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The Delayed Deutschland Debacle 2024
- Thread starter Jonathan
- Start date
Jonathan
TS Member
- Favourite Ride
- Helix <3
I've slacked on this. Bad NooNoo. Bad.
Day 7 – Friday 5th April (“It shuffles and does nothing”)
Escaping the perwiggle car park in Heilbronn after breakfast (which didn’t exactly look finished, but the hotel did seem to be pretty new), we made our way through the German countryside to Tripsdrill, in much nicer weather than we’d experienced the previous day. For one, it wasn’t raining. Breakfast at the hotel was basic, but fine.
Tripsdrill
It’s a lovely little park, but the operations? Erm…Oh dear. The throughput just wasn’t very good in general, but more on that later. Mammut was a big disappointment. All it does is shuffle from side to side as the train goes around, and not really very much else, which is a shame. Definitely not aged well from when I did it in 2014. The log flume is infamous for its…interesting statues dotted around the ride, and they did admittedly cause a fair bit of laughter.
Mammut broke!
Volldampf
A custom Vekoma Family Boomerang? Oh, yes indeed. Nicely-themed to a steam train, it’s good fun, and a decent addition to the park.
Hals-über-Kopf
This was new territory for me. My first Vekoma Suspended Thrill Coaster, and it ended up being Leigh’s 200th cred. The seats and restraints are comfortable, and the ride itself is delightful. The different elements are laid out nicely, it’s smooth (as it should be when the ride’s about four years old), and it’s an excellent addition to the park.
Suppenschüsselfahrt
A ride themed around soup? Welcome to the weirdness that is Tripsdrill. Actually quite good fun!
Gugelhupf
Don’t think I’d done a Tilt-A-Whirl before, but this was a decent ride.
Wirbelpilz
It’s a Zierer Waveswinger. Not a huge amount to say, really.
Weinkübel-Fahrt
It’s a ride themed around wine barrels. You literally sit in a giant wine barrel as you go around the course. It’s silly, but good fun.
Total ride count for Tripsdrill:
Went past the Hockenheimring. Was fun.
Speyer Kermis
There wasn’t a huge amount here, but they did have a cred.
Gold Rusher
Poisson’s favourite ride type – a Wacky Worm. Nothing to write home about.
Bayern Breakers
If you’ve done a Breakdance in this country, you’ve seen NOTHING. Huss Breakdances on the German and Dutch fair circuits are absolutely ridiculous, complete with loading procedures that look like an art form, lengthy ride cycles, smoke machines…the works. This was run on a good cycle, but we knew it’d get better later on in the day. We didn’t stay, though, as we needed to get to Frankfurt.
Total ride count for Speyer Kermis:
I LIKE BUM BUM.
Leigh was delighted. Despite the silly name, it’s actually quite a nice ice-cream, and the stick is basically bubble gum, though Poisson’s Bum Bum was defective – he struggled to peel the paper layer covering the gum for a while. Eventually, we made our way over to Frankfurt, had an easier time parking the car, and navigated the city’s rather grim S-Bahn to the Dippemess.
Frankfurt Dippemess
The main draw was Alpina-Bahn, one of Anton Schwarzkopf’s finest coasters. Having received new trains since I last rode it in Düsseldorf in 2015, it was so much fun, and I was really glad to get back on it.
Oh, daddy Anton
Break Dancer
Now, everybody, THIS is how a Break Dance should be operated. Ride cycle was a good five minutes long. Standing on the outer bit of the ride platform as the thing was in motion would give the HSE a heart attack, but it felt weirdly good to be back in that position for the first time in a while. The scramble to get a ride car is something that takes a fair bit of practice, but we managed it in the end. Good God, this was intense. It definitely warmed up later on, so Poisson being the nutter that he is, he went back for another go while Leigh and I decided to stand by and watch.
God, I love a well-run Breakdance.
Infinity
This KMG Inversion 24 nearly made me chicken out, but I held in, and you know what? I’m glad I did. It’s huge, intense, and a great ride. ARF before Alix gets in.
Disco Express
Leigh wanted to do this on account of being a Himalaya fan boy, and to be fair, I enjoy them as well. They’re great rides, and this was no exception.
