Surreal news articles

[Jonathan]

How the smeg did she not realise it was an advent calendar for cats when it said 'for cats' ON THE ******* FRONT?!

 

[Alastair]

Wasn't sure whether for the Drone topic or here, but fits either way so:

"Grandma says Gatwick drone pilot should be ‘hanged’ as punishment"

https://metro.co.uk/2018/12/20/grandma-says-gatwick-drone-pilot-hanged-punishment-8271307/

 

[RicketyCricket]

Angry people in airports is a guilty pleasure of mine. There's some wonderful stuff on YouTube.

 

[Robert.W]

Man Claims To Have Found ‘Anus’ In £1.50 Tesco Tinned Beef Curry

A Tesco customer had quite the shock when he discovered an 'anus' in his £1.50 tinned beef curry (yep, the warning signals were there, let's face it).

Support worker Andrew Lee found the 'greyish skin coloured' tube when he was halfway through his dinner - saying it looked like a 'belly button or cat's anus'. Grim...

Full article can be read here.

 

[RicketyCricket]

Fully deserved for eating curry from a tin.

 

[RoyJess]

What did your really think goes into your sausages and burgers?

When working the french cruise ships, we didn't call the sausages "intestine sausages" for nothing I always pass on this when served in the mess.

 

[Alsty]

Cristiano Ronaldo fans are having too much fun with his statue

A Cristiano Ronaldo statue is attracting groups of laughing women due to its huge, shiny bulge.

The Juventus superstar’s larger-than-life tribute was unveiled at his Pestana CR7 hotel in Funchal, Portugal in 2014.

Of course visitors want to get a photo alongside the artwork — but doing so has had unexpected consequences.

The groin area has apparently been rubbed so frequently that the bronze has been polished into a hard-to-miss shine.

More: https://www.news.com.au/sport/sport...e/news-story/db8c1a62a9f7b12440d0e6c74c78688a

 

[RicketyCricket]

Yet I'm on a lifetime ban for dry humping Beyonce at Madame Tussauds... Double standards.

 

[Alsty]

Venlo WW2 explosive: Don't lie down on bombs, Dutch warned

The Dutch public have been warned it is "strictly ill-advised to lie down on a bomb", after a man did just that for about three hours.

The man came across an unexploded World War Two device while gardening in the town of Venlo on Wednesday.

When it started whistling he covered it with his body, apparently trying to limit the damage.

Nearby residents were evacuated and the device proved harmless. The man was treated for symptoms of hypothermia.

More here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-46828770

 

[DiogoJ42]

Give that man a fraking medal!

Yet I'm on a lifetime ban for dry humping Beyonce at Madame Tussauds... Double standards.

The Orville?

 

[speedy]

Bus passenger told blind woman told to 'get her f***ing dog off the bus' claiming it couldn't be a guide dog because it is black

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...f-ing-guide-dog-bus-St-Helens-Merseyside.html

Sorry for Daily Mail

 

[Alsty]

Alternative link for those who refuse to visit the Mail:
https://web.archive.org/web/2019011...f-ing-guide-dog-bus-St-Helens-Merseyside.html

 

[speedy]

I only ever visit with my adblocker on

 

[DiogoJ42]

But public transport is one of the few places that does allow dogs...

 

[Alsty]

Good point. So what was that passenger's beef?

 

[DiogoJ42]

So what was that passenger's beef?

Hmmmmmmmm... my money is on..... "they are a ****"?

 

[RoyJess]

Bus passenger told blind woman told to 'get her f***ing dog off the bus' claiming it couldn't be a guide dog because it is black

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...f-ing-guide-dog-bus-St-Helens-Merseyside.html

Sorry for Daily Mail

May seem surreal to most, but not to the disabled. Jess and I are always on the receiving end of abuse by others each time we go out.

I've lost count how many times we get abuse from parking in a disable parking space, despite having a blue badge and Jess is fully wheelchair bound. We only last got abuse last week because we parked in a disable bay at the hospital for an hospital appointment.

We also get abuse for using the Disabled toilets, again Jess's wheelchair is very visible.

We also get abuse in the bird of prey wheelchair viewing area at our local zoo, simply because non wheelchair users seem to pile into the wheelchair viewing area instead of using the seated area (the seated area is blocked off once the display start and the wheelchair area is left open at all time). The non wheelchair users complain that we are in their way and that we should move.

As Jess is a wheelchair user, we are always being told to move, despite there is plenty of space and often we place Jess right out of the way.

I think it's because people think that the disable are low life's and are below able people. It's a shame that we still live in a world where discrimination (not just against the disable) still goes on. Everyone should still be treated equally and with great respect.

 

[speedy]

The bit about how all guide dogs are supposed to be yellow is the most surreal to me. Who's going to pretend they have a guide dog, harness and all, just to take a dog on the bus?

Touchwood I haven't had any abuse from the public yet. I did have one lecturer in Aberdeen say "I've made the text huge! How are you still not able to read it?". But then he was an ******* who never read his email

 

[DiogoJ42]

I think you need to start carrying a sawn-off shotgun, Roy. Then you can kneecap these *******s and see how THEY like being disabled.

I honestly give up on humanity.

 

[Stuie]

The bit about how all guide dogs are supposed to be yellow is the most surreal to me. Who's going to pretend they have a guide dog, harness and all, just to take a dog on the bus?

This is clearly someone who's not in their right mind, either through drink or drugs or from just being a ******* idiot.