Brean Theme Park 9th September 2023

[Matt N]

9th September 2023: Brean Theme Park
Hi guys. Today was an exciting day; I went for my first ever visit to Brean Theme Park, near Burnham-on-Sea in Somerset! Now I know that that might not sound too exciting to many of you, but I was glad to finally tick it off seeing as it’s actually my closest semi-major theme park! Oddly given that I’ve lived in the South West of England my whole life and amassed a coaster count of over 100, I had never been to Brean Theme Park (or any theme park in my local South West region, for that matter) before today. I’d walked past the outside of it during a camping trip to Brean when I was no older than about 8, but I’d never been inside and seen what delights it had to offer. With that in mind, I was excited to tick off my closest non-kiddie +3 and finally see what my closest theme park is like!

I was originally planning to do this as a solo trip via train and bus, but my mum decided she didn’t like the idea of me going to Brean alone and kindly offered to drive me there, and my nan decided that she fancied joining us. The 3 of us set off from Gloucestershire at a bit before 10am, and with the drive taking just over an hour, we arrived in Brean in very good time for the 11am opening time:

After parking up, we headed into the park and got Fun Cards. As I was riding the coasters, I put 14 credits on mine, and my mum and nan put credits on theirs to play a game of Congo Adventure Golf while I rode the coasters. After paying, I split off from my mum and nan and headed into the main theme park itself:

Upon entering the park, I was initially unsure whether any of the coasters were even open, as they looked very empty and showed little sign of being operational. However, I did find one coaster that was open upon closer inspection, so I headed over to it…
Astro Storm
Astro Storm was open and had a very short-looking queue consisting of around 6 people, so I decided to take a ride on it. This queue ended up taking around 10-15 minutes all in, which I wasn’t too displeased with, in all honesty. Interestingly, though, I noticed that the operators were very casually walking across the track and between the unload and load stations in a way that you definitely wouldn’t see at a park like Alton Towers, and it’s also the first coaster where I’ve ever had the operator push me out of the station! That’s not a criticism, but just something interesting I noticed. But enough about that; how was the ride? Well, I was interested to ride it given that it was a former resident of Blackpool Pleasure Beach, and I have to say that it wasn’t too bad at all for a ride at a park of this calibre! Sure, it’s not going to blow any minds on the world stage, and I’d argue that the claim that it’s “Europe’s best indoor coaster” is a bit debatable, but the ride was quite good fun for what it is, with some fun twists and turns! I was also quite pleasantly surprised by the theming; there were some nice effects, although there were quite a few air cannons that did make me jump! Overall, Astro Storm was a perfectly fine enclosed coaster with some surprising theming:

After getting off Astro Storm, I headed over to the next coaster…
Bulldog Coaster
Bulldog Coaster was open and on a very short queue consisting of only 2 other people, so I decided to have a go on it. The wait was very short, only taking the time that it took for the train to negotiate the remainder of the circuit and unload the riders in it; I can’t complain about that! So, how was the ride? Well, it was the second Pinfari coaster I’ve ridden, and the first looping Pinfari Zyklon I’ve ridden, and similar to the first Pinfari coaster I rode, Creepy Crawler at Oakwood, I wasn’t a huge fan. The restraint was very uncomfortable, and although the signature loop was admittedly quite forceful, the layout was pretty rough in numerous places, with a fair amount of bracing required. It’s admittedly an impressive headliner for a park like Brean, but I’m afraid to say that I wasn’t a fan:

After getting off Bulldog Coaster, I made my way to the final credit I needed…
Magic Mouse
Magic Mouse was open and had a relatively short-looking queue consisting of around 10-15 people, so I decided to take a ride on it. This queue, similarly to that of Astro Storm, took around 10-15 minutes, which I can’t really complain about. I did notice that they were only loading one group per car regardless of the group size, though, and it was similar on Astro Storm; I rode in a car on my own on both rides, even though I could quite easily have been batched in alongside other groups that came before me in both cases. It wasn’t really a problem today, but it was just something I noticed. That’s besides the point, though; how was the ride? Well, Magic Mouse was my 7th Reverchon spinning wild mouse coaster, so I’m quite well versed in how these coasters ride by this point, and I’m not a fan of them at all, as I’m not a fan of the wild mouse ride style in general. This was one of the smoother ones I’ve done, though, and with me being in a car on my own, it span a lot; I was a little bit light-headed getting off! Overall, Magic Mouse was pretty much par-for-the-course for these Reverchon spinning coasters; I don’t really rate them at all, I’m afraid:

After getting off Magic Mouse, it was around 12pm, so as my Fun Card credits had run out and I’d ridden all 3 of the coasters I wanted to ride, I met back up with my mum and nan, who’d finished their game of Congo Adventure Golf. They both tied with each other, but said that they’d very much enjoyed their game!

After meeting back up, we exited the park:

Before heading back home, we took a stroll along a very foggy Brean Beach. This must easily be the foggiest I’ve ever seen a beach; you couldn’t even see the sea!:

After our brief beachside stroll, we headed back to the car and headed home, stopping in Sedgemoor services for a spot of lunch on the way back.

So, that concludes our day (or, more accurately, morning) at Brean Theme Park in Somerset! I know this probably hasn’t been the most exciting report, and I apologise for that, but I was very glad to finally visit my closest theme park and grab the +3 that it had to offer, and if nothing else, it made for a fun morning on a hot day like today! None of the coasters are anything particularly earth-shattering in the grand scheme of things, but I didn’t go in expecting top 10/20 candidates or anything, and for a park of the calibre that it is, I think Brean is a perfectly fine place. Now I’ve been, it’s not somewhere I’d rush back to, but I’m glad that I finally went and ticked off my closest theme park, and I had a nice morning there.