Total ride count for Frankfurt Dippemess:
So damn good
Right by the currywurst stand was a carousel bar, and yes – of course we had a drink there! Why wouldn’t you when there’s such a novelty thing? My wine was lovely.
Nice glass.
Had a good view on the carousel bar, too.
After we were done, we made our way back to the hotel via the grubby S-Bahn.
Day 7 – Friday 5th April (“It shuffles and does nothing”)
Escaping the perwiggle car park in Heilbronn after breakfast (which didn’t exactly look finished, but the hotel did seem to be pretty new), we made our way through the German countryside to Tripsdrill, in much nicer weather than we’d experienced the previous day. For one, it wasn’t raining. Breakfast at the hotel was basic, but fine.
Tripsdrill
It’s a lovely little park, but the operations? Erm…Oh dear. The throughput just wasn’t very good in general, but more on that later. Mammut was a big disappointment. All it does is shuffle from side to side as the train goes around, and not really very much else, which is a shame. Definitely not aged well from when I did it in 2014. The log flume is infamous for its…interesting statues dotted around the ride, and they did admittedly cause a fair bit of laughter.
Mammut broke!
Volldampf
A custom Vekoma Family Boomerang? Oh, yes indeed. Nicely-themed to a steam train, it’s good fun, and a decent addition to the park.
Hals-über-Kopf
This was new territory for me. My first Vekoma Suspended Thrill Coaster, and it ended up being Leigh’s 200th cred. The seats and restraints are comfortable, and the ride itself is delightful. The different elements are laid out nicely, it’s smooth (as it should be when the ride’s about four years old), and it’s an excellent addition to the park.
Suppenschüsselfahrt
A ride themed around soup? Welcome to the weirdness that is Tripsdrill. Actually quite good fun!
Gugelhupf
Don’t think I’d done a Tilt-A-Whirl before, but this was a decent ride.
Wirbelpilz
It’s a Zierer Waveswinger. Not a huge amount to say, really.
Weinkübel-Fahrt
It’s a ride themed around wine barrels. You literally sit in a giant wine barrel as you go around the course. It’s silly, but good fun.
Total ride count for Tripsdrill:
- Volldampf x1
- Rasender Tausendfüßler x1
- Suppenschüsselfahrt x1
- Gugelhupf x1
- Wirbelpils x1
- Karacho x1
- Mammut x1
- Hals-über-Kopf x1
- G’sengte-Sau x1
- Jungbrunnen x1
- Weinkübel-Fahrt x1
Went past the Hockenheimring. Was fun.
Speyer Kermis
There wasn’t a huge amount here, but they did have a cred.
Gold Rusher
Poisson’s favourite ride type – a Wacky Worm. Nothing to write home about.
Bayern Breakers
If you’ve done a Breakdance in this country, you’ve seen NOTHING. Huss Breakdances on the German and Dutch fair circuits are absolutely ridiculous, complete with loading procedures that look like an art form, lengthy ride cycles, smoke machines…the works. This was run on a good cycle, but we knew it’d get better later on in the day. We didn’t stay, though, as we needed to get to Frankfurt.
Total ride count for Speyer Kermis:
- Gold Rusher x1
- Bayern Breakers x1
I LIKE BUM BUM.
Leigh was delighted. Despite the silly name, it’s actually quite a nice ice-cream, and the stick is basically bubble gum, though Poisson’s Bum Bum was defective – he struggled to peel the paper layer covering the gum for a while.
Eventually, we made our way over to Frankfurt, had an easier time parking the car, and navigated the city’s rather grim S-Bahn to the Dippemess.Frankfurt Dippemess
The main draw was Alpina-Bahn, one of Anton Schwarzkopf’s finest coasters. Having received new trains since I last rode it in Düsseldorf in 2015, it was so much fun, and I was really glad to get back on it.
Oh, daddy Anton
Break Dancer
Now, everybody, THIS is how a Break Dance should be operated. Ride cycle was a good five minutes long. Standing on the outer bit of the ride platform as the thing was in motion would give the HSE a heart attack, but it felt weirdly good to be back in that position for the first time in a while. The scramble to get a ride car is something that takes a fair bit of practice, but we managed it in the end. Good God, this was intense. It definitely warmed up later on, so Poisson being the nutter that he is, he went back for another go while Leigh and I decided to stand by and watch.
