Strangest/funniest things you’ve overheard or seen happen out and about

[Matt N]

Hi guys. Sometimes when you’re out and about, you see something really odd or funny happen, or overhear something odd or funny. Something really random that just takes you by surprise. We have a thread for funny things you’ve overheard in queue lines, so after something that happened today I thought; why not have a similar thread, but for things outside theme parks and queue lines? So I’d be intrigued to know; what are some strange or funny things you’ve overheard or seen happen when out and about?

I’ll get the ball rolling with something incredibly random that happened during my university lecture today…

It started off as a perfectly normal Friday at 5pm MSc lecture on Operational Research. Our lecturer was showing us the worked solution to a problem (if you’re at all familiar with OR, the problem was about unimodularity in the context of a transportation problem)… when the lecturer asked if anyone had any questions after he’d finished showing us the solution, someone asked a question. The ensuing sequence of events went something like this:

• Lecturer: Does anyone have any questions?
• Person 1: I have one, mate. How is this s**t actually relevant to my life?
• Lecturer: Well, erm, lots of companies will use methods like this to work out the most efficient way of transporting things or allocating resources given a set of constraints. They probably wouldn’t calculate it manually like we are here, but the method still stands.
• Person 1: I just don’t understand it at all. I want to be on Love Island, you see, and I need a bombshell. I need this to be my bombshell.
• Lecturer: I don’t entirely understand how that’s relevant, but I’ll speak to you after the lecture.
• Person 1: Is this the right lecture to be in if I want to sound smart on Love Island? I need a bombshell; is this gonna make me sound smart in the villa?
• Lecturer: I don’t think any university lecture will help you with that, to be honest… if you have any questions, I’ll speak with you after the lecture.
• Person 1: Right, I’m leaving. I’ve gotta go if I can’t get my Love Island bombshell here… **** this Maths s**t! Who’s with me?
• Person 2: I’ll go with you, bruv; I want a Love Island bombshell too! **** this Maths s**t!
• Lecturer: If you’re going to mess around, just get out. Absolutely pathetic… do you think you’re 3 years old or something?
• Person 1: I need my Love Island bombshell…
• Lecturer: Get out now, or I’m calling security…

We later ascertained that neither of these people were even on our course, so they were quite literally just two random people who entered a random lecture and decided to play a prank…

The rest of the MSc class was left either highly affronted or desperately trying not to laugh by this whole affair… it certainly spiced up the Friday at 5pm lecture that is so often a bit of a hard slog, if nothing else!

But I’d be interested to know; what are some of the strangest/funniest things you’ve ever seen happen out and about?

 

[Leigh]

The strangest part of this was people actually being present at a 5pm lecture on a Friday afternoon. Who was turning up to that?

 

[Matt N]

The strangest part of this was people actually being present at a 5pm lecture on a Friday afternoon. Who was turning up to that?

A surprising number of people, actually! Even the lecturer said he’d half expected to be lecturing to an empty classroom, and was pleasantly surprised at attendance levels…

 

[RicketyCricket]

Person 1 sounds like they could possibly be the biggest ******* in the Northern Hemisphere.

 

[Alsty]

And there's plenty of contenders!

 

[Jonathan]

When I was working at the petrol station, I had to get on the tannoy and ask someone to get off their phone. How did they respond? Yup - by turning around, pulling their trousers down, and mooning us.

 

[Slugjc]

A ha. I have found the perfect thread to tell my tail.

Yesterday, I ventured into Leeds. Usually I would park at Garforth, ride the rails to Leeds and reverse that journey. The line is closed due to a bridge needing to be moved and put back. So, it was a lift to Leeds with Mrs slugjc, parking at her work at Leeds station. The Bus will be my chariot.

After an afternoon of shopping. And a torrential downpour. It was time to find the stop, wait and embark.

After choosing my seat. I parked the rear and settled down. A lady, around 16/17/18 years of age, sat in the seat in front, which was down from my position. At first, I thought she was writing a message on her communication device.But no, erotic, murder fiction. The scene. Two lovers are engaging in, ahem, the sex. In a bin. The male, then slaps the female unconscious. Before murdering her. He then phones another to describe what happened, whilst she, enjoyed the description a little to much.

I am no critic. However I have a few questions.

1, what type of bin was it. Wheelie, green, black, skip?

2. Was the correct bin put out for collection? You don't want to arouse suspicion with a bin out for days.

3, DNA. Surely the love juices are on the body (he did ejaculate all over the victim.)

It needed work but she departs the bus before I do.

 

[Matt N]

I have a few new candidates for this following my recent holiday in Scotland.

The first was when my family and I were sat outside a pub having a drink (near to the Falls of Dochart, if anyone is familiar with Scotland). The pub exterior overlooked a bridge that was only wide enough for one car, and a car went into it a bit too quickly, had to brake to let the car already coming along through and tried to reverse, but couldn't seem to do it. The driver struggled for a few seconds before a woman driving a car behind wound down her window and yelled "Learn to drive, d**khead!"...

Another candidate was this conversation that my mum overheard at the Scottish Crannog Centre (which is, in essence, a living museum showcasing life in a Scottish crannog in the iron age) involving an American tourist and a staff member:

• Tourist: So, where are the bodies buried?
• Staff Member: There is no archeological proof of bodies on the site.
• Tourist: But where do you keep the bodies?
• Staff Member: There is no proof that bodies exist on the site, sir.
• Tourist: But surely there must be bodies? Where are they?

The final one is from when we walked around the Berks of Aberfeldy (a waterfall). Me and my sister were walking along the path, which went up a hill. Part way along, the path ran against a rock face of sorts... and we came across an older man trying to climb said rock face while his companion looked on, seeming embarrassed...