Autism the thread

[Matt N]

Additionally, I've taken quite a few of the online autism self-diagnosis tests, and all of the results have pointed to being at least somewhat autistic. I don't feel the need to get officially diagnosed as I'm aware of how long the waiting lists are and even if I got an official diagnosis, it'd be more of an "oh ok, that explains a lot, cheers bye" rather than needing it for help. Someone who suffers far more than I would need that official diagnosis more!

I'm not diagnosed autistic but I'm sure something isn't 100% neurotypical about me, just my reactions to stimuli are....off in way. I just accept I'm wired differently and move on I suppose. A name to it makes no odds.

I can definitely understand not wanting to get diagnosed and not finding it overly helpful as an adult.

If I hadn’t been diagnosed at age 2, I’d probably be the same. Being diagnosed young helped me enormously in early years settings and throughout school, and it did even prove helpful to a fair degree going into university, but if I had gotten to adulthood without a diagnosis, I probably wouldn’t see much benefit in getting one.

I know that many people with autism are very open about it and wear it proudly as part of their identity, but being autistic is never something I’ve been overly keen to reveal openly. When I’m out in the world, I try desperately to hide it rather than reveal it. Outside of my family, very few people (who I know in real life) know that I’m autistic. At very least, I’ve told very few people outside of my family that I’m autistic; whether people have drawn their own inferences isn’t something I know of or can control.

For some reason, I do feel slightly more comfortable talking about it here. I think it’s something to do with there being so many other autistic and otherwise neurodiverse folks on here who can empathise with some of my experiences.

 

[Jonathan]

I can definitely understand not wanting to get diagnosed and not finding it overly helpful as an adult.

If I hadn’t been diagnosed at age 2, I’d probably be the same. Being diagnosed young helped me enormously in early years settings and throughout school, and it did even prove helpful to a fair degree going into university, but if I had gotten to adulthood without a diagnosis, I probably wouldn’t see much benefit in getting one.

I know that many people with autism are very open about it and wear it proudly as part of their identity, but being autistic is never something I’ve been overly keen to reveal openly. When I’m out in the world, I try desperately to hide it rather than reveal it. Outside of my family, very few people (who I know in real life) know that I’m autistic. At very least, I’ve told very few people outside of my family that I’m autistic; whether people have drawn their own inferences isn’t something I know of or can control.

For some reason, I do feel slightly more comfortable talking about it here. I think it’s something to do with there being so many other autistic and otherwise neurodiverse folks on here who can empathise with some of my experiences.

I’m kinda the opposite in a way, in that I’m generally pretty open about being autistic. Never usually have any issues as a result of it, and people can often be rather interested about how it affects me. I’ve always been open about it on here, as I know I won’t get judged for it. There aren’t any right or wrong answers here - I find it’s a case of working out what you feel is right for you.

 

[NuttySquirrel]

Been lurking in this thread since I joined the forum and not managed to pluck up enough courage to actually write anything before now, but as others in my acquaintance have begun to share a bit more it seems like the right time to open up.

Figuring out that I was probably autistic hit me like a ton of bricks about 3 years ago when I was working to copyedit a book called The Subtle Spectrum by an autistic woman, and I suddenly realised 'Oh s**t, this is all me'. I was reasonably familiar with the 'standard' presentation most commonly seen in young males, but didn't see myself in that description - I think the fact that I'm female has meant it's been much easier to disguise autistic tendencies even from myself. As I did more research I realised that of course I hadn't been a neurotypical child - though my childhood interests of lego, Disney and Harry Potter and my ability to amuse myself and isolate myself from other children seem to have gone unnoticed by my (probably also autistic) parents who presumably just saw me as quiet, introverted and studious. Autistic women are famously good at mimicry - social integration, especially with other women, is considered of such high importance that we have to learn from a young age to copy the mannerisms and social interactions of other girls and women so as to 'pass' for normal female children, and even now I find I cope surprisingly well in a line of work where communication skills are key to success. Some days however it's all just so excruciating and I struggle to form even basic sentences, or I wear myself out after a full day of meetings only to come home and crash, unable to move or speak because it was all so damned exhausting.

I score pretty highly on the AQ-50 and RAADS-R questionnaires, however I've not sought diagnosis for an autism spectrum condition for a couple of reasons. Getting my ADHD diagnosis (in January 2022) was one of the most intrusive and stressful experiences I've had to go through, and I honestly don't think I could put myself through something similar again. I also don't really have any faith in the current diagnostic methods to be able to accurately diagnose women, especially those with combined neurodivergent profiles - as well as ADHD I most likely have a couple of SpLDs as well (I've never been able to ride a bike and couldn't swim until 2015, and I'm so hopeless with numbers it actually feels like I've got an actual wooden block in my brain preventing me from grasping the most basic mathematical concepts). I also don't really feel I need some stranger who's probably neurotypical and has known me for a matter of hours telling me something I've spent years figuring out for myself.

