• ℹ️ Heads up...

    This is a popular topic that is fast moving Guest - before posting, please ensure that you check out the first post in the topic for a quick reminder of guidelines, and importantly a summary of the known facts and information so far. Thanks.

Autism the thread

We have to filled out the “manual” by a team away day on 10th December, as there is apparently going to be a session on “personalities” as part of that. So I have to have decided what to say in that by then, really.

I’m still slightly undecided about whether to put my diagnosis in, but after my line manager’s supportive response and reassurance that the wider team is “supportive” (which to be fair, they absolutely are from my experiences of them; my office has a very friendly and understanding culture), I’m erring towards yes, as transparency is encouraged and I feel it might be useful for team members to be aware of some of the possible quirks resulting from my condition.

Come to think of it, the Grade 7 leading our development team said that she went on a session about “autistic colleagues”, and the main thing she said was that she “found it really interesting hearing about how other colleagues work and how to foster inclusion within teams”. So I think she would be supportive as well.
 
Matt, as a CS myself I can almost guarantee the vast majority of people you're working with will be supportive - even if you're a contractor, your colleagues will have had it drummed into them for years about inclusivity, reasonable adjustments, the usefulness of diversity of thought and opinion, so I'd be very surprised if they were anything but kind about anything you decide to share.

Not sure about your department specifically, but everyone in my department has to do about 3 hours mandatory training every year on what I personally find is basically how to be a decent human. Doesn't matter if you're a manager, Grade 7 with a team or AA with no staff, it's made extremely clear how we are expected to behave towards colleagues and service users/clients whatever your dept calls them. As an example of how detailed the training is, I do not have to face the public and yet have to complete training annually on such subjects as what to do if I notice someone sits down a bit gingerly (possibly domestic abuse, possibly FGM, possibly hard work out at the gym).

You're not obliged to be 100% truthful in that manual. You could say nothing to declare, but you might find things smoother if you do share anything that would make working life more tolerable. If you do decide to share something significant, I would predict the worst thing that will happen is you'll be asked to feed into some sort of learning experience or join a neurodiversity network, but you can always say no thanks if you don't want to.
 
Alix said:
Matt, as a CS myself I can almost guarantee the vast majority of people you're working with will be supportive - even if you're a contractor, your colleagues will have had it drummed into them for years about inclusivity, reasonable adjustments, the usefulness of diversity of thought and opinion, so I'd be very surprised if they were anything but kind about anything you decide to share.

Not sure about your department specifically, but everyone in my department has to do about 3 hours mandatory training every year on what I personally find is basically how to be a decent human. Doesn't matter if you're a manager, Grade 7 with a team or AA with no staff, it's made extremely clear how we are expected to behave towards colleagues and service users/clients whatever your dept calls them. As an example of how detailed the training is, I do not have to face the public and yet have to complete training annually on such subjects as what to do if I notice someone sits down a bit gingerly (possibly domestic abuse, possibly FGM, possibly hard work out at the gym).

You're not obliged to be 100% truthful in that manual. You could say nothing to declare, but you might find things smoother if you do share anything that would make working life more tolerable. If you do decide to share something significant, I would predict the worst thing that will happen is you'll be asked to feed into some sort of learning experience or join a neurodiversity network, but you can always say no thanks if you don't want to.
Click to expand...
I did have to do lots of mandatory training when I started working in my particular department; the training I had to do took cumulatively almost an entire work day. The training you describe sounds very familiar, even if possibly not the same, and one of the courses I had was EDI, come to think of it!
 
Hi Matt

I would imagine that your colleagues have already formed their own impressions of you by now, and those are unlikely to change based on you disclosing your diagnosis. I also think that people are far more aware of autism these days and probably know a few autistic people, so are less likely to view it as something out of the ordinary.

In this situation, I would disclose my diagnosis, but that's because I'm pretty much guaranteed to get the wrong end of the stick/react badly to a situation/generally screw up my interactions with others sooner or later, so I think it's probably beneficial if people have some understanding of why this might happen. It all depends on you and how your autism affects you, I guess.

It's good to hear that your colleagues seem supportive.
 
what is everyone’s views on the rap decision that made itv news today.

