PAIN: The Trip

[Poisson]

Following mine and @MattyH's sensible* recent trips that included France that was actually Denmark, taking 9 idiots from Lowestoft to Towers and Drayton Manor and the corpse trip to Towers earlier in the year, it was decided that another sensible trip was needed. Some plans I had fell through so I had several days of holiday booked at work and we had 12 days to try and arrange something with these days off. Naturally, a trip in the UK was looked at as a sensible trip to do so of course we ended up going to Spain via Yorkshire. We need help (quite literally, this TR shows we are incompetent at theme parks somehow)

Friday the 14th dawned a nice enough day and I collected Holland from Malton station and we headed to Pickering because food is the first thing on my mind. Or it should be after this mess of a trip.



We found a train. Yay. We then found a Mingo Land. Not Yay.




The world's fastest monorail. Ever. Please ignore the wooden block as buffers on the left of shot. Anyway, when we had arrived we saw that there was about 7 or 8 coaches of schoolkids. This was incredibly worrying because in Mingo throughput terms, 5 people is roughly an hour queue. We did some rides, I'd write about most of them here but they're so crap I cannot be bothered. We did Sik though.



It's what she would of wanted. Except it isn't. It vibrates a fair bit and the final rolls are really uncomfy with Intamin's attempt at lap restraints. We then wandered around the zoo and found some animals that looked vaguely less depressed than on my last visit. We also watched the large water ride take roughly a millennia to complete a circuit. This was rubbish, so we left.

Where do you head after depressing yourself at Mingo Land? That's right, Hull. We headed to King Loops which Holland assured me was good. Then it decided to run a really bad cycle. The liar.



The heavens had opened as well despite it being forecasted to be dry. An unwelcome surprise. This was followed by me getting Stokes' Crash Test which Holland already had and we continued our trip around the fair to find the rest of the +7 available to me, +6 for Holland.



We rounded out the fair with Dane Crow's brilliant Tivoli Force 10 and Michael Harris' Superstar. We had never done a Force 10 before and the Superstar was a favourite of ours from Leeds Fair.



We then abandoned Hull to head back to Hex Hotel at Yorkshire Wildlife Park, where the room decided to start spinning and wouldn't park to let us out of the door. As expected, this is the sensible part of the trip over that doesn't include inspecting floors closely, a habit we would pick up soon enough.

 

[Poisson]

So, the morning of the 15th started dark and wet, probably because it was 3 am. After waiting half an hour for the room to align with the exit door, we left Hex Hotel and headed for Doncaster Sheffield Airport. The epic voyage took a good 10 minutes. The reason for heading for DSA was because whilst waiting for my college induction 12 days prior, I had worked out that we could fly to Reus and tick off the airport and the Spoons cred before it closed, if it closes. Maybe. Possibly.

Annnd on to the nut room airport security queue. A long and tedious affair, at least this had a queue time board.



Such a long wait for security. Terrible. Naturally after such horror, the time standing airport tradition had to be upheld. So we had a pint. Boarding our flight, a decent Tui aircraft, we noticed that it had route screens in the cabin. These showed that we were on an ENORMOUS plane later in the flight.



Look @JAperson, Le Mans from our French race



Anyway, we landed in Reus and waltzed through security and headed for our noble steed for this trip.



Pensioner spec and hearing aid beige. Mmmmm. Nice enough to drive though. We made our way to PortAventura to be met with a scene of utter chaos. For those who haven't been, you pay at the entrance to the car parks. Clearly, PA do not have enough booths and the machines they have just do not work as the staff were having to run between them to get people through the barriers. The queues were insane as well. We then were through the barriers and parked somewhere miles away from the entrance, basically past Stampida, past Gold River, past the runway from the airport and somewhere near the Andorran border. We were quickly sent to the entrance by coach as people were nearly getting run over walking back from the car park.



A great view. Better than when we turned the corner and saw Furious Brainache broken down. As usual. We headed for Shambhala but it was closed so we jumped on to Dragon Khan. Nowhere near as rough as some want to make out, but what is it about Spanish parks and B&Ms with square wheels? Superman at PWM had horrendous wheels on it. too.