I will say that having the ADHD diagnosis has been helpful for getting reasonable adjustments at work, like only having to go into the office 2 days a week and not having to hot-desk, though it's difficult to gauge whether those adjustments benefit my ADHD or autistic self more - I find it nigh-on impossible to differentiate the two sometimes. I'm also very sensitive to extremes of temperature, light and noise, which is informally referred to as Sensory Processing Disorder, but so far I've not figured out whether this is an ADHD thing, an autism thing or just a general neurodiversity thing. I'm also as likely to be understimulated as overstimulated, meaning I seek out extreme sensory experiences such as metal gigs, firework displays, riding rollercoasters(?). Personally I think the differentiation of one's neurotype into separately defined 'conditions' is probably a mistake, based on outdated observations by neurotypical psychologists, given how many of us have a mixed profile of N% autism, N% ADHD, N% dyspraxia/other SpLD etc.

Pretty happy with where I am right now - I did spend a couple of years hyperfocusing and obsessing about my brain and trying to understand how it all works, but honestly it was all a bit draining, and I think I'm a bit happier now accepting what I know about myself and making sure I'm living and enjoying my life in a way that's true to my neurodivergent self - whatever that actually is.

 

[Jonathan]

After some unpleasant noisy experiences recently, I'm seriously looking into getting hold of some Loop Earplugs. Only issue is I can't quite decide which ones to go for! It'd help if I could wear my noise-cancelling headphones a bit more, but I'm reluctant to wear them until I can finally get my second lobe piercings downsized to shorter posts, which is taking far too long - it's been five months since I had them pierced, which is way longer than would be expected. I don't want to run the risk of irritation bumps, which could then make it take even flipping longer to get the posts downsized!

 

[sock]

After some unpleasant noisy experiences recently, I'm seriously looking into getting hold of some Loop Earplugs. Only issue is I can't quite decide which ones to go for! It'd help if I could wear my noise-cancelling headphones a bit more, but I'm reluctant to wear them until I can finally get my second lobe piercings downsized to shorter posts, which is taking far too long - it's been five months since I had them pierced, which is way longer than would be expected. I don't want to run the risk of irritation bumps, which could then make it take even flipping longer to get the posts downsized!

I have the engage ones with mutes so I can make them block out more if needed. They donit block out as much as ear defenders but it's easier to hear otehr peope, and yourself talk without as much background noise. They made some new ones that have a dial on though with all the sound blocking options!

 

[Jonathan]

I have the engage ones with mutes so I can make them block out more if needed. They donit block out as much as ear defenders but it's easier to hear otehr peope, and yourself talk without as much background noise. They made some new ones that have a dial on though with all the sound blocking options!

I'm leaning towards the Loop Switch at the moment, as they'd save me from having to buy multiple pairs, and would be useful for different situations.

 

[sock]

I'm leaning towards the Loop Switch at the moment, as they'd save me from having to buy multiple pairs, and would be useful for different situations.

If you do let me know how they are, I've been tempted to get them myself!

 

[Jonathan]

OK, so a couple of weeks ago, I was flying back from Stockholm to Manchester with SAS. This was a flight where new ground would be broken for me in a couple of ways, namely that it was the first time I'd be going through the whole airport experience on my own, and it all went pretty smoothly. I was lucky to have lounge access as part of my ticket, and it also included Fastrack security - I don't think I needed it, as I got through security pretty quickly anyway. Had an issue in the body scanner when it picked up the headphones I'd left in my shirt pocket (not for the first time), and my bag got pulled for a quick check...and it turned out that the culprit was some pretzel sticks. That aside, I was through in about ten minutes, and ventured to the lounge - via duty-free, of course, where I managed to pick up some Swedish whisky that had an excellent deal on it.

Ventured to the lounge, and plonked myself down for a few hours before my flight. Food was basic (Swedish meatballs were a winner, not gonna lie), but fine, and the self-serve wine was actually not too bad. Basically just sat myself down with my iPad out and caught up on Clarkson's Farm for a few hours. Eventually wandered over to the gate via passport control, and boarded a rather nice A320neo for the flight, which only took two hours instead of the 2h30m predicted, but I didn't care. Food was included as part of my fare, and I was a bit apprehensive as to what it'd be, but I kinda got lucky. Cold roast beef, horseradish, curry potatoes, and a couple of other random bits. The beef was...well, beef. Hadn't tried horseradish before, but I decided to give it a go, and...It was fine, but nothing special. The curry potatoes, on the other hand, were delicious. Might've had a couple of whiskies on board, but oh well. Touched down, got through passport control, collected my hold bag, and ventured outside to find my lift home.

