpe Park is one of Britain's worst nightmares and the British enthusiast's dream come true. A [[Chav|chav]] breeding ground and so called 'Thrill Capital', it's only thrills are the queuelines and the fact rides break down every day, on the hour and every hour. It is a place of terror for any family within children under 12 and no wait... let me rephrase that... it is Britain's most voted place of terror.  
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''(Some of this is graciously stolen from Shawn Sanbrooke's shed. Thanks!)''
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[[File:Thorpe.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Their slogan is 'Twisted Pleasure... Twisted Pleasure in conning you out of your money, your dignity, your life's existence and '''NEW FOR 2014! THORPE PARK Resort waterside shipping container hotel! (oh and Ansty Turds Land)!''']]
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THORPE PARK (also known as [[Fail|Fail]] Park, Thorpe Krap, Hell or The place which we do not speak of (It angers people on Discord if you mention it) is one of Britain's worst nightmares and the British enthusiast's dream gone horribly wrong with added <nowiki>FAIL</nowiki>. A [[Chav|chav]] breeding ground and so called 'Thrill Capital', it's only thrills are the queuelines and the fact rides break down every day, on the hour and every hour. It is a place of terror for any family within children under 12 and no wait... let me rephrase that... it is Britain's most voted place of terror. Please note as of 2014 THORPE PARK is now known as THORPE PARK Resort (yes THORPE PARK is still in capitals, yet Resort isn't! Why you ask? We haven't a clue!)
  
 
The Scottish equivalent to Thorpe Park is [[M and Ds]]. No arguments. It just is.  
 
The Scottish equivalent to Thorpe Park is [[M and Ds]]. No arguments. It just is.  
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The park's slogan is ''Join the queue for real fun!'' and it appears in all cases, this is true.  
 
The park's slogan is ''Join the queue for real fun!'' and it appears in all cases, this is true.  
  
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Sometimes, it's just less hassle to visit [[Chessington World of Adventures]]. Why? Because it's the land of [[God]]!
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Sometimes, it's just less hassle to visit [[Chessington World of Adventures]]. Why? Because it's the land of [[John Wardley|God himself]]!
  
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==History==
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''See also: [[Thorpe Park: The Musical]]''
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== History ==
  
 
The park was opened in 1979 as a very nice and decent place where everyone could go and have a jolly old time! Families liked it. Enthusiasts liked it. It had some lovely little rides and attractions too that were decent as well and sometimes... even good! Wonderful even. Of course this was back before the chavs were an invented species and the 21st century had come into motion.
 
The park was opened in 1979 as a very nice and decent place where everyone could go and have a jolly old time! Families liked it. Enthusiasts liked it. It had some lovely little rides and attractions too that were decent as well and sometimes... even good! Wonderful even. Of course this was back before the chavs were an invented species and the 21st century had come into motion.
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*Magic Mill/Mr Rabbit's Tropical Travels - Also partially burnt down with Wicked Witches Haunt. This was a wonderful and pleasant ride that was the Southern equivalent to [[Toyland Tours]] at <nowiki>Alton Towers</nowiki> with another [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVOQD5IUp0g onride] to prove it. T'was rethemed to the Ranger County area and soon replaced by Nymphferior.  
 
*Magic Mill/Mr Rabbit's Tropical Travels - Also partially burnt down with Wicked Witches Haunt. This was a wonderful and pleasant ride that was the Southern equivalent to [[Toyland Tours]] at <nowiki>Alton Towers</nowiki> with another [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVOQD5IUp0g onride] to prove it. T'was rethemed to the Ranger County area and soon replaced by Nymphferior.  
  
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*Pirates 4D - Possibly one of the most decent 4D shows in the UK at the time with an animatronic pirate parrot, the film starred Leslie Nielsen and Eric Idle. The Naked Gun meets Monty Python with a big heap of pirate costumes? AHOY! Was removed for <s>[[Fail|FAIL]]</s> Time Voyagers.
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*Pirates 4D - Possibly one of the most decent 4D shows in the UK at the time with an animatronic pirate parrot, the film starred Leslie Nielsen and Eric Idle. The Naked Gun [[Meets|meets]] Monty Python with a big heap of pirate costumes? AHOY! Was removed for <s>[[Fail|FAIL]]</s> Time Voyagers.
  