Next up was Shambhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaala. Very hyped up but is actually quite a good coaster and almost lives up to the hype. It and Hyperion show how hypers have moved on since the likes of Silver Star and especially PMBO.



We wandered back up through China and found some food. Some really decent food as well.



Speaking of decent, we did the Arrow mine train next. Just kidding, it's pretty rubbish. We then did Stampida Red followed by Stampida Blue and they made me question why we are enthusiasts and why don't we do something better with our lives. Then Holland pointed out at least we can complain about them on the internet. Still wasn't worth it.



Look at those beautiful queue times on the right. Our FT was worth its weight in gold but that's a good thing because that's roughly how much it cost. As it was approaching 25 degrees, we headed for a ride on Silver River followed by Grand Canyon Rapids and we enjoyed both, Silver River being absurdly quick for some reason compared to normal meandering flumes, Chiapas aside.

Finally, having completed our loop of the park and only missing the 2 creds without fastrack, it was time to face our fears. That fear was a ride on Baco. Predictably it was pretty awful but nowhere near as bad as we had been warned. Until we did an outside wing seat near the back and Intamin outdid themselves with their terrible engineering. Speaking of terrible engineering, we followed it up with a ride Tetuki Splash which was pretty mediocre. Following this we headed back to China for some rerides and didn't leave apart from a trip to check Tami Tami and Tomahawk queues to try and gauge when to come back for them because we haven't done enough Vekoma junior coasters and a reride on Baco for our sins. We tried to do Street Mission to be told our mega money FT didn't cover the ride and they wanted an extra 7 Euro. So we went back to China and it transpired I was matching Zadra shirts with a random other dude who was waiting for Shambhala whilst we about to get off the ride. Oh and ringing and winding @JAperson up on Discord video chat.

We left the park after several back to back rides on Shambhala at night, because why wouldn't you? After a coach ride that involved me standing as there was no seats and I couldn't be bothered to wait, much to the amusement of the others on board we climbed in our chariot again and headed for our hotel that had no mention of PortAventura on their website, so imagine our surprise when we walked in and saw this



He really is all over the local area we found out and the hotel even sold PA merch. We checked in and hit the hay, unaware of the chaos awaiting us the next day. +6 each for the day.

 

[JAperson]

Look @JAperson, Le Mans from our French race

Usually I'd be honoured to be mentioned in one of these award winning reports, in this case I am not.

 

[Poisson]

So the second day in Spain. The entire reason this trip report exists. Started out nice enough



We climbed in the fancy lift and headed for the basement to go and find the vehicle. When we arrived I made sure to get a spot that was easy to leave the car park from, as I said to Matt "Easy to get out to get to Tibidabo later" We headed in and hit Tami-Tami for that sweet +1. It was standard Vekoma Junior fare.

We wandered around the park in a loop to try and find food of some description and failed so we headed to Ferrari Land. Here, ladies and gentlemen, things got a bit daft. Here we failed to theme park, somehow. The queue times showed Red Force had an 80 minute queue and in that shock, a small child ran in front of Holland and tripped him up by accident (I never got chance to thank the kid) and he slightly broke his nose, ruined his glasses and cut his face up. Marvellous. After helping him to First Aid with copious amount of blood pouring out of his face, the staff started to patch him up and called for an ambulance so he could be taken to Tarragona and checked over.

Half an hour later, whilst we were waiting for the ambulance to come around the park on the service road, my body decided that the lack of food for the past 19 hours and the not great amount of drink due to being diverted due to Holland's face reshaping was insufficient and I decided to have a little nap. Or I'll say it like that to make me passing out randomly while Holland had a real injury less embarrassing.

