The Hotels: A deep-seated culture of mediocrity
You know, there are times when you front up in your life and deal with deep-seated issues, which have become part of the very fabric of your everyday existence. Whether it’s a bad habit over many years of too much slouching on a sofa, McDonald’s more than you really should or just a couple of glasses of wine every night after work. It’s only after these things have been going on for a while that you might start to think - you know what - this can’t go on and has to change.
Looking at the resort accommodation at Alton Towers - with exception to CBeebies Land Hotel of which I have no experience whatsoever - I feel now is the time for a root and branch overhaul of everything that they ostensibly are. And what they see as their goals for the future.
It’s no secret that the short break/hotel/hospitality market in the UK has been dramatically affected by the staycation boom and by the difficulties around recruitment caused by a multitude of issues - but in truth, many of the observations of the hotels have been slowly bubbling since before Covid-19 was even born. And, as the theme park starts to really look at itself as a ‘destination day out’ with a lively line-up of seasonal events making up for the stunted level of Capital Expenditure in new rides and attractions, the hotels seem to be struggling by - and even if there’s been some improvement since earlier this year in service, the actual picture of what they are doing is still down on the past and down on where it ought to be. To be blunt - this is a pretty harsh account of what it has become but nonetheless is meant with the absolute best of intentions.
Details big and small - the hotels have been systematically ‘downgraded’ at nearly every level over the past few years. Let’s dig in a little.
Breakfast is a prime example of where it’s all going horribly wrong. Forget the staffing situation, guests at Alton Towers are probably paying more for their B&B at Splash Landings (or other) than they have for any other hotel during the year. Therefore, to arrive at the breakfast venue at your allotted time to be met with a 20 minute queue, a restaurant full of tables that haven’t been cleared, a young member of staff on the entrance being subjected to abuse from Karens just isn’t what you want to see to get your ‘magical day’ off to the best start. Then, even when you do enter - the broken coffee machines, lack of available cups and glasses, messy serving areas, general sense of ‘get this sustenance down me as soon as is humanely possible and get me out of here’.... It’s hardly worthy of the £2-300 per room, per night that many guests are paying and certainly not worthy of the grand name of Alton Towers. Furthermore, the plastic wrapped croissants and pain au chocolats adds to the woe, wondering how Merlin’s corporate responsibility can possibly hit any sort of target when the wrappings are all wholly non-recyclable. The cardboard boxes strewn behind the buffet counter with the next 100 packed pastries not a good look as you ask exactly how fresh these products really are.
A pre-packed pastry straight out of the box on offer at Flambo's for breakfast - don't expect this packaging to recycle either!
It would be fair to say that the quality of the food provided at breakfast has declined in recent years - probably in the name of ‘the group’ as they seek to lower costs by ordering from a common supplier, leaving Alton exposed to the very mediocre quality that gets shipped their way from wherever it comes. Sure, not all food and beverage at the hotel is poor. Secret Garden still offers some well crafted dishes at appropriate prices. Yet, somehow, in the past few years, the box-like Crooked Spoon restaurant has actually overtaken Secret Garden prices - with the steak there now several pounds dearer in what was originally designed as a Woodcutters+ restaurant. It certainly doesn’t have that premium feel unlike the original restaurant in Alton Towers Hotel.
The Secret Garden restaurant serves this dish - whilst small, this level of quality is more like it and suggests care at every level. Talent is out there, it's just caged far too often.
Bar service has also taken a significant nose dive whilst prices have risen sharply in the past few years. Some beers are now well over £6 per pint and cocktails upwards of £9. All OK if the product served matches the price paid but, as has become commonplace now, they just aren’t. Ordering a Gin Bramble at Ma Garritas bar quickly became a blunder when I saw what was served. Crushed Ice? Blackberries? Mint sprigs? Forget it all. A complete lack of staff training and lack of a brand standard that one of the major chain hotels would have (such as Marriott/IHG/Hilton) because, well, it would seem Merlin just don’t have the expertise. You only have to look at how the staffing quality/training has downgraded down at Chessington since IHG left. OK - the beers themselves at the hotels are largely fine for what they are, and the wines are the wines (current shortages in wine selection is forgivable due to the nationwide delivery problems) but even then it’s usually all very safe and down the middle.
