The Road To Rust (Is Paved With Questionable Parks)

Discussion in 'Your Trip Reports and Plans' started by Poisson, 27th Dec 2021.

  1. Poisson

    Poisson TowersStreet Member

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    Following the shock announcement that The Misery Trip 2021 has won an award for Best Other Theme Park Topic, I figured now I have a PC and time I should chronicle my first trip to Europa Park and my hunt for my 100th cred in 2021 and 200th cred overall which happened on a very sensible trip in October. Very, very sensible. Photos are a mix of mine and Matt's unless otherwise credited.

    During 2020 me, @MattyH, @Mike and @Jonathan had a trip to EP called off due to the dreaded lurgy. This was rebooked for 2021 but Mike and Jon had to drop out due to financial constraints (something about skipping off the Americalandshire or sounded like that) so the trip was curtailed and changed. Originally the trip had contained Tripsdrill, Schwaben Park, Holiday Park and Europa Park with a trip to the Hasenhorn. This became modded with the removal of Tripsdrill and Schwaben Park with the addition of Steinwasen Park and a day dropped off the trip.

    So....how do you begin a trip to arguably the greatest theme park in Europe? With a day trip to a dump of course! So I climbed in the stand in Panda after the brakes on my 25 became particularly scary (seized calipers aren't ideal, especially when they start making terrifying noises 3 days before you're heading on a decent length journey) and headed to those strange Southern lands.

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    Yes this isn't Thorpe but we all know I'm terrible at remembering to take photos.

    After finding some food and a phone holder as the spare chariot didn't have one I headed across to meet Matt and his friends. Shocking, I didn't think he had any either, and then we entered Chavtopia. This being most of their first trips to the park I insisted we went before the main part of the trip, outside of Fight Nights.

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    First up, Stealth. In an attempt to avoid the usual horrendous queues we hit Stealth first and blew the minds of the 6 normal people in our group. Considering they worked with Matt at Pleasurewood Hills, I'm sure a seesaw would probably blow their minds in terms of ride quality.

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    We followed this by working anti-clockwise to Nemesis Inferno which was a hit with the group and followed it with SAW, which was so quiet we were encouraged to head from offload to onload as the queue was non-existent. A much more mixed review this time, followed by Samurai which was AWFUL. Running so slowly it hurt and was an endurance test as it made us feel so ropey.

    [​IMG]Nemesis Inferno Cobra Rolls by sbhostandard, on Flickr

    [​IMG]SAW The Ride at Thorpe Park by Semantic, on Flickr

    Colossus would have been next but we entered the queue so it typically died before we could get on. A queue evac later and we broke for food. Cue the next hour trying to reunite the group and reminding me why a large group of non-geeks never ends well when it splits. KFC/Donuts/Doner/will to live consumed we headed to Flying Fish, which was neither flying nor actually made of fish to my immense sadness.

    Swarm was to be a challenge for Kyle who'd avoided the larger rides so far. We finally coaxed him on and we all enjoyed what is the best coaster at Thorpe. Arguments are not tolerated as this is a fact.

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    Next was Vortex. Then it wasn't as it went into E stop so we went on Zodiac that did half a cycle then stopped and had to be sent again to do a full cycle. Mmmm reliability. We then got on Vortex where one of the group went ragdoll in a move to be repeated through the day. This was followed by Quantum which made some horrendous noises as 8 big people sat at one side and 2 kids sat at the other and it didn't like it and Rush, which did its usual thing of being good but on a cycle that lasted less time than anyone thought my trips were a good idea (roughly 2 femtoseconds)

    [​IMG]Rush at Thorpe Park by Semantic, on Flickr

    Our next cluster of rubbish was a ride on The Walking Dead when it finally operated for more than 5 mins without breaking, Detonator which is a bit poor nowadays and Rumba Rapids which are a cure for insomnia. To round out the day we hit Colossus to give ourselves brain damage for life and then a re-ride on Swarm to try and remind ourselves why we came here in the first place. Then it broke down.

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    Have you seen these idiots?

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    At least it's a comfy wait for the techies to show up.

    Matt then lobbed his case into the mighty fine car replacement car and we went to Heathrow parking via the pub. Whilst the other 6 were giving us stories of horror about traffic we tried to ensure that Lufthansa's finest would fail to take off due to overloading of fat idiots.

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    An Antonov An-225 was called in as backup to haul us if we overloaded the A320 Neo.

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    Bus Life.

    Arriving at LHR we took the free bus to the wrong terminal, got a bit lost, then more lost, walked about as far as walking to the moon and ended up on a bus to the hotel, ready to turn in before our far too early flight the next day.

    As Christopher Bowes would say: Oh wow.
     