Personally I’m disgusted and will not be taking my two autistic (one non verbal/ severe anxiety) children again. Shocking
 
Jb85 said:
what is everyone’s views on the rap decision that made itv news today.

Personally I’m disgusted and will not be taking my two autistic (one non verbal/ severe anxiety) children again. Shocking
Click to expand...

As Islander says it’s been discussed ad infinitum in the RAP topic but if you want the TLDR the general consensus is majority agrees with the change but that Nimbus maybe needs a category for severe neurodivergence.

Lots of debate about where the line should be drawn but a consensus that not everyone with Autism/ anxiety can be accommodated with RAP without severely impacting other RAP users, non RAP guests….
 
Jb85 said:
what is everyone’s views on the rap decision that made itv news today.

Personally I’m disgusted and will not be taking my two autistic (one non verbal/ severe anxiety) children again. Shocking
Click to expand...

Are you not taking them out of protest or because they no longer qualify and would be unable to cope?

I’ve wondered what we would do if my son no longer qualifies for RAP. I think the reality is we’d cancel our annual passes and visit maybe once or twice a year with fast track. We currently probably do about 10 trips across the range.

We are already visiting European parks increasingly more because they offer a better experience, both overall and for accessibility.

Merlin’s current absolute dominance in the UK means for a child whose only interest amounts to going to theme parks it would be unrealistic for us to boycott them completely. And i don’t disagree the eligibility needed to change, i just disagree with the implementation.
 
I hope I’m not knocking a conversation in progress here - I have a slight query on how to conduct myself correctly as a “gentleman-in-training” bloke with ASD.

To set the scene a bit, I’m writing this coming home from a delightful little skiing holiday. My step-grandparents have a house in Switzerland, so it is yearly tradition we go to enjoy the slopes. I won’t say it has gone perfectly or free of drama. Between having my Skis nicked by accident, starting a fire in the living room without the knoledge I was supposed to turn the top valve (resulting in a very smoky abode) and eating something bad which then began to “develop” in an agonising bus ride home, even I am surprised to admit it was a net positive trip. Usually my cope is of sitting in my room, having a think about what has happened and then leave at a point where I have determined (or convinced myself) it should be okay. It works. This all isn’t particularly relevant to the story, but this is just to give you an idea of the current operating conditions.

The real questions start at the restaurant trip, in which the whole family was there. Perhaps the Skiing had caught up to me, or maybe the pathetically soft pillows in my bed dampened my very specific sleeping position, but fact of the matter was - I was very tired. No less, the conversation was agonising. All about how Swiss tax works, unimpressive and dull politics and analysing where exactly this photo on the restaurant wall was taken. It didn’t exactly stir up any enthusiastic conversational fervour in me.

I took a pen and drew away on a napkin for a lot of it really. I was struggling a bit to keep my head up. Unfortunately, this was taken as boredom during a rather expensive meal, which was not an entirely misplaced allegation. Furthermore, I kept tripping up on what seemed like very arbitrary “manners”. I’m of the impression that the most important rules are that of not making a racket and not giving a show of what is currently in your mouth. I was not aware of bringing the soup spoon up to your mouth, or scooping away from you.

These little critiques got to me, on top of the usual grievances of infuriating chewing and the irritating tapping of metals and ceramics. I was very fortunate the meal was top quality.

I do need to pick up these things, considering my circumstance, but I’m really not sure how to properly adjust myself for polite society. Meanwhile, both my sisters can seemingly keep this up indefinitely. This annoys me. While in my own mind, I am quite reasonable and just, I’m always frustrated to find myself falling into the same social pitfalls and mannerisms that don’t exactly keep face, wether that is going completely nonverbal in shock or even hiding in a cupboard during new years after I was pressured to wear an awful shirt.

I find this all very embarrassing and it doesn’t cultivate social welfare or my sleep. Even when I am on a “hot streak” of sorts; writing something smart or accumulating excellent reviews from a parents evening, its never long before something comes along that creates a serious impact on what I like to imagine is a good reputation. It feels like what really matters funnily enough, a social failure feels like a greater blow than my art, grades (or.. well, thats about it!) could ever make up for. Sometimes, I even think that my “good reputation” is simply a narcissistic illusion; people have always had to navigate around me, act different around me or had to adjust around me in a way they don’t have to for anyone else, and it terrifies me! The more I write, the more idiosyncratically offputting I feel, like some unwitting, clueless drag.