I woke up on the floor with the first aider trying to put me in the recovery position. Thankfully, after some sugar water, I was able to be up and about. For now. After a short ride later in the ambulance cred, we rocked up to the hospital. Where I promptly blacked out again for a minute or two, why not? Fun bonus of kicking Holland's wheel chair he was put in as I went. Yaaay. I'm undergoing tests in this country to determine what the hell is going off with me to make sure it is nothing sinister.

3 hours later we ambled out of the hospital after reception told use where to go to a pharmacy to get medication to try and stop Holland's face, knee and ruined ankle from previous stupidity from stopping us trying to make something of the day. A taxi ride later we were back in the park. We swang by guest services and they reactivated our Ferrari Land tickets for the next day. We spent the rest of the day completing 2/3rds of the train and we had another ride on Tami-Tami to see how our broken corpses would handle say the 3rd tallest and 3rd fastest roller coaster operating in the world. After wandering through China we saw the abandoned Waitan Port area before heading out from the park.



Attempting to salvage something, we headed for the local cuisine



Following this we had a wander around Salou and went to find the Woody statue. He really is everywhere in the town. After that we headed back and abandoned the car at the hotel and hit the hay, exhausted. Sadly Tibidabo wasn't possible on the day as I wasn't trusting myself to drive an hour each way.

 

[MattyH]

My nose was only slightly broken. It's mostly fine and healing now. Feel free to point and laugh next time you see me.

 

[JAperson]

My nose was only slightly broken. It's mostly fine and healing now. Feel free to point and laugh next time you see me.

I won't be able to tell but I will still point and laugh.

 

[Matt N]

Oh no, that sounds like a nightmare of a day; hope you’re both better now.

Did you ever get to ride Red Force? Or did your medical emergencies stop you from getting that particular cred?

 

[NuttySquirrel]

Ambulance cred One way of adding a positive spin...

@MattyH if it helps at all seems I may have mildly broken my nose that weekend too! I don't even have a small child to blame, I apparently just don't know where my feet end...

 

[MattyH]

Oh no, that sounds like a nightmare of a day; hope you’re both better now.

Did you ever get to ride Red Force? Or did your medical emergencies stop you from getting that particular cred?

All will be revealed in good time. @Poisson is currently undergoing tests in the UK and I'm slowly healing. Lovely Spanish nurses made things easier at least.

Ambulance cred One way of adding a positive spin...

@MattyH if it helps at all seems I may have mildly broken my nose that weekend too! I don't even have a small child to blame, I apparently just don't know where my feet end...

Ambulance cred, Hospital Cred, gotta gloat over something. Annoyingly @Poisson forgot to note the registration of the ambulance to tick it off for haulage.

Hope your nose is okay. We can laugh at eachother soon I'm sure.

 

[Poisson]

Ambulance cred, Hospital Cred, gotta gloat over something. Annoyingly @Poisson forgot to note the registration of the ambulance to tick it off for haulage.

My Lordzzzzz, flail.

We are the lowest class of humans.

 

[Poisson]

Monday. The final day.

Having learnt our valuable lessons, we headed to find some food and took it with a view over the water to Baco and Shambhala.

After this we braved to step where we had failed before. In other words we went to walk through Ferrari Land to Red Force.

Brave soldiers we are. Arriving in to the station of Red Force, we opted for front row despite it requiring goggles that agitated Holland's broken nose. We are very sensible. Speaking of sensible, Red Force. We had a burning question that this ride could help answer: Is there a coaster tall enough and fast enough to make the one hill layout good. The answer? No. Or at least not in this case.

We had a second burning question to be answered: How does front row of Junior Red Force compare to Red Force. The answer? Not at all. Who'd have thunk it. Following this we headed to Flying Dreams, or as it should be more accurately known, Flying Nightmares.

A Ferrari in a toilet or whatever the hell it is meant to be. We entered the preshow which was acceptable and the mix of props and holograms was good. We then entered another room after passing through another bit of old queue line and waited and waited and waited. We then realised that the 3 separate queues were for each floor of the flying theatre and the fact they were only using 1 made it clear the theatre was running 1/3rd capacity which explained the horrendous queue by the time we were being sent in to the first pre show. Finally we entered and the show began. Clearly, a show made using the talents of local schoolchildren as the film was poor and the sounds were recorded using a hair dryer. A waste of time.

