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Worded POVs

USLShadow

USLShadow

TS Member
So this thread comes as a bit of fun for people to have a go at, inspired by @Cheese recent reply to my question in the Smilier thread.

You have to pick a coaster, any coaster and write the POV up for it in the most spectacular way possible, as if you were describing it to someone who has never risen the coaster.


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Thirteen

Approaching the queue entrance, the only part you will see is the coaster's lift hill. You enter the queue and follow it through the woods around to the scaffolding-clad building. You will then pass the old, decaying baggage hold and ascend steps up into the building.

Inside the building, you will walk (or scoot, if you're scared) past the lightning effect, although it doesn't work much anymore. Finally, you will see the boarding aisles as you descend more steps into the gothic loading area. Once through the gates and onboard, you will pull down your individual lap restraint. once checks are complete, the train departs the station and takes a slight curved dip to the tyre-driven lift hill. Once at the crest, you will drop down the short hill, hoping the infamous trim brake doesn't halt you too much. You will then take a few dips and banked curves, including an upward s-bend, into the second tyre-driven lift hill.

The train now takes a curve into the drop-track, coming to a stop. Once the door slams shut behind you, the train drops slightly. You don't have even a second to catch your breath before the track drops again, this time even further. After some short effects, you are accelerated, no, pushed, backwards, taking a small curved dip into the upwards helix. The train then emerges into daylight (or darkness if you take a (recommended) night ride) and comes to a stop. The switch track trundles into place before you, after which you will accelerate, surprisingly fast, into the station.

Once your lap restraint releases you will exit the station down some steps and head past the photo booth. Following the path back to civilisation, you will emerge back in the centre of the Dark Forest.
 
Twist and Joust
I was overjoyed when I found out that Gulliver's Land was getting a spinning coaster, paid £20 admission which seemed quite reasonable then got to Twist and Joust and realised I had completely wasted £20. The ride is tiny, only 360ft long taking only a 72ft by 49ft area (according to the RCDB), my guess at the ride's height is 20ft? (You have a look at the ride and tell me if you think my judgement is about right). You turn right up the lift hill then right again into a tiny, forceless drop then turn, down a similar drop, turn round a cutout castle turret which looks about as cheap as everything Chessington has built in the last five years, down a similar drop, turn again then you are back in the station. At least you get three laps otherwise I really would be asking for my money back.
Before someone points out that Gulliver's is just a children's park, Paultons is building Storm Chaser which is also for children but is actually good. Just don't bother going to Gulliver's Land at all, it's just as soulless as the rest of Milton Keynes! (Except Bletchley Park which is lovely)
 
Bandit - Movie Park Germany

Upon approaching the Old West area you this ride. Seeing a clone, it is assumed what you're about to ride is slightly well engineered but appearances can deceive and here is a ride what can indeed, deceive you for all the wrong reasons. Climbing into the slightly odd looking trains, nothing is still amiss, and then the train is dispatched.

Curving down and right then a straight and another right to the lift you get the feeling this is rather less well built ride, with many odd rattles coming from the train but you foolishly cast this aside, writing it off as just a wooden coaster thing as it rattles a bit. Climbing up the lift you arrive at the crest of the first drop, anti rollbacks dragging their merry heart out and all seems mostly well, a slight right and the first drop infront of you.

And then the screaming begins.

The screams of the pain as bones are rendered to dust, muscles and tendons shredded as if nothing was there at all. You, of course, don't know what extent this will be to yet, so down the first drop you go and suddenly it feels like there is a country mile between the upstop wheels and main wheels as the train bounces and lurches in several directions down the drop gaining far too much speed for such a pile of firewood should ever get. So it is bad but your terrible decision is about to get a lot, lot worse.

The first corner after the drop is after an incline, it is an inclining banked left turn where the train just slams itself into the right hand rail with about as much poise and dignity as someone 15 pints deep trying to negotiate the 17 flights of stairs to a Wetherspoons toilet, beginning the process of powderising your knees with constant slams to the right. This is extreme but the more astute rider will also realise the amount of fore n' aft shuffling is also really quite alarming as this coaster more staggers than rolls. After this corner is mostly completed you see another dip and incline and are unsure to brace or ragdoll for it. The answer is neither, for you cannot win against the Bandit, the house always wins.

After the dip and rise, of which the train somehow speeds up the incline, proving this is the coaster physics forgot with plenty of horrid noises it makes, it dips left. However, you're travelling at a physics defying speed so it once again smashes your knees to pieces and this is where the lap bar begins to show itself as it is also rammed into you, because you can't just get away without knees from this heap of terror, it seeks blood, swearing and tears from ALL who face it.

A banked right hand turn is your next opponent, rising up from the dip and this time smashing you leftwards, handily blending the left hand side of your knees/stomach/dignity. The ride loses some speed around this corner so you bounce around quite well as gravity fights to pull you right. Following this you see a white tin shed on the left. I don't know what this is officially but I am convinced this is a morgue for when this cluster of terror kills people.

A bunny hop thingish awaits you next, the train moving in all the terrible ways you now consider "normal" where you leave your seat slightly and then crash back down, the lap bar doing it's very best to shake hands with your spine with no regard for any internal organs in the way. This is where the blood, vomit, faeces, urine and tears probably will occur and the thoughts of suicide of the countless victims of this "ride" begin.

A long banked rising and falling right hander are next, the train shaking akin to a dog shaking a toy until it falls apart, however this dog clearly must be a Cerberus for it's hatred for humans is on an unholy level. Following this, a left hand hop tries to shake the train to make all the bits loosened by the previous corner fall off as if the ride was made by Gerstlauer. This is where the false hope begins, as it feels like you're heading back for the station. HA. WRONG. SUFFER.

The next part of the ride is like someone had a seizure playing NoLimits, as it bounces and shakes it's way through a wide angle left and then straight into a right hand turn. The train is moving much slower at this point but the pain gets worse as the shards of bone try and leave your legs in any way possible causing immense pain.

A slow hop and a right hander allow you to take stock of your injuries whilst topping them up for what is you think the final time as you enter the brake run. This sadly is not true as the brakes are literally a brick wall, slamming you into the restraint and adding even more to the inevitable internal bleeding this ride already gave you. You are released from the brakes and return to the station, a broken, defeated shell of a human you once were where you exit through the shop and see your photo mid-agony (worth buying to remind yourself whatever mistakes you've made in life, this is one of the worst).

I always say any ride is worth riding once. This ride made me reconsider this, sat hunched over on the decking outside the ride in severe pain. A truly AWFUL ride.
 
Thameslink Rail said:
Twist and Joust
I was overjoyed when I found out that Gulliver's Land was getting a spinning coaster, paid £20 admission which seemed quite reasonable then got to Twist and Joust and realised I had completely wasted £20. The ride is tiny, only 360ft long taking only a 72ft by 49ft area (according to the RCDB), my guess at the ride's height is 20ft?
Click to expand...
Coming from a generation that couldn't easily find stuff out, prior to committing time and money, it amazes me that this scenario can happen these days.
 
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