II Idiots In Italy: Matt & Tom's Insane Italian Odyssey

[Poisson]

After our last sensible trip we thought we should continue and be even more sensible with a visit to another new country or two, because that's what sensible people do. After a day at work I drove down from Rotherham to Ingatestone to go and collect a wild @MattyH from going to a new station and headed to a hotel. The following day we continued around and headed for the first new cred of the trip, Mandrill Mayhem at Chesvegas.



We arrived early, parking in what we thought was MAP parking and headed for a bakery we had spotted on Google Maps (Coughlans Bakery, about a 5 min walk from CWOA at it is pretty damn good) and then back to the entrance (whatever the one near the hotels is called). Around 10 mins to opening a load of dancers arrived, performing a pointless dance in the very little space they had and blocking the entry when the turnstiles opened. Clearly someone has been to Energylandia, ignored the good ideas (an RMC or Vekoma Mine Train) and taken on board the worst idea that isn't throw rides in a haphazard pile (blocking the entrance with performers.)

Mandy's Mayhem was booked for an instant time slot we headed over and climbed aboard. Well I say climbed aboard, the queueing system is an utter joke. Why they didn't get large airgates and run it like a normal coaster, who knows? Also whoever made the station from tin forgot it gets warm in the sun and was already not great on the bridge behind the op cabin. The ride itself is decent enough, but bounces a bit, possibly from running so slowly? The bounce reduced throughout the day as the ride warmed up and sped up.



Next up was Vampire. A coaster I have too much love for thanks to nostalgia and the fact it is pretty fun. The operations however were anything but fun. There was no batcher, fine, they should block off the disabled rows and let people self batch right? Nope, you were shouted at if you self batched, the host had to accept the train, and then when it had parked they had to climb over and then batch you in to the bays. Stacking on 2 trains, well done CWOA. You do remember this used to run 3 right?

After climbing off Vampire, we were accosted by a red squirrel. Chessie is known for animals, but this one had escaped so we alerted the nearest keeper. After much explaining from said squirrel (who knew they could talk?!) we then realised we had encountered a wild @NuttySquirrel who for some unknown reason thought it a good idea to join us on part of one of our infamously sensible trips. We headed back to MM for another go and then spent a heap of time looking at the Capybaras. Because why wouldn't you? They're the best. Fact.



The next thing we did is take Matt to see Croc Drop in person for the first time. It spent all day broken and much hilarity ensued at his reaction of "That's it? Oh wow." Sadly he isn't wrong. Rattlesnake was a thing next and our reaction to the throughput mirrored what Matty had said 5 minutes earlier. Woeful. Zufari was the next ride and a new ride for me, we were lucky with the animal parts but what is that cave? UTTER BALLS. Why would you do such a thing? Whoever thought that was good needs a slap. With a nice wander through the zoo, we did Trawler Trouble (Rockin' Tug fans represent), Monkey Swinger (it was hot so the water obviously wasn't working) and Gruffalo where one of the jets didn't clear the boats and somehow got us quite wet despite only being one small jet.



We headed into the smokehouse for food and that was a mistake. I felt badly for the next couple of hours. It's such a shame the parks have got this way but I'd be suspicious of most Merlin outlets now.

To round out the day we ended up hitting Vampire again and several more rides on Maaaandy where we realised staff hadn't used the car park I had parked in so my car was pretty much on its own, on hard standing. A rarity at CWOA. We also went to see the Capybaras again on Jungle Rangers. 10/10 best ride on park because Capybaras. After bidding @NuttySquirrel farewell, we headed to the Holy Land: Big Tesco Luton.

I'm sure I saw @JAperson and @Thameslink Rail but they claim they weren't there. Liars. We then headed to the world's warmest Premier Inn for a few hours kip before our flight. Aircon, who needs it? Us apparently, us.

 

[MattyH]

Mandrill Mayhem is so much better on the backwards row. Why they didn't go for a half and half train is insane, there's so much more that you can see when facing backwards.

That hotel room was boiling hot and despite our best pleas in the discord, nobody brought us a fan.

This trip was something that came together based on an idea for a football match that I saw in the fixtures list combined with a trip that at one point looked impossible to do.

 

[Poisson]

Far, far too early the next morning we left the hotel and drove to Luton London Luton Airport Luton. Arriving and finding the bus to the terminal, we meandered through security and found food. Now, Italy had been expensive to book in places so far but WOW this is probably the least value for money bit so far with breakfast.