I apologise for going off on a long tangent there, but I mention all this because I am curious if any of you have any advice, tips or mindsets to help me push through this barrier I am facing? Or, at the least, how to operate socially, even in volatile conditions on my end? I can’t remove myslef from every situation, unfortunately.
 
Adjustments for polite society...

Avoid such society at all costs.

And there is nothing worse than a posh meal with people you don't really know.

Often not worth the effort.
 
I hate going for any kind of formal meal. Most know not to bother even asking me to go anymore. I find it really weird to go out and pay way over the odds for food and eat it surrounded by a room of strangers in an unknown environment and have to get dressed up especially for it. I find it all a strange ritual. Although saying that, I think I've always been a bit of a weirdo so don't take too much notice of me!
 
The_bup said:
I hope I’m not knocking a conversation in progress here - I have a slight query on how to conduct myself correctly as a “gentleman-in-training” bloke with ASD.

To set the scene a bit, I’m writing this coming home from a delightful little skiing holiday. My step-grandparents have a house in Switzerland, so it is yearly tradition we go to enjoy the slopes. I won’t say it has gone perfectly or free of drama. Between having my Skis nicked by accident, starting a fire in the living room without the knoledge I was supposed to turn the top valve (resulting in a very smoky abode) and eating something bad which then began to “develop” in an agonising bus ride home, even I am surprised to admit it was a net positive trip. Usually my cope is of sitting in my room, having a think about what has happened and then leave at a point where I have determined (or convinced myself) it should be okay. It works. This all isn’t particularly relevant to the story, but this is just to give you an idea of the current operating conditions.

The real questions start at the restaurant trip, in which the whole family was there. Perhaps the Skiing had caught up to me, or maybe the pathetically soft pillows in my bed dampened my very specific sleeping position, but fact of the matter was - I was very tired. No less, the conversation was agonising. All about how Swiss tax works, unimpressive and dull politics and analysing where exactly this photo on the restaurant wall was taken. It didn’t exactly stir up any enthusiastic conversational fervour in me.

I took a pen and drew away on a napkin for a lot of it really. I was struggling a bit to keep my head up. Unfortunately, this was taken as boredom during a rather expensive meal, which was not an entirely misplaced allegation. Furthermore, I kept tripping up on what seemed like very arbitrary “manners”. I’m of the impression that the most important rules are that of not making a racket and not giving a show of what is currently in your mouth. I was not aware of bringing the soup spoon up to your mouth, or scooping away from you.

These little critiques got to me, on top of the usual grievances of infuriating chewing and the irritating tapping of metals and ceramics. I was very fortunate the meal was top quality.

I do need to pick up these things, considering my circumstance, but I’m really not sure how to properly adjust myself for polite society. Meanwhile, both my sisters can seemingly keep this up indefinitely. This annoys me. While in my own mind, I am quite reasonable and just, I’m always frustrated to find myself falling into the same social pitfalls and mannerisms that don’t exactly keep face, wether that is going completely nonverbal in shock or even hiding in a cupboard during new years after I was pressured to wear an awful shirt.

I find this all very embarrassing and it doesn’t cultivate social welfare or my sleep. Even when I am on a “hot streak” of sorts; writing something smart or accumulating excellent reviews from a parents evening, its never long before something comes along that creates a serious impact on what I like to imagine is a good reputation. It feels like what really matters funnily enough, a social failure feels like a greater blow than my art, grades (or.. well, thats about it!) could ever make up for. Sometimes, I even think that my “good reputation” is simply a narcissistic illusion; people have always had to navigate around me, act different around me or had to adjust around me in a way they don’t have to for anyone else, and it terrifies me! The more I write, the more idiosyncratically offputting I feel, like some unwitting, clueless drag.