    Last edited: 28th Dec 2021
    AstroDan, Rojo, NuttySquirrel and 5 others like this.
    Posted 27th Dec 2021
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  2. Poisson

    Poisson TowersStreet Member

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    Day 2: Hasenhorn Todtnau and Steinwasen Park

    Day 2 dawned far too early with a bleary 10 min bus ride to LHR T2 which we actually got right this time instead of ending up in freight or somewhere equally silly. Wandering through security we entered the main part of the terminal in search of the one main goal: breakfast. This is where, to our horror, we found only Pret was doing anything and we then had the pleasure of paying far too much for a very overcooked and nasty bacon sandwich.

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    LIES!

    Following this massive first world problem we were eventually called and headed to our aircraft. A Lufthansa Airbus A320Neo was to be our transport, and considering our last flight was with Ryanair it was a nice change. Less garish and more comfy and more spacious. Not long after take off we saw one of our previous places from the Misery Trip because Southend Pier is visible at the altitude we were flying at. We were then interrupted by the delivery of free choccy and water, always a welcome interruption.

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    Landing at Frankfurt where they did ponder whether to let Matt in (don't blame them) we headed underground to find our noble steed. In a fit of idiocy we went for the random car option on the Enterprise site so had absolutely no idea what was there. After being passed some Nissan keys at the desk we found this:

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    Aside from having a face only a mother could love (relatable for the two ugly mugs getting into it) it was spacious enough and easy enough to drive. Naturally the next step was to get on the Autobahn and max it out. Sadly it was capped at 120mph. This got us to Freiburg then into the stunning mountains fairly quickly and up and past Steinwasen to the Hasenhorn. Dumping the car we headed up the cable car to the onload station of the Hasenhorn.

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    Not a bad view is it? This was followed by an excellent alpine coaster ride down, Matt's first alpine coaster and only my second. Then we headed back to Steinwasen in search of food creds. We headed down and found their indoor Mack powered coaster featuring a rave tunnel, penguins and a drop from the station that became ejector airtime on the second lap. This was followed by an old German man slapping his meat and beer on the table and said bon appétit, making Matt's day. Food was okay, view was stunning.

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    We then had a ride on the park's alpine coaster (not a patch on the Hasenhorn) and their powered toboggan that shares the same indoor penguin area as the coaster. Up the cable car we saw the park kept wild boar beneath, meaning an evac must be fun.

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    This was followed by a toboggan down the hill which was especially perwiggolous and nearly saw us departing the track. Back to the car and we saw we had just enough time to get to Sommerrodelbahn Gutach. Sadly after some fast and furious stuff we still missed it by 5 mins. Sort of spited. We then headed to that nights accommodation, some sort of hovel in somewhere called Rust?

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    Looks horrendous doesn't it? After checking in, I was feeling rough with a sinus problem so we headed for some medicine, that being at Bar Spirit of St Louis.

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    After making sure that issue became a distant problem, we headed back to Andaluz to get some shut eye. Well we say that, we ended up in the bar of last resort on the way back for a night cap before finally heading back and hitting the hay. +3 each.

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    Skyscraper, Rojo, Matt N and 4 others like this.
    Posted 30th Dec 2021
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  3. MattyH

    MattyH TowersStreet Member

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    I was slightly dissatisfied with the welcome received at Frankfurt airport. So the German man slapping his meat onto the table for me improved my spirit massively. Especially as we spent ages trying to figure out how to get to the powered coaster...
     
    Posted 30th Dec 2021
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  4. Poisson

    Poisson TowersStreet Member

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    It's easy enough. Through the main bit, outside, down a ramp, turn back on yourself, down another ramp, around the bottom of the toboggan, past the chair lift, around a corner that looks like it leads to nothing, through a door, turn right, up some stairs and along a corridor/queue line. How did we never find it with such great signage like the non-existent signage there?

    The welcome? Roland's pleasure squad wouldn't be waiting there.
     
    JAperson likes this.
    Posted 30th Dec 2021
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  5. Poisson

    Poisson TowersStreet Member

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    Day 3: Europa Park

    With day 3 dawning bright and early we were greeted by the sight of our room which didn't have a view. The actual view was a train and theme park geeks heaven as we watched the EP Express shunt from the shed to the mainline.

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    Then we were RUDELY interrupted by @AstroDan setting the hotel on fire or something, that's who we blame anyway for the fire alarm going off:

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    Following a breakfast that didn't contain anything stale or pre-packed much to our disappointment, we headed through Roland's back passage to a wizard or something, no idea what he was dressed as, and headed into the park. Following seasoned advice we knew we needed 13 creds but that was it. Alpenexpress was first, a decent but forgettable powered coaster, probably as we had ridden the excellent Gletscherblitz the day before. Arthur followed this, an odd coaster dark ride hybrid featuring Snoop Dogg. Great fun.