After emptying our wallets we headed out to wait for a gate, all was well. Then the gate was called and all was not well. There were 2 gates out through a cramped corridor and tiny waiting area, so they decided to send flights out of both gates at once. Priority boarding went out the window for us but luckily we got on the correct plane, makes a change for us not to be completely stupid. Unfortunately the private jet we wanted wasn't operating so Ryanair had to do. Landing in Bologna, we collected the vehicle. A beautifully ugly, battered Lancia. Very Italian.



Car collected, we squeezed it out of the parking and headed for our first ride. Not a cred, not a dark ride....but a monorail, specifically the Marconi Express built by Intamin. With banking. They're mental.



We headed back to the airport on the monorail and then waited to reboard and head in to Bologna at the other end of the line.



Arriving into Bologna, we headed into the highest quality local cuisine.



Probably the worst of all international Maccies I have done, not good. I thought Italy was meant to be the food capital of the world? Anyway, we headed to the station for a nosey (and trying to ignore the smell of raw sewage in it) and back on the monorail to go and collect the car and head to Parma for some more sensible fun, via Carrefour to buy all the food but no insect repellant, because Carrefour is impossible to make sense of or navigate. Arriving in Parma (via having a McFlurry) we ditched the car and went to find the Ennio Tardini Stadium we'd be visiting later on in the day. Following successfully locating it, we headed for a wander around a few parks noticing at least one seemed to have giant inflatables in randomly. This is what we assumed they had instead of a normal Luna Park. The final park we headed to was Cittadella di Parma, inside a fortress style place where there was another Luna Park Matty had found and we struck gold.



A cred. Things dreams are made of. No idea who made said dream, only know who operated it thanks to the token saying so. Cred dispatched, we then headed through the rest of the Luna Park to see it had a ride on railway, some usual rides and a stand up pirate ship. YES. We immediately had to ride and climbed in to the cage of death where, unlike the steam yachts in a similar set up, there was no briefing, no ride staff onboard. Just close the cage and go. Terrifying but brilliant.



Now it was time for the big one. The entire reason for this trip that Matty found way back. After finding our way in to the stadium (that took an entire lap of the stadium) via a bar where the 'home' fans, away fans and Police were drinking and relaxing, clearly the match wasn't going to be a violent one.
We were part of the 'home' fans, as such because we were going to watch the mighty San Marino play Kazakhstan but their stadium in Serravalle is under reconstruction so they played in Italy instead. San Marino are ranked as the worst international team in the world.



This could be the night, where they could win their first ever official match and score for the first time in over a year. They fought hard, played well but ultimately lost 0-3 to the Kazakhs (although one of the goals was suspect, was never a penalty) and certainly played a lot better than their ranking suggests. After the match (FORZA TITANI) we climbed in the car for an easy drive back to Bologna for our hotel which turned into a nightmare as Biblical rain set in, the Italian motorways didn't have catseyes or drainage and the junctions were incredibly confusing. Finally, after a long, long drive we finally crawled into the hotel for some sleep just after 1am.

 

[MattyH]

Being able to drink in the stands was fun. We can't even claim to have travelled the furthest to see San Marino play as there were some people from Canada in the stands.

Didn't understand half the chants but we had an amazing time.

That was a terrible drive with road closures and all sorts.

We did a 23 hour day that day which was horrible but worth it.

That Pirate ship was incredible and I'm glad I did it. Crawling into the death cage was fun.
Crawling out not so much.

 

[Poisson]

23 hour day on 2.5 hours sleep. Not recommended, but worth it.

 

[MattyH]

Not sure why the images seem to be broken. Anyway we're hoping to have the next installment written soon...

Meanwhile, here's some more photos from the friday

 

[Poisson]

The Saturday of the trip dawned with all of the horrible weather having moved on, leaving a glorious day. After crawling in at 1am, we awoke for a nice, calm relaxing day after plenty of sleep. Well that's what normal people would do, so we left after about 6 hours and drove to Fiabilandia. I was closing in on 300 creds and thanks to the random Parma coaster, there was a chance I could hit the magic number at Fiabilandia. Upon entering the park over a narrow bridge, we headed to the first couple of coasters of the day, Red Mountain and Space Mouse, both obligatory +1s and both a bit dull.

The first interesting coaster of the day was Miniera d'Oro Del West, a Pinfari.....thing built sometime before 2003 apparently. In a theme that was already becoming apparent thanks to the Intamin monorail, the Italians seem to love strange things. Imma just put a POV in here as neither me nor @MattyH can describe what this thing is and does.


From: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxZRfJG3Ls0


Finally, time for my 300th cred. Fittingly, it was the OG Wacky Worm. The one to inspire the travelling models that followed. This one however had fountains, tunnels, 2 lift hills and 2 trains. My dreams of having a naked ride to celebrate were dashed however by this sign. Boo for the DQ.