I apologise for going off on a long tangent there, but I mention all this because I am curious if any of you have any advice, tips or mindsets to help me push through this barrier I am facing? Or, at the least, how to operate socially, even in volatile conditions on my end? I can’t remove myslef from every situation, unfortunately.
Click to expand...
I sadly can't really offer you any concrete solutions other than sympathy and understanding.

I'm also autistic, and had something similar as a kid (in the USA) - every Thanksgiving we would eat at my grandparents - usually my Dad's side. One year we ate at my other grandparents (Mom's side), and when we got home she was absolutely livid at me for my 'behavior' - I have no idea even to this day exactly what it was that made her so mad, as I followed all the rules as I knew them and didn't do anything different than what I did all the other years at the other grandparents which was just fine.

I'm guessing she had different expectations for table manners, etc. as this set of grandparents was a little more classy and upscale, which seems to be what you are dealing with.

I really feel for you - being autistic and constantly surrounded by uncommunicated expectations of behavior that you can't even hope to meet or follow is not a fun place to be. Even worse is that your family doesn't seem to fully understand how your disability affects you and your ability to meet in all circumstances the high standard of social mores they seem to be adhering too.

The best advice I can give is to try not to dwell too much on it - don't blame yourself as you are doing the best that you can with what you have. I know that it is hard when it seems you are getting washback from family members - you can't control what they do, but you can give yourself forgiveness.
 
Well, can't remember when I was last on this topic when I admitted for my autism, but I feel the need to let this out.

Just lately I've really feeling more anxiety ridden then usual, not sure why I've been feeling this, maybe worried about work and the dreaded state of the world, but I'm not sure how to deal with this compared to what I could do before to manage it...could I be slipping with standards? My mind is really in a fog and I'm getting through working days on autopilot and really getting into a bad drinking habit to try and ignore how I'm feeling.

I really can't even talk to my parents about this in which while they know about my autism, they have a bad knack of making a mountain out of molehill unintentionally and feel like the only way to manage this is being lonely which is not perfect but the only way I can deal with myself.

I really have a problem of bottling it up thanks to my autism and while talking about this on a forum might not be the best place I'll admit but I feel it's best to let it out rather keeping it in. I'm just scared my autism is getting the better of me and I hope I'm just overthinking it.
 
QTXAdsy said:
Well, can't remember when I was last on this topic when I admitted for my autism, but I feel the need to let this out.

Just lately I've really feeling more anxiety ridden then usual, not sure why I've been feeling this, maybe worried about work and the dreaded state of the world, but I'm not sure how to deal with this compared to what I could do before to manage it...could I be slipping with standards? My mind is really in a fog and I'm getting through working days on autopilot and really getting into a bad drinking habit to try and ignore how I'm feeling.

I really can't even talk to my parents about this in which while they know about my autism, they have a bad knack of making a mountain out of molehill unintentionally and feel like the only way to manage this is being lonely which is not perfect but the only way I can deal with myself.

I really have a problem of bottling it up thanks to my autism and while talking about this on a forum might not be the best place I'll admit but I feel it's best to let it out rather keeping it in. I'm just scared my autism is getting the better of me and I hope I'm just overthinking it.
Click to expand...
I always think distraction is the best method. Do something else that takes your mind off those particular worrisome things. For me it's usually going for a walk/hike somewhere, visiting an interesting place or whatever (harder if you don't have your own transport). When I was younger I could get lost in Football Manager on the PC for days and hardly think about anything else. I've also had a bad relationship with alcohol in the past so I can see where you're coming from with not wanting to go too far down that hole. Exercise of any kind is really good too for giving you a general sense of well-being. Getting into running/jogging is great and improving your 5k/10k times etc (I had to stop that after a couple of years as my older knees don't like the high impact anymore). That's my 2 pence worth anyway.
 
I’ll admit I myself am also in somewhat of a low place mentally at the moment. Admittedly it’s not explicitly for autism reasons (my primary stressor is attempting to apply to my current job permanently and waiting to see whether I’ve obtained an interview), but I can empathise with some of the anxious sentiments in the thread for sure.

I agree with @BarryZola that distraction is generally good. Granted, I’m finding that advice difficult to follow at present, but it does work!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top