Following the shock announcement that The Misery Trip 2021 has won an award for Best Other Theme Park Topic, I figured now I have a PC and time I should chronicle my first trip to Europa Park and my hunt for my 100th cred in 2021 and 200th cred overall which happened on a very sensible trip in October. Very, very sensible. Photos are a mix of mine and Matt's unless otherwise credited. During 2020 me, @MattyH, @Mike and @Jonathan had a trip to EP called off due to the dreaded lurgy. This was rebooked for 2021 but Mike and Jon had to drop out due to financial constraints (something about skipping off the Americalandshire or sounded like that) so the trip was curtailed and changed. Originally the trip had contained Tripsdrill, Schwaben Park, Holiday Park and Europa Park with a trip to the Hasenhorn. This became modded with the removal of Tripsdrill and Schwaben Park with the addition of Steinwasen Park and a day dropped off the trip. So....how do you begin a trip to arguably the greatest theme park in Europe? With a day trip to a dump of course! So I climbed in the stand in Panda after the brakes on my 25 became particularly scary (seized calipers aren't ideal, especially when they start making terrifying noises 3 days before you're heading on a decent length journey) and headed to those strange Southern lands. Yes this isn't Thorpe but we all know I'm terrible at remembering to take photos. After finding some food and a phone holder as the spare chariot didn't have one I headed across to meet Matt and his friends. Shocking, I didn't think he had any either, and then we entered Chavtopia. This being most of their first trips to the park I insisted we went before the main part of the trip, outside of Fight Nights. First up, Stealth. In an attempt to avoid the usual horrendous queues we hit Stealth first and blew the minds of the 6 normal people in our group. Considering they worked with Matt at Pleasurewood Hills, I'm sure a seesaw would probably blow their minds in terms of ride quality. We followed this by working anti-clockwise to Nemesis Inferno which was a hit with the group and followed it with SAW, which was so quiet we were encouraged to head from offload to onload as the queue was non-existent. A much more mixed review this time, followed by Samurai which was AWFUL. Running so slowly it hurt and was an endurance test as it made us feel so ropey. Nemesis Inferno Cobra Rolls by sbhostandard, on Flickr SAW The Ride at Thorpe Park by Semantic, on Flickr Colossus would have been next but we entered the queue so it typically died before we could get on. A queue evac later and we broke for food. Cue the next hour trying to reunite the group and reminding me why a large group of non-geeks never ends well when it splits. KFC/Donuts/Doner/will to live consumed we headed to Flying Fish, which was neither flying nor actually made of fish to my immense sadness. Swarm was to be a challenge for Kyle who'd avoided the larger rides so far. We finally coaxed him on and we all enjoyed what is the best coaster at Thorpe. Arguments are not tolerated as this is a fact. Next was Vortex. Then it wasn't as it went into E stop so we went on Zodiac that did half a cycle then stopped and had to be sent again to do a full cycle. Mmmm reliability. We then got on Vortex where one of the group went ragdoll in a move to be repeated through the day. This was followed by Quantum which made some horrendous noises as 8 big people sat at one side and 2 kids sat at the other and it didn't like it and Rush, which did its usual thing of being good but on a cycle that lasted less time than anyone thought my trips were a good idea (roughly 2 femtoseconds) Rush at Thorpe Park by Semantic, on Flickr Our next cluster of rubbish was a ride on The Walking Dead when it finally operated for more than 5 mins without breaking, Detonator which is a bit poor nowadays and Rumba Rapids which are a cure for insomnia. To round out the day we hit Colossus to give ourselves brain damage for life and then a re-ride on Swarm to try and remind ourselves why we came here in the first place. Then it broke down. Have you seen these idiots? At least it's a comfy wait for the techies to show up. Matt then lobbed his case into the mighty fine car replacement car and we went to Heathrow parking via the pub. Whilst the other 6 were giving us stories of horror about traffic we tried to ensure that Lufthansa's finest would fail to take off due to overloading of fat idiots. An Antonov An-225 was called in as backup to haul us if we overloaded the A320 Neo. Bus Life. Arriving at LHR we took the free bus to the wrong terminal, got a bit lost, then more lost, walked about as far as walking to the moon and ended up on a bus to the hotel, ready to turn in before our far too early flight the next day. As Christopher Bowes would say: Oh wow.