I have to admit I was a bit nervous about this, given it was my first time going through the whole airport experience on my own, but it was absolutely fine. Didn't have anything to worry about. It's given me the confidence to try foreign solo travel again at some point, which may end up being next May heading to Switzerland. Can't imagine what that may be for...

 

[Jonathan]

Time to dig this thread up again…

A year or two back, I purchased some Skechers Slip-In trainers, and they were just so good. No need to tie any laces or anything - just shoved my feet in, and they were on. Comfy, too, and quite possibly the best trainers I’ve ever had.

Fast forward to 12 months ago when I bought new trainers, and I decided to try some Vans; specifically, the same ones Nick Nelson wears in Heartstopper (yes, I know…). They’ve been…fine, but I forgot just how much of a faff it is to do up the laces every single time, and it’s a bit of a pain to get my feet in and out of them. Plus I swear I’ve had more hard skin on my feet from these trainers than any others I’ve worn over the years, including a rather annoying bit on the outside of my little toe on my right foot. Already decided I’ll be going back to Skechers when the time comes to buy new trainers. Just need to make sure I get the right size…

 

[rob666]

Oh dear my friend...
Lace up Sketchers, then their slip ons, then the new "no hands" slip ons...
The slow steps down to old age!

You have been warned.

My scruffy work trainers, general trainers, and "going out" trainers...
You can guess.
Sometimes I accidentally end up with slightly odd left and right shoes...one six months older than the other!
Need coloured insoles to tell them apart.
Very comfy, very light, and you can chuck em in the washer.
Perfect.

 

[Jonathan]

Oh dear my friend...
Lace up Sketchers, then their slip ons, then the new "no hands" slip ons...
The slow steps down to old age!

You have been warned.

My scruffy work trainers, general trainers, and "going out" trainers...
You can guess.
Sometimes I accidentally end up with slightly odd left and right shoes...one six months older than the other!
Need coloured insoles to tell them apart.
Very comfy, very light, and you can chuck em in the washer.
Perfect.

In my defence, I do find it rather difficult to tie shoelaces. Don’t think I actually had any lace-up footwear until I was about 8 or 9, which meant that shopping for school shoes was a bit of a challenge! I used to have Velcro shoes instead, which were fine.

It’s a hand-eye co-ordination thing, and I’m certain it’s quite common among autistic people to struggle with it. Should’ve stuck with what I know last time instead of trying something new.

 

[NuttySquirrel]

I'm a big fan of Skechers too, but I don't think it's just an autism thing. What you're describing in terms of hand-eye coordination issues sounds more like dyspraxia to me which I'm pretty sure I have. I can do laces but it's a pain and I sometimes have to have a couple of goes at them! Another reason for having slip-ins is that I'm insanely impatient so stopping to tie up laces every time I want to pop out to take out the bins or water the plants would feel incredibly tedious. That's probably an ADHD thing.

Interestingly I've just bought my mum a pair of slip-ins for her birthday as her rheumatoid arthritis means she is struggling to do shoe laces now. So as @rob666 suggests they're beneficial in old age as well. Oh and they are machine washable according to the label.

 

[Jonathan]

I'm a big fan of Skechers too, but I don't think it's just an autism thing. What you're describing in terms of hand-eye coordination issues sounds more like dyspraxia to me which I'm pretty sure I have. I can do laces but it's a pain and I sometimes have to have a couple of goes at them! Another reason for having slip-ins is that I'm insanely impatient so stopping to tie up laces every time I want to pop out to take out the bins or water the plants would feel incredibly tedious. That's probably an ADHD thing.

Interestingly I've just bought my mum a pair of slip-ins for her birthday as her rheumatoid arthritis means she is struggling to do shoe laces now. So as @rob666 suggests they're beneficial in old age as well. Oh and they are machine washable according to the label.

I wouldn’t actually be surprised if I have dyspraxia as well as being autistic. Oh, and then there’s the probability of me having ADHD as well, so…Yay

 

[rob666]

Am I still permitted to mention my right wankle in the new era of internet censorship?

Genuine point...if you suffer from swelling in the ankles over the day...common with chronic injuries or old age edema, then slip ons are often not the best idea...too loose in the morning, too tight in the afternoon.

So I treat my lace ups as slip ons in the morning, then loosen the laces in the afternoon as they become too tight.

 

[sock]

I also rarely ever wear shoes with laces, but the blessing of having small feet means I can just wear childrens velcro shoes ahaha. I also sometiems buy shoes with laces sometiems after my velcro ones wear out but I find them super annoying and invonvenient so always switch back. My favourite shoes where slip on, but I wore a hole in the bottom! (but..I still wear them soemtimes...just couldnt bear to part XD)

 

[rob666]

I also rarely ever wear shoes with laces, but the blessing of having small feet means I can just wear childrens velcro shoes ahaha. I also sometiems buy shoes with laces sometiems after my velcro ones wear out but I find them super annoying and invonvenient so always switch back. My favourite shoes where slip on, but I wore a hole in the bottom! (but..I still wear them soemtimes...just couldnt bear to part XD)

A cut out vinyl floor tile fitted to shape inside your favourite old shoe will keep holey soles going for a few hundred miles more...
And my favourites always turn to rags before throwing...hence the occasional odd shoe wearing.