 
*Thorpe Farm - Decent farm, [[Closed|closed]] because nobody cared for it anymore.  
 
*Thorpe Farm - Decent farm, [[Closed|closed]] because nobody cared for it anymore.  
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*Model World - Decent models of various visitor attractions around the world.  
 
*Model World - Decent models of various visitor attractions around the world.  
  
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==Rides & Attractions==
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== Reliability record ==
  
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===Rollercoasters===
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Absolutely terrible. Put it this way - if you want to ride anything, don't bother spending £49, just walk round your local chav-infested town centre, it's a pretty similar experience as you usually can't ride anything decent at Thorpe anyway!
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== 2011 Pass Holder Preview Day ==
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The park received considerable criticism during their 2011 Pass Holder Preview day when approximately 97 people turned up, more than triple the expected amount.
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Staff were unable to cope with the influx of people and a public toilet had to be opened in attempt to keep waste to a minimum.
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X:\ No Way Out was required to run with one train, more than double the typical amount required on Pass Holder Preview Days.
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== Rides & Attractions ==
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=== Rollercoasters ===
  
 
*[[Colossus]]
 
*[[Colossus]]
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*[[Stealth]]  
 
*[[Stealth]]  
 
*[[SAW: The Ride]]
 
*[[SAW: The Ride]]
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*[[X:/No Way Out]]
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*[[X:\No Way Out]] - Now with extra Merlin.
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*[[The Swarm]]
 
*The Flying Fish
 
*The Flying Fish
  
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===Thrill Rides===
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=== Thrill Rides ===
  
 
*[[Lost City|Rush]]
 
*[[Lost City|Rush]]
 
*[[Lost City|Vortex]]  
 
*[[Lost City|Vortex]]  
 
*[[Lost City|Samurai]]
 
*[[Lost City|Samurai]]
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*[[Canada Creek|Slammer]]  
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*[[Canada Creek|Slammer]] - Now SBNO because birds made it their nesting facility
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*[[Calypso Quay|Detonator]]
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*[[Calypso Quay|Detonator]] - Now with b-tec big chungus
  
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===Water Rides===
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=== Water Rides ===
  
 
*[[Tidal Wave]]
 
*[[Tidal Wave]]
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*[[Loggers Leap]]  
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*[[Loggers Leap]]-SABR (Standing And Becoming Rusty)
 
*[[Neptunes Kingdom|Depth Charge]]
 
*[[Neptunes Kingdom|Depth Charge]]
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*2011 new attraction: [[Stormsurge]], the literal Cypress Gardens castaway!
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*[[Ribena Rumba Rapids]] ''(Due to the recent addition of Storm Surge Rumba Rapids suddenly doesn't feel so bad)''
  
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===Family Rides===
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=== Family Rides ===
  
 
*Mr Monkey's Banana Ride
 
*Mr Monkey's Banana Ride
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*Storm in a Teacup
 
*Storm in a Teacup
  
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===Misc===
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===Dark Rides===
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*Derren Brown's Ghost Train: Rise of the Disappointment
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=== Misc ===
  
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*[[SAW:Alive]]
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*[[SAW:Alive]]*Only open on the 5th Friday of every Month, during a full moon, when it snows.
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*[[Time Voyagers]]
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*[[Time Voyagers]] NOW ANGSTY TURDS LAND 4D! !1!
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*Tidal Wave Wetzone  
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*<nowiki>Tidal Wave</nowiki> Wetzone
  
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===The One Nobody Likes===
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=== The One Nobody Likes but still maintains the highest queuetimes in the park===
  
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*[[Ribena Rumba Rapids]]  
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*2011 new attraction: A '[[Storm_Surge|Storm Surge]]', the literal Cypress Gardens castaway and it's not even been painted up!
  
