Surreal news articles

[DiogoJ42]

I love Tyson Fury. Such a big idiot.

Met him outside Nemesis a couple of years back. The heavyweight champ strolling around with his family happy to take pictures with everyone .. really nice bloke.

I litterally bumped in to him after the event. He was standing right behind the door in to the gents, posing for a selfie with someone. Man's about 8 feet tall!

 

[RicketyCricket]

http://cbsnews10.com/erie-pennsylvania-woman-high-on-meth-dies-after-pumping-gasoline-into-her-anus/

Woman High On Meth Dies After Pumping Gasoline Into Her Anus

 

[Jonathan]

http://cbsnews10.com/erie-pennsylvania-woman-high-on-meth-dies-after-pumping-gasoline-into-her-anus/

Woman High On Meth Dies After Pumping Gasoline Into Her Anus

Darwin Awards worthy? I think so...

 

[DiogoJ42]

I think this thread can be locked now. Ain't nuttin' toppin' dat.

 

[IanSR]

Someone somewhere just said "hold my beer" in response to that @DiogoJ42 lol

 

[MattyH]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-44888438

Lowestoft 'Thomas the Tank Engine' land train stolen
A land train that carries thousands of holiday visitors up and down the seafront at a Suffolk resort has been stolen.

The popular attraction was taken from its Lowestoft home on Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning, police said.

Nearly three months have passed and still no sign of our Land Train....

 

[Alsty]

The £20,000 fart? Tesco worker sues chain after work colleague broke wind in his face

A Tesco worker is suing the supermarket chain for harassment and race discrimination after a colleague “broke wind in his face”.

Atif Masood, 42, a customer assistant at a branch in Thornton Heath, is demanding £20,000 — claiming the farting amounts to “bullying”.

Source: https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/...olleague-broke-wind-in-his-face-a3965131.html

 

[DistortAMG]

I think this thread can be locked now. Ain't nuttin' toppin' dat.

***Clears throat***

https://www.lipstickalley.com/threa...roast-chicken-but-wife-sticks-by-him.1236494/

 

[DiogoJ42]

 

[rob666]

Does the Sunday Spurt count as a news source though?

 

[Alsty]

Poster claiming seagulls are government surveillance drones appears at station

POSTERS claiming seagulls are government surveillance drones have appeared around the city.

Bemused residents around Hove Station took pictures of the signs which say Seagulls Arn’t Real, Wake Up Brighton.

Source:
https://www.theargus.co.uk/news/170...nment-surveillance-drones-appears-at-station/

 

[DistortAMG]

Pensioner Banned from Every Farm in Britain for Fisting Cow
John Curno, 80, was caught masturbating with his entire hand in a cow.

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/...oB18&utm_campaign=global&utm_source=vicefbanz

 

[DiogoJ42]

Sweet jeebus, that's just round the corner from me!

 

[Alsty]

Proof if it were needed that the world's a pretty ****** up place

 

[IanSR]

Oh Christ lol (bet he said that too).

 

[Error]

pumping arses with gasoline and fisting cows....I do love this thread.

 

[Jonathan]

That would almost be a gap fill suggestion in the Missing Words round of Have I Got News For You...

 

[Error]

Good album name aswell I suppose.

 

[DiogoJ42]

There's a trope for that...

 

[RicketyCricket]

https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/whats-on/food-drink/hull-mans-fury-after-paying-458034

Hull man's fury over 'rip off' egg sandwich with not enough egg in it

Poor guy