    Then it was time for the big one, Ba-a-a Express. A world class coaster, probably the best on the trip.

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    Following this amazing ride we headed to some random ball with a windmill glued on it. Then we waited in an actual queue or something, very alien at EP.

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    This was followed by the unpleasant bobsled and the dull mouse, lightened by the presence of the wonderful Dawn Swiss.

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    Holland found some none toxic shoes as well:

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    This lead to Matt getting to cred 174 so we headed to Silver Star for 175. Here we found the worst queue line of the trip, genuinely not a nice place to queue. Dark and miserable whilst advertising in your face and the ride was suffering many problems with a train eventually removed. Boarding, we found it to be underwhelming sadly. I presume it suffers from it's age at being limited. Moving on we headed to Greece in search of a flying horse or something. I don't know. Then it was time for something actually good.

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    I was told I would like Euro-Mir because it spins and is violent. I'd like to say I'm more sophisticated than that but we all know I'm a simple cave man who enjoys simple things. We queued 45 mins and the old Eurosat Halloween music was playing, which is sadly under a 4 min loop. Very, very annoying. Still an excellent ride and rumour has it he's still waiting for the storm.

    Next was Nordstream 2: The Ride featuring Blue Fire. Seriously unimpressed by the massive entrance advert thing. Rest of the themeing and the ride is top notch but it leaves a bit of a bad taste. Really enjoyed it and made up for the let down of Icon and really excites me for whenever I can go and do Helix.

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    Then was Wodan. The highlight of the trip. Utterly brilliant especially the queue line toilets. Highest quality facilities provided. The GCI was very good too. Just pipping Troy to my fave woodie and probably number 4 on my all time list of coasters behind Nemesis, Zadra and Lech. My 200th cred.

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    Following this we had a conflab and decided to hit the water coasters and then head back if we were wet to change before our candle lit dinner at Silver Lake Saloon. Poseidon was first and was very okay apart from tying to capsize or what it felt like. Reminded me of how DVH tries to "coast". This was followed by a piece of hot Portuguese ASS.

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    Really enjoyable ride and is better at this coasting malarkey than Poseidon. We were still dry enough, had enough time and stupid enough to then do Tyrol Wildwasserbahn and Fjord Rafting before heading back, because we might as well try and drown and catch pneumonia. This caused us to hurry back to the room, make it a biohazard zone then leave on the next EP Express. We were only at Morrisons and didn't account for the walk to Silver Lake. Running late we headed inside and I found myself translating for Holland but my left ear sinus problem was still in full effect and that was the side of the server, plus it was very loud. It was a fun experience to say the least. Holland made the server look like we had killed his cat and microwaved the body because he thought Matty wanted his steak well done. When the half deaf idiot (me) managed to convince the server he would have his steak not cooked into leather he became visibly happier because if you have steak any more done than medium, you might as well chew the plate or your shoe.

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    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm food

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    Following excellent food we headed back to Morrisons and on to the EP Express. We could have been sensible and headed for the room so instead we headed to the bar. Because since when have my trips ever been remotely sensible? +13
     
    Last edited: 1st Jan 2022
    Posted 1st Jan 2022
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  6. MattyH

    MattyH TowersStreet Member

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    Great trip report. Can we go back to EP now please?
     
    Poisson likes this.
    Posted 1st Jan 2022
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  7. Poisson

    Poisson TowersStreet Member

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    Yeah why not*
     
    JAperson likes this.
    Posted 1st Jan 2022
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  8. JAperson

    JAperson TowersStreet Member

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    That entrance really does look like a Morrison’s. Enjoying the trip report so far @Poisson very entertaining.
     
    Poisson likes this.
    Posted 1st Jan 2022
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  9. AT86

    AT86 TowersStreet Member

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    Well I am never going to be able to unsee the Morrisons EP entrance now.

    Great report.
     
    Poisson and JAperson like this.
    Posted 2nd Jan 2022
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  10. Jonathan

    Jonathan TowersStreet Member

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    I simply can't unsee it, either. :p
     
    Poisson and JAperson like this.
    Posted 2nd Jan 2022
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  11. JAperson

    JAperson TowersStreet Member

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    Think it was either @Poisson or @MattyH who pointed it out to me in the first place. Once someone's told you; you simply can't think of nothing else when looking at it.
     
    Posted 2nd Jan 2022
    #11
  12. Poisson

    Poisson TowersStreet Member

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    3 days down, 3.5 to go but the next day may be split in half to cover the day time and Traumatica separately.
     
    JAperson likes this.
    Posted 2nd Jan 2022
    #12
  13. Poisson

    Poisson TowersStreet Member

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    Day 4: Europa Park and Traumatica.