God, I love a well-run Breakdance.
Infinity
This KMG Inversion 24 nearly made me chicken out, but I held in, and you know what? I’m glad I did. It’s huge, intense, and a great ride. ARF before Alix gets in.
Disco Express
Leigh wanted to do this on account of being a Himalaya fan boy, and to be fair, I enjoy them as well. They’re great rides, and this was no exception.
Total ride count for Frankfurt Dippemess:
- Alpina-Bahn x2
- Break Dancer x1
- Infinity x1
- Disco Express x1
So damn good
Right by the currywurst stand was a carousel bar, and yes – of course we had a drink there! Why wouldn’t you when there’s such a novelty thing? My wine was lovely.
Nice glass.
Had a good view on the carousel bar, too.
After we were done, we made our way back to the hotel via the grubby S-Bahn.
Jonathan
TS Member
- Favourite Ride
- Helix <3
A day late (was doing OU work last night, and lost track of time).
Day 8 – Saturday 6th April (“Half a metre of sausage? Yes, please!”)
Following a fairly standard hotel breakfast, we loaded the car up and ventured to Holiday-Park. I’d been looking forward to visiting for quite some time, even if it was for just one reason –Sky Scream E! G! F!
Holiday Park
We were lucky to get a nice warm day for our visit to Holiday Park. It did mean that the chocolate I’d got in the car ended up a bit melted, but it could’ve been a whole lot worse.
Sky Scream
My first experience of a Premier Sky Rocket of any form, and…It’s just not very good. They’ve made a half-decent effort with the theming, but it just feels somewhat out of place with its surroundings. The ride isn’t wonderful, either. A disappointment.
Die Große Welle
I’ve done a few Disk-O rides in my time, and this was the first extended model with the added hump. If I’m honest, it doesn’t add anything new over the original, and I think I prefer the original model without the extra hump. A shame, really.
Tabalugas Achterbahn
ZIERER NOISES! This is the Force Two model, and it’s perfectly fine for what it is, though they could do with a bit more in the way of theming around the back section.
Verrückter Baum
A Zierer Kontiki, and there’s not a huge amount to say about this one, other than it’s a whole load of fun.
Anubis
I’ve done plenty of drop towers now, but they never fail to scare the absolute bejesus out of me. This was no exception.
The ops were a bit strange on this as well, though I can’t quite remember exactly how or why.
Expedition GeForce
The ride we all came for.
ABSURD.
It’s just absolutely ridiculous, and by far the best ride in the park. The throughputs could’ve been a bit better, and there was a chunk of clattering when the train moved onto the lift hill, but it’s just so, so good. We ended up getting into double figures on this, which we were all very happy with.
INTAMIN, YOU PRICKS!
It warms up by an insane amount during the day, though there are trims in one or two places that kill the momentum a little too much for my liking.
Total ride count for Holiday Park:
MEAT GOOD.
After we’d got to ten rides on EGF, we needed to make our way back to Frankfurt am Shed for our flight home, and to say goodbye to the turdbox that was our car.
Goodbye, turdbox. You are very much not missed.
Food was consumed thanks to Maccies (no McRib this time, which disappointed Leigh, but 20 McNuggets were consumed, which turned out to be a wise decision). Security at Frankfurt am Shed was rather old-school, but we got through without difficulty. We were then greeted with departures, and…Oh dear. They bizarrely decided to close the only airside café at 7pm German time when there were still several flights left to depart. Duty-free was disappointing in what they had available (though to be fair, it’s only a small airport). As for the toilets? Well, I think this photo speaks for itself.
Yeah...This wasn't nice to see.
Our flight ended up delayed, and the only reason we knew was because we checked FlightRadar24. The airport told us absolutely nothing until the scheduled departure time, which is very poor form. Before we went through passport control to the gate, where we knew we’d be sitting for ages, I might’ve gone back to the shop for something…
When delayed for a flight in a rubbish airport, there's only one thing to do - DRINK!