Thanks for reading! Despite this probably not being the most interesting report, I hope you still enjoyed it! It won’t be long at all until you next see a trip report from me, as I’m headed to two theme parks next week; I’ll be taking my annual visit to Thorpe Park on Friday 15th September, swiftly followed by my first visit to Chessington World of Adventures in nearly a decade on Sunday 17th September!

 

[Zeock]

That was a good report! I enjoyed Brean when I was there, so it is good to hear from someone else who doesn't hate it.

 

[Matt N]

That was a good report! I enjoyed Brean when I was there, so it is good to hear from someone else who doesn't hate it.

Brean is what it is, really. It certainly isn’t going to blow any minds on the world stage or even the UK stage, but I was never really expecting that to begin with. It’s a small seaside amusement park in the rural South West of England, and for that purpose, I think it’s a perfectly fine place.

 

[John]

How does a queue of 6 people take 10-15 minutes (Astro Storm), was it running 1 car or something..?

 

[Matt N]

How does a queue of 6 people take 10-15 minutes (Astro Storm), was it running 1 car or something..?

It appeared to be running 2, as far as I could see.

One thing I should note, however, is that they were often not dispatching the 2nd car until long after the first had reached the end of the ride, offloaded its passengers and reached the onload platform again.

I should also note that when I was batched onto the ride, the operator checked my restraint and then nothing really happened for quite a few minutes before the operator eventually pushed my car into the ride. I was just sat there waiting for the ride to begin for what felt like quite a few minutes after my lap bar had been checked, and it seemed like this was the case for other groups as well. It was probably at least partially due to there only being one operator and them having to cross between the load area and the unload area repeatedly (to handle guests at the entrance as well as those getting off the ride), but that’s just a guess on my part. All 3 coasters I did only had 1 member of staff on them, as far as I could tell.

It should also be said that the group of people in front of me (6 was a rough guess; I didn’t count exactly, but it was certainly less than 10 people) was comprised of a few very small groups, and they were not being very proactive at putting groups together; for instance, I was a single rider, but instead of batching me with a two or another single, they just sent me around on my own. That was also the case over on Magic Mouse; I could easily have been batched in alongside some groups of 2 or 3 in front of me, but they seemed to be running a policy of “one group per car”, which meant that I went alone and numerous seats went unfilled.

I didn’t time any overly in-depth throughputs, as there were too few dispatches for me to get an overly in-depth picture, but for reference, the one interval I got for Magic Mouse was a little over a minute, producing a throughput of around 200pph assuming all seats were full (which they most certainly weren’t in this instance). This was with 4 cars in operation.

In the case of Astro Storm, I’d be genuinely stunned if the throughput was hitting triple figures today… even if they were filling all seats consistently and dispatching once a minute, the 3 person ride vehicles limit it to 180pph, and they were taking far longer than a minute to dispatch and not filling all seats.

 

[Poisson]

How does a queue of 6 people take 10-15 minutes (Astro Storm), was it running 1 car or something..?

It's Brean. Operations aren't a thing.

 

[rob666]

It was never a quick queue at Blackpool either.
Oh the smell of the queueline on a wet summers day.

 

[Matt.GC]

But did you get to experience the Squat Toilet/Shower combination? Very handy if you're caught short whilst lathering Head and Shoulders in your hair.

 

[Matt N]

But did you get to experience the Squat Toilet/Shower combination? Very handy if you're caught short whilst lathering Head and Shoulders in your hair.

I didn't see those, actually; I did go to the toilet in Brean, but I just went in a regular cubicle.

 

[D4n]

Sounds... bleak

Surely if you're going to go on such a shameless cred hunt then you have to at least commit to getting all four creds.

The booster and the ghost train are the best two rides at that park. Shame you experienced neither. Then again, based on the coaster throughputs you could have been waiting an hour for them.

Astro Storm is ok.

 

[Matt N]

Sounds... bleak

Surely if you're going to go on such a shameless cred hunt then you have to at least commit to getting all four creds.

The booster and the ghost train are the best two rides at that park. Shame you experienced neither. Then again, based on the coaster throughputs you could have been waiting an hour for them.

Astro Storm is ok.

I didn’t do Caterpillar Coaster because I don’t generally do kiddie coasters. My main reason for visiting was to get the non-kiddie +3 and to finally see what my closest theme park was like. It’s not a park I would have travelled miles and miles exclusively for, but seeing as it’s relatively close to me (my nearest theme park, as I said above) and had a non-kiddie +3 for me to ride, I figured that I’d be foolish to not go and pick up that +3 at some stage seeing as I do count coasters!

I did ponder doing Terror Castle, but I don’t think my mum wanted to spend overly long in Brean and I must digress that I’m also not the greatest with horror stuff and I’ve heard that it’s quite full on.

Unless I missed something, I don’t even remember seeing a booster in there. I can’t see one on the park website, either…

 

[D4n]

I guess I mainly can't get my head around going out of your way to visit a park where you knew you wouldn't enjoy two out of the three attractions that you were going to ride, just to "get the creds" but still drawing the line at riding a caterpillar... if you're going to cred whore then be shameless about it But each to their own.

Looks like the Booster has indeed been removed. It was opposite Astro Storm. One less reason to visit!