This Gin Bramble 'cocktail' looks more like a Ribena. No finesse. No care. No nothing. £9. See what Google Images thinks a Bramble should look like.
Another thorn in the side is the hours of operation. Steadily, over the past 5-10 years, we’ve seen bar service hours eroded significantly. Dragon Bar was always a casualty of its location too close to bedrooms, and therefore has always closed by 11.30pm but, with the room rates paid, bar staff always pointed the stragglers to Splash Landings, where drinks would flow until 1am or even later at times- serving right through until there were just a small handful of people left ensuring that everyone had the experience that they wanted. But not anymore. First it was 12.30am. Then a couple of years ago it was midnight. And now? Last orders called at 11pm with the bar still quite full and, as a consequence, a huge queue forming as guests clamoured for drinks before getting back to their bedrooms as the fun was curtailed. With the rates charge, Alton Towers should be offering a late bar on site without any question whatsoever. Even the ‘all night pizza menu’ which was quite literally that, was unavailable beyond 11.15pm this weekend as the chef had gone and the ovens were off. A real regression and not something you would get at an equivalent hotel in a town or city near you.
Call last orders at 11pm - and this is what you get - queue! These people weren't ready to go to bed.
And it’s not only that. The general tolerance and culture around the hotels now allows for problems to persist longer than they should. A cracked, broken, wobbly toilet seat in Splash Landings toilets? Check. Broken room fan? Check. Damp problems on the ground floor of Splash Landings? Check. Broken effects here and there? Check. The fountain outside Splash Landings needing a clean because it’s covered in muck? Check. With such a litany of matters arising, you’d half expect the staff to be miserable but, somehow, a beacon of hope is that you’ll never come across a rude member of staff. It’s not finding a smile that is the difficulty, it’s just the deep-rooted culture that sits beneath everything the hotels are and everything they do.
This cracked, broken, wobbly toilet seat should have been spotted by cleaners immediately, the cubicle closed while the problem rectified.
You may also be looking for evidence of blatant ‘making the experience worse’. Well, there’s a few. High quality Borders biscuits in the bedrooms? Sorry - they went a couple of years ago and now all you’ll get is the cheapest-on-the-market Coronet custard creams. Branded Splash Landings soaps and shower gels? Not any more. Seeing staff on their phones whilst on the job? Par for the course now. Live band for entertainment? No. Just replaced with basic singers who, whilst well intentioned by themselves, is hardly the quality you’d expect given the venue you’re at.
All of this stuff really comes down to the fact that the leadership hasn’t insisted on a level being met at hotels over a long, long time. Five years. Maybe even getting on for ten years now, Too often, even if some good experiences can be found here and there, standards are not met and, given the prices paid, the hotels are now more often than not, an experience that is inadequate for the behemoth that the resort is within the tourist industry in this country. These are resort theme park hotels. To compare with many other resorts would be an insult to those resorts yet prices at Alton are equal to or in many cases higher. This season more than ever. Without a root and branch re-assessment of the hotels performance, offering and raison d'être, the Alton Towers Hotel and Splash Landings hotel will just sink in to the background and probably sit at a mediocre level on review sites until the end of time. Getting away with it because ‘the kids like it’ isn’t enough to wash. The resort hotels should be consistently better but as it stands, your money is taken and the care for what you get at the end is simply missing.
Coronavirus hasn’t helped any of this, but it’s not an excuse they can rely on for long - and it certainly wasn’t an excuse before it happened. Serious questions should be asked by management at all levels - right up to the top. Because although some questions are no doubt asked, the answers simply aren't forthcoming.
The biggest insult I can throw at the hotels right now?
I don't stay there because it's magical or because the service is exceptional. I stay there because it's convenient.
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