Eventually, we were led through the prison-style fences to our 737-800 operated by PovertyAir UK (a new airline cred for Leigh, which he was very proud about), which took us back to the UK.
Frankfurt am Shed. What a dump. Best-avoided.
The flight itself was fine, and despite some windy conditions at Stansted, the pilot landed the plane very smoothly indeed. Got through passport control without difficulty, and it didn’t take too long for us to get our suitcases, return to Poisson’s car, and drive to the hotel in Harlow. As hotels go, this was nothing to write home about, but it was fine for what we needed (somewhere to pass out for a few hours). Having said this, I wasn’t exactly expecting my bed to shift when I got on it – the casters seemed a bit too movement-friendly!
Day 8 – Saturday 6th April (“Half a metre of sausage? Yes, please!”)
Following a fairly standard hotel breakfast, we loaded the car up and ventured to Holiday-Park. I’d been looking forward to visiting for quite some time, even if it was for just one reason –
Holiday Park
We were lucky to get a nice warm day for our visit to Holiday Park. It did mean that the chocolate I’d got in the car ended up a bit melted, but it could’ve been a whole lot worse.
Sky Scream
My first experience of a Premier Sky Rocket of any form, and…It’s just not very good. They’ve made a half-decent effort with the theming, but it just feels somewhat out of place with its surroundings. The ride isn’t wonderful, either. A disappointment.
Die Große Welle
I’ve done a few Disk-O rides in my time, and this was the first extended model with the added hump. If I’m honest, it doesn’t add anything new over the original, and I think I prefer the original model without the extra hump. A shame, really.
Tabalugas Achterbahn
ZIERER NOISES! This is the Force Two model, and it’s perfectly fine for what it is, though they could do with a bit more in the way of theming around the back section.
Verrückter Baum
A Zierer Kontiki, and there’s not a huge amount to say about this one, other than it’s a whole load of fun.
Anubis
I’ve done plenty of drop towers now, but they never fail to scare the absolute bejesus out of me. This was no exception.
The ops were a bit strange on this as well, though I can’t quite remember exactly how or why.Expedition GeForce
The ride we all came for.
ABSURD.
It’s just absolutely ridiculous, and by far the best ride in the park. The throughputs could’ve been a bit better, and there was a chunk of clattering when the train moved onto the lift hill, but it’s just so, so good. We ended up getting into double figures on this, which we were all very happy with.
INTAMIN, YOU PRICKS!
It warms up by an insane amount during the day, though there are trims in one or two places that kill the momentum a little too much for my liking.
Total ride count for Holiday Park:
- Sky Scream x1
- Die Große Welle x1
- Expedition GeForce x10
- TGabalugas Achterbahn x1
- Verrückter Baum x1
- Anubis x1
MEAT GOOD.
After we’d got to ten rides on EGF, we needed to make our way back to Frankfurt am Shed for our flight home, and to say goodbye to the turdbox that was our car.
Goodbye, turdbox. You are very much not missed.
Food was consumed thanks to Maccies (no McRib this time, which disappointed Leigh, but 20 McNuggets were consumed, which turned out to be a wise decision). Security at Frankfurt am Shed was rather old-school, but we got through without difficulty. We were then greeted with departures, and…Oh dear. They bizarrely decided to close the only airside café at 7pm German time when there were still several flights left to depart. Duty-free was disappointing in what they had available (though to be fair, it’s only a small airport). As for the toilets? Well, I think this photo speaks for itself.
Yeah...This wasn't nice to see.
Our flight ended up delayed, and the only reason we knew was because we checked FlightRadar24. The airport told us absolutely nothing until the scheduled departure time, which is very poor form. Before we went through passport control to the gate, where we knew we’d be sitting for ages, I might’ve gone back to the shop for something…
When delayed for a flight in a rubbish airport, there's only one thing to do - DRINK!
Eventually, we were led through the prison-style fences to our 737-800 operated by PovertyAir UK (a new airline cred for Leigh, which he was very proud about), which took us back to the UK.
Frankfurt am Shed. What a dump. Best-avoided.