 
[[Category:Theme Park]]
 
[[Category:Theme Park]]
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[[Category:Thorpe Park| ]]

Latest revision as of 21:20, 28 January 2019

Oops, Maybe You Were looking For Fail

This article is about the only pikey stronghold south of Nottingham, for the caravan park in Cleethorpes, see Thorpe Park (the original and best).

(Some of this is graciously stolen from Shawn Sanbrooke's shed. Thanks!)

Their slogan is 'Twisted Pleasure... Twisted Pleasure in conning you out of your money, your dignity, your life's existence and NEW FOR 2014! THORPE PARK Resort waterside shipping container hotel! (oh and Ansty Turds Land)!

THORPE PARK (also known as Fail Park, Thorpe Krap, Hell or The place which we do not speak of (It angers people on Discord if you mention it) is one of Britain's worst nightmares and the British enthusiast's dream gone horribly wrong with added FAIL. A chav breeding ground and so called 'Thrill Capital', it's only thrills are the queuelines and the fact rides break down every day, on the hour and every hour. It is a place of terror for any family within children under 12 and no wait... let me rephrase that... it is Britain's most voted place of terror. Please note as of 2014 THORPE PARK is now known as THORPE PARK Resort (yes THORPE PARK is still in capitals, yet Resort isn't! Why you ask? We haven't a clue!)

The Scottish equivalent to Thorpe Park is M and Ds. No arguments. It just is.

The park's slogan is Join the queue for real fun! and it appears in all cases, this is true.

Sometimes, it's just less hassle to visit Chessington World of Adventures. Why? Because it's the land of God himself!

See also: Thorpe Park: The Musical

Contents

[edit] History

The park was opened in 1979 as a very nice and decent place where everyone could go and have a jolly old time! Families liked it. Enthusiasts liked it. It had some lovely little rides and attractions too that were decent as well and sometimes... even good! Wonderful even. Of course this was back before the chavs were an invented species and the 21st century had come into motion.

Some former rides and attractions are as follows:

  • Magic Mill/Mr Rabbit's Tropical Travels - Also partially burnt down with Wicked Witches Haunt. This was a wonderful and pleasant ride that was the Southern equivalent to Toyland Tours at Alton Towers with another onride to prove it. T'was rethemed to the Ranger County area and soon replaced by Nymphferior.
  • Pirates 4D - Possibly one of the most decent 4D shows in the UK at the time with an animatronic pirate parrot, the film starred Leslie Nielsen and Eric Idle. The Naked Gun meets Monty Python with a big heap of pirate costumes? AHOY! Was removed for FAIL Time Voyagers.
  • Thorpe Farm - Decent farm, closed because nobody cared for it anymore.
  • Model World - Decent models of various visitor attractions around the world.

[edit] Reliability record

Absolutely terrible. Put it this way - if you want to ride anything, don't bother spending £49, just walk round your local chav-infested town centre, it's a pretty similar experience as you usually can't ride anything decent at Thorpe anyway!

[edit] 2011 Pass Holder Preview Day

The park received considerable criticism during their 2011 Pass Holder Preview day when approximately 97 people turned up, more than triple the expected amount.

Staff were unable to cope with the influx of people and a public toilet had to be opened in attempt to keep waste to a minimum.

X:\ No Way Out was required to run with one train, more than double the typical amount required on Pass Holder Preview Days.

[edit] Rides & Attractions

[edit] Rollercoasters

[edit] Thrill Rides

[edit] Water Rides

[edit] Family Rides

  • Mr Monkey's Banana Ride
  • Rangers Carousel
  • Rocky Express
  • Quantum
  • Storm in a Teacup

[edit] Dark Rides

  • Derren Brown's Ghost Train: Rise of the Disappointment

[edit] Misc

  • SAW:Alive*Only open on the 5th Friday of every Month, during a full moon, when it snows.
  • Time Voyagers NOW ANGSTY TURDS LAND 4D! !1!
  • Tidal Wave Wetzone

[edit] The One Nobody Likes but still maintains the highest queuetimes in the park

  • 2011 new attraction: A 'Storm Surge', the literal Cypress Gardens castaway and it's not even been painted up!
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