Surreal news articles

[MattyH]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-48117678

Shrimp containing cocaine found in Suffolk river

 

[DiogoJ42]

Coke AND ket? Those shrimp sure know how to party!

 

[DistortAMG]

Oh cod, even the fish are at it these days!

 

[Alsty]

German pigeon flashed by speed camera goes viral

It was a quiet afternoon in Bocholt in western Germany when a pigeon broke the calm and the speed limit, flying down a residential street at 45km/h (28mph) in a 30km/h zone.

A mobile speed camera flashed as soon as the pigeon flew past.

Authorities in the town, a short distance from the Dutch border, published the picture last week, and it has since gone viral.

Under normal circumstances the penalty for speeding would be €25 (£21;$28).

Click here for more

 

[RoyJess]

Under normal circumstances the penalty for speeding would be €25 (£21;$28).

That speeding fine is probably the most surreal part of the story. I believe here in the UK it is around £100 plus points on your licence.

 

[DiogoJ42]

Was going to say, only €25‽

Poor bird was probably blinded by the flash.

 

[Alsty]

It looks like the German fines are based on how far over the limit you are and whether it's a built up area. The range is from €10 (10km/h over) up to €650 (70+ km/h over).

Unlike the UK where it's always £100 by fixed penalty, although at court it could go all the way up to £1000 in theory.

 

[Alsty]

£6,000 bus stop built on South Yorkshire road - with no bus routes

Residents of a South Yorkshire village have been left baffled after a blundering council built a brand new bus shelter – on a road with no public transport.

The twice-daily bus service running along a street in Maltby, Rotherham was axed in March.

But that didn’t stop officials spending £6,000 of taxpayers’ money on a shelter with seats and a roof in May.

Red-faced council chiefs have since apologised for the gaffe and have had to attach a sign, reading: ‘Please note that this bus stop is no longer in use.’

Link

 

[DiogoJ42]

It only cost six grand‽ Down here in London the council would easily stick an extra zero on that.

 

[MattyH]

It only cost six grand‽ Down here in London the council would easily stick an extra zero on that.

But that comes with a nice new advertising board, a real time bus service and a luxury first class option surely

 

[DiogoJ42]

Nope.

 

[DistortAMG]

Well well well......

 

[Alsty]

Classy...

 

[Rojo]

Ah the daily sport. I used to look forward to their headlines when putting the papers away back in my co-op days.

My favourites were the wotsits up the bum, shitting down a chimney and a giraffe swallowed my wife. (despite being herbivores )

 

[Jonathan]

Wasn’t there a story about Creme Eggs up the bum in the Sunday Sport once? It sounds like something they would print.

 

[Alsty]

And the bloke who burnt his ******* by ******* a red hot pasty?

 

[Jonathan]

I thought it was a sausage roll, but that sounds about right.

 

[DistortAMG]

Here are some of the greatest hits from the sport...

What a time to be alive.

 

[Rojo]

HAHAHAHAHA! Totally forgot about the Gordon Ramsey Dwarf one, tragic but wft! I love the fact that they're also sport exclusives, as if they had pipped the Times to each story.

Every now and again headlines can be absolute genius. Like the time Inverness Caledonian Thistle thrashed Celtic and this headline writers wish finally came true.

Bravo Rodger Baillie, Bravo!

 

[IanSR]

Must just be coincidence that none of them look as though they're able to tell you the day of the week, let alone their own dob.