The flight itself was fine, and despite some windy conditions at Stansted, the pilot landed the plane very smoothly indeed. Got through passport control without difficulty, and it didn’t take too long for us to get our suitcases, return to Poisson’s car, and drive to the hotel in Harlow. As hotels go, this was nothing to write home about, but it was fine for what we needed (somewhere to pass out for a few hours). Having said this, I wasn’t exactly expecting my bed to shift when I got on it – the casters seemed a bit too movement-friendly!
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Leigh
TS Member
- Favourite Ride
- EGF
Hahn is unironically the worst airport I have ever flown out from. Landside is acceptable but how they can get away with so few facilities and such poor cleanliness I’ll never understand. Plus as mentioned the McDonald’s didn’t sell McRib’s which in Germany is just criminal.
Jonathan
TS Member
- Favourite Ride
- Helix <3
And so here it is. Five months after it actually happened, it's the final instalment of this whole trip report.
Day 9 – Sunday 7th April (“It’s peeling already”)
The final day started with us packing the car and finding some of Essex’s finest cuisine for breakfast. And before you say anything, erm, yes – it was Maccies once again. Because why not?
I don't do eggs. Plus I can never resist the charm of a Cheesy Bacon Flatbread.
Having said this, the building that housed the Maccies was quite nice – can only assume it was once a pub or something. The final stop on our holiday was Legoland Windsor, partially because of new creds, but also because we’re a bit stupid and love going to UK parks after a holiday abroad. On this occasion, it wasn’t just the three of us, as we were joined by @Alix for the day.
But WHY?!
Legoland Windsor
It had been about five years since I last visited Legoland Windsor, and to be honest, not a huge amount had changed. We did spend a fair amount of time in the shop towards the end of the day, though, and it was challenging to not spend any money there!
Minifigure Speedway
The newest creds at the park, both sides of Minifigure Speedway are perfectly decent additions. The landscaping was disappointing, but it’ll be better once they finish it off. Unfortunately, some of the vinyl stuff in the queue was peeling off already, and we did see one or two other things that would give @Zeock nightmares.
Couple of things. First, line the vinyls up properly, for the love of God. Second, who the hell checks the SPG?!
The Magical Forest
OK, this is a walkthrough, but it’s quite nice.
Destiny’s Bounty
Another Zamperla Rockin’ Tug. Decent ride, but not really anything to mention about it.
Duplo Dino Coaster
It’s an ART Engineering ride. Great for little kids. What seemed strange, though, was they had a limit on the number of adults who could ride each time. I know it’s at Legoland, but it felt a bit bizarre when the exact same ride at EP didn’t have such a rule.
Total ride count at Legoland Windsor:
When we did Dragon’s Apprentice, it was only because Leigh hadn’t got the cred yet, but I had to do something on it that I’ve never done before – I had to cross my ankles over each other in order to fit inside! After some good park food in Germany, I was brought down to earth with a bit of a bump for lunch when I had a rather bland ham & cheese ‘panini’ (actually a baguette – come on, at least try to get the naming right). Eventually, we made our way back to the car park, with Alix driving Leigh for his train home, and Poisson driving me back to Lutterworth to pick my car up from my aunt & uncle’s place. When I arrived back home later that evening, it was the end of the trip. Sad, yes, but it was a great holiday, and much-needed after a rough few months.
Thanks here go to:
I’m not leaving it that long between visits next time – not now Voltron’s open. Here’s to the next adventure, which – if it involves Poisson – will almost certainly involve a number of Wacky Worms.
Day 9 – Sunday 7th April (“It’s peeling already”)
The final day started with us packing the car and finding some of Essex’s finest cuisine for breakfast. And before you say anything, erm, yes – it was Maccies once again. Because why not?
I don't do eggs. Plus I can never resist the charm of a Cheesy Bacon Flatbread.
Having said this, the building that housed the Maccies was quite nice – can only assume it was once a pub or something. The final stop on our holiday was Legoland Windsor, partially because of new creds, but also because we’re a bit stupid and love going to UK parks after a holiday abroad. On this occasion, it wasn’t just the three of us, as we were joined by @Alix for the day.