 

[sock]

A cut out vinyl floor tile fitted to shape inside your favourite old shoe will keep holey soles going for a few hundred miles more...
And my favourites always turn to rags before throwing...hence the occasional odd shoe wearing.

Ooooh thanks, that sounds like a much better idea than duct tape which I was strongly considering! I'm quite a profficient shoe destoryer unfourtunatly (I walk funny and it wears them down at back)

 

[Matt N]

I couldn’t tie shoelaces for years. I’ve grown better at it with age (I still struggle to get the right amount of tension, but being taught how to do a double knot helped me keep them tied!) but I couldn’t have lace-up shoes for quite a long time. I have a pair of lace-up boots (well, “sport boots” that are basically a cross between boots and Converse-type shoes) now for winter, but if it’s summery enough, I tend to err towards velcro sandals.

Like you @Jonathan, I also find Vans difficult to get into and out of. I have a pair, but I don’t massively like them and don’t wear them overly often. They seem really rigid compared to other shoes.

Like @sock, I also have small enough feet that I can buy boys’ shoes (interestingly, they go all the way up to a UK 8, which is my foot size!). For quite a few years (until my most recent pair of winter shoes, actually), I had boots that looked like lace ups at the front, but had a zip at the side that you could unzip and slide in your feet via, so my shoes had the aesthetic of being lace ups, but were actually slip on! They only seem to do those for children, though… apparently if you’re above a size 9, they think you can do shoelaces! I was lucky that my feet stopped at an 8, really…

I was always thought to potentially have mild dyspraxia as well as autism when I was young, but I never got formally diagnosed with dyspraxia. It would make a lot of sense; I’ve always struggled with things involving your hands (I can’t remember if it’s called fine motor skills or gross motor skills), and I’ve never had overly brilliant hand-eye coordination.

 

[Jonathan]

I couldn’t tie shoelaces for years. I’ve grown better at it with age (I still struggle to get the right amount of tension, but being taught how to do a double knot helped me keep them tied!) but I couldn’t have lace-up shoes for quite a long time. I have a pair of lace-up boots (well, “sport boots” that are basically a cross between boots and Converse-type shoes) now for winter, but if it’s summery enough, I tend to err towards velcro sandals.

Like you @Jonathan, I also find Vans difficult to get into and out of. I have a pair, but I don’t massively like them and don’t wear them overly often. They seem really rigid compared to other shoes.

Like @sock, I also have small enough feet that I can buy boys’ shoes (interestingly, they go all the way up to a UK 8, which is my foot size!). For quite a few years (until my most recent pair of winter shoes, actually), I had boots that looked like lace ups at the front, but had a zip at the side that you could unzip and slide in your feet via, so my shoes had the aesthetic of being lace ups, but were actually slip on! They only seem to do those for children, though… apparently if you’re above a size 9, they think you can do shoelaces! I was lucky that my feet stopped at an 8, really…

I was always thought to potentially have mild dyspraxia as well as autism when I was young, but I never got formally diagnosed with dyspraxia. It would make a lot of sense; I’ve always struggled with things involving your hands (I can’t remember if it’s called fine motor skills or gross motor skills), and I’ve never had overly brilliant hand-eye coordination.

The thing is that my Vans fit me really nicely. It’s just that they’re a pain to get on & off, and I just really don’t like tying shoelaces. If they’re on formal shoes, that’s fine, as they’re a bit different anyway, and I don’t wear them a huge amount. I just struggle with them on a day-to-day basis, and I’ve been noticing that a bit more over the past few weeks.

 

[Squiggs]

Autism and dyspraxia share quite a few characteristics, and that's before you even start to get into co-occurance, which is prevalent between the two.

And as with most neurodivergence, everyone is individual and gets their own personalised selection of which traits they end up with, so no two people experience either quite the same. My particular favourite is Sensory Processing Disorder, where essentially you take all the senses and each one either acts normally, is hypersensitive, or is hyposensitive. So basically, everyone gets a random selection of heightened or reduced sensitivity, and it's very rare to meet someone with the same selection.

That said, as @NuttySquirrel mentioned, issues tying shoelaces does sound like it leans more towards dyspraxia.

As I understand it, or at least this used to be the case, because autism has a more distinct set of characteristics, the typical method for diagnosis of dyspraxia, was first of all to test for autism, and if it's not that branch off into dyspraxia. (though this may now be out of date, given that knowledge about dyspraxia has increased significantly in the past couple of decades.)