Ferrari Land Gallery was next and it was some how even worse. How do you have an area called Ferrari Land and have so few Ferraris? It is literally a small room with 3 or 4 Ferraris squashed in and about 5 small cabinets of artefacts.

We then went for a walk around the area and reflected how it is so opposite to most of PA next door. PA is mostly a very nice place to be meanwhile Ferrari Land feels cheap and a bit rubbish, so we headed for 1 last lap of Red Force and left via the ludicrously priced gift shop. Wandering in to PA we decided to hit Street Mission via completing the park's railway. Another dark ride that's trackless for no real reason.

Tomahawk was next to complete the park's creds and it was acceptable followed by Hurakan Condor which was also decent. We completed our stay with 2 laps of Shambhala split by a lap of Dragon Khan. This was followed by a trip through the park's 2 main gift shops where we became poor. Speaking of poor, PovertyScare awaited us at Reus airport to take us back to sunny Leeds, safe in the knowledge our silly adventures were over until Fireworks.

Spoiler: We're idiots.

 

[JAperson]

And people were surprised you'd be the sort to make an RMC wacky worm.....

 

[NuttySquirrel]

Monday. The final day.

Having learnt our valuable lessons, we headed to find some food and took it with a view over the water to Baco and Shambhala.

After this we braved to step where we had failed before. In other words we went to walk through Ferrari Land to Red Force.

Brave soldiers we are. Arriving in to the station of Red Force, we opted for front row despite it requiring goggles that agitated Holland's broken nose. We are very sensible. Speaking of sensible, Red Force. We had a burning question that this ride could help answer: Is there a coaster tall enough and fast enough to make the one hill layout good. The answer? No. Or at least not in this case.

We had a second burning question to be answered: How does front row of Junior Red Force compare to Red Force. The answer? Not at all. Who'd have thunk it. Following this we headed to Flying Dreams, or as it should be more accurately known, Flying Nightmares.

A Ferrari in a toilet or whatever the hell it is meant to be. We entered the preshow which was acceptable and the mix of props and holograms was good. We then entered another room after passing through another bit of old queue line and waited and waited and waited. We then realised that the 3 separate queues were for each floor of the flying theatre and the fact they were only using 1 made it clear the theatre was running 1/3rd capacity which explained the horrendous queue by the time we were being sent in to the first pre show. Finally we entered and the show began. Clearly, a show made using the talents of local schoolchildren as the film was poor and the sounds were recorded using a hair dryer. A waste of time.

Ferrari Land Gallery was next and it was some how even worse. How do you have an area called Ferrari Land and have so few Ferraris? It is literally a small room with 3 or 4 Ferraris squashed in and about 5 small cabinets of artefacts.

We then went for a walk around the area and reflected how it is so opposite to most of PA next door. PA is mostly a very nice place to be meanwhile Ferrari Land feels cheap and a bit rubbish, so we headed for 1 last lap of Red Force and left via the ludicrously priced gift shop. Wandering in to PA we decided to hit Street Mission via completing the park's railway. Another dark ride that's trackless for no real reason.

Tomahawk was next to complete the park's creds and it was acceptable followed by Hurakan Condor which was also decent. We completed our stay with 2 laps of Shambhala split by a lap of Dragon Khan. This was followed by a trip through the park's 2 main gift shops where we became poor. Speaking of poor, PovertyScare awaited us at Reus airport to take us back to sunny Leeds, safe in the knowledge our silly adventures were over until Fireworks.

Spoiler: We're idiots.

Tbh unless Charles Leclerc is at the park doing meet and greets I think I'll pass...

 

[Poisson]

Tbh unless Charles Leclerc is at the park doing meet and greets I think I'll pass...

It's really not very good. Worth doing as it's free with your PA ticket but you can see why it only opens for 5.5 hours a day even when the main park is on a midnight close