But WHY?!
Legoland Windsor
It had been about five years since I last visited Legoland Windsor, and to be honest, not a huge amount had changed. We did spend a fair amount of time in the shop towards the end of the day, though, and it was challenging to not spend any money there!
Minifigure Speedway
The newest creds at the park, both sides of Minifigure Speedway are perfectly decent additions. The landscaping was disappointing, but it’ll be better once they finish it off. Unfortunately, some of the vinyl stuff in the queue was peeling off already, and we did see one or two other things that would give @Zeock nightmares.
Couple of things. First, line the vinyls up properly, for the love of God. Second, who the hell checks the SPG?!
The Magical Forest
OK, this is a walkthrough, but it’s quite nice.
Destiny’s Bounty
Another Zamperla Rockin’ Tug. Decent ride, but not really anything to mention about it.
Duplo Dino Coaster
It’s an ART Engineering ride. Great for little kids. What seemed strange, though, was they had a limit on the number of adults who could ride each time. I know it’s at Legoland, but it felt a bit bizarre when the exact same ride at EP didn’t have such a rule.
Total ride count at Legoland Windsor:
- Minifigure Speedway (All-Stars) x1
- The Magical Forest x1
- Mia’s Riding Adventure x1
- Dragon’s Apprentice x1
- Duplo Dino Coaster x1
- Minifigure Speedway (Legends) x1
- Haunted House Monster Party x1
- Ninjago x1
- Hill Train x1
When we did Dragon’s Apprentice, it was only because Leigh hadn’t got the cred yet, but I had to do something on it that I’ve never done before – I had to cross my ankles over each other in order to fit inside! After some good park food in Germany, I was brought down to earth with a bit of a bump for lunch when I had a rather bland ham & cheese ‘panini’ (actually a baguette – come on, at least try to get the naming right). Eventually, we made our way back to the car park, with Alix driving Leigh for his train home, and Poisson driving me back to Lutterworth to pick my car up from my aunt & uncle’s place. When I arrived back home later that evening, it was the end of the trip. Sad, yes, but it was a great holiday, and much-needed after a rough few months.Thanks here go to:
- @AstroDan and co for organising the meet at EP in the first place
- @MattyH for joining us in Essex, and for coming up with the thread title
- @Poisson for doing the planning for our stupid shenanigans, as well as doing a load of the driving
- @Leigh for doing a lot of the booking, as well as driving in Germany
- @Mike for turning up at EP for a couple of days – always a pleasure to see him (no prizes for guessing why! )
- @Craig for indulging me in a Eurovision conversation at Silver Lake while at least two Lynchburg Lemonades deep. Or was I on the third at that point? I don’t really remember…
- @Alix for joining us at Legoland
- Everyone else for making the whole trip so much fun
I’m not leaving it that long between visits next time – not now Voltron’s open. Here’s to the next adventure, which – if it involves Poisson – will almost certainly involve a number of Wacky Worms. 
Poisson
TS Member
- Favourite Ride
- The Giant Squid
Here’s to the next adventure, which – if it involves Poisson – will almost certainly involve a number of Wacky Worms.
I've done 9 Wacky Worms/Nessis/Super Dragons/SBF piles of rubbish in the time it took you to actually finish this. Shameful.
Jonathan
TS Member
- Favourite Ride
- Helix <3
As an additional bonus, I completely forgot that in the midst of all the chaos on this trip, I did take time to go to church on Easter Sunday.
Looks lovely, doesn't it?
Yeah, erm...This is part of the Norwegian Stavkirke in the Scandinavian area at EP. Kinda cheating a bit, but oh well. Also popped into the church in Santa Isabel, but didn't take any photos, as there were people in there using it for its intended purpose, and I felt it wouldn't exactly be appropriate to take any photos in there.
Looks lovely, doesn't it?
Yeah, erm...This is part of the Norwegian Stavkirke in the Scandinavian area at EP. Kinda cheating a bit, but oh well.
Also popped into the church in Santa Isabel, but didn't take any photos, as there were people in there using it for its intended purpose, and I felt it wouldn't exactly be appropriate to take any photos in there.