After this, we headed for a wander around the lake. The park is very pretty, but there isn't much there but there was a few trains, some of which might run if they be bothered and some that didn't.

On to one of the most important parts of the trip and rarely for us, it isn't a theme park. For a country with no theme parks, no trains and no Maccies, it makes a rare place for us to visit. San Marino was, however, spectacular. First we had to get to the car park at the bottom of the cable car which involved hairpin bends and hills so steep I was worried the little Lancia wouldn't make it up. At the top of the cable car we were serenaded by someone playing Time After Time with this view.

Absolutely stunning. We foolishly thought we were near the top of the mountain but we were mistaken. After a huge amount of climbing we reached the top of the fortifications and the views were breath taking.

After recovering at one of the mountain top cafes, we headed onward towards where the only remaining pieces of the train network the country once had before we bombed it existed.

We were not expecting to see it running and the kind operator let us have a quick look as it was done for the day and heading back in to storage.

Choo Choo.

With this found and the place closing for the finale of a rally, we headed to find another piece of restored railway nearby.

Bonus cameo by the hire car. With this found, we headed for the national stadium but this was hosting a motorbike race so we bailed and headed towards our AirBnB, ready to check in before the next part of this insane adventure began.

 

[MattyH]

A few more photos from Fiabilandia and San Marino

What even is this ride?






It's like EP but without the Morrisons,



Beautiful San Marino





And of course you need a souveineer to remember your trip by.


Why not buy a wand too, incase you suddenly have to duel the dark lord while visiting San Marino.

Finally of course I made a theme park reference

 

[Poisson]

After arriving at the AirBnB mentioned above, any sensible person after going to another country and driving 400km so far would call it a day. Instead, we had tickets allowing access to Mirabilandia from 17:00 to 23:00 and @MattyH had to get his 300th cred. Originally I had planned to get 300 on Katun but the extra bonus Wacky Worm in Parma changed that so Matty had free reign of where we headed to get his 300th.

He chose iSpeed so we headed over to check it out. It feels like a transition coaster between the older style like Rita and Stealth with the cable and OTSRs to the more modern Taron style coasters. Fast and violent, it was up our street, a coaster you have to learn to ride to get the most out of it. Really really good, what Rita could have been.

Next up was Master Thai. A Preston & Barbieri Double coaster which is a Mobius Loop but you do both sides in one ride cycle which is odd. The straight parts are fine but the corners were clearly too difficult and they used RCT3 to design them as they aren't pleasant. Then you have to do it again when you do the second half on ride, which is some how even worse because you know the horror is coming.

KATUN

The headline attraction and what a ride it is. With the park open until 23:00, we got to experience several night rides and it is a beast. A coaster of the highest quality, up there with Nemesis in old school B&M Inverts. Fast, intense and has a massive first drop. Love it love it love it.

Unfortunately we had to move on to get the rest of the creds but first, MEAT. We had reservations about getting a hot dog but the lack of Rollover signs was encouraging and it was good. Why are UK parks so crap at hot dogs?

Following our questionable meat cylinder, we headed for the park's S.D.C Tokaido, Rexplorer, a ride which has been produced by many manufacturers and several tour but we never have caught one. An interesting if loud ride, when the sound echoes off the themeing but let down by the 2nd half of the 2nd lap being slowed to come back to the station but it's uncomfy on the banking.

The next ride was Gold Digger. Having been beaten up by an L&T Systems Wild Mouse 30x20, the thought of doing this larger 40x20 model wasn't good but this was slightly less horrendous and had the bonus of being a spectator sport, watching people slamming into the brakes unaware of what was going to happen. We are easily entertained.

Divertical is the next instalment in what Matty had dubbed Italian Intamin insanity after the Marconi Express on the first day. Good fun and shows Intamin currently build the best water coasters we have done, surprisingly smoother than some of the Mack ones, despite being nearly as quick as Rita. After this, we completed the cred sweep with Leprotto Express, another L&T Systems but quite fun and smooth enough for a family coaster, better than several Zamperlas we have done. We rounded the day with rerides on iSpeed and Katun, because why wouldn't you?

The following day we had the entire day at Mirabilandia, which mostly consisted of rerides on Katun and iSpeed, but also a ride on Reset, the park's Mack dark ride which has an impressive ride system but swings between half decent and appalling themeing and randomly spinning the car. It had the potential but was bizarrely rubbish and with it's location away from the rest of the park, I don't think most people knew it was there. The area felt dead and lifeless.

