Been lurking in this thread since I joined the forum and not managed to pluck up enough courage to actually write anything before now, but as others in my acquaintance have begun to share a bit more it seems like the right time to open up.
Figuring out that I was probably autistic hit me like a ton of bricks about 3 years ago when I was working to copyedit a book called The Subtle Spectrum by an autistic woman, and I suddenly realised 'Oh s**t, this is all me'. I was reasonably familiar with the 'standard' presentation most commonly seen in young males, but didn't see myself in that description - I think the fact that I'm female has meant it's been much easier to disguise autistic tendencies even from myself. As I did more research I realised that of course I hadn't been a neurotypical child - though my childhood interests of lego, Disney and Harry Potter and my ability to amuse myself and isolate myself from other children seem to have gone unnoticed by my (probably also autistic) parents who presumably just saw me as quiet, introverted and studious. Autistic women are famously good at mimicry - social integration, especially with other women, is considered of such high importance that we have to learn from a young age to copy the mannerisms and social interactions of other girls and women so as to 'pass' for normal female children, and even now I find I cope surprisingly well in a line of work where communication skills are key to success. Some days however it's all just so excruciating and I struggle to form even basic sentences, or I wear myself out after a full day of meetings only to come home and crash, unable to move or speak because it was all so damned exhausting.
I score pretty highly on the AQ-50 and RAADS-R questionnaires, however I've not sought diagnosis for an autism spectrum condition for a couple of reasons. Getting my ADHD diagnosis (in January 2022) was one of the most intrusive and stressful experiences I've had to go through, and I honestly don't think I could put myself through something similar again. I also don't really have any faith in the current diagnostic methods to be able to accurately diagnose women, especially those with combined neurodivergent profiles - as well as ADHD I most likely have a couple of SpLDs as well (I've never been able to ride a bike and couldn't swim until 2015, and I'm so hopeless with numbers it actually feels like I've got an actual wooden block in my brain preventing me from grasping the most basic mathematical concepts). I also don't really feel I need some stranger who's probably neurotypical and has known me for a matter of hours telling me something I've spent years figuring out for myself.
I will say that having the ADHD diagnosis has been helpful for getting reasonable adjustments at work, like only having to go into the office 2 days a week and not having to hot-desk, though it's difficult to gauge whether those adjustments benefit my ADHD or autistic self more - I find it nigh-on impossible to differentiate the two sometimes. I'm also very sensitive to extremes of temperature, light and noise, which is informally referred to as Sensory Processing Disorder, but so far I've not figured out whether this is an ADHD thing, an autism thing or just a general neurodiversity thing. I'm also as likely to be understimulated as overstimulated, meaning I seek out extreme sensory experiences such as metal gigs, firework displays, riding rollercoasters(?). Personally I think the differentiation of one's neurotype into separately defined 'conditions' is probably a mistake, based on outdated observations by neurotypical psychologists, given how many of us have a mixed profile of N% autism, N% ADHD, N% dyspraxia/other SpLD etc.
Pretty happy with where I am right now - I did spend a couple of years hyperfocusing and obsessing about my brain and trying to understand how it all works, but honestly it was all a bit draining, and I think I'm a bit happier now accepting what I know about myself and making sure I'm living and enjoying my life in a way that's true to my neurodivergent self - whatever that actually is.