    Day 4 dawned and after breakfast we headed out to Voletarium. Or we didn't as we didn't realise the paths were closed and if we were late down that end of the park we would be in a huge queue. To resolve our stupidity we then headed to Piraten in Batavia as this was open early. This was excellent and we didn't even mind the faint smell of smoke.

    [​IMG]building from the Dark Ride &quot;Piraten in Batavia&quot; by MR-Fotografie, on Flickr

    We followed this up with another visit to Russia and Scandinavia with a dose of Blue Fire and Wodan. Snorri Touren was next with possibly the cutest mascot ever, even if he spends his time bothering mermaids and upsetting mermen, with a bonus of clearly annoying @Kelpie

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    Griezelkopjes was next, a temporarily indoor tea cups with a Halloween theme and smoke and lights. A nice way to tart up an otherwise unremarkable ride. Speaking of unremarkable we followed this up with a ride on HOLLAND. Or at least, we did Der Fliegende Holländer whilst trying not to fall over as the platform was moist.

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    FoodLoop was to be our eatery of choice so we had a quick look at how to access it before heading to the wonderfully themed BENCH that definitely doesn't look like a dodgy walkthrough at a "winter wonderland" whilst sitting on a park bench.

    Heading back to FoodLoop we joined what would become a lengthy queue with it being one of the few eateries open in park. The food was excellent and we had prime seating next to the lift hill, with it having a conventional lift compared to Towers' having an elevator lift

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    After our food we finally decided to try and figure out the virtual queue. We decided a good test would be queueing for Mir, starting it whilst sat in FoodLoop. With our timed slots reserved we had to fill our time so headed to find some of the more obscure rides. Atlantis was first, with Matty showing his prowess with firearms that's unsurprising of someone brought up in Lowestoft. We wandered to Greece and on to Kassandra and were walked straight into the Madhouse, not sure if there was meant to be some story beforehand or you just end up in there?

    Arena of Football was our last stop before Mir and it was fun despite being just a dodgems and a gym ball, showing idiots are easily entertained, that's why me and Matty enjoyed it so much.

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    Mir was next and after having a roaring success with the virtual queue we booked it again as we were wandering out the exit. We then turned our attention to the fact we hadn't bashed the transport on park yet and did a lap of the monorail from Luxembourg to Luxembourg. This was followed by a train from Russia to the German/Austrian border via the rest of Europe for more than a lap because that's the sad people we are. Climbing off we headed for a pint in the Biergarten.

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    We then wandered around to Italy and did Piccolo Mondo, better than Nemesis (that's its official title) but didn't hang around Italy for long as we wandered back to Russia to go back to space and then back to Earth via the Euro Tower to scout out the small rides in the area having done Marionetten Bootsfahrt before climbing aboard the Tower. Volo Da Vinci was first on our hit list after finally having a queue that wasn't spilling out of the steps up to the station. We actually watched a show for once, definitely not because it was next to the queue we were in. After annoying the hosts by leaving the pedals in a silly position, we ran away to Jim Knopf, which is apparently a tie in and the host looked extremely confused at two fat Brits wishing to ride. What followed was the bell being rung approximately 2734 times in the lap of the ride.

    Elfenfahrt was next, me and Matt in the front of the boat and a couple in the back. They were probably trying to have a nice time but the combined mass of geek nearly sank the boat when it left the station. This was followed by us trying not to sink the boat despite being so tempted to do so and we have form for nearly sinking boats. Speaking of boats, boat bar was closed near ASS so with some Eurosat tickets booked we made our own on the small boat moored near Sat and wandering into a bar and confusing the staff by trying to improve Mezzo Mix. We succeeded in improving it by adding rum x 2 and drinking on a boat. Drinking on a boat that'll float my boat. Oh wow.

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    Eurosat completed we headed to Dancing Dingie, a ride we were told not to miss and for good reason. Then we headed to Dschungel Fahrt to ride it before it was removed and OH DEAR. I'm not adding pics or saying anything else, so instead have an epic geek shot.

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    We headed to Snorri to remind ourselves that everything was right with the world and I had to buy myself a Snorri. Purchasing complete, we headed to Wodan which we had booked whilst waiting for Dancing Dingie and rounded out the day on park with a ride on Vindjammer enroute back to the hotel, to get ready to go to Traumatica.
     
    Last edited: 4th Jan 2022
    Posted 3rd Jan 2022
    #13
  14. JAperson

    JAperson TowersStreet Member

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    It's interesting how some parks get virtual queue right but most mess it up completely.
    It seems very hard to implement for the majority of parks.
     
    Posted 3rd Jan 2022
    #14
  15. Poisson

    Poisson TowersStreet Member

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    EPs was great 95% of the time. A few small bugs but mostly easy to use. Just let you book a timeslot and roll up for it. Piraten for example was easy to book but a Wodan slot was a rare beastie.
     
    JAperson likes this.
    Posted 3rd Jan 2022
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