Surreal news articles

[RoyJess]

What the **** is jazz hands?

http://38.media.tumblr.com/0eeaaae5ac44e370402e2437249d2155/tumblr_nln5xklIgc1u3mr8ro1_500.gif

 

[Error]

Basically a two handed wave.

 

[Rojo]

If you're happy and you know do Jazz hands, doesn't have the same ring to it. I hate it when they ruin the classics

 

[RoyJess]

They were talking about this on Good Morning Britain,

Pierce Morgan is Brilliant when it comes to these crazy debates

 

[rob666]

To think in my days, the student union used to do slave auctions.
One couple promised to do whatever, absolutely whatever, for the highest bidder, for two hours.
Final bid was three hundred quid if I recall.
A professor won...and made them clean his house!
Sad clucker.
Curse you autocucumber.

 

[Rojo]

A horse walks into a bar...

https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-europe-45717510/runaway-horse-causes-chaos-in-bar

 

[rob666]

...and the barman asks...
"Why the long face?"

 

[Alsty]

Stockport woman finds snake in oven

An elderly woman had the "shock of her life" when she found a 3ft (90cm) snake in her oven.

The 82-year-old said she wondered if her "eyes were deceiving her" when she first saw the African brown snake, which is thought to be an escaped pet.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-45731431

 

[DiogoJ42]

I dunno if I'd call this "news", but that depends on whether you think the BBC is more "trustworthy" than a dedicated paranormal researcher...

People are waking up with sleep paralysis, seeing BEKs, then having visions of nuclear war.

https://mysteriousuniverse.org/2018/10/black-eyed-children-and-nuclear-nightmares/

Seems legit.

 

[Rojo]

Video shows monkey 'driving' bus in Karnataka, India

I hope he's passed his theory! Linky

 

[Alsty]

£40,000 Banksy piece now worth just £1 after owner shredded it ‘to increase value'

An art collector who owned a Banksy worth £40,000 has shredded it in an attempt to imitate the artist’s latest stunt – but has now made the piece almost worthless.

Source: https://metro.co.uk/2018/10/08/4000...er-shredded-it-to-increase-value-8018715/amp/

 

[b2311e]

Birmingham NatWest 'bank robbery' was hide and seek game

Armed police were called to a suspected bank robbery, only to find staff at the city centre branch were playing a team building game of "hide and seek".

Staff at NatWest in St Philip's Place, Birmingham, were seen hiding under desks at 09:50 BST on Wednesday by a member of the public who called police.

Armed officers arrived and were told it was a "false alarm" as they was playing the game for training.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-45821220

 

[Alsty]

Armed officers arrived and were told it was a "false alarm" as they was playing the game for training.

That grammar is awful

 

[b2311e]

That grammar is awful

Genuinely copy & pasted that from the article earlier

 

[Alsty]

@b2311e, I actually checked the website myself because it was so poor I didn't believe it

Edit: I see the BBC have corrected the offending sentence now.

 

[RicketyCricket]

Not a news article but this is superb.

BT sport challenge professional Heavyweight boxer to test punch power on their mascot... He apparently doesn't realise there is a human inside.

 

[DiogoJ42]

I did the press conference between him and Tyson Fury the other week. Wilder came across as a sane, rational and mellow guy next to that nutter!

 

[RicketyCricket]

I did the press conference between him and Tyson Fury the other week. Wilder came across as a sane, rational and mellow guy next to that nutter!

I love Tyson Fury. Such a big idiot.

Met him outside Nemesis a couple of years back. The heavyweight champ strolling around with his family happy to take pictures with everyone .. really nice bloke.

 

[BarryZola]

Why would you even ask him to hit a mascot though, knowing that there is obviously a real person inside? They surely can't all be absolute idiots, can they?

 

[IanSR]

You'dbe surprised, just because a person is good at one thing, doesn't mean they have an ounce of sense.