The only creds we were unable to do were both sides of Desmo Race, which didn't move an inch, we didn't see any signs of life from it and when I asked the park, they implied it hadn't opened at all this season. The ride was new in 2019 and has never been reliable since. The queue and plaza were used the night before for an event and the shop had been stripped empty.

We had encountered a reason that UK parks use to avoid having waterfalls during our wander around as well. We didn't ride this as it had a massive queue both days.

After exiting the park we jumped in the Lancia and drove to Florence. We didn't take the scenic route signposted because it was a fair drive but it was stunning, so goodness knows how pretty the scenic route was. Tiring but brilliant time in the parks.

 

[MattyH]

The best way to write this trip report is with photos!

Themeing for the L&T systems mine train. These actually derailed and just landed here.


iSpeed is amazing, and amazingly difficult to photograph. Enjoyed the turnstyles that they had at the park which were similar to Energylandia.



A stunning park, especially at night



Water slidey thingy



Still no pizza in Italy, but there was this delicious focaccia.



Even Italian Motorways are incredibly stunning... But of course the best is still to come...

 

[Plastic Person]

Very envious, bombing around Italy in a hire car over summer is a treat. Although admittedly I tend to focus more on meals than Wacky Worms. Although next time, I am definitely going to prioritise getting on Katun.

 

[MattyH]

Yeah but Italian roads were incredibly insane.

 

[Poisson]

I can highly recommend being an idiot in a hire car in Italy. Katun should be prioritised, the area is pretty, San Marino is stunning and close too. Highly recommend and flights to Bologna are easy to come by.

 

[Poisson]

The Penultimate day in Italy saw us heading to the most sensible park we could imagine, soon to be home to Europe's only operating stand up coaster. This trip had been showing us Italian insanity throughout but we were in for a massive surprise at CavallinoMatto. The park is set in a forest and is very pretty, with a relaxed atmosphere. Very Italian.



Naturally we headed there first. This would be our first TOGO coaster and with their reputation and the fact it is a standup coaster, we were approaching it with dread. This was happily not the case as it was quite enjoyable and significantly more comfortable than Shockwave.





This was followed by the parks Technical Park Water Coaster. A very strange beast, only just a cred but a cred is a cred. Quite enjoyable in an amusing way. Not great for photos but the wall was needed to keep the dinosaurs in. We then completed the next 3 creds which were unremarkable and rounded out the creds with a strange Wacky Worm, themed to cheese with an extra helix added. BUT WHY?

Next up was something that made us shout @Alix favourite phrase, MY LORDZ, especially in the bonus random cave at the edge of the park that it drives through.



A sign after we got off the train drew our attention and it is amazing:



Translated, it includes a gem of a line 'Delay in completing Pirates attraction is due to complex, slow and cumbersome bureaucratic approval process' Outstanding.



Yukatan was next, complete with another wonderful sign



50 minutes. Not an hour and not exactly emotional. Unlike Rock n' Roll, a Schwarzkopf Polyp blasting out some bangers. We ended up riding 9 times due to the amazing music they played.

Safari Adventure is like a dark shooter except they forgot the building. Which they probably did. It was a bit rubbish. As was Huracan Tower, a boring operated tower but a stunning view from the top. Flying Swinger rounded out the day and was a standard chairswing.





Collecting a park map that looked more like a table mat, we headed out towards the car to go to the AirBnB.

 

[MattyH]

A few extra photos from Cavallino Matto. Highly reccomend a visit if you're ever in the Pisa area. It's an amazing park,

 

[Poisson]

Naturally we did not actually head to the AirBnB, but instead we went to hunt a cred and a Breakdance via some stunning Italian coast roads. On arrival we found the cred but the Breakdance was gone, to much grumbling. +1 though.



After this it was definitely time to head for some sleep, so we went and found another cred. We are very sensible.





And then it was actually time to get some sleep. The next morning we headed to some old knackered buildings, one of which seemed to be falling over or something?



And we found something to bash. PISMOVER



Which despite not being an Intamin, promptly broke.



Everybody on the minibus! Then we found something better than Nemesis and headed to the airport:



After landing in glorious Luton we headed for some kip and then the following day we went straight home and definitely didn't accidentally find some more rides.

 

[MattyH]

The last photo dump of the trip report.


Don't worry the Tower is in no danger of falling over. Look at all the people holding it up!



It's just like being at Plopsaland with the colour of the water



Italian train!





GALILEO GALILEO


Mmmmm tasty flatbread and beer




Two interesting things to buy in the airport.



Do you want limoncino but in a bottle that's awkwardly shaped?

What about your very own leaning tower of Pisa.



Italy was beautifully insane. I miss it more everyday, but for now I guess I have to say Ciao Ciao Italy....